Through the shadows onto the path of death.

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Novlar 2, 1435

Family? I had one, until like all the others I knew, they betrayed me.

He stood there in front of me, no care in the words he was saying. And for that much I had no care into killing my own brother. Changed into his bear form, his back to me, I did not care either. His blood filled my swords, yet I am not quenched. There are more that probably knew, more that I had put trust in, more that chose to betray that trust.

In time they will all come to the same demise. They wanted to get to know me, to learn who their long lost brother was, wanted me to bring peace to the man that is my father.

There is no chance of that anymore.

Betrayal can only be met with the most extreme of consequences. And so I will bring it to them. Maybe I'll play along, just long enough to bring them their own drink, same as they have made me drink.

As for her, the one that had bonded with me her heart and blood, a lie, a farce. Her time will come too, but not while she is with child.

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Decilar 10, 1435

I though there was hope once, when I saw the child of the veil, a family a shadow had. For a small amount of time, it gave me hope that I could be a part of mine, but now, that hope has disappeared like the shadows under a ray of sun. Too many betrayals, tears and blood shed.

In a single month, from a cry in my arms, to the talk of happiness even if of no possible child, to the familiar words to my ears "I need time."

It is coming clearer to me that the life of a dancer, is one that is lived alone.

Yet I still bare a message from Rhizome, the same man that has instilled that "I need time in her", words to be delivered to the man that is my father. I wished she would have been there with me, when time came to tell him these words, but I guess she will not.

The baggage I carry, may prove to be too much to those around me. My path to carry it alone then.

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Jenra 1, 1436

I have met with many of them since, and things that were not told are now known. It is obvious that she did not tell him the truth, talking about her mother, drinking and then both of them feeling awful for the act they had committed. Does it changes things? Does it takes responsibility of their actions away? No. But it does tell me that my brother was blind sided and had no clues. A fool maybe, one of many that fell for her traps, that fell for her charms and how she portrays to be weak and broken until she has what she needs of them. Even with meeting her, while dropping in the room some of the things she had given me in the past, I didn't harm her, the child in her prevents me from it.. or is it more?

Hanna feels responsible for this, as it was her idea to have my brother talk to me, but she could not control the way he did it. She could how ever have told me herself, maybe then, the news would not have been so dire and cold.

My dearest, know that I am trying to fix the things I have done, for you, so I do not bring more onto you.

*he sighs a moment*

but now even her, the cutest whiskers of all, passes me without looking. Is it on purpose? Maybe not, I just know that each day that passes since she told me that, I miss her more.

Tomorrow is the day I go see Rain. Tomorrow we will see if Sil'via was right even for that.

[Hellblazer]

I have went to see him, Elohanna by our side. It is strange to meet the man that is somewhat responsible for who I am today, one that nearly killed me as a child, but yet.. I do not blame him anymore.

Many words were exchanged.. so many to think about, but somewhere I know he is right.

*Holds the glowing blue amulet in his hand looking at it*

He gave it to me, the family crest, said it is handed to the oldest son from generation to generation. I guess it also goes to the oldest daughter if no son was born. But it feels so foreign. I refused it at first because for me I am like a stranger to this family, but yet, his words,

"To remind you where your blood belongs"

Maybe this is what I was longing for so long? And my blood boils too, for her, can it belongs to two places at once? Family and love.

I saw Yvale again.. but she ran away, then flew away. I don't know what to think anymore. How can a heart fall so quickly and easily? Maybe I wasn't so far from the truth when I told my father that my curse was love. Yet how does one live without it?

I'll give her the time she needs and yet still show her that I care, as it is all that she asked.

"if you want me to be yours, you have to do one thing, care for me"

I do. I truly do.

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Jenra 16, 1436
 
 Well add one thing to my list of things against Jaelle. Little elfy got her goons to come after me, reasoning the boat I was taking to go to Leringard and play some cards, I ended up somewhere hot.
 
 They are keeping me here I don't know for how long, if I ever go out, but they are quite the silent bunch. Although I did hear a bit of middle eastern accent and the guy that brings me food has quite a tan too.
 
 No bars to my room, so I can't see when the sun goes up or down, I'll have to keep track by the food they bring me. Had there been a bared window I would have sent Shady with a message.
 
 And to say the words of my father had managed to convince me that revenge wouldn't be worth it. This obviously wont help how I view Jaelle, and I think that if I ever get out of here, it will be time for a few people to know what I know.
 
 I had just met my father for the first time, and now this.
 
 I have no clue how Yvale will take this, if she will even care at all, but as I have learned from passed experience, I need to keep one thing in my mind for hope, or this will break me.

[Hellblazer]

How long has it been? where am I? I lost track of time.. they do not seem to keep a regular feeding time for me to see, or is it just that because i have nothing to do I can't see it go.

Tried to keep my mind gong with playing x and o's with Shaddy, but when you win two thousand times to zero in a row.. boring is all i can say.

I've been trying to get the one that feeds me to help.. to send a message of where I am, but for now I don't know if he even listens.

[Hellblazer]

Yvale

my dear.. how I have I failed you. The only thing you have asked of me and I can't even do it... I sit here, looking at this amulet, wondering what my life would have been like if I had not been kidnapped as a child.

The day I come out.. if I ever come out. I will do all that I can to show you my sweet love, that I had no intentions of leaving you. Even what I did to elgon .. was on a wave of anger, blinded and hurt by the betrayal he had done. Unknowing that he was lied to without words. I do so regret what I did to him. If only there was a way to show you that.. but here in this cell block.. I can't.. I need to get out.

I tried to get the one that brings my food to help, but with all the time that I have seen him, I have not managed to get even an hello out of him.

At least if I die here, I have met my family, got to know them a little until, that seductress of Jaelle ruined it all. I pity those who think that they can help her change, that she needs help. She is who she is, and embraces it fully, using it for her own gain. Leading Tritherion by his own ego and heart, was the perfect example of that.

As if the decade I have shared with her, had not brought enough hardship, she keeps on bringing more to torture my heart even when I have found someone I care for as much, if not more.

I keep you in my heart and head, Yvale.. hoping to see you again one day to hopefully have you see that I am not what the events made me do. I have dueled people, I have killed once to escape my captors at my village, and I have killed Elgon out of pain. But cold blooded, I am not. If only there was a way to show you my heart, you would see.

*Closes his journal after letting the ink dry.*

[Hellblazer]

*The handwriting is unsteady with blotches of ink.. words overlapping each others as the lines themselves seems to sway up and down.*

I.. I can't. can't stand this anymore.. yvale.. Yvale.. a.. all i dream is of her face looking at me and walking away.. The silence... even in .. in the darkness of the caves i lived.. more noise.. more sounds.. more presence.. I'm losing it.. woke up with a gash on my head.. blood on the bars.. Did I do this to myself? I don't know .. I don't remember.. Apparently th. they didn't even treat it.. it feels infected..Yvale.. I got to hold on for her.. I got to.. need to.

[Hellblazer]

*with time all entries into his journal digresses, handwriting barely readable,  mixed in between elven and common. His words repeating in both language*

Betrayal.. pain.. alone.. all alone.. alone..faanmilailc..alone pain.. light.. so much light.. pai.. n.. al.. be.. alone... unbarable..necc sa.. ilcela... le sema..alone.. pain.. betrayal... bright light.. to m.. to much.. no more.. Yval.Yvale forgive me... to much.. kill me.....to much...Ceela oemveela sa..

[Hellblazer]

*a shaking handwriting, barely readable, scribbles incoherently in his journal*

bright light.. lady.. ghost.. silent.. then gone..
elgon.. regret.. so much regret..

today again.. ghost lady.. see myself dead..
hanging with my own belt..

Yvale.. dreams.. running away.. losing hope..
losing mind.. pain..so much pain.

[Hellblazer]

To say that one stays innocent of his own actions all his life, even if he tries to fool himself that he has done some good and still tries to do some, is a lie. How you see things, people and life changes throughout your life, slowly but surely with every events that serves to form the character that you are. But there is not only your own actions that can change your being, but also the actions of those that surrounds you, the events that they put you through, the love and trust that they break, wither it be consciously, willingly or not.

I had put my love and my trust into a woman that used me to advance her own goal. Even though she said that she loved me, eventually her own goals got the better of her and she fell for the one I was trying to protect her from. I can not prove it, but it is too obvious. Further more, she pleaded being drunk and hurt at a time of need, my brother being there in my steed, and realizing too late what was happening, they slept together. Breaking the only promise she had ever made to me. Although this is in the past and that I have forgiven him for sleeping with her, that past still set many things in motions. Changing many things in me.

Even the one that had asked me so long ago to put my trust in her, being close to my family as a sister to my father, used me and lied to me. Playing me against myself serving that Laura. And then, hiding the truth yet again from me, when she knew Elgon had slept with Jaelle.

In my life I have not given my trust to many people, but every single time I have had, it has always turned against me. But it is those things, that slowly help to germinate who i am becoming today.

And slowly, throughout the lies, throughout the deceptions, what good they saw in me was being erased and replace with hatred, rage, insidious, hidden, but present. My tolerance for people shortening with every year. I did not see any moral barriers anymore when my blades cut through the flesh of those foolish enough to stand against me. Nor did my rules that I had set long before, stood anymore in front of what needed to be done.

I would no longer hide behind those moral rules of protecting the children or women from my wrath. I would no longer exclude them from my list of jobs to take. I would no longer listen to the voices in my heart pleading for their lives. From that moment forth, I would do what was needed to achieve my goal, to get the job done. No matter what would the job be.

So long have I chastised myself for finding pleasure in the death of my foes, in causing them pain. Blinded by the false morality of those that pushes them aside when their need be. I am no longer the boy, trying to hold onto what goodness he found in him and around him. Afraid of becoming his father. Becoming the monster that came at night and murdered his village. It was too late for that. Those that said in false honesty, to care for me, made sure that what ever goodness was left in me, be erased by their lies and their actions. I am no son, I am no follower. I am worse than what my father was. I called him a monster, lying to myself about myself. I am the monster. I am the one with no remorse of the pain I bring. I revile myself in the fear I see in the eyes of my prey. I pleasure myself in their gargoyled scream as my blade plunges taking the very breath out of their lungs. I look deeply into their eyes marveling how life escapes slowly, taking with it the brightness that was sparkling in them. each death, to it's own goal.

It took me years to realize that I had changed. That even if I tried to hide it, what I felt in me was no longer alive. I always felt that the shadows were my home, protecting me from the outside, from what could hurt me. Sheltering my heart from the pain I brought myself, in loving them. But it was more than just a home for me. The shadows showed me the coldness I needed, the brutal truth of all things. My heart is as dark as the darkest shadow. And my lies runs deep, unearthed unseen. As I approach the goal that is set before me. The shadows take away the very fibers of my frailty. I take all those emotions, useless, encumbering, and I put them in the box. Closed and locked. I lock the feelings away in my mind, becoming empty and cold inside and outside. I become the shadows. Cold to the stare, cold to the touch. Unwavering, deep.

I have held on for years on a love that can not be, desperately grasping at it to keep me centered. And even though I know I have changed, one can not simply change when he feels for someone. I do love her still, Mirren, but unless she shows any signs of coming around, I will not stop myself from finding my pleasures elsewhere. Hiding the truth from her, as long as it can be. She may be the last person who I would not openly hurt. But for me there is no more hope, no more looking forward to tomorrow towards a dream that will probably never be. I will go and use what I can, pleasure who I want and use them to bring me my own pleasure. I will not bother to worry if I hurt them in the process. Nor will I stop myself from taking what is mine. There is no dirty deeds, only those to full of themselves to realize that everything has it's price. To her I will still be the Brian she knows, caring, helping her, loving. So is my wish, as I wish to see her grow. It is a contradiction to who I have become, but I can not just push her away. Blasted heart. Fool is it to think that it can hope for a better future. The better future will be what I make of it. Not waiting for it to show it self at my door steps.

To Sairalinde, I will be the playful, enigmatic human. Willing to court her for the pleasure. No real attachment, just bringing each other pleasures and good times. But also serving a purpose of pushing further my studies of dark elven.

There are scarier things than those that bumps in the nights. Scarier things than the dark elves in the deep. As in the deepest of cave, there is the shadows. Enveloping you, covering you with it's chill. Making each sound appear as a monster. Playing with your mind. And then when you think all has calmed down, when you see the flicker of light. Death clangs at you with it's grip. I will become that. I have become that, not fully but with each day that passes, with each body I steal the soul of, offering it to the soul mother, or any god willing to take them. I become the noise that bumps in the dark.

I have for too long been the one who endured the pain and hurt. It is time I give back tenfold what I have been given.

I marveled myself today in the sweetness of the blood of that woman. The dribble of her neck on my skinning knife, tasted riped. Ready for her death. And the elf thought he could instill fear in a man without a soul. Oh I was uneasy. And the more I was, the colder I got. Taking away what ever barrier was holding me back, locking it away. I marveled at the fire that was consuming their house, and the screams of their burning corps inside the house. I marveled at the pain I felt as I passed my hand over the flames near me. The job is not done, and there will be more blood, more death. And the further I stay with them, the closer I get to my goals. Learning the Language of the dark ones, is only one step. Allying myself with the god of one of them.. maybe. If it can bring me closer.

What is my goal? To form an alliance with the true shadows, those that gifted my teacher, the veil. To bring the true nature of the shadows out. A shadow dancer is not a performer. Those that uses our gifts to perform are an affront to what we truly are. We are not hear to mesmerized, to please by our tricks. We are here to bring darkness in the lives of people. It is my personal belief, and I do not care what the other dancers think. I will never believe that our purpose are as clowns roaming in a troop, from city to city. Stealing what we see after the presentation. We are much more. We are what makes the noise that bumps in the night. And it is time that we truly embrace our true nature.

That is my goal. my purpose. And maybe with each death that I bring, with each tears of pain I see flowing on a cheek. It will bring me closer to them.

[Hellblazer]

A blood oath has been made, deep is the scar again, bleeding and mixed with the other blood. I have no idea where this will lead, but I will follow it, if only by curiosity.

Sairalind has taken upon herself to teach me dark elven, this pleases me. We are playing little games. Teasing then pulling back, seeing who will fall the first to one body needs. She has no Idea of who I am, who I have became. This will be interesting.

I am continuing to gather the things needed for Mirren. That subject brought some tension to Sairalind, but it was easily pushed asside. Why should I change anything between me and Mirren? It has always been friendship, even if on my side it was more. But still friendship. So I will not change a thing, to what i have with Mirren.

Today I have met some new people down in Audira. One of them said she knew Bellidel and Myrena. She has a tattoo on one of her hand, a mark of Fisterion. Said it was given to hose helping him with the green cult. But there is more, she is a healer, and from what she didn't say, she is not one of Fisterion. But her God, is close to him. That doesn't leave much to guess, even more when she said she knew Bellidel and Myrena. Not many people know them, and since I have never seen those two faces before. They have to be from an Inner circle, knowing who Bellidel and Myrena serves, I am pretty sure I know who those two serves also.

We talked a lot about the green dragon cult, about our liking for brining pain to others. We even fought the giants together. One of them, which is called Lynn.. her real name? maybe, they were quite adamant about giving them out, nor did I. Seems to be the pet of the other, regarding her as mistress. I have no clue if it was just a game, I will explore that when I see them next.

Things are getting interesting.

[Hellblazer]

They still want me to be an asset to them, yet they are unable to tell me what there is in it for me beside the ''The mad god is a god of chaos, and you are a man of chaos.''
 
 They fail to understand that I am not chaos, I am not law. I care little for any of them. I do what I need when I need for myself. I will use who I will to reach my goals, kill who I need to reach them, and I will enjoy every moment of it.
 
 I don't care if I bring trouble into a group, or distention. But if it pushes my goal, I will take anyone's life, do gooders to psychopaths. Even them are not shielded from my lies or betrayal, but I bet it is expected.
 
 They need to convince me that there will be more in it. Allies? fickle, they turn on each others at any given times. Strength? I have strength within myself, but I guess being able to use a group to further my search, is strength in it self. Connections? That I do believe, and it may be what I am looking for more than anything else, to bring me closer to those that helped the viel in the past.
 
 In the mean time, each moment I spend with Sairalind, or Daralith, the more I start to understand their language. It takes a lot of concentration to get what I know out of their talking speed, but it seems to be getting slightly easier. Of course being that both elf and dark elf have the same roots, it help slightly, but not much. Milena's of two culture spreading afar has changed both languages a lot.

[Hellblazer]

Some of these people have no idea on how close to death they are at any moment. I remember a man in the hlint smithy, who commongly seemed to think that he was better and would be able to be safe. But does he truly understand what lurks in the dark? The nightmares that will befall him and the pain that would be so enjoyable for me to see run all over his being? But I bid my time for now, to show my intents here and now could paussibly put my ideas into jeopardy.
 
 There is a few new things that I have decided to focus while I will search of a way to reach my goals. Firstly is that I have decided I would try to learn to wield the Al'noth without the help of scrolls. Instead of just bluffing it, I will learn to call on it. Saira has already proposed to teach me, I can also ask Mirren and maybe even cohorse Elohanna to teach me, although in her case I will have to use gise.
 
 On an other hand, my studies of dark elven is progressing. I have a better ease and speed now of traducting what is said to me by the words I have written down and also the alphabet I keep with me. Some time it is still a process though, even more when I try reply in deark elven. My accent needs work that is for sure, but if the time is given to me to make the translation of what is being said, and what I want to say, I can hold some simple conversation with her.  I should probably write a bit more words here and also translate a bit more for eas of makng my sentences. So here it goes.
 
 Wailanir = death
ane = to
anira = the
kyailgo = weak
elca = only
still = can
liilgoa = make
lielelv = mining
oillaanam = faster
stilmma = carry
laireycw = should
Filma = bare
liilla = many
laastmaanla = secrets
elanilc = vital
 Ceela = Love

[Hellblazer]

I'm sitting by the pond in half lake at the moment, decided to take a break and write down some more words I have translated with the help of the alphabet chart I was given. I also got myself a few books about magic, that I will have to take the time to read. Got no answer from my aunt, so I will do without her, which may be better in the long run. The less I have contact with her, the less chance I will have to turn on her, worse, if I join them, they might required I get a sacrifice or something you never know. I don't mind getting any one else, but I might have a sting to bring her children or her even.

In any cases here are the words I have translated. I can manage to say them, but i am sure my accent is left to desire. I will surely have to run them by Sarailind to have the right pronunciation. But that will have to wait until she is back from her training trip.

Laanmalvanir =  Strength
Tyekyam =  Power
Ilnneala =  Allies
Wastatysteel = Deception

*the translation ends there a blurry smuch as Cassandra came and he closed his book in a hurry*

[Hellblazer]

*The book opens a bit later and a sigh is heard as Brian has to rewrite over what he did so it is readable.*

Well I have found a second teacher, Cassandra. She has told me I should stay away from the uselessness of divination. I'm sure I will get to see why later on. Talks were somewhat entertaining at first things could be interesting, but she did need some opals, so after showing me a few things, and giving me a scroll of death armor to learn, we have left to get some.

Although we had reached the mines, we decided to turn back, the weather and my guts feeling, told me other wise than to proceed. So we are camping at Corax lake. Hmm I wonder if Rhizome would mind if I opened the door for her, I saw a chimney, I am sure it would be more comfortable there. No keys though, but that's no real trouble for me.

[Hellblazer]

As I was walking in Vehl the other day, I saw a man walk down the alley. Curious of him I decided to follow him silently. The man was so sure of himself, as if he was stronger than most, more important than most. As he walked, I decided to make a few noises as if someone was following him. He started to look nervous and brought his hand to a dagger on his belt a few times as he turned around to look at the noises. My distraction though made him unaware of what laid behind the next corner.

He stumbled on a few scrubs. Trying to apologize for bumping them, they didn't want to hear it. They pushed him and finally let him go. As the man hurried, the others now followed him up to a point where they met with others and they all jumped him.

When it was all done, and the only few trues that was on the man taken, he was left a bloody body on the ground. I approached him and saw that he was still barely alive, life escaping him. He pleaded for my help, begging me to help him. But I knelled beside him silently looking into his eyes, seeing life starting to leave him. I took a healing potion, and dangled it over the man, a smirk on my face as I recall it. He tried to reach it, with trembling hands, thanking me, and the two first time that he got close to it, I pulled it back. Looking at his expression, and the begging started again, in a coarse whisper, gargling with the blood in his throat. I brought the potion closer again, waiting for him to lift his arm so I could take the potion away again. Revealing in the man's pain and death. As he got closer though, the hand stopped and slowly fell back to his chest. I could see the eyes grow cold as the man died.

My fun was gone, so I stood up, leaving the healing potion on his chest. I laughed slightly at the thought of the begging man. How important he looked as he walk, as if all were worms, but when his life was being taken away, oh how so little he felt, begging me for his life.

I could probably have gain an ally there and then, saving his life, extorting him for information or other useful things, but I don't think he was that important at all.

So I went away, merging with the shadows, as I watch other vermin come and rob him of the last possession he had on him.

[Hellblazer]

How long must I endure that Dark elf witch cleric. She is so sure of herself, thinking that she is protected by Daralith. But so little does she knows that he holds no power over me, all that I would lose is an other pay day, but against the satisfaction of seeing the fear in her eyes as I would rip out her tongue and then slowly see he life escape her eyes. It would be a good compromise to the pay that I will be getting from helping him.

We have aired for a week in the deep, and in that old temple. I'm not sure what exactly they are looking for, but it's comical to see how to enemies would actually try to work together to achieve that goal, and for them, not even mating and working together is laughable. I wonder who will betray who first, Daralith or that dog. Not to mention, Ni'haer. What's his stake in this, who will he be helping out if there friction gets overwhelming and they lose their objectivity? I go where the pay is, I have no allegiance other than to that money, but where does he stand? I can't trust any of them, and even if I could, they couldn't even possibly trust me not to turn on either of them. Ni'hair, beside not fufilling his promise to teach me dark elf, is the only one that has done nothing to me. While that snake of a priestess needs to learn her place in this world, and it's under the sole of my boots. Daralith.. well he is himself, as I he can't be trusted, and that is good reason enough to slit his throat if it comes to it, but only after he pays me.

It was funny to see them talk about which people they need to get for the bones. All of that time they were thinking that Azatta's righteous were one of those they needed to get. I staid quiet though, but I knew deep down that it wasn't. Call it instinct, but when they were talking of the heart, I just knew it was Ilsare. It's funny how this is, but I know just who to get. What a better revenge against my dear brother, than getting his precious love and kill her slowly to gain the bones we need. Ysaline, you called me out as being an evil man once, and no one listened.. they should have. For I know that I will enjoy taking the life out of those pretty lips of yours. And if we do this right.. my brother wont even know what happened, and I will be able to enjoy seeing his pain for the rest of his life.. well until he goes and bed again with Jaelle, I guess that would give him free reign to do so. As for the Folianite, my own father would be a great target. Trusting of me, hoping to see me come back to him so he can learn of my life. He wouldn't suspect anything blinded by his grief of what he did to the people that raised me, and his absolute need to try and right what he had done in the past, and the fact he had almost killed me in his fit of revenge. A great man indeed that was not even able to control his bestial instincts. Again, how fufiling would seeing all their pain, learning that their precious father would be gone for ever from them. For him, it would be a release I think, but the slowness in what I would do to him, looking down into his eyes and him in mine, seeing that it is his own blood that killed him, the fright in his eyes when the realization dawns on him, that I might have planned this from a long time would be sweet indeed. And what a prise would that be, what a token to show to Chanda, Cassandra and Myrena. One of my long life goals would be finally completed, the death of the one who killed my mother.

Now looking at how she realized her mistake, maybe I should bring the solution.. or maybe not.. maybe wait a bit for them to stumble, but then again, a justification for my payment is not a bad thing either.

On the other hand, I have also been steadily listening to their language, analyzing it, understanding more and more of what is being said. Things are progressing even on that front.

//normally in the order of the post, this should come in between the post i made about the burning house and the other posts after that. But since the wldq is time bubbled I thought it best to wait to post about it. But current needs decided otherwise.

[Hellblazer]

It has been a while since I have decided to write in this journal, why i don't really know.

I have to assume that Sairalinde is gone, it's been over 4 years now, not that I have held myself up waiting for her. But it just tends to prove one thing, you can not trust anyone, none what so ever. I don't feel lessen by it at all, we had our carnal moments, and it was fun for the time it lasted. I have kept translating as much word as I could possibly do, with the dark elf Alphabet I was giving, but without a proper tutor to help me with the pronunciation, it is not going anywhere fast.

Chanda and Cass are two who have gone missing too, so much for their eagerness to see me join their group. Makes me laugh how people seem to want something out of you, but in the end they just up and disappear without any kind of trace. Well what ever, I'm sure there will be an other sucker to try and recruit me and advance himself in their church.

Cassandra disappearance has somewhat put my development into the Al'noth to a stall. Sure I have books, and parchments I have found on my travels, but the explanations of the subtleties in an intonation or a movement can only be taught. I guess I can always play my cards right and ask Elohanna, get close to her and use her for my own gains. She wanted us to be able to get back what we had in the past. I can always play that part until i have what I need from her, then all is fair game.

As to teaching.. well I have found myself with an other student. This one compared to Alatriel who was merely a decoy for Jaelle and I, has true potential. And compared to the previous one, there is no ploy in using her. I guess if there is one thing I can do before I get sucked by the soul mother one last time, is to teach the ways of a Shadowdancer to someone I know wont fall pray to the easy way of the mascarade they have made us look. Performers, tumblers in the street to amuse the children and resolve themselves to petty thievery. A farce and an affront. But it is their game, I have my own ways.

Rory is her name, but what she shows in potential, she seem to lack in judgment. That Kobly is a weight on her that will hold her back, what ever promise he made her by the pond. A real bloke at that too, who thinks of himself as supreme. He may not say so, or show it in front of Rory, but as a viper, he shows his face when she doesn't look. Bu as long as I will teach her, he will live. Would be a waste of my time to kill him and lose her as a student. Although I wonder if he truly realizes how big a foot he sets in his mouth. One day though, there will be a time for me to have my fun with him. A faceless man walking in Hempstead is sure to have the local children cry from their nightmares for years to come. Just need to peel the first few layers and set the scars with a potion.. making sure a regeneration spell or bind stone could not bring back his face to normal.

Eh. And there he thinks I have an agenda and because of it he can't trust me. Makes me laugh. Every one has an agenda, even those that pretends to be good in this world. But there is no such thing. Even those who strive to bring hope to others, do it out of selfishness, so that they can sleep better at night and feel better when they look at themselves in a mirror. Only because they are to weak to face the only reality. Good is an illusion for the weak minded who have not the guts to take what they can and want from others. And those that calls themselves heroes, are only skillful con artist able at persuading others to die for their cause, as they sit back collecting their personal glories, for action they have not done by themselves, and could never have succeeded by themselves.