Argos Stargazer - Son of conflict

[Lance Stargazer]

**The notebook is bound in blue dyied leather with a strange family crest over his surface, and the capitals ACS is seen in gold at the bottom right corner of the book in golden *

*the first page of the book holds the image made in colors of what seems to be three figures. The first is drew in blue with blonde heair, tho the left is there another a bit shorter than the first with exagerated features like pointed ears and an auburn long hair dressed almos tin the same colors as the first figure, and in the middle a smaller draw also drew in blue with blonde hair, In the back the image of a house and the fields as some words are written over the figures.*



The draw seems to have some years from now, but the book is clean an ordered written, well the best it could be done by a boy, and teenager, As the first pages goes a lot of things can be read about, not like a journal but like chores or rammblings, some in elven, some in Common *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen :

*he looks oddly at the header*

ha.. Well I suppose that if Dad does it that way must be elegant of something.  
*he then continues on his writting*

Well, I have decided to see what is so wondeful in writting things on a book, Mom likes a lot the books, she has a very strange one I saw once when she was asleept or meditating or whatever she does. It has a lot of pretty pictures. And a lot of things I don't understand.

Dad and mom lives happily... *he writtes at last *

*pondering over the almost blank page he frowns*  This is hard *he says *

-How is that they manage to writte so much . *he shrugs at the frustration *

*tired and with a blank expression he just close the book, tugs it under the bed and jumps down the bed *

I'll better going to play with Jurn.

*he runs out the room, under the inquisitive look of Keira, the lady who is in charge of taking care of him, she looks at the door then start to count, after 10 seconds the boy goes back into the room looking deseperately for something, The lady looks at him with measuring look and finally the boy notices her looking at him, with a smile Keria points behind the door, the boy sight got iluminates as he reach for the wooden toy greatsword behind it, as he reaches for it, and "sheathes" it on the imaginary sheath over his back he runs again out the room, this time the lady stands as well and with calmed expression she follows him out the room and out the house towards the house of the Tempest *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer quill and pen :

*Over his room the diary is over the floor opened alongside the wooden sword, the boy is laying over his bed sleeping tiredly with a smile, the mark of a hit and prominent bruise over his left eye makes it very clear the reasons why the boy was so tired, behind him has pased the years of sickness after the attack on Mariner's hold and the flood. also behind the days of suffering in the halls of the Toranite temple who served him to recover, all that matters to him now is what can be seen around, a warm home in not the friendly of places, two people who are in charge of him, his father and his mother, the uprising of all kind of conflicts they have, but alse the inmense love they show to themselves and to him.

After living all this , the boy does lays happily not even noticing all this *

mmm.. What can I say, I am getting it, Lance kept me working all day, why he does not allow me to play simply, he said that in training i will find the skill to defend myself, he is way to skillfull as I have seen, but he does not teach me to fight, nor anything , I just stand there moving the sword up and down ... nonsense if you ask me.

Then my mom and his books again, she say its good to know, and that in knowledge I'll understand a lot of things, She started to spoke me of what she does to live, recording things, I guess that is why she has too many books, maps and diaries.

I wonder what happened to uncle Marcus, I want to go and play with sons again, Miss Jill uses to be very nice to me, as well, But well there is no comparison with the pies of Miss Tegan, Jurn is really fortunate in that, All the pie he wants, and at the moment he wants it, At least that is what he was saying, I just wonder how much pie he eats dialy ?

Dad is again, he left this night after the training was done, I'll miss him, no matter he put me to work as creazy, Mom said he had something to do with his duties, I wonder why he left so much time, why he cannot be here all time like other parents does, Mom also travels a lot, but she is here often, I love how her reads me stories and life of great people, she is way too patient, at least that is what people says. She and dad has some trips together as well, I have asked them to take me along one day

Oem Veewlalala!!!... I asked them to take me to that city Audilee o Audiria, they frowned at me, for a moment I tought i was in problem, but Dad put me to do extra training, and promised that he took me when time comes. Anyway, I'll ask them tomorrow again..

That place uncle Marcus spoke, seems to be a nice place, also they said the beach is conforing, and I never been on a beach.

*After this an unordered ramblings written in no intelegible order as the handwritten seems to start losing strenght*

Jurn   ela il oeec, ira lailew anirilan ira nyill myl oillaanam anirill sa... E'cc anailnyir ires....E'cc anail...

*Finally the mid age woman observing the scene picks the book and reads it, observing the boy sleeping she smiles as he yawns as well , closing the book puting over a small desk in the room, and hangoing the woden sword over the rack in the wall, with silent movements she blows a candle leaving the room in complete darkness and closing the door *

Sleep well young Argos, sleep well now that you can .. - Keira says as he leaves the boy to his sleep, heading herself to her bed as well -

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen

*The silence around the house reigned that night, as the young boy is seen sat over the desk reading what he has just finished to writte *

I don't understand.. . and i don't like it.

Strange things happens here at home, It happened again, Mom and Dad have troubles again, I can't help but to get worried.
 
It happened again, Mom come to the other day and was so confused, it pains me to see her that way, I love to see her smiling, and when she and Dad take me on stroll and to eat pie, she smiles a lot, but sometimes this happens, she come back home alone, with no smile at all, and seems distracted, so shocked, it's during that times that she prays and meditates a lot, I guess she is fine, I asked her and why would she lie to me, Nor she nor dad lies,

I have finally asked her, what is wrong with her, I wonder that she might be sick, there is no other explanation, I came to her with her favorite book and a piece of pie, and spent some time with her in the studio, I sang her that song that Dad loves, that one about a knight and honor, that seemed to have helped to improve her mood, she blushed a bit and a slight smile crossed her face, then I asked her if she was sick.. I don't want to her to be sick. her features changed a bit and she pull me near her and hugged me tighly almost whispering to me :

" I am fine, dear heart, you are so kind to get worry, but there is nothing wrong with me, I am just asking for understanding and patience, bur with you here what could harm me, no?"

Anyway. Dad usually does not come home in some time after this situation gets fixed, Still mom steps for him saying that he has duties to attend, She is a bit sad when she says that usually after times like this one.

Keira says that I shoild let they handle their own problems , but how can i do such thing, they are my parents and i love them..

I just don't understand .. Well * a smiley face is drawn upon the sheet * As long as she is fine, i would not get worried.

I need to protect Mom from Dad?

AS.

*As the boy finishes reading he closes the book and adjust the small and new added brooch it has and tugs it behind the bed, then runs of as he hears the palyful tune of a guitar coming near the window of his room*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer quill and pen

*Argos looks so confused observing the scene, As his parents are resting together in the reception room, his mother was holding the knight as he rest with a smile, her face shows the smile she lacked for the last days, like if they both were really enjoying the moment, he hessitates to come closer, and finally decides to leave them alone walking towards his room, the laugh of her mother can be fill the house, as hours pass.

The boy sits himself on his desk putting away a small wooden shield, and opening his journal from down his bed *

Well. Dad is finally home, I am really confused now, mother is other person than some days ago, She was with the same attitude until three days ago, she came back from a trip to Mistone, and when she returned she was her usual self, quiet yet smiling, and kind, We have resumed the elven lessons, That is good in a way, it gives me chance to spend time with her, She is so lonely sometimes, with only his books and all, I guess that is why dad brought all those shelves full of books and maps some years ago, as a gift he said, Mom spends lots of time there.

But i really don't get why this change, I have seen this before, Jurn says that Miss Tegan usually gives bad times to Mister Sall when he does something ... er... Sall way in his words, I really don't get what could that mean, but he was trying to say that every parents has problems, Only the gods could know really, With Ell and Lance, seems to be real hard sometimes, and then after few days all is back to normal, I must not be complaining, usually after this mom is happy and does not take much atention if i don't do the right exercice on my morning training, the eyelash trick works wonderfully * a small grin apears on his face then he keeps writting * Dad on the otherwise seems to be upset when I try that on him, he speak highly of duty, and because of that sometimes i feel bad to try to get away of things. I guess he only wish the best for me, yet, he barely know me, how could he know what is best for me?, It's still time I have not being sent to that campment in Audira that was promised to me. he says he does not lie, and he has acted true to his word all the time, not to say that Ell would surely pusnish me if I would say That father would lie to me.

About the training is going well, Dad has started to teach me some new tricks, sword and shield use as he fights, he knows a lot of war and strategy, at first I did not want to stop training with the greatsword, But then he started to say the uses of each weapon, Being the great sword a infantry weapon used to break pikes, and set behind the lines to recieves charges, he was explaining me that formation, and well after that, i understand that it's true that one must know all the places in order to work efficiently as a team. he gave me a Wooden sword and a shield .

I have started to train with those, I must say that it's hard, because now i have to be thinking of two movements, but in the end it will be good, if I learn to fight as he does. Mom fights that way anyway. So it must have it's uses.

This morning I spoke with dad about mother, he seemed a bit shocked on the question, he said that he is a knight and that he is under a vow, wich is sacred to him, And that Mother know of this code of conduct, he spoke me of Toran, and he tried to explain me his duties, I must say that he is always caring for people, what worries me is why he puts everyone else first than mom, he tries his best to help, then why he makes Ell suffer ?

*the boy frowns as he keeps writting* I don't get it.. I simply don't .. but mom need someone to watch for her, and i'll be that one then, Dad brought her a some blue roses to her, after that she has been gigling all day, but will he harm her again. Is this part of the love ?

If that is so I don't want to fall in love.

Anyway... Dad is good to her, most of the time, and I must not complain on him, he does what he needs to do.. that is what mom says, but there is some hollow sense in her voice as she says it.

*the boy applies some sand over the wet ink to help it to get dry, and hurries to put the book back of his bed with a hasty movement as he hears steps and laughs coming his room way, he stands and run towards the door only to see his parents walking hand by hand in travel robes, they smile and call for him, the knight and the lady smiling to him, for a moment all his doubts disipate as the three of them leaves for a picnic on the lake *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen :

*The sunny day al alongside the Prantz field, the young boy is seen walking at the streets simulating a patrol on the city, watching from behind a human lady is watching him carefully, studying around for the happenings on the city *

Well what can I write about it I finally see Audira with my eyes, the place was rather ... er... sandy.. yes that would describe it quite well, I was hoping to finally see that Az'zattan temple, Uncle Marcus spoke once of a bautiful lady in there, I was so excited to see her, Well , after all  Since Anya is always speaking on how Jurn features are so cute and adorable .. I wonder what does she sees on him.. I think I have to work harder on that, Mom says that I am a handsome little one, but what can I say, that she might be biased, Well, I guess only time will tell, Anyway who needs a girl in his life?, Well Dad and Mom are always in trouble, and in my view that does not make any sense, Keira still speaks of how things are not as simple beetwen them.. but I see it quite and simple, Dad harms mom, Mom got sad, and dad does  as well, Anyway.. I don't know what to think on the situation really..

Oh true.. the trip to Audira.

Lance ( Remark to himself : Dad ) came home saying that we were going towards Audira to see a carnival, I was so excited, A shame mom did not come with us, it has been a while since we got out just the three of us ( Remark : Maybe not a shame, but a planned movement ). Well the trip to Audira was calm but for a small incursion of Giants we got thru desert, I finally could see why dad insist so badly with the shield, I saw how he figthed them and how he was sending the blows off and using some techniques he has not teached me, As he explained later, he used the strenght of his oponent to his advantage, alloing him to strike and then hitting with the shield to make them lost equilibrium.

Audira was filled with people, As I understand it was to be an execution there, a man who made a lot of things to people, and finally got caught. Dad was with me the most part of the day. Then he said he was going to see something about the prisioner. he started to explain me, about Mercy, he seems to be fond speaking of that, But his attitudes sometimes are not like that, he is way too strict, but he keeps saying that evil per se, exist, but most of it came because nobody gave a caring hand to the so called evil. That way of thinking i like, means that if you help people they will eventually turn good, he said that not enterely, but at least a chance of redemption must be given.

Well, when he was moving towards the gathering i stayed in the temple, I was speaking with the Main priestess of the temple  ( a Dark elf per se ), she was explaining me how the temple works, eventually i met some people on the temple, but they were too busy with chores, when it started, I was outside helping with some blankets, when A big blow happened near the beach.

It happened too fast i did not react in time as some debris fell upon me, thank goodness i was near a tent which recieved most of the impact, but i ended bleeding on the floor, I must say that I was so scared, People was running all around, and I saw a body laid near me...  I cannot even write the feelings i had on that moment, I was so scared, Mom usually is there to protect me and help me, but in that very moment i was alone, Nor dad nor mom near there and that person there in need of help. I was so shocked on the impression, when i saw Dad running near the temple, he was carrying a man also wounded , Dad was wounded as well, but he was putting all his effort into bringing that man into security. I feel ashamed. he shows no fear nor doubt, and I was just there sitting meanwhile people where on the floor even unable to move, I overcame the fear with shame, and gattering all in my mind i stand to move to help the man in the floor,  Mom has teached me the basics of healing and i just like to think that served to save that man's life,  As I started to clean up the wounds a young initiate spot me, and came to my help, when she came to our help, we finally got the man into the sanctorum of the temple, It was until very late that I found that this girl who helped me was really pretty, I must say that being with her made a bit easier the task of helping around. I so wanted to see Lyna again.. Oh yes Jornal, her name is Lyna or at least that is how she said she like to be called.

Hours past fast as more wounded came into the temple I saw Dad running alongside the town a couple of times.

When we finally got together, he was like never before I have seen him, he came to me and checked me for wounds, he was bleeding and walking oddly, he said he was dazed and that he cannot hear me well enough, but fine enough. I asked him what happened, he said that the man that was about to be executed escaped putting in peril a lot of people, he said that that is the proof of true evil exist. yet, Mercy can be a tool for the evil to gain trust and win over the inocent, he said that he was using some kind of magic to blow things over the city.

We spend some hours there as we waited for the next caravan home, yes Diary.. exactly what it means, it means i would not stayed in the temple, it seems that the priestess said that I will stay when Mom AND Dad will take me to the temple, yet i don't know what to think on the situation, Mom does not be quite fond on the idea of me leaving home, she worries too much, but i am strong and she sometimes does not see that, She cannot be with me all the time, and this trip proves it. yet, In this trip i understand as well how much i need her sometimes.

The way home was eventless, when we arrived and mom saw us, she dropped the vials she was holding and ran into us, she was mostly concerned upon dad wounds and state, Dad was looking at her with a smile, not even caring for she frowning at him and her complaining about his lack of self preservation.

I must say I almost enjoyed that Dad was calling all her atention. Dad stayed home after this, in bed and mom were attending us with bandages and curative salves. I don't know but in the very deep i think she like to see dad that way, they seemed in real good mood as he was in home, Dad singed to her that old song he sings for her almost dialy.

yet this trip has been quite enligthening, I was wondering why would that man truly wanted, was that escape attempt a desperate calling for help, Does really mercy has just a tool of the wicked and evil? , I don't think so, Whar would I do on his place?  what would dad do on his place or Mom? Nobody wants to die, i think..  yet all those people and some of them dead by his plot, it puts me to think.. Is that a mockery towards the az'zattans I think, Would that man know that with the az'zattans there would be a better chance of him to be able to escape.

Even yet I think that now he has proven himself to not be truly repent, Does that man even reach salvation or redemption?, The high priestess said that it could be, but one must weight the chances of his salvation towards the intents, Redemption goes far beyond words, it must be measured on deeds as well as words.

At least now that I am healed of this experience, I feel a bit more grown, and I see dad in a diferent scope now, that is what to be a knight means , to help others without losing the sight of what defines oneself, Even at the cost of your own ?

If that is so, Then I have misjudged some of his attitudes, yet that does not give him the right to harm mom, nor to be like he is with her. I am healed now and my vigilance stands, I just wonder. ..

Argos Cilinya Stargazer.

* The lady finishes to read the lines and observes the boy with a renewed look as he mets with Jurn near the lake, she then closes the book as they start to wrestle and they both fall into the lake, she runs to help them got out the boys between yells and laughs *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer, quill and pen:

*The young boy is carring some oils and pelts as he acomodates the finished goods at home, he looks around with a sight as he sees Anya pass in front of his house heading towards the tempest home, he shakes his head then returns to the duty of acomodation , once that deed done, he goes towards his room passing to say goodnight to his father, Lance Stargazer, the so called knight of Balance lays on the reception room sitting nervous looking at the door with concern on his eyes he gives a quick look towards a cart made of roses that lays near the place, noticing Argos , the knight smiles a bit and give his son the good night, and a good job words, The boy moves towards his room closing it with caution, he gets his journal off his bed and opens it as he sits *

Well... he is here at home..

This feels just odd, you know.. I expected him to come and left in few days, yet he has stayed here for two weeks and half now, Dad is with us, or with me I must say.. This feels odd, he brought that cart of Flowers but since he is here , Mom has not been around a lot, I saw her in the very same state that she is when she is harmed, I even saw what i tought to be a tear when she was distracted observing the said cart, that is strange, She does not cry, I haven's seen the day she cries, I must have be mistaken, The fact is that she has not been here a lot on this two weeks, I have spoken to her, and she said that she has duties to attend eslewhere, that i must stay and learn all I could from Dad.

I miss her.

On the other hands have been real enlightening this weeks, I finally Am learning what does Dad for living ( other than being a knight, of course ). he Is a tailor of some skill, I have been helping him to do things, common things if you want it, but he said that those blankets would serve to any person who might need it, he looks a bit sad to be here, I have seen him speaking about his duty and the war in Mistone as he sleeps, yet why he has so hurry to leave, and if he wants to leave what is keeping him here.

I met one of his friends, or at least he said he was his friend, it was a halfing that said his name was Tod, he came and greet Lance ( Remark : Dad ) as a comrade, and Dad well just answered him in his courtly and polite way, As Dad was busy with some pelts I used the chance to learn form this friend of him, I asked why Dad is not here so often, what is so wonderful out there to make him want to stay out, he was shocked on the question, he said that Dad spoke a lot of us, that he was doing the fight to prevent that war to arrive home, I just don't think that war is really happening, I think that is just a excuse dad gives for staying out home.

Tod was a bit angry at some of my toughts. he said that I would have been thankful to have Lance as my father, that has procured a home for us, instead to leaving out to our luck, yet I think mom does a lot of that, she is always here with me to look for me, and she even cares for dad when he comes home bruised and wounded. In a way I think there is more behind Dad that what the eye met, Why this little halfing as has expresed not being on his guild nor his church speak highly of him, Is this a prepatation from him ,

Tod said that he knew Mom as well, and that Miss Ell, she calls her and Dad, had been together a long time before they actually got together, I wonder how they managed to be like this.

I'll ask mom how she and dad met, that is if she ever returns to live with us, Dad said that he will be home for a month, I wonder what will hapen once that month is over.

I must get to sleep, tomorrow's training would be hard to achieve and yet Iam so sure Dad has more work at the table for tomorrow.

*with a yawn, he lets the ink dry and puts sand over the page, closing the book and tugging below the pillow as he lays down to rest, That very knight he dreamt of the himself ataired as a knight, fighting a giant Jurn for the safety of a Anya in distress, he woke up in middle of the night after the nightmare, and was unable to sleep again that night *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos quill and pen .-

* The boy room sat on a small room in a bunk bed, laying with eyes open observing at the decorative roof, the journal lays in his belly open as a small candle scares the darkness on the place *

Well, finally I am here . Dad and mom finally brought me here, I am happy and sorry to even doubt of them, This is far more diferent Than I ever tought it will be, I feel peace in here, A peace I had not felt long ago.

My first month here and I am still getting used to this. It's totally strange. I feel real strange. Well, The mother  of mercy teachings are trully fullfilling, yet I feel strange here.  I don't know what to think.

They gave me extra shores when I retook my training exercices with the sword and shield, they instead put me to paint some fences, and to clean floors, They say that there is a teaching there and that a sword would harm more than it saves, The priestess almost fainted when i told her I prefered the greatsword. Anyhow I am so happy to be able to help people, Today I helped to save a man life, This man came in a caravan, and was attacked by giants. he barely survived as he arrived at the temple.

That was a good thing.

Mom and Dad stayed here from a week after they reached for me, I have never seen Dad like that, he was with a absent look on his face, like here but not here. And mom went inside with me to look at the instalations. They were together and went to see me everyday before they leave, I already miss them, I miss home, yet I have duties to attend, I wonder if that is how dad feels when he stays away from home.

I don't know what to think, I already sent a letter to them, yet no answer has reached me as well , I wonder what would be Jurn doing, Surely he and Anya must be having the time of their lives withot me to bother them.

I must stop thinking those things. I wanted to be here in first place, no?

And I must take it seriously, otherwise I would not be able to learn if I got distracted.

ACS.

*The night wind blows over the window as a nice breeze starts to fill the town extingishing the small candle light, and the silence reigns over the night*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen.

*the young man walks attired fully in his red tunic as he helps the priests with the healing his eyes reflect the long nights he had trobles to sleep, as the night comed down to Audira, the silence fills the temple when everyone take time to sleep. Everyone except the Argos

The young man goes out of the temple in the night. carrying his book and a walking staff. he sits near a torch in the beach listening to the sea and feeling the breeze on his face*

Peace..  All here is peace ...

As for my training continues, It is coming to fruction , Now I know the difference amoung the salves and the reagents for healing and the ones to kill pain, soon at this rate I'll be able to do curations over with the same skill Mom does. My body is getting stronger as the moons come and go.

A year has passed, and finally I'd be able to go home to see Mom and Dad, if he perchance is at home at this moments, I'd wish to see her so much. This year has been enlightening. In a way I felt guilt to a lot of things I have said on dad, The peace of this place, the teachings of the mother of mercy, all came to make me undersand a lot of things.

Toran is a force to be reckoned on the realms, his ways are not the most easier, but what noble deed is easier, they impose a lot of restrains to themselves in order to be better.

And what I can say of the wise god, he recognizes the power of redemption, and forgiveness, acording to stories he found the forgiveness, for the lost of the Llama long time ago. I wonder sometimes why they can't see each other in good terms.

 Lance is a good man, I finally understand that I had no right to judge him, he was yelling for help. I remember those stories about his past, About how it came to name me. his choices. And to prove that he loves mom, I just wonder how hard was for him all those years protecting mom, and for mom not being able to "bless" him. Not an easy situation I must say. I can't help but to think what would have I done on their place.

I am so blessed, I wonder if this was a signal, I am to carry his burden of his shoulder, Argos Dragonbane he said, he said that he would give me his true last name, but why would he still think that. Mom said he is a good man, and that he would never commit an evil deed on purpose. Lance Dragonbane, the son of the tyrant. And Lance Stargazer the knight of balance. Who my father is? That is an easy choice, he has lived with that burden for too much, And I will relase of it with my mistress help. So I pick the name of my father, the true one, I don't care if blood says otherwise, I am a Stargazer, as his soul has become that instead of the son of a tyrant.  And I am proud of those deeds.

His eternal search for redemption, With me it comes to and end. In Az'zattan mercy and Toran's ligth that he finds so alluring may he find peace.

Argos Cilinya Stargazer .

*after some hours passed and  the young man lays himself in the sand, he can't help but to fall aslept with a reasuring smie*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen.

*The young man is seen gathering his things. as a young woman observes him from the door leaning on the door, they look at each other, from time to time, they say that sometimes there are looks that could speak more than ten thousand words, they smile a final time just before the girl leaves with a sad smile *

It's almost time. I must go out to see the world, It's not that I don't enjoy this place, but this is not about the  enjoying, this is about salvation, and the gifts I have been given would be of better use on the outside. Word has reached me from home,  Seems that Anya got married, well good for her I hope.

It has been sometime since I have been on the outside, and the time for my ordering will be soon, I simply can't phantom all that is in my life now, I feel the teachings on myself,  I long for helping, yet I've sacrificed a lot in order to become what i am now.  I wonder if this is part of my own enlightment , of my own Redemption.

Dad trained me to be a knight. That is what he said, yet I feel that in this disapointment I gave to him , its something we must undertake for his own redemption. I have to see the world. I am setting off to travel tomorrow in the morning, just the day after my ordeal, A trip of enlightment.

Mercy to all , love for all existing life.  A noble tennants per se. I wonder where my path will take me, I feel good thinking on how to use the power that has been granted to me, yet I still feel this urge to fight evil, It's this rage that polutes my soul, And that I have been learning to control to soothe with the calming hand of the Redemtress.

I Sent a word to Keira to bury my old things. The very reasons and the life I had before comming here. I need to pray. There should be not a place for doubts now.. Otherwise my very soul is at Stake.

*Argos finally finishes to set his things together and start to pray deeply in meditation as if the tears would cleanse the guilt he feels*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen. - Of the true nature of the men

*Argos lays down sleeping tired with a restless sleep, his room in the temple is messy, and unordened. The hands of the boy with marks of punishment, self inflicted at most , as the journal lays down behind a chair, like if it was thrown away *

Why ? Why ? It has to come this way.

You are weak Argos. . so weak... so soon to the goal and not able to fullfill it. I failed and fell to temptation, what kind of man am I ?

My troubled soul yells in pain and the same time i don't repent on my acts.  What happened there was simply not fair, and by my actions I may save lives. But at what cost. I tried... i really tried.. But maybe i am unworthy.  Mom, have i failed you ? or would you be proud of your son after this failure

It happened earlier,  we were returning from North Fort in a peregrinage for helping the sick, when our caravan got attacked, the caravan guard got on the task, but the bandit force was one to be reckoinded.  they waited and prepared a good ambush. using the sand to cover they hide caltrops and other traps amoung the sand, so the camels could not escape.  They forced the attack from the sides, aiming for the goods. The attack was so chaotic, as the fire started to rain upon us.

I can't restrain myself, I jumped to help to defend the goods. As i saw i started to dispense heling beverages to the guards when I heard a yell on the rear, I ran to see what was happening as i saw Calim, one of the guards whom i have been befriending in audira, was figthing with a bandit, the bandit had already blind him throwing sand at his eyes , I ran to help but my training was not enough, I jumped aiming for the arm that held the sword trying to disable the bandit, but he saw my movement and with a swift movement he raised the stroke towards Calim as he turn arond to block my movement hitting me on the face with the shield. Calim hitted him in the shoulder,but with the same movement the bandit disarmed him and threw him away.

When i got myself recovered, I could saw the whole scene as the bandit was hitting Calim and he was only able to use the shield to defend. I saw a girl hidding under some mantles, the fear on her eyes, and I could not hold more. As The bandit continued to strike down Calim, I... I took the blade with my hands, the grip of it easily fit as in my younger years, and I ran towards the bandit, It was too late, I don't know if Calim did that on purpose but as the bandit stroke him , his wood shield shatered on the damage done and the fire it had helded, leaving the bandit guard low. I stroke him from behind, just wher dad told me.... I am sure that it was because the great effort Calim put against him I was able to defeat the bandit. After the cold gaze of the bandit went to the sword then to me. the time stoped for a moment. As the actions I have commited were drifting on my mind, Once I got back on myself. I threw the blade to the floor, and look at my hands now taited in blood, I look back at the camp as the guards leading by the caravan master started the retaliation of the offensive. I came running to check on Calim. My fears became true he was beyond any healing save , he laid there with the cold embrace of death on his eyes.

I picked the potions to continue the healing, but was stopped as the girl and her mother threw me a thankful look, In this act, I might have saved their lives, but at what cost ? My soul ? My very foundation ?

As we were regrouping and counting our deads. I felt the look of all my brothers, They would not be looking at me with anger, nor repression but pity, that is even worse than any hate, and I fully understand their way of action. I betrayed the beliefs, And myself .. but what would have Az'atta do?
What would be my father do?. And was not the sacrifice of Calim enough to be mourned over, It could have been me, and then those two, the child and the mother.

My hands ... I have punished for the acts of my soul .

What should I do?  Someone .... Answer me ?

DID I DID WRONG ?

Argos Cillnya Stargazer.

* The wind blows calmed over the city, a tense peace can be heard as Calim grave is erected on the temple grounds *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Searching the truth.

*The night fell upon the desertic city of Audira, the moons high as the hour pass. There is almost no movement apart for the the merchants finishing the last details for the trip in the morning, it seems to be a regular night in there, until the pale light of the moons finds a man walking with his traveler clothes and his pack on his back, ataired in a simple tunic, scarf and hood, walks with decidide step over the sand towards the docks, his sight hide in the hood would only show to the one who could see it a mixure of determination, and confusion, the will to do the things, yet not totally sure to what to do, as he continues he is seen getting lost in the docks *

And it has come to this .

I am unable to keep going, i cannot stand myself in there, All the looks, and the voices, All the teachings yelling me that I am tainted, I need to go away form here, to find who Am I really.

This is not the time to go back, I came here as a boy, but now i start my travel to become a man, and to know what kind of man I am. Today a part of me died, Mostly it started the agony the day Calim died, that still troubles my soul, and yet I feel proud of it. That is why i need to leave, My mistress forgive me for not being worthy of your mercy, yet In your wisdom you might have show me the way, Maybe this was not my fate, and I can help the world other way. Or maybe I am wrong and in time I'll come back, But that i need to find by myself.

Ell and Lance, they did everything in their power to suistain me all this year, i have lived my life depending on them and giving them worries , That won't be that way anymore. I am sorry. I failed you two as well , since you both put my hopes in this, and yet i failed to your expectations, you'll know about me when I am ready to see you.

For the meantime , you mi journal would be the only one who knows where my trips will take me. Away is the first step. Today would be living and leaving.

Tomorrow.. Well ... we'll see.

Argos Cilnya Stargazer .

*Without the boy to know, a pair of eyes was set upon his departure, A young girl that has been observing him during all his stay, she stands there motionless, she had seen the man for long nights. and now this would be the last time she saw it waliking out the temple, a single tear apearing in her cheek*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer quill and pen .- A letter home

*A closed envelope comes to the Haft lake district home where Lance and Ell have his home, the house seems empty or at least silent now, as if there are something that might be absent. Keira has stayed not desiring to leave the couple, even if there was a long time than her services are not needed, She recieves the letter but as she reads the remitent, she decides to store it for the parents to read  *

Dear Mom:

Maybe by now you already know. But i have left Audira, looking for my own self. It turned that I was not ready for taking the test of faith i was so in need to get, and in this I have failed you, and Dad. I am sending this for you to know that I am fine, Alive at least.

I have to let you know how thankful I am for all the things you both has done for me this far, and yet in exchange I paid you with failure, I am heading towards The gods knows where. Please don't be worried about me. And don't look for me, If i fail in the life i have chosen, then it would have been my fate, to know that i was not cut for the life I decided to persue.

Rest asured that I keep you both on my heart as every step I take, I think of you and its not my intent to worry you, yet I can understand now a lot of things about you two, and I must say that you did a wonderful work, you were the ideal parents, and you got away your diferences by the love you have for the world , I am so proud to be your son, yet  I cannot live under your shadow always, I must make yourselves proud of me as well, that is the least you both deserve.

Saying this I bid you my farewell, not forever, just for a time, I'll come back to you when I am ready to do so, when I am able to look at you at the eyes and feel like i am doing good enough to your eyes.

With Love your son ...

Argos Stargazer.

*the letter is sealed with wax made in hasty way and coming from Vanavar lands*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Living the life, the way of those who fail.

*A large group of wagons are seen stationed over the port, the caravan master yelling orders as the ones putting the goods on the caravan, in a tent a silent man with weary look cleans off a second hand long sword ahd a shield, the light of a candle lighten his corner where the rest of some second hand vegetables stands unfinished *

Well, I am still alive. that is a achievement per se.

I've found myself the way to continue on this trip, I've joined this caravan serving as guard for them to allow me to travel with them, at least I got food and drink for free, until now I've achieved to keep a low profile traveling on this islands, I must say that I've seen a lot of intesting things, I was able to get a second hand sword and shield for helping me to continue on.

The guards around the caravan they are dedicated man, yet some of them I'd better would don't get them quite near me, some of them are simple men, people who has been mistreated by life leading them in and endless stairdown of despair, not that it allows them to act the way they do, some of them are brutish. I even had to stood up against one when he tried to hit a wench in the bar, I got beaten instead of her, but at least she is safe, yet I hoped that I could have done more for her, I must look over me as well on this day, I now see what I've missed in home and what that friend of dad told me once, tod was his name if i remember well, the lacks, and how is that Mom and dad always had all covered at home. Yet beggars can't be petitioners the adage says, so I stay on this road.

Taking this sword again, It still feels odd, yet comformtably familiar, And the shield training that dad gave me, I start to see the real advantages of this style, I am relearning the old tricks of the trade, mostly obvserving the other guards. It would be hard to compete with them at this moment, Discipline would win the day dad said.

To think in the time I've spent on this life, Three months had passed since i left Audira, and all the life I knew, And yet the trip is far from over, It's a new start, like a renewal, and yet I feel this hollow, this desire burning on my heart, this impulse of Writting them to say them I am fine, But what would that acomplish. I'd only prove with that that I am not man enough to face the concecences of my own actions, that is not what I want. I don't want to be a burden for them anymore. yet I know that If i come back they will recieve me with open arms, then I if only doing that I'd prove myself of not being worthy of the love they gave to me. I'd better have been laid death upon the place where dad found me.

Learn as much as you can, and never stop learning she said, I guess that is what applies here, And this is a lesson I never will forget.

May the gods watch over my parents,

*The man stands inmobile as the dream finally beats his will, a smile is shown on his face as he dreams of the life he left behind *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen - Die another day

* The rain falls unto the swamp as the caravan stops for the night,  the man stands alone during his shift as he keeps guard upon the goods that the caravan is taking to the final destination, the man with a stern look watches up to the stars as he likes to do, when a sound returns him to his duty and shakes his head to retake concentration*

Another kill, and it does not feel well, but what else I had to do? , I am here to guard this people , everyone here trust in that i won't fail, together we work to survive, yet I still feel bad for the bandit, who was him? Might he had some family? Was he loved ?

All those questions will remain unsolved, I can only pray for that nobody depended on him, yet he made his choice , and the consecuences has been unfold, yet i must not express my concerns, not here, not with this people, They will see it as a weakness, yet It's nothing like that, There are strenght in feelings and good will, there are virtue in helping those who needs it, For goodness , I must sound like Lance right now.

As for my parents still no news of them, nor for them I just hope they are doing fine, But I am totally sure that by now they had been in troubles at least a couple of times, and yet they have been reconcilied as they always do.

Stop with this Argos, you don't need to return to that, you are on your trip now, remember, I'll see them when time is apropiate.

For now I must retake my guard post, There would be no good if we got ambushed, my shift almost start.

ACS.

*The man can't help to return his sight to the skies again as if he is looking for something there, his distraction got broken when a violent sound return his atention to the duty, and so in the middle of the night the batle breaks upon the caravan *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen

*The wind was cold as the demoralized caravan walked thru the deserted marsh, half of the goods were lost on the last attack, and now only the Leading cart was the only that stands able to move, the men walked fast tired and hopeless, trying to reach the next town as soon as they could*

Woe on us.

We have lost half of the men, and trying to reach the a homlet to rest, The caravan master face is filled in anger, and yet, he was fully aware of the risks of this trip, Taking this route would cut time he said, but was it worth the risk, the results show that a no is the absolute answer to this, I am tired and wounded. yet I have to stand for the sake of our lives, and the ones that were lost in the way here, We owe them that, their deaths would not be in vain.

My hands aches and I can barely see, yet I can only pray for my strenght don't fail me when It's most needed.

I raise my pleas to the gods for their protection, Oh mother of redemption, I have no right for asking you for protection, and yet I've lived this far.

I must stop with this, strenght must not be wasted on writting, I need to go back to guard duty *

Argos Stargazer

*The silence of the march is broken by a strong sound, as the armed men prepares for the worse, The young man arms and legs did not answered in time, as the darkness fell upon him before he could even rise the sword, as his concience is getting lost he could only see a light in the forest, then only darkness *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Morning at last

*The light of the morning hit on the face to the man, awaking him with violence, as he opened his eyes his natural reaction was to be on guard, all due the rough times he had on the past year, The life on the road, and the constant presure of the caravan trips, and the hard beds of the bad inns and the cold floor, does that to men, yet what he saw when he finally opened his eyes shoked him more than the battles he had seen in the past months.

He was in a bed in something that looked like a hospital, along the wall a lot of makeshift beds were disposed with more people laying there, some people in robes were procuring the healing to the sick, Argos laid there still and trying to figure out what his eyes told him, he was alive, for some grace of some power he was alive, and yet confused, he saw to the high ceilings and the ornate walls, keeping himself still trying to no being noticed.

Then he saw it, On one of the windows a symbol that he was so familiar with , the Anhk of Toran, all watching over the realms, his fear disapeared for a moment as it was replaced by confusion, he tried to sit over the bed, but an intense pain on his shoulder and his legs prevented him to do so, he yelled in pain and and laid down again focusing in making the pain of the wounds go away, Almost imediately he felt the warm touch of two hands, to come upon him and hold him as the world started to being filled by voices and the darkness fell again upon his eyes and concience *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- A light from the past

*Argos lays on the bed, resting as his bandages are cleaned and changed by the priests, he smiles at them, but his smile betrays fear, A fear to met someone in that place, someone that migth mean the failure on his venture. Even with that he sits proudly and helps the healers as much as he can, the jounal lays at his side open as the ink dries itself. *

Alive.

The trip ended quite badly, I am lucky enough to be alive, yet it was a total failure, the good priests have been taking care of my wounds and I can walk barely, how much time has passed, that is something I might try to learn as I got better, Acording to the priests our caravan were ambushed by some kind of darkelves in the swamps near the Citadel of Huaghin, not many made it, It seems that I fell one of the first an that is why I was spared, And thankfully they were traveling near the swamps when they heard the sounds of battle, Impresive, I can only wonder if this is some kind of joke the fate has thrown upon me, Again tended by the very temple of Toran, 15 years later, this is so hard to believe. Almost laughable.

Until now they have no clue of who I am, I told them that i am a guard of the caravan by name Cillinya Not necesarly a lie, but I am afraid, this people will send word to dad If they know Who I am. I must get better and stand, can't allow myself to lay here for much. My trip for enlightment has stoped but is far from ending, The gods , Toran maybe gave me a chance. And its not one I plan to throw away.

My body pains me , but not as much as my soul, this good people has taken good care of me, that is for sure, I'll give a donation to the temple when i can do, The vast majority of my things are here, yet my sword is broken, and I'll have to start looking for a new one as soon as I can walk and work ,

I need to persevere . Here they come now. Time for my healing sesion.

The light brights again to me, on this day.

Cillnya Dragonbane.

*he relaxes as the priest finishes with the bandages,  and they keep a small talk , when the priests finally leaves the boy takes the journal, checking that the ink has dried and then closes it and hugs it close to his heart, in his face a smiling face, but behind that mask the sadness , and the dream of being able to cry *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The light at the end of the tunel.

*The young man is seen walking thru the gardens wearing a white and blue robe, in his hand his old book mistreated but with a new fold that covers most of the family crest that is over the front , he walks with serene pace observing around looking for a bench, his body has healed yet he bears the mark of the battles before as he still limps a bit, his sight full in peace now, he walks towards the bench and sits, opening the book he prepares the ink and the quill and start to writte down *

Huagjin, Such a beautiful city,
 
All in light with his marmoled walls, This place can make Prantz look as a small town, all the movement all the people who lives here. Its so wonderful place, yet its expensive I must say, I have been on the city once, I'd not risk myself too much until I am fully healed, but that will happen soon, I feel stronger every day that passes and well I have brough another sword, that would make much easier to find job once I got out here. Well I don't even know if I want to leave this place.

The priests did an excelent work on my wounds, and I feel thankful for them, this people has saved my life twice now, I cannot be more thankful to them, I have started to help them in the care of the other sick, they were not sure at first but I proved them i am able to do it. My skills are not as good as theirs, but I can change a bandage quite well, and apply the aloe almost without spilling it, I have been always good at this.

I am starting to listen to what Toran is saying thru their priests, and its hard to see how is that I never listen this words from Dad, or at least I never listened them as I do listen this ones, This ones speaks of Mercy, but not only that, I have seen how they practice, and I can do all those exercices by memory, Those are the ones Lance ... er Dad made me do, The raising of the sword, the technique to properly hold the shield and the sword, Some of them even practice that style dad tried to teach me, to use the oponents weight against themselves. Its a nice trick.

Someone has been speaking with me, A girl and I think she likes me in a way, she is always coming to speak with me and sort of taking personal interest on my wounds. Celia is her name, and she has done more confortable to be here, To her I spoke of what I did to be her, I said not all to her, yet my reasons stands for not speak all I know, yet she has been a positive influence on my recuperation. She adviced me to speak to a priest about my feelings. that I did. I looked for a wise man that she introduced as her mentor, Father Victor of the Long sword he said was his name, she explained to me that he gave up his last name and put the name of the order as a proof of faith. That i won't discuss here, his commitment seems to be out of questioning.

With humbleness I spoke part of my story. I told him why I am alone, I told him of the lives I've cut, Why i took the road and the intense pain i felt about that, I could have not hold more, those lives were yelling me at night, Screaming for how i've betrayed them, how could i prefered to cut the problem instead of saving their souls, at first i had my doubts, i was expectiong the look of pity, the familiar feeling of being observed as scorn and pity, I was so afraid of that, I did not want to see that, Instead the man listened to my story , and after some moments of meditation he put his hand on my shoulder, with a kind smile he said,

"You did what you had to do, young one, I feel your pain, since killing must be a last act of resort, yet in your actions you saved more people, Otherwise more inocents would have been harmed, what you did... its called duty son, You act on duty and mercy for the people who was unable to defend themselves. you should never feel shame for doing the right thing, Alongside the way you'll find a lot of obstacles, and test that might put doubt on your heart, Its not an easy path the one of duty, its long and winding. yet so fullfilling in the end, knowing that you are making the world better, even if it does not change the world by it, you are cotribuiting in some sort, a grain of sand at time, Saving a soul each time, Duty presents in strange ways son, And almost always as we don't expect it or wanted it, that is why its not easier to fullfil it, yet the most diligently we do our duty, more stronger we become son, Just don't feel bad with what you did, and fear not what duty has for you, not fear and be ready to answer, as i said before it might look hard, but you'll find yourself sleeping better at night"

After hearing him I felt real better, their words made me feel good for first time in long time, I can remember now the sight those women throw at me, at the moment i was so confused to see the whole scope of my actions, I was so centered having pity of my own failure, without taking in acount that with it I gave them something more important.... life.

How can that be good. Now I am so sorry for not having that sword, the symbol of my failure, can be a symbol of hope, and duty, Is by this that I have reached my redemption. It means not everyone thinks I did wrong, and by that I have not failed ?

All this questions are filling my mind and soul now?

How can I act better, how can I get myself centered with all this ideas, Is this one of those "duty" tests ? I could not know. I guess Only time will tell,

I am after all only a man.

[strike]Cillnya Dragonbane [/strike]
Argos Stargazer  of the house Dragonbane.

*After reading the name he just write the man crosses what he was just signed putting a new signatuere over it . With satisfaction he closes the book after the ink is dry and stands to walk back towards the sick quarters to continue helping with the healing *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The house of healing, duty, redemption.

*The young man is seem preparing some reagents for healing, potions, bandages, panaceas are awaiting to be acomodated over the kits for the travelers, with a serene smile the man keeps putting them in order, one by one, as the night advances and the moons wathes him with weary eyes, they have acompanied this young man alongside the way now, they know what hhe has done , and how many nights he resisted the impulse of crying, they know what he is thinking. and that those toughs are quiet now, Because for once he found peace  *

I am getting quite fond of this place, Since i started to walk I see that i am needed here, my scarce skill at healing has helped some people, and well even as my hands are not as skilled as the priests I am helping.

I have my things ready to depart, yet for some reason I don't want to do it. the path does not call me as it did on Audira, even as if I am not tied here, I feel good to help, I have started to hear the words of the priests, they speak of a lot of things about how important is duty and the salvation of those who cannot defend themselves, I wonder why is that i never listened to dad speak like that, yet, he is a knight, his actions speak for him its said, I wonder how is that mom fell in love with him, he seemed to be always strickt and in a way closeminded, yet I see him diferent now, as I hear this people speak, I even found a story of him leading a group to defeat a Shadow lich, how is that I did not know that, And he lead the rescue of Quantum winword the former hand of Toran, he seems to be important, but yet when he is home he acts as if he was only a normal man.

I asked around for him, I was cautious to not to be too much inistent, I don't want to raise suspects when those are no needed, I am starting to think that i will be here for long time, since I can go, yes, now the problem is that i don't want to go, I have started to learn and listen the word of Toran, and his premises sounds like something worth of respect. Will be this the light I have been searching, I feel aprobation instead of pity, encouragement instead of shame, What does this means ?

Is this the way to my own redemption, Is this my true call ?

And yet I am confused as I hear that some of the tennets are the same here, I've learned of the problems dad has been for defending his ideals, I found a record when he was tested, of course that not many people doubt of him now, but as i learned he was marked as tainted when he started his service, To be born under the evil blood of a tyrant and enemy, Does that make him evil? If that is so , I am an orphan and son of the street, that makes me a thief? No. blood has its place, but are deeds what must be measured.  

I must say I feel happy here? What should I do? Shall I writte them?

I need to attend to service now... Maybe some meditation would help to clear my mind.

Argos Stargazer, In his way to redemption.

* The boy stands and checks that the ink is already dry before closing the book and start walking towards the common room sheathing his sword at his belt and carrying the healing kits to deliver them around the place, as he walks he goes humming that old Tune his dad used to sing. one about a knight fighting for honor *