Argos Stargazer - Son of conflict

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- The binding, a kind apart

*The man is seen hessitantly observing the stone near the altar, his hands shaking in excitation and fear, he is about to give a great step, hessitantly he looks back to the girl and the other priest that come with him, he looks back giving a last look to them, they exchange words some of encouragement, some of advice and hope, the girl shows him a letter sealed that he previously gave to her, with a smile the boy turns towards the stone. So luring and so frightful at the same time, he closes his eyes and with a small pray he steps ahead touching the stone.

The fight of wills started as a blue light is emitted from the stone surrounding the man. he clenches his hands over the stone, his face showing the effects of the pain on his body, his concentration focused as he stands whatever feeling he is having at that very moment, For a moment the time seems to stop on the scene as the light starts to fill the room, a small tremble is heard, the girl and the boy cover their eyes as the light strike their faces, The whole room is surrounded by the light.

So the silence reigned on the place *

I've decided it. I will have to take that step in order to be better, I will atempt to bind myself to the bindstones, Dad and mom are chosen and they have done great deal of good to the lands. Its worth the try.

I have been spared once, and my life as it was lack of sense, Today I'll prove if I am worthy of all the goodness i have recieved, This will put to test to my call, The great Leader has saved me twice by now, my life does no longer belongs to me.

This is a great risk itself, I've thinking over this matter for some months now. and well I feel I must do it, That way I'll have more chances to make a diference on this world to made my parents to feel proud of me, If I am not able at least I will bother them no more.

I know... this is a way to deal with my own fear of dying, I might be shortening my trip, I must confess to you my journal, I am afraid of not being able to do it, And to perish on the attempt, I don't want to die. Not as that, But one must face their own demons, and if I pass this test, the benefits would be quite the best.

I'll be like dad and mom, Able to cheat on the soulmother, and fullfill my dreams easier.

I've written a letter to my parents, in case this goes not good, yet Toran has saved me twice, I put my faith on him on this step, he cares over me, he always have done it, for me and for my family, Dad and mom. I still don't know how works with Mom, but I am sure in a way he cares for her, She is Lance test, what could be more important to him.

The letter will be sent in case of my demise. I've made her to promise to do it, and she is coming with me with the promise of not crying.

I must go and do my last prayers, and get myself ready ...

With Love....

Argos Stargazer. Son of bound heroes.

*As the blinding effect of the light passes the withnesses stands claring their eyes, for a moment fearing the worse, the girl already with tears on her eyes observes Argos kneel on deep pain his hands still clenched on the bindstone, not moving as the rest of the light start to go low, with uncertain step they aproaches the body touching gently his shoulders, cold to the touch ad without a move.

Then Argos eyes opens with surprise, he falls back with a gesture of pain and liberation at the same time, with soft voice he mutters.... it worked.... as the darkness fall upon him*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen. .- Over Faith and duty, mussings over Redempion, family and Love.

*The last sunrays strike the white walls of the citadel as the young man stays sit alone with a tired face drinking some water and eating roast, his muscles tense and tired after a hard day of work, he look upon the horizon with a hopeful eyes as the ships sail away in the azure seas, carrying the man toughs towards home, he shakes his head at himself as he starts to pick up all his things, and walk back to his bunk*

This late weeks have been gone quite well, I am fully recovered by now thanks to the virtuous hands and cares of the healers here, they are not only virtuous but wise and brave as well, The process has been long and painful, but I have found a second home in here, As a token of gratitude I asked them to allow me to help in the healing house with the scarce skill I have, well its scarce when I compare myself to them, But I think I've done enough for saving people. Could be a penance for the ones I have cut down, yet I don't repent of the actions that led me to this place, and to this life, In a way it has made me a man. I don't have more doubts over myself, I have done the right thing, One cannot wait for the people to change as that, One must lead the way by example, But there are evil out there, People who are evil, is there any hope for them? Certainly must be a way to clean their soul, But if not, must be dealt with them, Redemption is not found on life only, One can repent on the verge of death, When the soul is nearer the gods.

Redemption, Is there a way of redemption? It must be, if not then  the world is condemned to be tainted and unable to heal, yet its a dangerous trip that one, One must walk that with caution, Redemption must be sought, nor granted for free, Its said that what is given free is usually wasted because its not measured so worthy, This reminds me that carnival on Audira, The one of the criminal who put all those lives in Danger, I remember how dad reacted that day, how he was so angry at that man, and even saw his eyes burn with something like hate at times, Now i understand that it was not hate, It was a genuine anger, A holy wrath instilled by his beliefs.

His beliefs I wrote, I am so surprised to say that right now, all this time the light was in front of me and I was so blind to even see it, The hand of Virtue has saved me, and put me back on the way. soon I'll have to return home, and see for my family. I feel guilt for how i left them, yet It was needed, I just hope they are good enough, In Toran's light today I wish that.

This last weeks I have resuming my physical activites, they even allowed me to join to the exercises of the knights in training, I must say I needed that exercise, Its nice to have this routine again, but for a change this time I find a challenge here, The training is quite disciplined, and the future knights show dedication and bravery, not to mention that their techique is quite well developed, some of them at least, I've been improving my own technique as I practice with them.

Its not all of course attending to services has keept the rest of the day busy, Listening to the great leader wisdom those words feels like water healing my soul, with each day I feel even better. At first it was to go with my friends, but staying there simply feels great, I feel motivated to keep on, And what could make a man feel better than to help others in need.

Some time has passed, and I cannot stay hidden here forever, My parents deserve to know where I am and what has happened to me. I'll see them soon hopefully.

I wonder how they are? What would they do when they see me? I am mostly worried about mom. Is my choice going to break her? I love her, yet... I was a fool all this years, Dad had a very hard time , not only her. I don't get how it was that they did not destroy each other. yet they stand as unite as they could be. They raised me, And healed me, I would never be the man who I am, if not for them, Now it's my time to support them, Now its time for Argos Stargazer to made them Proud.

Argos Cillnya Stargazer, Proud son and living proof of Toran's miracles.

*As the man walks down the inmense stairs he found himself with a girl and another man who walks with him smiling and joking around the silent streets of the citadel, A cat look at them as the last rays of light dies on the horizon, The trio is lost over the streets.*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's Quill and pen .- The way of the knight, The son and the father.

*Argos is seen attaired in his armor as he prepares his pack, he alone checking on his sword and shield, ataired for the trip, this is something part of him had desired for too long, yet his enligthening made him to wait, to learn, to remember how to believe, So the young man takes his things with a smile he got out of the temple, after a small prayer he starts to walk out *

It's finally time, My learning here has come to an end, and yet I have to face the life I left behind, in the proper way, with the help of the great leader I am recovered now, and Ready to face my demons, I am with him a reflection of the justice and redemption, that is what i must be.

I saw him, Dad came to the temple and i saw him between the crowd, I was lucky enough for him to not to see me, but this is not going to last forever, I want to speak with him, to greet him, but not like this, I have to present myself to them whole. And for that is that i must keep going.  There are a lot of injustices to be righted, And souls to be saved. That is how my call is, I feel HIM within me, he has saved me twice and his light cured my soul and body, My trust is fully with him. May the hand of Virtue shine your path Argos. ..

I will miss Celia, and her father words, I have found in them like a second family, they surely don't think as high of me, but That is how i feel regarding them. yet they stay here, so this is their place, and i could always go back towards here to visit them.

I have been accepted at the church, even my training is far from over, But i need to prove myself and this test will prove my resolution.

I'll make them proud of me, And my Lord will be watching over me, From him i got strenght lended and the will to keep going.

This was my last service on Huagjin, I'll make my way towards Mistone. I have to learn over this, And yet to face my demons.

Toran give me the strenght.

Argos Stargazer, in Toran's holy power, proud son and humble servant.

*As the crowded streets start to fill with activity the man walks towards the portal, checking for coins he passes some of them to the one in charge of the portalm he then steps in, without hesitation, knowing that beyond awaits for him the truth of his path.*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Mistone at Sight

*The City of Gold, Port Hempstead, observing a comon day amoung his myriad of habitants, the sun raising high as the noon aproaches , and with it the ship finally stoped in the dock, The man attired in blue trenchcoat is seen going down with serene step and a smile in his face*

Finally I am here.

Ready to recover the life I've Lost, or left. The place looks great for start a lot of people, Dad seems to be to spend days here, I just hope not seeing him for now, not until I am ready. I need to start looking for acomodations and make myself ready to met him when the time arrives, and mom, How i miss Mom... I could always had gone home first, but I still need to see what I can do on my own, I am not ready, nor I am returning to give more problems to them.

*that short is the entry for his journal, not even signed as he used to do. The excitation was too much. The patience growing short, and the desire growing up. The man is seen getting lost amoung the streets of the big city*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Argos Stargazer, The knight in training

*Argos is seen checking his acomodations over the temple of Toran, in Fort Llast, the man looks at the room with distracted look, a small cell with a bed and a desk, the light of the candles are spill giving a feeling of confort and peace on the room, with a smile the young man sits over the desk and opens the old journal, the book that holds most of his secrets and start to write*

How can I describe how life is going, I am finally on the road again, and Toran has keept me safe this far, I am spending the knight here at the temple, I came to present my services, I  just came to learn that the war on Mistone is a truth. an horrible one, I see the fear in the eyes of the townsfolk, it feels stronger than in Prantz, Dad was out fighing this all this years?

Well But back to the present, Mistone holds certainly odd spots and sights not to mention extraordinarie people, I am now fully armed and equipped, I bought a fullplate at the guild that dad works at. I finally was able to met to the man who made my old wooden greatsword, he seems to be a bit strict, his voice is calmed an polite, and his look well. surely a man that lives of the nature, All clad in leathers and the smell of the forest following, Gladly he did not recognize me, I have enough with what I have lived.

I've met most extrordinaire people here. and yet the sights that my training has gave me, I have met a man who names himself Ash, one of the most nibble man I have seen, he moved real fast and well I cannot help but admire his progress in battle, I'd never be able to reproduce those movements,  that is why I carry this old trusty armor and the shield.

*The man smiles as he writes that*

On other regards I met a group of people the other day, they were like just chatting over the lake in Hempstead, its a peaceful place, and a lot of people pass that way, The road to Vehl and wayfare, there was a strange woman with pink hair with a friend of her, Abi and Berak were their names if I remember well, Alongside a maiden whom catch my atention almost inmediately, she was bandaged at the left side of her body, as if some bad accident happened to her, She said her name is Anabelle, Bella for short she said with that playful smile, she semms to be unconfortable with the ettiquete, So i had to back up a bit.

It turned that just before we were going to start that trip another lady came to us, her name is Samminya or Sam for short, she has the most odd way of speaking , she is quite smart and seems to be always looking for confict, at least with words that is , She is quite good at taking debates, almost fun if i have to say an adjective.

we started the trip towards the Brech mountains led by Abi, As miss Bella was coming with us I took the duty of her safety, I wonder what I can say about that, Duty seems to be a full part of the life and gladly, I remember those words in Huaghjin, that never feared the face of the duties or what they could bring.  I feel a bit ashamed to say that this duty was indeed joyous, I really enjoyed to protect her, Standing in front, fighting with all my might to make her safe, It really helps one to sleep better.

The trip did not end as well as I should hoped for me. I fell on the way back to Vehl, I was just not strong enough, yet I am happy, The binding is already starting to made worth all the pain it brought.  I was striken and furious in a way, Not even able to see her to arrive to safety.

I must get the positive of this trip, We reached towards the Ulgrids fortress, an acestral halls of the dwarves, Our allies the Voraxians have strong presence there. Those walls and halls made of stone are certainly a sight per see. But it is really cold up there, We went thru the halls made of stone and ended resting over a dock, UNDERGROUND. That is something I would never believe I could see posible. I've started to keep a book as mom does for taking notes of this kind of strange sights.

When we got there Miss Bella said she needed to change some of her bandages, I wonder what happened to her, as the scarce recolection i have that happened to her in an accident in her parents farm, I tried to not press the matter forward, I figure she is enough unconfortable speaking of the matters, I offered my help to change the bandages, but She said that here are some in parts she would prefer to not to show, I felt so dumb to even ask after she said that, I helped her removing my cloak and put it in front of her to allow give her a bit more freedom of movement, It was a wonderful sight once she finished, the light of the place was magical and well, with all the things happening there I had that wish of singing,

I'd never would have done that, Miss Sam keeps calling me bard after that, she has some strange ideas running on her head, It is strange how people always think on the worst. Sam has started to call us love birds and all that kind of references to Miss Bella and me to be a couple, its not hard to see that there is the way friendship is, I am a knight.. Well want to be a knight after all, the conduct i showed was nothing than respectful towards the group I went with, and of course I have to be courtous to the ladies on the road. More those like Miss Bella, She was my duty after all, I had to keep her safe.

*Argos look up sighing a moment after reading what he just wrote*

I guess not a lot of people understands the way of the knight, Sam might be smart but obviously don't understand what the duties of the knight stands, I should stop to justify my own actions. My concience is clean and I help people that is what i do.

On other hand I had another emotive encounter, Rottie was in Vehl, yes Rottie The very same big fellow from Audira temple, I don't know what to say It was a confusing enconter, I never tought what would happen when I found a trace of what I left in Audira, Fortunately the big boy did not asked anything about my fast departure that night, Nor why I now follow another path, I won't judge him, I accept him as someone who desires to be better, one who desires to change and to act as a positive influence in the realms. His path is no easier, he'll find all kind of obstacles on his way, his race for starters, Never accepted nor for creatures nor civilized lands. I must strive to help him as much as I can.

I am in the right way.

Argos Cillnya Stargazer, Friend and knight.

*He realizes how much he has written and yawns heavily, he stands and check for the lock on his temporal room before he goes to sleep muttering a small prayer *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- a face from the past, Reintroducing the bard.

*Sitting on a bed on the wild surge inn room, Argos finish his dinner and put his hand to writte over his journal *

I can't believe he is here, Jurn he is here , I could not have be more happy  really, My best friend went out home and met me here, who'd believe that, certainly Toran works in marvelous ways, Boy has been years since I have seen him, Since my departrure towards Audira, he is still as shy and mysterious as he used to be, Drama is his thing as always, We had not much time to speak tough, But it was real good to see him, to finally met someone in whom I can totally trust.

It was odd at first when we met us over a campfire, I was resting over the fire thinking and meditating as he aproached in his usual reserved way, It was real ankward the way we recognize each other. I could not help it but to stand and give him a big hug, Time flies and this kind of encounters is what make life worth of living, he was telling me of his life, he finally followed his dream and become a performer, I am glad he did, he is real talented and I really want to go and see one of his performances, he says he has done a number or two on his parents tavern in Hurm, I'd like to go and see him, maybe if I work hard enough we cound perform one of our old songs. Who knows.

I am just kidding, I have no time for those things now. I have a lot to learn, A lot of time to recover in my training. All this years has taken its toll and I need to keep the good work in order to advance in my training.

Leave that alone, Argos, your duty stands and you know that, Don't restrain yourself of enjoying the moment, I mean Jurn... hello!!!! ...

*he looks at the paper a moment and ponders on what he just wrote he sighs and says,
- Now I am writting nonsenses-

*he pass a line and with a smile resumes his writtings *

Well this encounter was totally unexpected, yet I can see why he is my friend , I honor his friendship, he did not mention a thing about mom or dad, he was just there worried and enjoying our time together, Far past is the times of childhood, now we are men with our own responsabilities, and our lives ahead of us, and even after that,. It feeled the same, To be with him and joke around , my For a moment I was so tempted to give him a good right punch as the old times.

He did not mention anything about home , we just spoke of what had been on our lives, Or at least that the intent when the most rude elf I have seen in my life apeared, i feel ashamed to use this kind of words about a lady. But she was grumpy and not to say that her common left a lot to desire, She seemed to had traveled with Jurn in the past , and in a way to be stricken with him. I just wonder if Anya would have been like that but i was blind enough to  see that, After all he always was the ladies man.

*Argos frowns and sighs as he look up and finishes the last zip of the grape juice *

Well This elven lass Aylanna was her name if I remember well. Started to hit me with his staff, Jurn seemed to know about that because when she started to look at me he yelled "Duck" If i were listened my arm probably won be in much pain as it is now, the lady has spirit and more strenght than her tiny arms could show. After all I was not going to stand her attitude I awaited and parried the next strike she tried to do and i finally took of her staff of her hands. Actually it was quite funny to see the anger in her face , She started to throw theaths to me, I of course eventually returned thwe staff to her. Under the promise that she won't be hitting more people.

We ventured together into the campsite of those goblins who raid near Hlint, the three of us really stroke a good hit on those. The caravans would be safe that day.

At the end of the evening, we rested and we departed.  I know I have not to do it, But I asked Jurn to keep the secret of my sighting. I'll return home soon, I don't want to them to look for me. I'll met them when I am ready ..

Toran be praised, you who send friendly faces to my encounters, you who bless my path with emotions.

Argos Cillnya Stargazer

*Argos spends some time spreading some sand over the paper to help with the dry and lays down observing the ceiling of the room, humming an old song of his childhood till he falls aslept*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- When the ghost of past reaches you.

*Argos lays down on his tent just outside Hempstead pond, his journal lays beside him as he tries to sleep *

What can i say?

That I deserve it?  No I don't deserve it... How they all could know? They judge and they point their fingers to me, As if i did something wrong, I did nothing wrong. But everyone look at me as if I am the bad guy of the story, Its a burden I don't want. I don't accept .

Where to start, Where to begin with to made them all understand that It was painful , that Its not something i wanted to do, but something i needed to do, and yet everyone stands in their high heels saying, Oh Argos ... act this ... do that.. you should be thankful ... what they could know.

All Started some hours ago, I met Miss Bella on the fields, I felt so special when she came and met me, And called her bard, I still feel odd in my chest just to think about that. Anyway, She was kind enough to acompany me towards the ire mountains. I guess that is how they are called, Its a nice place, but having her beside me really made the trip enjoyable, even after the ambush those gnolls set up on us. I was shocked , she was barely alive when I reached her with a minor blessing, I felt totally relieved when she stood again after laying there almost inmobile. We saw a heart shaped lake up there and a tower. A trip worthy of repeating one of this days.

Once we made it back towards hempstead we met with Miss Sam, I really don't know how is that Bella and her are so good friends,  I reall don't get the 'proximity they have, I mean Bella is so kind, so nice. and Sam is .... Well just Sam. Mom always said that before you speak make yourself sure that what you are going to do is better than the unconfortable situations. Even as she is I consider her my friend by Bella proximity, and Well In time i hope to be able to see thru her mask of social reject.

Oh... That woman must be jinxed.. The show totally started when She apeared. And she was not helping the mood with her coments. Calling us both love birds, A situation that could of course only bring gossip, chaos and hectic times to anyone involved life, We explained that we are only friends. .

That is what we are after all . But then Another one Appeared .
Milady Daniella Stormhaven, yes Dad's friend , of her I know to be real devoted and a real ally and defender fo my dad, She seemed to be able to recognize me, she smiled and come to me greeting me with disbelief, What would I say, she inmediately asked me for my father, I told her that I haven't seen him. She frowned at me , took me aside and started to tell me that no matter what was in the past my future lied on Toran now, Like if it were another way. I saw To Miss Sam whispering things to Bella. It was one of the most unconfortable situations I've lived this far, After miss Stormhaven left, Sam started to press on the matter as if I was in love with her.. For goodness what imagination has that elf, and how problematic can she be, I don't see miss bella worried or anything, Maybe because she knows Sam quite better than me.. or maybe because she don't care, The case is that I explained to her that Miss Daniella could be my mother. Sam seemed convinced at least that I was telling the truth.

We moved towards the benches, and we were having the usual Semantic fight with Miss Sam, when Mis Sallaron apeared, Oh My goodness. why have to be him? so disrespectful he started to speak to me as if he had any right over me, and start to order me to go home and visit, She was complaining about the fact of listening to his wife, And started to embrass me in front of my friends, he said that if i don't go soon home, he'll tell Mom that I was being rude and spending time with ladies and missbeheaving. I felt my soul falling to the floor. I felt so ashamed for Miss Bella. to put her friendship as something as filthy as Mister Tempest had done it.  I just ignored him but I can't avoid to feel a bit threathened.  I haven't seen my parents in some years, What if they believe him? I meant they probably Think of me dead or something.

I must visit soon

Once Sallaron left, The galery continued, I saw Tod again, my some years has passed and he still looks the same, he sounds quite wise tough. and for once I apreciated that he did not mentioned anything about going to visit home, he behalf in good way, he was entretaining us with his stories and projects, Its good to see people like him around. he is a good friend of Dad and I can see why, he is friendly and open , honest and fair in its trades.

he shared some pie with all of us. before he left.

The hours passed and Miss Sam finally had to leave the place, leaving the lake for miss Bella and myself, She grew concerned about Dad, yet she does not understand as well , she was questioning me. Why do I follow his path if i don't like to be like him,. That situation put me to think, I wonder that I am figthing a life that I grew for, I was training for knight since my early years, I am good at it. And Toran spared me. I answered her,

I know Lance is not a bad person, and i really want to believe in himas a father, but I can't forgive him what he has done to mom, I told her of the situation, on how I strive to be a better man than him. It was all going good when  he appeared .

Chaynce Baldu'umur, Uncle Chaynce himself apeared over Hempstead. My How is posible that such person is so close friend of Dad, he is rash, rude and made the worst coments of the night. Due respect to the friendship for Bela I'll not write down here what he implied upon us. Again I'll only write that i told him that we are friends.

He leave us after I challenged him to a duel, he does not seems the kind of person to know where to keep himself shut.

Well he left us after some minutes , Leaving me and bella in the most unconfortable situation ever. I barely was able to see her in shame of what he implied of us doing.

I need to go home soon before the gossip spread, I don't want to harm this lady who has done anything but to give me her friendship. I've promised to not to harm mom, I think Bella should be under the same. I won't allow her to be harmed by my friendship.

With Toran as withness that  I swear

Argos Stargazer, Knight in training

*The moons hit the small tent as the nigth pass and the young man dreams on times long lost of happy childhood*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and pen .- Facing our demons. The prodigal son returns.

* Laughter can be heard over the house again , The elven lady serving the food in the table with the young man sit over the chair that has been empty for 4 long years, Somethung in the house feels strange, as if the music had returned to an old instrument, As if the happines decided to return to the house after a long vacation, poets could call it inspiration, others simply the light of the love that only can be beetwen Son and mother , The boy eats his mother food with a slight smirk, he does not like it, but he could not wish to eat in no other place at the current moment, nor with any other person *

Home!!

Its hard to say that word without feeling excited, I finally am back, Mom looks so shinning, as i remember her, And her usual mood, so helping and shy, Things does not change a lot over the years it seems, as usual Lance is not home, and well her food is still something not real good, but well she is my mother, she can't be all perfect, And I Always can go to see Miss Tegan to sneak some pie of her kitchen.

Who I am trying to fool, I no longer would do such thing, I've grown up, even ir i feel so confortable here, I know this is no longer my place, I mean I feel so welcomed here, And yet I won't be a burden to them, to her, I've started my service on the temple, Officially i meant.

I am able to do small miracles now, I feel HIM inside my blood and my soul, vibrating around me, Making me seeing the glorious world he desires for us, I still don't picture myself as I am now, I was not accepted as knight, but that does not mean I'll stop trying right? They say i Lack the formal education that other paladins are given, but well , I don't like it , but who i am to question the descicions made by Church. They are the voice of Toran after all, I am merely the son of one of his knights. And well my time in the Az'attan temple might have to be with some of his choices.

Well Enough of this, Even as I am happy to see mom, I can't deny to say that Coming back here has its dose of Saddness, I saw Anya when i came to the place, she seems happy, married and all , she even have a baby, I wonder what would have been of her ... us... if I've stayed here, That would have been my son?

Yet, I am happy for her, I gave her my blessing, she like tryied to harpy me around for not being around all this time, I simply smile at her, and said that i was on trip, There is no need to fill her with the details, why to make her more worried, If she thinks of me as a slacker , That is better than she to know of my failures. Nor she nor I deserve that.

I am shocked Dear Journal, Before I decided to come back to home, I was with Miss Bella and Miss Sam, after the traditional interchange of semantic arguing, We went into a trip around mistone again, I don't understand them, really, they seems to be real good friends, yet I feel odd around them, I could not hide it anymore, I feel real good with Miss Bella, I have seen myself day dreaming, But there are something that worries me, in fact is something that I cannot help but to Admire of her, her dedication to the Weaving of the said Al'noth, She sometimes got lost in her toughts and discussions with Sam, I feel sometimes displaced by it, but to give a tought to it ,Its simply stupid. She has her way as i do have mine.  I should leave that it that way.

Over all the shocking things I've found is That .. Well  I still can't find how to write this .. Mom was married before to be with Dad. I wonder .. well I could not understand why ? if she was married, well Why to be with dad, that harms her. Was her marriage worse than dad? the name of the hiusband seems to be Wren Thendor.

I had to know.. I simply had to know.. I asked her, why? And she mentioned that she met Wren almost at the same time she met Lance. . er dad...I feel odd listening to the story really, Mom seemed to be real affected of this, I felt bad for asking but its something I have to do, I need to know..

She said that when she came to Mistone, she was so naive that she fell into a trick to marry this man Wren without not even knowing him, Well she said that he never was home for her, and that eventually she decided to leave him, to be with dad, I think I overasked , Why to left a man to be with other that do exactly the same?

She got ed by my questions, I had no other thing to do than question myself about all this, I mean she and dad are not married, and Well  Dad and Wren seems to be good friends as Mom says, that simply sounds odd, I don't get it. Yet I have to let mom with her own demons to fight with, She seems to have enough hard times with dad, For me to give her more tribulations.

I have to go to her back now, I and eat something of her food , She has accepted me into her life again, after all this four years, We are a family again, she I don't want to see her suffer again. I'll be there for her if she nees to speak, but enough for now.

I have to wonder, Why Dad and her are not married tough.

Argos Stargazer, Prodigal son

* As the couple laughs the sound of the door opening break all the movement, the knight had come back at home, Lance can't help but to smile brigthy observing his son sit on the table but holding his desires he turns towards the Ell, catching the glimpse of her happy smile over a moment , he return the sight towards the son, both knights stand the gaze without a word for moments, until Ell Comes and takes Lance hand to lead him towards the table *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- New faces, The shinning ligth of Toran

*The blue leather book is seen open over a small table in the simple temple of Llast, the young knight is seen in a simple tunic praying under the scarce light that the moons lend to the night. the calm enviroment invites to the peace , and the meditation.*

Toran has been good to me, Oh indeed he has been, Blessing me with good friends, and lessons of life, I have met a lot of people and have seen a lot of places with them, It has been broader than Miss Sam and Bella.

Where shall I start.  Oh well yes. Of course Aarcus, my brother in faith well, kind of. Its strange and yet admirable how this man has dedicated his life to the hand of virtue, yet, he does not do it for recognization, because he is not even part of the church, not a knight, and Toran acts in the world thru his sword, not thru words, not thru blessings. He is real good with that blade I could learn something about that, from him, but he asked me to train him, he gasped as well when he heard that my father is. . Well  you already know who he is, So i am not writting that again,

Miss  Lily, A shining light in the middle of the night, A priestess of the Life giver, Its a good change to see her, It is almost inspiring, and at the same time sad, I used to be like her,  In her eyes I see the inocence I've lost since my departure from Audira, I feel pain looking at her, its like seeing that part of me that I have lost, I am ashamed to think like that, I am weak, She is strong, why? because she has not given hope as I have, To expect that everyone is good and that evil can be reached and healed, Its simply too wonderful to be true. My failure has proven that, and yet my path has been set for a greater purpuse, so she might be part of my own redemption? To help her to keep inocent, To help her to stay the way she is? . To protect her of the harsh that is the life. If all the people could see the world thru the eyes of inocence as she does.  This would be a better place , the world finally don't need the knights and the wars would be over. A good dream but nothing more than that.

Agmu.. Augm. . Bah. .Noks. . That is a dwarf that is really a case apart, One that fights with his inner rage, I have seen some of his attitudes and well I am scared to leave him alone in a room with. . well with another person, he is rash, impulsive, and beligerant,  And those are his good qualities,  he for some reason seems to be in real good terms with Aarcus, he is always trying to guide him to make him to listen to good intents and ordered plans, At the moment he has failed totally on that attempt.  I hope to see what can be done with him, he is to be put under observance, he still can be saved from himself, he follows Vorax as he claims, but the father of battle is more than just charging and killing there are ways and methods.

I miss Bella, I have started to make potions to keep her and miss Sam safe, This people i mentioned and myself did a trip last time, It was my first tme down those caves , the ones that are called of the red lights.

There is something evil down there. I assaulted me, and simply breathing there was painful,  I hate to be this weak, just to see the face of Lily as she worried about my condition, and me unable to do something, It is simply too much for a man to overcome. And yet its something i have to do. In due time.

I haven't seen mom, I have a lot of supplies for her. Must go home soon .

*the scriture goes scarce to more scarce and lost any sense aftert this point, just to be signed at the end of the page *

Argos Stargazer,  initiate knight in service of the hand of virtue.

*The night pass calm in the temple , but the young knight was unable to sleep, the sun greeted him as the first ray stroke gently his hair in the morning, like a caress, he simply smile as the sun reached his face, the man eyes finally close, he smile as he imagine a voice calling him from his dreams*

Rest now dear Argos, The night has passed ,
Nothin's gonna harm you, Not while I'm around *the man finally sleeps as the imaginary voice keeps singing on his dreams

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- The weaves of the past on the beaches of the present.

*Argos is resting in a tent near the beach in Krandor, a happy smile is drawn over his face, the morning rain falling over the tent, whispering silently of a soothig sensation all over the place, the remanents of a pie and bottles of juice are about all the place*

My first date with her. I barely can't believe it, she accepted to date me, and it came the most strange way. I asked to look for somethings properties, and It simply slipped away from me, I said that I had to compensate her in a way, Like sharing a pie and juice with her, then she came with the question.. Are you proposing a Date, Argos?

I must say i did not expected such thing, But I am happy for that to be happening, Now i just had to make sure it happened befiore Jurn appeared with his usual charm, to make her forgive me, now i am being silly.

We had not even set a time for a date, But its odd how Toran make things work, Some days after that somethng real strange happened, I was gettin go out of the temple heading to my usual patrol when a lady came near me, she was real fair in all senses, but her voice delated some saddness, or that was my impression, she came to me and started to speak with me, I must admit she has the role of mysterious lady quite well developed, She did not said her name, bur she wanted me to guess it, planning a cunning game speaking it on elven, I feel a bit bad to foil her game, _Another thing to thank to my mother and her discipline.

Yet then the strange part started, She started to flirt with me, My goodness, Then her words shocked me, She said that  my father were going to marry her, I wonder why I don't know of this things, She said that Father was planning to marry her, even at despite that She was engaged to another man, My uncle Chaynce nonetheless, How shocking, That is not fiting of a knight. Hard to even believe, She said that he was in love with her before mom.

Why would Lance try to marry with a woman that is already taken, It simply does not make sense, yet something on her voice sounds odd, yet she said that that she and Lance did not ended well, she said that they tried to be friends but that eventually he deserted on her. That sounds like totally like him.

I felt odd, was she trying to hit on me, I really did not felt confortable at the situation, as the things with Bella are progressing, I should not give an open to distrust , yet I could not simply step away , that would be against all rules of ettiquete to be rude, yet The most strange thing happened, This lady Sil'via was already almost upon me, when she apeared, As an angel to the rescue, Bella came to us and see the whole scene, I felt real bad for that, but much to my surprise, Bella was not even angry, she looked at us and give Sil her best smile and greeted me with a big and sweet smile.

Sil saw thru my intentions and She asked her if I were "her" man, She did not claimed property over me, But she stood front for her date, Such a life saver.

Sil'via left us as she said that, Bella stayed at my side for some more minutes, I was still shocked on the revelations of the day, There was something that did not fit on all the story, Or maybe it fit too much, What if Dad wwas only with mom due being rejected by this lady first, yet its odd , She was flirting with me , with the son of her ex love. I don't even could figure what ... could even push one to do such thing. After this strange happenings, Bella asked for her date, And no way I could deny that to her, right?

After all it was a precious night at Krandor, the moons on her eyes have that charm, I am thinking i ma falling in Love tonight, Even with all the weirdness of the last days . This night made me forget everything bad and odd.  all that matters is the here and now. The Bella and Argos.

I feel I could beat anything today ...

Argos Stargazer, Simply as that.

*The young knight awakes at the morning looking at his open journal, listening to the rain, he just curl up and return to his sleep sighing happily*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Of the love of the Redemtress.

*Argos keeps vigilance outside the room at Vehl, attaired on his turncoat, his hood lowered and resting leaning at the one of the chairs, his eyes wary for any movement, Vehl is not usually a place whereone should rest with cionfidence and the young knight know of that, For thise who knows him well enough , his inner tribulations are more than aparent, yet his duty make him stand, a half bottle of grape juice, is served beside him, So the hours passed*

Why her? Why now?

The past apears again, over my life, is that this failure would never leave me alone, May I be marked by it for the rest of my life? The face of the redemptress has come to reclaim the debt I left so many years ago. She could not sent a better Avatar to met me, a clash of fates, And might be in a way , The way she show he forgiveness? Or a way she ask for retribution, I owe nothing to her, I am a knight of Toran myself now, I am bound to the needs of the great leader, I guess that is why I feel this burden now. I can't leave the duties I had, The ones that truly defines me, I have picked the way of redemption, I mourn upon the loss of the inocence i had, But it something that has to be done. My call is a bigger one, and I can't live in the fear and pain any longer, I did what was needed at the moment, And I am proud of it, Dad would have done the same, and How could the great Knight of Toran be wrong, isn't it?

Rottie is not the same as her, Rottie is strong and carefree, he is open and independant, he has faced the perils of the faith and holds it strong, he tries real hard to be shinning example of the faith of his mistress, he has the strenght to answer and to defend himself, and his ideals, he always have been so helpful, and so willing to help, even a silly and inocent, My.. I start to see a pattern here. yet he can't defend himself, he walks tall showing himself as he is, he could always run and ironically in a way He'd be able to get the acceptation he is longing for, On that I hope I'd be able to help him, People tend to remember the mistakes too easily, and forget the good deeds so fast.

But she..  Miss Tyilaan, A shy and cute dark elf, I remember her, and the bad issue upon this is that she remember me, She knows, of my failure and my departure to look over my true self, and she is blunt enough to say that I must forgive myself, Of course I want to, But its not as easy. I can't but to think what could have be of me if I'd stay there, yet I 've decided to not give much tought to it, I've lived under that shadow for too long, It is just that she took me off guard, So shy, so helpless, I am a knight after all, Or well want to be one, I could not turn my back to her, All the contrary, I feel compeled to help her, to protect her, to spend time with her, Not for repaying but to empower her, To made her dreams of freedom and redemption realize, Toran sees the redemptress worthy, Its not easy to turn away the seed of evil as Az'atta has teached us it can be done.

Of course I asked her about her presence on the place, She told me that another elf brought her to the town, She felt like trapped on Audira, and she went out of it with the help of the one who saved her on first time , An elf by name Wren Thendor, see the surprises life brings, The very husband of my mother, This is too weird to be true, Must be some kind joke fate is playing on me. I'd wish so much to met this man, Or elf or whatever he is, I am starting to think of him as a myth. I've paid her a room in the inn at Vehl and will stay around her for this week, I have to. . no I need to know that she will be fine here, Fine that is a figurative spech, Like if her could be safe anyplace.  Stop those comments Argos for goodness sake.

I've Introduced her to My Bella, She seems to have accepted the fact of her friendship due the only fact that she is my friend. So kind soul, just her simple prescence can lighten up any room where we are together, she listens and understands me, Oh.. My I am doing it again.  I have to keep this objective. speak of love will do no good, we are friends , until she decides to take me.  I'll be ready for taht day.

In the meantime I have to look over Tyilaan, well don't have, I want to do it. And maybe If i am patient enough I finally be able to face this Wren Thendor, so I can ask him all my doubts, To face him man to man, he might have the answers I long for.

Till then .. I'll keep vigilance

Argos Stargazer, knight of redemption and duty

*The young knight ,moves around the chair closing his book as some people moves near the door where his friend is resting, he stands and takes the hilt of the sword under his cloak , ready for the worse*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Musings about Death and family.

*Argos walks from one side to the room with a nervous step obviosuly angered, The book open in the small table, the light of a small candle make the shadow of the knight move playfully over the wall, twirling and moving all over the place as if trying to make the troubled knight to smile, failing totally on the task*

This is so ridiculous.. and they tell us that we are self righteous, They should look themselves into a mirror.

Life has been hectic, but what do you Expect Argos, really? Well lets start from the start, Death.  always so near, creeping upon us. I am really grateful that I am bound really, It has made the whole effort worth the pain, Not to mention that It has made duty much more easier to achieve, Coming back whole is still a painful experience, not something I am so willing to repeat, By now I've blessed to not seeing most of my friends to die, I don't know how would I react to this, Nor Bella nor Sam, nor Rottie nor anyone else. its nothing i'd wish to see.  yet I've fallen more than once in defense of my comrades, I need to become stronger, need to make myself invencible, In Toran's grace I've found the power to achieve good deeds, he is within me, stronger each time , as the water that fills a dam, slowly increasing, slowily filling me, Its a wonderful sensation, to do miracles in his name, But I have to be wary, If i am not with caution the dam could break, What use has his powers if not used for the well being of the ones who can't defend themselves, For them I could die if I have to. yet this is nothing i wish to do willingfully. The evil will have a hard time trying to bring me down to harm my friends and allies.

Last days I met some people, interesting would be the words I could use yes, The elves mostly. So carefree and open minded, They were going down into a cave full of spiders in the fabled silkwood, Miss Bella and myself just ran into them, The couple of Elves that seemed to be half brothers were named Raz and Zari, as they introduced themselves, As I said they were so care free, and well she is real odd, all a girl I must say, yet she could never be compared to Bella in my eyes, But again I am going down to that, I am glad she was there with me tough, and sad at the same time due the outcome.

We proceeded into the cave, and I could say it was the odd trip I had in times, I mean this people are supposed to be advenmturers, they are supposed to be tough and used to danger, But This lady zari, was scared all the time of the spiders, There was upon a time that she ended well .. not quite dressed due fear to have a spider on her clothes, All was going well till we reached the deep level of that cave, What I saw there, It was something worth of reckon, A Spider as big as a house, or maybe even bigger, I saw the creature as the Elf known as Raz charghed at the creature. The battle was hectic, AS I saw the battle defending bella from a tactical position, The nasty thing broake thru our lines. I saw it coming on our way , It simply came out of me, I could not have done anything else even if I could, I jumped front to face the dread creature before it gets Bella. I did not know what happened until was very late. All went black and then I woke up far from that place, My body aching for the experience of being spared of the realm of dead.

I realized in time of what had happened. I took the nearest caravan towards Haven, the only caravan disponible. Death is no good thing per se, and being bound usually make us to put less importance to what it really is, To die is part of the cicle they say, but for short is the fact that one can't see the person who dies after that moment in the world, I have not tought of it, tough , till this events happened, I wonder if that is the way Toran shows his wisdom, My father he is his knight and he is the role model of my life, Even if like it or not, I have to be better than him, but at this rate its I am a failure, I waited there to see if the group emerged towards the city, but what I found there was not The group, but to Tod, yes Tod, I greet him and he did the same, I don't know how we ended discussing about dad again, he was saying that I don't value him, the usual speech, I told him that i respect him as a knight, That I am proud of his deeds, but Thjere is no way I culd tell him, Not till I and mom forgive him, The problem are not his deeds as a knight, but his deeds as parent. Tod said something that really put me to tough.  he Said that he will inform me when he die so I could go and tell him of how much O would be proud of him . That indeed has some sesnse, I haven't tought about it really,, What would happen if he ever does not return from the realm of dead, what if he just don't wake up tomorrow,

Those fears must be quenched, Tod has some right over this issue, but yet, I simply can't let that go as easy as that,
yet..  It made me wonder. .

I have to thing on important things, Some hours after Bella showed up on Haven, I was ashamed to see her, I fell defending ehr, yet it hold no importance for her, she ran, jumped and hug me with strenght, that moment I was totally out of me. She moved fast back for my shame. IT seems that she overreacted, But at least it is good to see that she got out there safely, and I was really happy for her to see that she already was able to call that Ball made of light to do her bidding,

I must stop writting here ,I  dont' want to writte down soemthing I will regret later ..

ITw as not simply the most good of days ..

*Argos listen to the conmotion outside the room and looks towards the book, before he leaves towards the common room*

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Abominations everywhere .

*The sound of sparing and heavy panting is echoes over the training hall, the lone man is seen  striking the training dummy once and again after all, practicing all basic forms and styles of Sword and shield he is able to remember since the day he started to train for a knight, his face shows anger and frustration even as the cuts and movements he does lands where they are intended, the speed of the excercies increases as the time passes, and so the frustration of the man, after some minutes of continual practice the young knight do a final final strike, the sword escapes of his hand and lands far from the dummy, the uoung man kneels panting heavily*

Speaking of weird things, My goodness.

This month I've seen so many weird things, Animal men, or men amimal Aberrations per see, Or aren't they ? I ended helped a couple of towns with a problem that seemed quite similar, I can't beleive what my eyes saw, Men who was able to turn into beasts, by now all I ahve seen are assesins, by rage?  of by choice? I've thinking a lot about this, I tend to believe that there is goodness inside each being, but this is something hard to understand.

What causes this affliction? I've made a research and I've found its kind of a disease, yet one that can't be treated by normal means, I've seen some information on the temple regarding this creatures, mostly a crusade made by a great knight long time ago, Clarissa is her name I thik, She has retired to the citadel, and her reports has served well enough. but no teport could compare to what I saw, all the rage all the viciousness.

Two kinds I've seen this far of the said creatures, Rat and Wolf, being the first secretive and sneaky and the second ones Vicious as the animal they represent, yet what makes them more dangerous is the cunning they show, the "wererats" were trying to stop the town from progressing stealingand smuggling the goods that caravan were bringing to the town, I wonder what would be of that town if we haven't discovered them, It turned that one of the villagers was one of them, I don't know if the change happened later or before, What I know is that he betrayed the trust of his friends and allies, How strong is this disease that make you commit such low acts?  Or was that only a reflection of the own man desires?  Could any of the afflicted be cured? Redeemed?  

As for the werewolf, That beast did a great job with the scheme, I am ashamed to fall totally for it, And due that a lot of lives were lost that day, lots of inocents, and We almost lost Lily as well, She was disased. what would have done if she turned to be diseased , would I have what it takes to strike her down?  She is my weakness as well , A dear friend, But this care is a weakness my enemies could exploit against me?  I have been prayed for guidance, and to shun this feelings i have on me, It would do no good to anyone.

It is bad enough that my training has not paid enough , Those creatures, their bodies,so hardended as Iron, My sword could only made small bruise them, I need to practice, I need to become stranger.

yet can this creatures be redeemed?  Are some that could be truly inocent amoung them? and how Might i find the sheep amoung the wolves..

I feel frustrated,  all that blood, all that mayhem

Argos Stargazer, Seeker for hope.

* The man stands slowly and walks towards where the sword fell, he pick it up and walks back slowly, his eyes in calm expression , he look again at the dummy and whisper some words to the blade, a light sparkles upon the edge, and he smile a bit and breathes heavy, then jumps to the dummy again *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- The frozen stepes of the north.

*Argos is sat over his bed at Toran's temple looking at some raw gems quizzically, he shakes his head and throw the alexandrite towards the bag and then he let him fall back to the bed tired and curl up over the bed with a smile*

 What can I say?, Elves are just strange. I was traveling in the busy Docks of Leringard when I met with Miss Zari, yes that cute elf that had a loathe for spiders, She was a strange sighthing in that place, her clothes all fancy in bright colors, As I said totally out of place, I walked by the same street and she spotted me and greteed with a kind smile. This girl seems to be odd, I mean she does not even know me well enough, and she was like totally open and friendly,  After our conversation, she asked me to come with her, Seemed that she was planning a trip with her family towards the north, the land named Krashin, she asked me to come to keep her warm, at first I tought she was like joking, Later I realized of my mistake.

Well she introduced me to her family, two more elves, her half siblings as I understand, The first one a male elven swordman that goes by the name of Zakariem, or simply Zak for short, since they seemed to prefer the shorter names, he seems to be a man of action and not many words, as I saw him his skill with that blade seems to hold great potential, his balance seemed to be perfect landing each strike where intended, his strides are graceful a perk that he shares with his family.

The second one was Milady Zira, yes .. yes  I know.  Journal, Zari and Zira, her presence was troubled me for a moment, she came with Zakariem to meting Zari, she could easily pass for miss Zari twin, she was a bit busy with her own bussines as I untroduced myself to her, she answered politely and returned the bow, she seemed a bit distracted, of course i did not expect for me being the center of atention right there, in fact i felt a bit strange amoung them. as if totally out of place.

At least amoung them was a known face, that sand man Amgine..  Lantife..  Landin.. Ah.. some sand company name, the one bella and I met some days ago. I don't really know how i got involved in this .. But we ended traveling to the north stepes of Krashin, I am sure this is one of the strangest trips I've had in my whole life, and look that one can see a lot of things in Venavar,

Well anyway, Miss Zari wanted so much for me to "warm her" there.  I barely believe seh was like hitting on me so seriously, I mean has she no decency or that?  I should not think those things of a lady tough.

Why the elves are weird you ask? Fine enough .. I am telling you.
We ended in a cold cave, they took me there to do acampsite in the botom of the cave. . for me to sit to "warm up" Miss Zari . . we cross a mine of alexandrites on the way, and by the sound of it, it turned that they won't carry them because they were too heavy, well .. There you go Argos, cutting and carrying the gems , acomodating them into a bag. and heading all the way back to Leringard. When we come leringard..  it turned that nobody really needed the gems. So here i am with a bunch of useless purple gems in my pack.  hah!!

Amgine and miss Zira was like in their own personal argument / fight / discussion, whatever word you want to put there. She was so centered on that, My .. speaking of feeling like not being there, At least she respected my wishes of not bless me, that is some of the good side of being blatantly ignored i guess.  Zakariem sir was like fighting himself, always wary and standing guard around. I have to recognize him that he never gots distracted.  he is always keep the watch .

Well anyway.. here I am now trying to found a sense to something that obviously doesn'th have it. and with a bunch of useles gems

Wait till Bella hears of this.  she'll die of laught on me,

Argos Stargazer. unwilling collector of gems and entretainer of Elves.

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- So... Broken.

*The journal set upon a small tiny table, is open with some sheets teared, and Ink around it spilled , the page reads :

Bella... why?

She is gone ?  Why I am not surprised  ?

And Why i can't just rip this out of me.

Toran .. . send your benditions and your peace to your favored soul

*The night passes slowly and silent with the young night resting over his bed in a n urestfull sleep *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's Quill and Pen .- From the ashes.

*Argos stands quietly looking at the empty room, he sits on the bed wearing only his pants, his tunic over a training dummy, his sight is lost in the way, and his expression seems as if he has not with any intention to get some sleep *

I stand in the face of duty , I stand in the face of duty, I stand in the face of duty,

Non sense..

What one has to do to pass this test ?

I was rejected again, Lack of discipline they keep saying , I just wonder what do they expect? I do my best every year? is this still worthy of trying?  I .. I simply don't know, Maybe my path lies elsewhere.

Life has stroke badly always, and It has shown me that usually what i think i want is not the thing i usually get, Or maybe what i get is what I secretly want?  I've been praying on this regard but yet the answers keep eluding me, Maybe this is the first test i have to pass if i want to be a knight?  Or maybe this is the message of Toran that i should not be a knight if i don't want to be as dad.

Anyhow not much i can do at the moment but to show dedication and service to the great leader.  I've made a lot of mistakes this year, And there is no one to blame but me. My house is broken as my heart was, I don't want to think more on this matter. I wish to stop feeling. It simply not fair. and all its his Fault .. Lance's fault.  

But It is my duty to redeem him, isn't it?  Shall I have to bring this burden and help him, I know this is affecting him as well, more than he coule even accept or show. he simply won't let that weakness to show. Or so it seems, he is paying for some pains in confinement at the temple, I never tought it would be so painful to see him that way. I think that deep I care for him, he is my father for Toran's sake and i've turned from this responsabilty, from this burden from too long . I won't do it again.  

In the other hand, Life is not that bad,. I guess I have been blessed. Or healed by the most weird thing i nevr tought it woulc be happening to me.

Well journal do you remember miss Zira?  Its really strange how the events turn, She is my lady now, she healed me..  figuratively speaking, I think I will secretly thank to Bella for this, I .. love her?  DO i really love her?  

how could i know ?  She made me feel special as if I were walking over the clouds.  I simply had to tell her, I had to give it a chance to this feeling.. and. . well I feel a bit silly really,..  

She said she don't want to die of a broken heart, and she could not say the words, she said she did not know if she felt the same way, but yet. she kissed me that night.. what does this means?  how can you be with someone without knowing if you love that someone? .. And how Toran allowed my heart to be filled by an Ilsarean?

What is the meaning behind this?  Why I am feeling this warm inside my chest, why I feel i can beat everything, With Toran in my heart and her beside me.

She has accepted the limitations of her deity, and accepted my conditions, I don't feel well on this  . well yes and no, I clap on her dedication for not allowing her instict of healer to taint my soul with the dread of Ilsare touch, but ... Does that means to be really love?  Would I love her the same if she from some time on decided that she want to "protect" me with her blessings?

Would she love me ? would she learn to say the words?

And why I feel I have acted wrong in making her change on this regard ?

Its the right thing to do...  Its how things must be done.

She is proving herself showing restraint on her part, At least that speak of her discipline, I admire that on her, she seems to be easily distracted by smaller things, but well  I guess that is part of her charm, The truth is that she came to my life to show me how special she is, how is to be in love again.

Toran Be praised on this, I've faced a bad year , but he has deem me worthy, and his power I felt on my arms, body, heart and mind, as a whisper that aspires to become a yell , I have to help it to become a yell . I will be heard enough in the valleys so everyone could hear of his glory.

I am chosen ....  maybe not knighted  

I am favored ....  who needs to call himself a knight?

I am .... A favored Soul .. and shall stand proud for the way that he has elected to me

Argos Stargazer,  Favored soul of Toran.

*He keeps the posture standing awake for several days now , in deep meditation as if trying to figure the new path open to him and his life. *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Love that creates and destroys

**The room of the inn is a mess, the silence of the night is broken by the sounds of the broken glass all around the place, Argos lays still tired and resting his hair all deorganized, laying on the bed all covered in blankets  , there is a strong smell of alcohol around the whole place *

How this can happen now?

On all the people of the world , how could they .. .

What can i do now?  I am alone again. Well no.. Calm down Argos , Calm down.

I shall not fall on this again, this nets you nothing, I've smashed the rest of the botles on the wall, I'll  pay for the damages that is for sure, but I cannot have this temptation with me any more, I have to raise, not for me but for those that rely on me.

She.. she finally said it, She said she loved me. I feel strange in her words, words have power, Words can make things posible that is for sure, and her words are said with joy and sorrow, she said that she has given up the idea of not being broken hearted, That eventually I left her due old age.

How can she speak as that ? so cold and so loving at the same time ? Is this what is ment to be ? She has kissed me and well  her has made me think on things, No more booze on me. At least not as it was, Restraint Stargazer, Restraint.

I nonetheless can't avoid to get worried. Mom and Dad does not aprove this, From dad i am not surprised,  but mom? It started with a misunderstanding I was being gentle and just  .. . offered her my room, what do she thinks That i would be doing with here there  I was going to sleep on the couch, ..

Like if I would disrespect her that way ..

yet I don't know. . she has spoken to me about that , but it must not be done, We barely know the other, and her attitude is starting to change towards trust,  that is good i guess, nonetheless we are not married.

She said that she likes to get out and date with me. I am wondering what does that mean, I mean I've dating her all the time, I procure her ... *Shrugs*

She is kind and caring, But what do you expect from an Ilsarean, She still has leave out her instincts of "bless" me. What this test means?  I feel some guilt on this, but .. . I have the will to fight for it.

One step at time Argos, One step at time.  And eventually the gates will b open for you so the adage says.

I must keep the vigilance, and endure on the test. .

For her sake. . and more important ... for mine

Argos Stargazer, Tested ...

*the calm comes back to the wild surge as the patrons return to their own bussiness *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .- Father and Son

- Are you alright? - the young man asked to the knight that was sat behind the bars.

*As the man raises his sight , with tired voice he answers *

- Good enough my son, Come near , come near .

*Argos hesitantly moves near him and kneels , the knight extended his shackled arm to touch his son shoulder , with a weary smile *

- I am fine Argos, Don't worry, this was sought by me, a way to find the path, to not lose it, A way to find balance. *a sad smile apears on his face * I hope you understand soon.

- She told me - *The young man answered, his face breaking not able to finish the sentence , but his angered voice and his eyes full of blood betrayed his toughts* - I am sorry Father.

*Lance looked at him trying to sustain the disciplined look * -Don't be, she is not dead , and she is still your mother. And you must not disrespect her.

*Argos shunders as he says that, but sustain the look at him*  Anyhow just wanted to see how you were, I know you don't recieve too much visits of late,not that I care too much of course.

- I've failed the test for knighthood again, Lance , I am sorry, But I think i am going to quit it, I don't feel like if it is beffiting me anymore,.

*Lance returned the look with a mixure of feelings * You should not give up on That Argos, you were the best trained for that, you only need to find the focus for it.


*Argos looked back at him with angered look * Find the focus?  Look at you dad, how you can even say that to me?

- I know what you mean by that, And know this..

- I am not leaving Zira, you heard me? - he finally busted towards him -

*Lance just give him the look, the shackles restraining him to do any other action *

-You are looking for enemies were allies are, I did not say what troubles you, you did. *Lance said in low voice *

- I wish you luck my son, Just remember who you are, before anything else, Just remember where you stand and to whom you serve first. -

*Argos sent him a killer glare * Lance,  Why? I've done all in my power for being helpful to you and mom, I tried hard, And The least I hoped is support of my family. But what can expect from you that keep voting against me in the knight test and her that decided to break my family because ... well she'd have her reasons,. but in a way I know its your fault. We are not you both you heard me?.

*Lance looked at him returning the glare * How dare you to speak me like that? I never judged you Argos, and your attitude speaks of the ignorance and confusion you are passing thru , yet I forgive you for your ignorance, and will pray that you'll find as forgiving as I am now to you.

As for the test, No words would convince your stubborn head I had nothing to do with it, And I am ashamed that your skill goes to waste, you were born to do great things, but you are too afraid of grasping that destiny.

You are not a failure Argos, but you want to be one, On that regard I cannot help you more, I love you my son, And will love you even when you come to me on this attitude.  I am proud of being your father,  But Why does that serves if you are not proud enough of yourself..

What will happen when you have to choice to do the right thing?  Will you be able? As I have?  Would you be there saying No.. I did not make that, Its dad's fault ?. I honestly hope you don't.

*Argos just looked at him his fist clenched * Lance. I should not have come, I came cause I promised to mom, she cares for you, But ... well maybe she is right, Maybe she is too good for you. *A smirk on his face *

*Lance keeping his calm posture just looked back at him*  I love you Argos, but you are blind to your own self concived truth,  I won't speak of your mother due respect, But just question yourself If there is any truth in your words . and if there is al the judgement would fall into the way you are dealing.

I wish you well My son, the visit time is over.  I must return to my prayers.

And so do you to your chores


*Lance simply make it sound the small bell and turn his back to the young man to kneel and start praying again *

*Argos with his mouth open just turn himself storming out of the building , with Tears on his eyes *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quil and pen .- For Duty and Love .

*Argos is seen sparring hard with the dummy by the Stargazer's hidden shrine, his eyes filled in determination retaking the base poses of the style as fast as he can, his eyes fiilled in anger as he strikes and strikes again *
 
My.  What is wrong with the world? Mom is mad at me again.. I am sorry to say this but I don't think she'd love me anymore, I don't know what is wrong with all this mess. What changed?  My family is no more.  Dad has steped back but i still see how his gaze got lost , I don't like that, he says he is fine, but part of him died already. Its simply not the same.

yet On the other hand. I should stop worrying about them, for doing that I am missing the Blessings i've sent to my life, Zira and I are better than ever, she has not cast a single blessing on me, and she does her best to help me, I just wonder... Will this work ? I shall expell the doubts of my heart and mind, and must keep my faith into doing my duty. If i don't fail to it,  there is nothing wrong with it.

Yet I am worried at times, she is too ... mmm.. I don't know how to writte this, It seems that marriage is far from us now , the idea does not please me a lot, but we have been dating about a year now, and I respect her, I cannot think of her as other thing as my lady. and shall respect that, But. maybe i am getting idealist here,  Dad had that vice and look how it ended..

Will part of me will die as well ?  Begone doubt, Begone .. I am not him,

She loves me and i love her, The world seems to be against us, Ell , Lance, Razariem , Zari, Miss Daniella, Everyone has stated we'll fail. and We won't.

We can't ....

We shouldn't.. ..

**The page trails off *

[Lance Stargazer]

From Argos Stargazer's quill and Pen .-

*The inn room is quiet, as the young man walks without shirt wearing only his pants, preparing some oat and wheat for break fast, he looks lovely towards the bed and then proceed with a smile on his face, Once the breakfast is done with the preparation, he goes and sits picking up his cloak and hugging it, rubbing it against his face, the cloak might be old, but still looks new, due the enchantment used on its elaboration,  he then opens his book and start to write*

Dear journal, Duty is certainly hard to follow at times, this has been by far the most hard trip I've had in some time, The wolfwood rangers captain asked us for a capture mission. And I swear that has proven to be quite hard this far, and did not end as good as I expected.  We in a way of speaking failed. the por girl ended dead by an odd disease. a shame really.

It was a trip that lasted for almost a week, and I see that i need to keep on my training, I got distracted and end badly wounded for the trip, my previous armor was ripped all over, I am so glad Zira gave me that new one, It could not come in better moment really.

She was a blessing to my trip, she was beside me all of it, and she stood when I was in illness, She supported me all over even if I've been the poorest of fiancee to her, Always busy , stoping to see her only when the time allows it. yet I know she understand I can see the sadness in her eyes, the longing, when she is with me and hugs me, she holds me as strong as she can because she knows i won't be there for her the next day, Yet she is wonderful. Beautiful and sweet. and well I can't feel a bit bad but to not to be able with her always, she deserves the best, what she has given to me it  has no price.

I wonder why the people tend to be as that, on this trip I felt anger, This salesman, so greedy so ... I won't stain my soul with the words that comes to my mind and bring this feeling of indignation to my soul. I am ashamed since To achieve my goals I had to rely upon my father's name and for what , Is not my word good enough? I had to put in stake my heirloom in order of the goal of the group, My father's cloak... how could I see him to the face or mom's having losing it, And yet at the moment i felt was the right thing to do. I did not wanted to hae that woman dead, the net would serve for taht, It was quite nice of Rottie and Noks to come with me and Zira to recover it, they even gave part of their earnings to buy it back, I am so glad to have friends as this ones.

Then here I am, Spending the night with Zira, She is lovely, and in a way I should have not stayed , I feel this urge .. I feel that . . I don't know..  I don't regret to be with her, she needed me, how could i fail her, Ajnd why I feel this wrong, I need enlightment, I love her and I want her happy,

*he shakes his head*  Snap out of it Argos, enjoy the time with your lady, you'll have the time to do the meditations when alone in the road again, Gladly you have the cloak back, so no dishonor fell on your name, I won't matter tough I did what I had to, But I wonder if Dad or mom would understand my proceedings, Its like if I don't know them anymore, Dad and I are getting together since Mom leaving him, I have seen him and we even share a pie together. I see his look on me, yet i don't know if that is disapointment, Or Pride?

I've tought and i will present myself for the test again, I'll prove them why Toran has embraced me with his kind light.

Thank you my Lord, Thank you for allowing me to serve on your name, and for the chances of striving myself into the holy service

Argos Stargazerr , Blessed in Toran's name by love and Friendship

*Once he finish with the book he spills some sand over it to dry the ink and then closes it, he puts on his tunic over his body and then take the oatmeal bowl he finished to prepare , moving towards the bed , to take out of reaverie to the lovely lady that lays there

Morning Stareyes , *he just whispers as he presents the bowl to her*
*