Samnyma's Journals - A Quicksilver Mind

[Pankoki]

The first page of this journal is left empty.

[SIZE=10](OOC Index, description changes, etc)[/SIZE]

[Pankoki]

[INDENT]The handwriting in this journal is very simplistic, despite it being elven. The scripture is one of a person who has not needed to pen much on their lives and simply knows the basics of writing, by normal elven standards it would be equal to a child's penmanship.


[/INDENT][INDENT]Mulnari, Novlar 23, 1451 - A cave in the Ire Moutains, Brelin, Mistone.


             Amusingly enough, Light, was not the first spell I ever learned, from what I understand it is the simplest evocation that most sorceress discover - a simple ability to prestidigitate small flickering lights. No. My first spell was to spin words and magic enough to dizzy whoever was unfortunate to be on the receiving end. It served better purposes at the time, and quite frankly I was not even aware that I could change the quality of lights around me. At that point in my life I thought a witch only had one set of “powers” and anything beyond that required a different alignment of sorts. I was not even aware of such things as the Al'Noth for quite sometime, Magra never used such terms with me. But Light is now handy in this dark cave.

I understand now that it was part of her control. I understand now more vividly than anytime before that control comes with so many layers that go simply beyond the somewhat appealing thought of being given direction. That illusions are not only the mirages that can be created with lights to misdirect the senses, but rather deeper and just as dangerous as being covered in flames. My first real lesson, one I truly hope I have no need to repeat, I fear my mind would not survive it again, in fact, I am still not sure how much of it managed to escape without scars, something tells me that none did.

There is another hidden lesson within that one. Trust. It seems my own words were hollow when I spoke them so arrogantly to Annabelle and Redri. I assumed that I could walk this entire life without ever needing to put my life in the hands of someone else, that I could simply ignore the consequences of forming bonds and keep myself from anyone else. A very foolish thought all around. Also, not a comfortable one to come to grips with, I still find myself recoiling when after so much time I only have needed to worry about myself and none other. Yet now I find that not only have I relied on others, trusted my very existence to a person, but find a strange comfort that I did not know was within me when such things have happened. Do I grow weaker because of this? Or is the weakness that might come from it only the sign of a greater strength? Where do you draw your limits? Clearly not enough to give your entire freedom away again, that was foolish too. A lesson learned in magic. Appropriate...

Philosophical manners aside, the time I spent studying in the library at the Tower of Magic was eye-opening. I truly felt like a gnat besides the vastness of all the knowledge stored within those tomes. I spent the night browsing a section on corruptions and aberrations, a fascinating topic altogether, but in the end I sat down for most of the day with this tome on the history behind Vampirism and the bigger stories that have been well-known around the world. I found a little more of what Fehriel told us of the dungeon in the Whitehorns, it seems the place is called The Broken Halls, and a vampire lord named Sapropias made its home there. A sad story, his, but quite interesting. I would like to explore this place more fully one day.

I hope that in my search through these tomes (and perhaps other libraries), I can find more information on how exactly the body can keep going after death has taken a hold of it. I feel that in that gap I will find the answers as to how to control that which is mindless, or perhaps unaffected by that which living beings are. A reason? Simple practicality at first, the undead need very little upkeep and perhaps more loyal in the short terms. Many assume that I seek this information because I wish to become one of them, for now that is a convenient misinformation, the good and righteous turn quite livid with the thought and immediately try to save or slay you. Both of these conditions revealing much of their natures and opening vulnerabilities that they would otherwise not reveal. A dangerous game I am sure of it, but rarely is it safe to play with fire. Annabelle is a good testament to that.

While that may lie on the long term plans, my most immediate desire is to finally grasp and separate properly the different ailments that can be afflicted to the mind. More specifically, to be able to duplicate my first spell ever, but much stronger and affecting many at once. I study the patterns that my forceful lullaby has, but I find them lacking, once a mind grows strong enough then it is nothing but a mere soothing song, not truly that useful in the long run. Of course this is one of those particular matters where practicing in others leads to very dangerous situations, and practice on myself has no productive effect other than a throbbing headache. Perhaps there is a better way?

I was asked to write down the magics I know and keep track of any additions or changes, I shall do so...

As mentioned  before, my first ever was the ability to daze. Then shortly after I learned how to freeze liquids, this was handy in the summers. Eventually Magra taught me a few more. She was surprised I knew not how to play with lights. She showed me. She showed me a minor resistance as well. She also taught me some basic evocations, a flare, a shock, a splash of acid. I admit that my interests are not there, but I do not fall into the trap of thinking them useless.

Eventually, she taught me how to lull many weak minds, this was a good day. She explained how to charm a person, another good day. Then in a more practical sense she explained how to channel raw force into missiles, I have improved on her teachings in this particular one, a rather handy evocation. Then here in Mistone, I mimicked Annabelle's little dagger trick, I can animate my own as well, thanks to her. Recently I have finally managed to build a steady abjuration to protect me from the elements. Heaven sent! It rains far too much here.

Amidst my personal accomplishments, one that I am rather proud of is my Incontrollable Laughter spell, it is hard to get the effect properly through a racial barrier but when it works... Ahh... It is amusing. After much training, the Eerie Visage is one that I am quite fond of, it is rather practical and it has saved my behind a good number of times. Recently I finally managed to make myself invisible, this too I have to thank Annabelle for, it seems I am good at mimicking her spells, however I still am unable to hide my feet, I cannot bring the magic to envelop them for some reason.

Finally, amongst my two most powerful spells, the first one is my personal favorite so far. The ability to hold a humanoid in place is simply extremely joyful. I have been rather creative with it, and so far I have been able to freeze the entire body, choke the breathing passages, stop the legs. All in all, a very successful endeavor. It has its limitations of course, any strange anatomy and I cannot fathom a way to work it yet. And then the last addition, which Argos was quite the joy to test with, I am able to spew an acid breath that bathes a good area. The comments on my caustic speech are not unfounded, it seems.


    Samnynma C.[/INDENT]

[Carillon]

The writing in the journal changes in places, to a beautiful script that is almost calligraphic in nature. Each small letter is inked in a shimmering blue that is reminiscent of moonlight on the night sea.

[INDENT]Samnyma,

You are right to be wary of looking to those other than yourself, but I think you will find there is a difference between the ability to place one's trust in others and the weakness that comes from always needing others. You strike me as very self-sufficient, and I do not believe you will fall into the trap of the latter. Nor, I think, will you be hasty and give your trust away unwisely. Some things we cannot do by ourselves, and if you can benefit from the help of others you need not turn it away. Your first lessons, I am sure, demonstrated the power of a group working toward a common goal.

As to the story of the Broken Halls and Sapropias, remind me some time when we are traveling or find ourselves with an idle afternoon, and I will tell you the tale, as it was told to me some years ago. It is a curious and terrible tale, full of many secrets.

I remain curious about your fascination with controlling the dead, or those beyond life. Why these? Do you find it more ethical to control that which has no will of its own? I would challenge your assumption that the dead need no upkeep and are more loyal than living creatures. If something no longer has a will or a mind or a life, can it truly be loyal? As to sentient undead that retain will of their own such as vampires, how do these differ in loyalty from the living? As to upkeep, few things require no upkeep. Many of those creatures beyond the grave that retain the appearance of life require some form of nourishment to sustain them, and "feeding" these creatures would not necessarily be less work than feeding a living being. You may also find that the upkeep of reattaching rotting flesh--to say nothing of the smell?--and retying grave wrappings is not much less tedious than bandaging a bleeding wound.

As to your long term goal, you may find you go further in enchantment if you cease to think of all that can "afflict" the mind as an ailment. While some enchantments mimic the fog of old age or the stupor of fever, others can be the sweet surrender of giving over one's will to a persuasive, whispering voice, or the helplessness of laughing too hard at something. This shift in perspective may seem trivial, but when trying to charm or dominate I have found this mentality can affect your result. When you approach the spell as the enemy of your subject, you set up an opposition, and trying to hold their will can quickly become a tug-of-war. We can speak more of this in our next lesson if you wish.

It does not surprise me that you find yourself easily mimicking Annabelle's magic. A large part of how we cast is in visualizing the result as we shape the magic. Having a good model for the spell before you try to cast it the first time will help you visualize your intended result, and as such our first spells and even later ones are often familiar ones that we've seen cast by others. Ones that we have not seen cast by others before usually reveal our own personal affinities, in my experience.

Because it is so important to have these images in your mind when your own magic is developing, please try and observe many different kinds of spells and casters. I would also like you to note here what you see, if it is new or of particular interest to you. One word of caution--do not feel limited or constrained by what you see others cast. Draw on their experience and assemble yourself an impressive palette of colours, but paint your own masterpiece. Just because something has not been cast does not mean it cannot be cast. Magic is perhaps the rawest form of potential that exists in this world, and as I see more of it I am ever less convinced there are any limitations at all on what can be done with it.

I look forward to our next meeting. I hope you do as well.
[/INDENT]

[Pankoki]

[INDENT]The black and simple inking returns, along with Sam's handwriting.


Threas, Decilar 12, 1451 – A grassy patch within the Backbone Mountains, Succession, Dregar

   Ginseng this time around. It looks quite interesting. It is almost like a sea creature found its way to land and was lost under it; it is almost saddening every time I collect it. The scenery here is a lot rougher than the one in Mistone, it reminds me of home, especially the forest that I see on the western skirts of the mountain range. It looks like a place full of dark secrets and mysteries. I would like to go there sometime in the future and perhaps see what to make of all the rumors I heard in the isolated villages on my way here.

   As far as undead are concerned, it simply made some logical next-step in my mind. Perhaps a bridge between the simple aspects of the living mind and the more complex range of emotions that requires often so much more control and power to grasp. The undead mind, or at least the reflexive reactions that occur when exposed to certain magic, seem to me as a simplified and static model of the living one. Perhaps I am mistaken in this assumption and it is not truly how this particular ladder works. I admit that for the most part I am blindly walking through poorly lit caves and the few realities that I can make for myself are often lacking light. However, I do stand by what I say about their upkeep. Smells aside, the undead are ultimately disposable, some with longer usage times than others, but in the end just dead flesh that can be discarded when not needed. This could be a rather morbid ethical outlook against using the living, but do not take this as me not realizing that the best potential comes from that which breathes. I understand that in the end the pinnacle of power lies in the realm of controlling the living mind; there are just many fears that still haunt me facing the potential outcomes of such power.

   Speaking of power. Watching the wide array of spells that you posses and the palpable strength to them all is both exciting and overwhelming. Where do you keep it all?? How do you keep it all in check? Watching from a distance as you brought forth such great claps of thunder was earthshaking. Standing in the middle of it (whether by accident or not) and feeling such raw and unmitigated force was beyond what words can explain. To see you, much the same as me in height and so slender and delicate, and yet still able to alter perception to the point of insanity – I both fear and find myself drawn to such path. I do not understand yet how it is all possible and a part of me hopes that I never forget this humbling feeling. Your magic is a good reminder that there is always someone that can shake the very foundation of one's existence with a mere wave of a hand.

   From the many spells that we saw in our first trip together I particularly appreciated the sheer utility many of them had. Yes, some were quite physically damaging and I am sure Annabelle was thrilled to see such rampant destruction. But the ones that really called to me were those that gave you options. The way you cleared the Myconid spores with that magical gust of wind was extremely helpful. The way you held the jaguar so that we could examine it. How you sped us to escape from the small charge of angry mushrooms. Even in your most powerfully devastating spells there was practicality involved. This is how I envision my path. To have my magic be an extension of my mind and be one that seeks many different alternatives to solving problems and not simply default to the often crudeness of the equivalent of beating someone senseless with a stick. There is only so much you can learn from a dead enemy, of course ultimately, we are facilitators of that as well.

   I consider our first trip a success. I truly feel that I grasped the nature of the questions I have been bringing before you regarding confusion, and now I have a very clear idea of how to approach it now and feel that it is not far from my reach. I admit too that having Annabelle along was a delight. I hope she joins us in many more of these as her company is dear to me and I feel I learn easier when I can bounce ideas off her. Granted she often ends up shocking me with one of her lightning spells, but I think that is just one of her quirky ways of showing affection. One day I will return the favor by locking her legs and arms in place and tickling her senseless.  I too look forward to our next meeting, very much so...

   No changes to spells from the last entry.


   Samnyma C.
[/INDENT]

[Carillon]

[INDENT]Samnyma,

I think you will find that magic is quite independent of physicality. The strength of a caster depends not on their height, nor their size, nor anything else about their bodies at all, for though we can embody magic we are not limited by our bodies when we do so. An interesting contradiction, no? Rather, the power of the caster lies in those attributes that remain intangible: their intelligence, their knowledge, their force of personality and ability to enact change, their confidence, their creativity, and their experience. Save perhaps knowledge, none of these qualities can be easily taught, which might seem to put a bleak outlook on our lessons together. However, rest assured; though I cannot teach you these things the same way I can teach you the components of a ritual or the words of an incantation, you can develop them for yourself through time, and by continuing to struggle with the challenges that arise as your magic develops.

With regards to the utility of magic, I think you will find that this depends less on the magic than he or she who wields it. We can consider magic as a tool--any tool really, take your pick--and extrapolate from this that the usefulness of that tool depends partially on the tool but also very much on the crafter, scribe, mason, and so on. Almost anyone can learn to wield the tool but only the master or the artist will wield it well, and I pose to you that the difference is not primarily one of dexterity, knowledge of theory, or even great experience, but of vision. Like the artist who stares at the block of marble and sees the sculpture sleeping within, we must envision how our tool can change our surroundings. Imagination and creativity are the resources you must draw on here, and these qualities depend not on your tool but only on you, so we can develop them now.

An exercise for you (and take your time; it need not be done for our next lesson, but please continue to work on it): Consider your inventory of "tools", which you have already described to me in your previous entries, and try to come up with at least five novel and unique uses for each, beginning with the simplest and working your way up to the most complex. What can you change with each spell? In which situations could even the mildest of your magics yield a profound result, or tip the scale? It is possible that there will be spells for which it is impossible to come up with five uses, and there will be spells for which you can come up with dozens. This too is interesting, and can be one way to evaluate where we should devote our attentions, and which magics we might wish to develop.

As a note, I know that it is a disservice to magic to consider it merely as a tool to be used. Magic is far more than a tool; it is an art unto itself. Like those who pursue knowledge only for its own sake, there will always be those who study magic only to marvel at the wonders of the Al'Noth, and this too is a valid path.

There is so much more in your journal that I would like to talk about with you, but as I do not wish to overwhelm you, I will pause here for now. Magic keep you until we meet again.

[/INDENT]

[Pankoki]

[INDENT]Sunra, Jenra 1, 1452 – Castle Mask, Rael, Dregar

    I feel like my name. I brew over your frustrating questioning and feel like choking the nearest creature that offers me a sign of weakness. Yet at the same I feel a never-ending curiosity and a need to challenge all your questions with an answer. It is frustrating! I know what you are doing. I understand perfectly that you are simply trying to make me come up with my own answers, but the way you do it with that glow of a know-it-all expression on your face makes me want to strangle you too. And at the same time...

    I am starting to get a feel for the walls you place around us. You said it yourself. You are my teacher, you are not my friend or family. Your lessons have proven so as well, and yet I think of your very first lesson and despite how harsh it was it is entirely different what I feel from it. You were not my teacher then, yes you were teaching me, but not as a teacher. I felt you were my friend in that moment. I felt that when I found myself at my lowest point, that when you reached for my hand, it was the hand of a friend. Perhaps you need to convince yourself that it was not the case, and if it is so then so be it, but I know that it is not true. I would still listen to you either way...

    I gave the questions you asked that led to our incident more thought. A way that I think the Myconids could be handled would be to dose the logs that are often nearby where we find them and roll them down the hill and form a trap around them. It would need some preparation but with this you could use a simple torch and it would be sufficient. The Myconids do not seem as clever to work around such obstacles and perhaps the ignition of the log can be done with a flaming arrow. I had some more ideas with removing water and dessication but I do not have something solid to present right now. I still think you could have been a little more forthcoming with those answers, if anything to try them out and perhaps perfect on them.

    I am confused by your statement concerning people that do not consider magic as a tool. Yes, I understand that the complexities of the Al'Noth are vast enough that it will take someone with much creativity to breach even the simplest of spells. But in the end, short of a starving illusionist, most magic has a purpose and a use, this beckons to me as the definition of a tool. You use magic to accomplish a particular desire, whether it is to simply clear a road of bandits or to control the mind of someone who one can benefit from controlling; in the end is it not just means to an end? I have found myself entertained by the results of some of my spells. Watching a troll dance and laugh was endlessly amusing. Yet in the end these are mere moments of laughter, and the end result was to control the troll while others beat it senselessly. I wish to speak more of this when we have a chance as it seems like a loss of focus on the greater picture, yet your words read of a greater mystery that perhaps I am not seeing.

    I am not sure what the next step is with you. With Magra things were relatively simple, and if I ever raised my voice against her there was the punishment after.  You do no such thing, instead you simply shrug and offer yet one more of your many questions, and then I want to scream once more. Is the next step to apologize to you? A part of me feels compelled to do so, a part of me feels that I was right in what I said. I do not know which one is the one that is winning. For what is worth, after writing all this I am not as angry as I was before thus I am thankful for the journal.

    No spells modified or added so far.


    Samnyma C.
[/INDENT]

[Carillon]

[INDENT]Samnyma,

Let me begin by saying there is no need for apologies, though I will accept them if you feel they are warranted. Whenever you feel like you are ready for another lesson, we will find a time—if this is still what you desire. I am not insensible to your frustrations, either. Remind me to tell you sometime about my illusion tutor in Spellgard, and the number of times I stormed out of his office or he sent me home early. I remember very vividly the passionate arguments that sparked these quarrels, and the first time I slammed his office door one afternoon. It took me a long time to work up the courage to return but when I did, it was as if nothing had happened. We began where we had left off, both of us with cooler heads and a fresh slate. This is how it shall be with you and I.

The unfortunate truth, Samnyma, is that frustration is a part of learning. We expect learning to feel good and are disappointed when it doesn't, because what we often remember about learning is the moments that it did feel wonderful: the satisfaction at mastering a new spell, or the crystalline moment when the answer to a problem you have been grappling with finally comes to you—usually in the most unsuitable of situations, locations and circumstances, I might add! However, these moments are like bright stars in the sky, and though their illuminating light might suffice to guide our steps, we must also contend with the darkness between them. Far too often, the search for answers to our questions and the transformation of potential into ability is a frustrating path. The quest for knowledge is born of a thirst that cannot be quenched; you will burn with it, as I have, until you think you will go mad with not knowing. I am not surprised you want to strangle me; I have wanted to strangle every single one of my teachers at one point or another.

And your teacher is what I am, Samnyma, first and foremost. Not your friend, not your mother, and certainly not a diviner charged with providing you with endless answers. While I might sometimes share my experiences with you, answers must come from within, I fear. It is not my task to keep you happy, nor fill your mind with knowledge. It is not even my task to keep you alive, though I dearly hope you remain so. My sole purpose in this relationship is to teach you, and I will do that to the best of my abilities. And you will hate me for it sometimes. When you ask for answers, I will give you more questions—endless questions, until some days you fall into bed, mind reeling. Worse, when you do find a precious answer, I will disrupt that satisfaction and rob you of your newfound certainty by provoking, challenging, and deconstructing your assumptions. This is the fate you resign yourself to if you wish to remain my student, and I can promise that there will be days that you loathe me.

However, I also promise that you will learn, if it is within my power to help you do so. They say that good teachers are guides, but this is a metaphor with which I sometimes struggle. I believe that, like me, I can give you all the books and answers in the world, and they will avail you not at all. Like so many sorceresses, you seem to learn only through your own—sometimes painful—experiences. And so, if you must struggle with your challenges and achieve your successes through your own sweat, blood and tears, what is my role in all of this? Clearly if I am to be a guide on your journey, it is not to be the type you pay to lead you by the hand through the woods. The most I can offer, I fear, are my own stories, warnings of the dangers ahead, encouragement as you struggle through the underbrush, the occasional helping hand, and company on the journey.

On the nature of magic, I disagree that all magic is ultimately for naught but a purpose. (Also, clearly you have not seen some of the absolutely ridiculous spells that are rediscovered or derived in the magical centers of learning every year! I have for many years wished to give out awards to some of these researchers, for the utter uselessness of their accomplishments!) We do not use magic but specific spells to defend ourselves or control. Magic as a whole is more than this; look to the word's meaning to a commoner, if you do not believe me. They will tell you that magic is something awesome, extraordinary, marvelous, and wondrous. Although these words often have the connotation of things that are very good, they did not always mean such. Awesome is to inspire awe; marvelous and wondrous, things that are marvels or wonders. And extraordinary? Beyond the ordinary.

Magic is no more a mere tool than language. We may use spells to create changes in the world around us, just as we may write letters to dignitaries, nobles, officials and royalty to get things done. Like the humblest notes reminding our companions to fix a broken hinge or pick up a potion from the apothecary, even simple spells can accomplish simple tasks. Where magic transcends utility into something more is when its effects transcend the direct aim of the spell. Like stones cast into a pool, the ripples too can change the world. As stories told over a fire or poetry recited in a hall or written on a scroll can bring people together, unite and inspire, so can magic. War wizards strike fear into the hearts of their enemies long before they cast their first spells, commoners gather to hear the bard spin her tale, and a sorcerer in the ranks can inspire an army. Simple healers, talented but without magic, have been known to pass themselves off as priests and priestesses touched by the gods, because they know of the faith people place in magic. And yes, even the starving illusionist will tell you magic is worth more than merely its usefulness.

You are not wrong. Magic is also a tool. My point is that it is also more than that. To discuss it only as a tool is to limit our discussion, and ignore all the other ways the Al'Noth can be viewed, for it is also science, art, wonder and even a culture unto itself. Is it a means to an end? Yes, sometimes. And it can also be so much more.[/i][/size][/color][/INDENT]

[Pankoki]

[INDENT]Threas, Seplar 12, 1452 – Fort Vehl, Co'rys, Mistone

   My mind keeps wandering back to my last lesson. It was hard, I will admit to that, but I think for the first time in my life I actually felt that all of this that I am doing actually has some sort of sense. A challenge was given, different conditions were set for this challenge, and working with those we managed to discern the nature of what was presented. I will admit too, I was and remain thrilled by the experience. To be deprived of multiple senses, yet still be able to feel the magic around me, and not only that! But to actually understand what it was! I will admit, it was delightful.

   Of course this just poses many new questions, but I am beginning to understand and accept that this is perfectly acceptable. I am beginning to truly understand what people mean when they say that every new answer will only bring more questions. Most important, I think, is that even though it is indeed frustrating to be at that point where you think you have something figured out only to be presented with a myriad of new paths to adjust it, that that is still forward movement, and it is good. Perhaps it is something that is hard to convey in words, this feeling, but for the first time in my life I am not wallowing in the misery of that frustration and it feels good.

   I have found some secret and secluded spots to practice the listening exercises. They are very useful, and it feels like a whole new world is being explored by trying to sense so much, with so little. I have set up some simple traps around the place where I practice that should warn me if anyone were to approach. I am being careful after that small wrestling match with the bear... The practice is not as good doing it by myself, since I have to place the magics myself then I already have an answer, but I do not stop searching until I can actually sense it. Now I am having random ideas come to me regarding randomly enchanted items and how to use them in this exercise. Perhaps we can talk about this some, next time we meet.

   While I have been considering such things, a thought lingers too in the back of my head. How do you reconstruct a broken or charmed mind? By this I do not mean the long term effects that it might cause, though that is an interesting subject I would like to discuss at length some day. What I mean with this is, when someone is mentally held, or confused, or even dominated. How do you free the mind or body? Dispelling seems like a dangerous approach. On a good day, a dispel would indeed get rid of the enchantment, but with not too much effort it can also strip other protections the person might have, this I imagine can be quite inopportune! I have seen the blanking of minds used as a preemptive measure, and that is of course the very best course when one has sufficient strength. This is not what I seek however. There must be some way that requires less draw of power, and perhaps it does not have to be a protection placed at all, but something that could still unwind the mind from the silky veils of enchantment.

   I feel through myself and my magic and try to twist what I can already do and reverse it. As usual however, coming to an ideal subject is very trying. So far it is either some bandit or goblin that usually comes attached with a small war-band all to eager to see my end; or one of those who I have some trust whose mind (unfortunately in this case!) are far too strong and stubborn to practice on. I fear where this line of thought can take me. I can see myself tempted to keep someone with a weak mind on a tight least to improve what I know... Yet that takes my mind to a lot of darker places, especially back to the forest, with my old sisters.

   No modifications to my spells, yet.

   Samnyma C.
[/INDENT]

[Carillon]

[INDENT]Dear Samnyma,

I am glad you are feeling better about our lessons. The pursuit of knowledge and magic are often paths both frustrating and rewarding, but the sense of accomplishment is, I admit, quite gratifying, is it not? Give it time, my student, and you will find that frustration and fulfillment come in equal measure most of the time.

I am pleased that your "listening" exercises are going so well. Consider, perhaps, spending some time in a city like Spellgard or in the Tower Academy library--somewhere where there is a lot of magic being cast. Even if you cannot pick it all out, the process should still do much to sensitize you to it. Remember, also, that a sensitive mind can also detect your own magic at times. I have fallen into this trap myself, and been detected by a powerful mage when casting wards nearby. Not all your enemies will be able to feel your magic in the area, but you should be aware that the possibility does exist.

On the subject of reconstructing broken or charmed minds, this is a tricky endeavor. Most of the time, the best thing to do is to get out of the way and let the mind try to repair itself. A potion of clarity can sometimes do well to chase the lingering fogs of enchantment from a mind, as can the abjurations you mentioned. However, truly reconstructing a broken mind is far beyond the ken of most enchanters and enchantresses; and yet broken minds are too often the product of enchantments misapplied, or dominations and charms with too much force behind them. Shattered minds are best left to repair themselves as much as they can, or in the care of an experienced healer, preferably one who has dealt with such before.

The good news is that since you are aware of the possibility of shattering a mind, your awareness of these dangers will actually likely make you less likely to do so. I find that when one thinks of the mind as a fragile thing, one is more likely to unconsciously temper one's spells to fit. Remember, Samnyma: the mind is not a nut to be cracked! These views are immature and show little care for your subject, and are likely to result in disasters and drooling shells and husks. Approach the mind like a nut, and you will end up with a nutcase on your hands when you are done. Think of it instead as something to be wrapped in silk, or gently permeated with your magic, or even of your spell like a fine web of roots, slowly covering it in your net of enchantment, and you will have less problems.

Withdrawing cleanly from a charm or a domination is much the same. You want to withdraw smoothly and cleanly, and let the mind heal itself as you go. Inexperienced enchanters sometimes find that they can loosen their hold just a little and let the person's own mind force them out. While appealing because you feel this is safer, as their mind is doing the work and setting the pace, forcing the subjects to free themselves of your trap can be very stressful for them. I have seen nosebleeds, hemorrhages, and even heart palpitations and death result when a subject that was already taxed and stressed from fighting the enchantment was made to force the caster out. You need to learn to withdraw your magic in one swift, smooth motion, in the same way it came in, so you minimize any damage done. If you have ever had the misfortune of removing an arrow or similar projectile from any place on your body, I am sure you are familiar with the concept that more damage can be done by the object on its way out than its way in, which also applies here. Care must be taken, and I can show you in our next lesson the beginnings of a technique that I have found particularly effective.

Regards,
-Jaelle
[/INDENT]

[Pankoki]

[INDENT]Sunra, Apreal 15, 1453 – Huangjin, Telish Throne, Tilmar

   I am afraid our lessons will have to wait for a while, teacher. I am no fool in thinking that you are not familiar with my personal life. I know you are well connected, and even so, have the ability to get information from some who I call friend with ease, and so I imagine you are more acquainted with what I do in the times outside our lessons than you let know. Surprisingly, I do not really have many qualms with this knowledge, but that does not mean that the problems disappear.

   The truth is, if I am being perfectly honest, I feel trapped. I grew up in a dark forest where pit creatures were the norm. A place where I was stolen away by hags and trained in very morally ambiguous arts and saw things that changed my perspective of the world. And now that I am outside that place... It all feels unreal. Fake. Too tame. There is no danger, not really. I have a friend who is a conflicted paladin. He tries to be a gentleman and follow codes that I know he does not fully understand. Another is a priestess of Ilsare who is lovely and delightful, but quite truthfully lacks much of a bite. Then there is the most adorable of a half-elf, rangery type even, but he certainly does not seem certain of what he wants and squirms too much around the edges. And then sweet Sunshine. She is as lovely as dawn, as delightful as the first rays of the sun pushing the night away. But I am not light. Not that kind.

   And then those who have the rest. The little mysterious halfling that seems to carry every magic in the world within her, and every shadow that she has seen. And yet, she lets no one in. Isolated. And let us not forget you, dearest teacher. You, who have taught me so much, opened so many doors and continue to do so. You too keep me at arms length, never letting in, your sense of... I do not know what... Keeping you at a convenient distance to never be looked upon. Do you know that I have slept in your bed at the Treehouse? Yet still, I am an island from every one else.

   I feel trapped in this cushioned reality. This is not for me. I need to feel the barbs of this world. I need to know that these things I think of are a part of me and not something that is false too. I need to walk and see beyond the fields in Hempstead, or the idle threats that linger around. I do not know where I will end up in, or when I will return, if at all. I have taken the first portal that I found and will see where that takes me. My first trip out of my home showed me some things, now it is time I see some others by myself. I do not know how, but this I must do, I feel.

   It is amusing though. I finally figured out Confusion, and it seems that in doing so I have also confused myself in the process. It is a fine spell and experiencing with its range and possibilities is very exciting. I admit that I often have found hidden places where crowds of people pass by and cast it as quietly as I can before going invisible just to see the effects. I am not too terribly proud of this... But by Magra's knife, it is amusing to watch.

   I hope we meet at some point later, teacher. You have taught me much but I feel that for a while I need to teach myself a few more things.

   Samnyma C.


(After this entry, Sam was not heard from in Mistone for nearly two years)
[/INDENT]

[Pankoki]

[INDENT]Mulnari, Apreal 9, 1454 – Natalu, Dragonsong Dominion, Corsain

   It has been a very strange year. I have wandered most of Tilmar by now. It is certainly a very exotic and interesting land. Its people even more so. Though I admit that far too many times have I clashed with the locals over their very strict sense of honor, I also have to admit that some of it has clung to me and I find myself these days keeping some promises that I certainly would have not in the past. This place gets to you, sooner or later. It is a beautiful place, and yet, it is full of its own perils and strangeness. Of all, I think I have fallen in love with its woods, they all reflect much of what I feel inside.

   Yet today I am not in Tilmar. Instead I am an island away. Corsain. I actually wait for a few new friends I have made that are planning a trip into the Phoniex Woods and I have no intention of missing out on it. Here, the seasons are inverted, we are now in Fall whereas north we would be in spring. The leaves lazily lose their colors and are carried by the wind, it is chilly, but then I have always been far more comfortable in the cold. I am not sure what that says about myself. Ma-to said it not a few days ago as we left Eastspirit Fort, “You glow warm when the world turns cold”, he is a charmer, and perhaps there is truth to his words.

   But it has not all been pleasant along the way. In fact, I have gotten into more trouble than I care to admit. I do not have the strength to pen it all here, I think for a long time now I was not sure if I would ever find the will to even think of it all. I realize however, that this is why I left Mistone. This is the reason why I abandoned those lands and started on a path of my own. I will not easily forget Creedo, for all the good and the bad things that happened in it. Oddly, I feel better for all of it, troubled, yes, but not a feeling I do not welcome. Ahh teacher, it is all a little too strange, even in the darkest moments I could swear I could feel your presence. Guiding me. Helping me. I must be going a little insane, but then again that is probably why I am still alive and walking.

   I know that I am supposed to write here how I miss so many of those that I have left behind. But this is a place where I cannot lie, as I do so often in many others. I do not. It is a lingering thought in the back of my head, of the people I have left, but even as it is, I feel I can move forward and continue on without them. I try not to be cruel to them, but I also cannot lie to myself. And perhaps that too is not all entirely honest. There are certainly some things I do miss.

   I have not had much chance to improve on my magic. Though that too, is perhaps not entirely true. I have practiced what I know so far to the point where it is second nature, every step of the way is a very solid step, but perhaps not the quickest one. I am in no hurry however, there is plenty of time. I did receive one of your packages, teacher, but that was a long time ago and those lessons long explored and reviewed multiple times. I have heard some odd rumors too, rumors saying that you have disappeared. I feel however, for whatever odd reason, that that is not really true. I am not sure, just a feeling I imagine.

   I can hear the boys now readying for travel. One year... How quick it passes...

   Samnyma C.
[/INDENT]

[Pankoki]

[INDENT]Threas, Jenra 12, 1455 – Port Hempstead, Brelin, Mistone

   Another year. I find myself now however back in Port Hempstead, where this whole journey began some time ago. I have long lost the colors by which I arrived here. More than once I have needed to blend just a little more and bright white clothes did not really do the job most of the time. Of course, what I am wearing now is probably just as alarming, but that story is out of my control. A bet is a bet. I do like the colors however. It is like a faded rose. Appropriate? Perhaps.

   It seems not much has changed and too much has. The permanent fixtures in this port city remain so, the fluctuating ones far too different from those I saw before. Some recognize me, some look clueless. It is all as much as I expected. Why did I come back? I do not know. I met just as many people in the islands as I have met in the mainland. In the end, I went looking for something, I found it, I learned what I needed to learn, and now I have at least a glimpse of what I wish to do. It might all feel like a big loop back to the start to anyone who does not understand, but not to me. I am here now and much inside me is different.

   I am not entirely sure if anyone will understand. I am not entirely sure for that matter who will even notice. I promised Annabelle I would find her. I will keep that promise. I am not sure how everything else will play after that. Perhaps she will understand. Perhaps I have moved too far apart. Time will tell. In the end too, and though this may sound cruel, she is human. They burn brightly, and she does, but only for a very short time. And time is what I have. I find myself also wondering what of the others. I wonder if Argos and Alazira are still together. I wonder if the priestess still indulges his pretentiousness and reinforces the habits that make him such a sweet target to torture, or if he has finally grown a pair. What of the little magical fey halfling? I think I shall visit her and hope to find her in the treehouse on my way to Khelldell. What about you teacher? I have heard some nasty rumors. Are you well now? I suspect I will not learn much of that, or perhaps you too have changed?

   My spells remain much in the same manner as they did, except my control of them is a lot better. And it would perhaps please you to know that I have finally gained my sea legs. I have actually managed to modify a small enchantment to keep things balanced, I was rather proud of myself then. Once that was effective, I slowly started lessening its intensity and these days I manage to keep my meals down when on a vessel. Wonders never cease. Of course I have to thank the many sailors willing to try out the enchantment. They certainly have an open view on things, despite it all, I think they are one my favorite people these days. Wonders never cease, indeed.

   I should stop being so melodramatic. You will think I have become a thespian and that perhaps is more than I can bear. Ahh bears... It would perhaps ease you to know, that I still have nightmares about polar bears, you cruel cruel woman.

I cannot wait to see you again...

   Samnyma C.
[/INDENT]

[Carillon]

Dearest Samnyma,

Welcome home, if home is what you call Mistone. It is a relief to have you back safely again. I admit, you had me worried there for a while, especially while you were in Creedo. How odd, that we should have taken somewhat parallel journeys into the shadows at the same time. I know you have seen more of the world now than when you left, in so many different ways. I hope you can reconcile this with the life you have tried to make here, and remember that there is brightness to balance out the darkness.

Please believe me, I know how odd it must feel for you to be back right now. You have changed in ways that you cannot explain, I imagine, and others have changed in your absence as well. Friends have moved away, come back, made new friendships, learned new magics, and perhaps in some ways you feel more set apart than ever before. At least, such is how I must imagine you to be feeling, for it was how I felt when I returned from a similar journey, many years ago. I alluded to this once before, I believe, but never gave you the whole tale. I was trying to obtain information on a treaty signed in a foreign kingdom, and charmed one of the attendants who I thought might be close enough to the source to help me get a look at what I needed. He was an easy mark, and it went very well. Right up until his superior, who was far more clever than I gave him credit for, caught on to my game, called the guards, and had me arrested. I spent some very unpleasant time in a political prison--mostly because I "refused" to tell them who I worked for; they did not believe I was acting independently.

I shall spare you the details of that rather unfortunate experience. Really, there is not much of that trip I like to speak of, which is perhaps why so few know of it. However, I will tell you that I came back changed, having been, for the first time in my life, locked away inside a cage. When I came back, I was simultaneously more uneasy around certain things, and oddly fearless of others that had bothered me before. I felt like a part of me had gone cold, and disconnected from my everyday world, and I did not know what to do with that. I know how you feel about your wide woods and your wanderings, and your freedom, so I can venture a decent guess as to what your experiences were like for you. Had I known where you were going, I would have warned you about the rather stringent attitudes there on certain petty crimes, but I am glad you came out alright in the end. I believe what I am trying to say is that if you find yourself having trouble sleeping or in need of a confidant, you know where to find me.

I am delighted that you have mastered your confusion spell--though be careful not to cause too much trouble with it! My pull with the guards is thin, and I'd not appreciate having to bail you out of some prison, or spring you from the stocks. Your seaworthiness cantrip also sounds intriguing, and I would very much like to see it at the first opportunity, along with your other magics. A lesson soon, perhaps within the next week or so? Do not worry if you feel you are progressing slowly; you are doing fine. Sometimes a deeper understanding of magic or better control of our existing powers is exactly the step we need to take before a new world of possibilities opens up to us.

~Jaelle