Black is only skin deep.

[Hellblazer]

I am not in much mood to write anymore it seems. Partly due to not seeing Mai much lately, and also because I have been gone from the room a lot too, which I guess, doesn't help with not seeing her much either.

It's been over a year now since Az'atta supposedly decided I had turned my back on her. A year where I have found myself to be empty in many ways. Maybe that's why Mai is seldomly there. But what I know is that, it seems I have lost some joy in life. I don't know. I have been part of something, a group, a family for a large part of my life, and now for the last year, beside a few friends, I have no family. Which has left me alone, empty and with a lot of time to train.

I have found out recently that I could shoot faster, if instead of preparing one arrow at a time, I prepared two, and kept one in my hand while I shot the other. It's somewhat less efficient in some ways, but in others, it is very good. Also it seems that my arrows have become stronger. Well not the arrows themselves, but the enchantment I naturally put on them now. It seems to have gotten stronger.

Also, I have made some progress with my other trainings. I can't stop the wooden floor to creeks at home yet, but at least I have figured out how to roll my steps so my heel doesn't thump on the floor anymore. on the other hand, I have managed to open a very simple lock the other day. It was a small chest that I saw at the inn. I approached it very carefully, looking to be sure no one was around, and tried to open it. To my surprised I did manage to open it. I peeked inside and then my surprise was even bigger. It was a music box, and it started to play as soon as the cover was opened. I can safely say that I didn't stay there much longer. I casted an invisibility spell and moved out of the inn as other people were leaving. My heart was pounding strongly in my chest. It was.. exhilarating. But I don't think i would really steal from people. I wouldn't like it being done to me that's for sure. But i guess it will be useful to get to places I can't normally get. Or even open chests that have clues that are needed.

On shooting like Mai or Tod does.. that's an other story though. I think I understand the principles in it, but I have yet to see if I could do it. I mean, it's not I haven't tried.. it's just that, well I don't get it right, and it is frustrating. What's their secret? is it how they knock the arrows? how they aim.. what? Just frustrating. I will figure it out though, I know I can.

[Hellblazer]

It has been sometime since I wrote in you Diary, and I apologize.

I have been quite busy in the recent months. Acquiring all that I need to train my yew bows is a daunting task. But I have many people who are helping me.. at a cost of course. But it is going well. I have more than enough arrow heads for my iron bow. My cobalt, adamantium and titanium arrow heads are almost complete, except for the last. Gorm has made great lean way into acquiring the platinum I needed for the bow parts, and now he is going for the platinum for the arrow heads. Not to mention what he brought me for the silver arrow heads. And I have started to get the mahogany for the arrows shafts. Morunas brought me all the feathers I needed already, which really caused a storage problem, luckily, Chackar is helping me with that. I only realize now how many friends I have made since I came here. Tralek, Vrebel, Gorm, Chackar, Morunas, Jilseponie, Elohanna, Alazira, and many others. It warms my heart.

Beside that, I have kept working on my sneaking skills.. walking silently at home at night, trying not to wake the others. I think I am starting to get the hang of  the walking part. I'm not sure though, but I make the wooden floor squeaks less often now. I haven't been able to duplicate what I had achieved with that simple lock, but I keep trying. On the other hand, I think I have understood the range of where I should shoot my arrows for maximum damage, but, I don't know.. even then I'm not getting it as good as Mai does.

Mai.. wine of my heart, I miss her dearly. She had came by a few times, but it has been a while now since I have seen her. I still keep a candle lit in my room, and in my heart, to symbolize me waiting for her. When it's about to burn out, I light a new one, telling my heart to keep strong. All I can hope for, is to see her back in my arms soon, safe and sound.

[Hellblazer]

*Tyillaan watches the candle, the small flame dancing around on the whisker. It's soft light lighting part of the room, where the fireplace softens the other with its glow. She rests on the floor facing the candle, her diary opened in front of her.*

I think it's time I face the truth. Either the soul mother claimed her, or she has left me without even saying goodbye. It hurts, so deeply. Loving someone but being unable to share it with that person. Hoping to see her come through the door and take me in her arms. Waiting and waiting and waiting in hopes to spend just one more minute with her. But to see and feel that her touch, her smell, her laugh are all but distant and fading memories now, a blurry visage through the rain battered window. A ghost of what once was beautiful, but so far away now. I am unable to resist my tears anymore nor quell the shortness of my breath when I look at the gift I have been keeping for her, in the hopes she would come soon for me to give it to her.

I should have known better, but how could I? I had never loved before her, never experience the tenderness of a loving touch on my cheek. Of gentle whispers mused to my ears by the warmth of a fire camp, and under the dark canopy of the sky and all its beautiful stars. All of that is but a figment of my imagination now. A beautiful dream, but nothing more. She is of Xeen, I should have known better. My visit to her temple has made me understand, fear and intrigued me about them. For her I must have been the innocent conquest. The one thing untainted by others, pure to be plaid with. I come to wish sometimes that I would not have known the gift she gave me. That I would not have tasted the fruit of her tenderness. She said that we had something special she did not want to lose. Silvery words for an innocent heart. Sweet as the most succulent honey, but a poison that would have the strongest of gods fall to their knees to die.

But even as I write now, my heart bleeding of it's last hope for a better tomorrow. I find myself hoping still, that all of this was just a bad dream, and that I would wake up, seeing her gentle eyes looking at me, calming me. But alas, it is still the hope of the innocent, that dreams of the ever after. Oh cruel awakening to the monstrosity that life is. The slow suffocating knot that tears at my throat.

And yet, I look still at the candle, and keep it alive day after days, weeks after weeks, months after months. I am but weak in the idea of letting go of my last remaining hopes. I cling to them as if they were my very life source. Afraid that if I let go, that I might lose what is not even there anymore. And to say that in desperate attempt to keep her close to my heart, I have named my steed after her.  How much a farce must I look toward all of them. But I do not care, they do not understand.

But maybe.. just maybe.. it's time for the innocent to grow up. And let go of her dreams.

Maybe..

[Hellblazer]

*Tyillaan looks at the candle that is almost out, an other candle ready to take it's place and she sighs*

I find that each time I change those, it takes more and more to bring me to change them. I am losing hope that she will ever be back. No.. I have lost hope.  So why am I keeping the flame alive? Why do I not receive any news from her.. of any sorts? She must have forgotten about me.

*there is a spot of ink where her quill staid on the page*

All I can do to try and forget her, is to train.. and train .. and train even more. I sometime train so much that I fall asleep on my horse coming back home. It's a good thing she knows the way by now. And in that effect, I find that my skills have improved enough, that I was able to stay hidden from the sight of Vrebel, Tralek and Darthi on our last trip down the rift. I even got the chance to sneak up on Tralek.

I have noticed lately that he seems to be able to do the same things that I am trying to learn. Maybe I should ask him to teach me.. but at the same time.. I don't know.. I always held a hope that Mai would teach me what I lacked. But with her gone now.. Maybe I should ask him.

*She watches the candle flickers, and before it fizzles out, she bring the new candle to the old one, and the flame stays a live. She then put out the old one and looks at the dancing flame again.*

I don't know how much longer I will have the strength to keep this flame alive.

[Hellblazer]

*She looks at the candle for a moment and gets up moving toward it. With a tear flowing down her right cheek, she pinches the flame out and heads out the room, looking back toward the candle before closing the door. A rolled scroll is in her pocket as she heads to the market, a katana tied to her back*

[Hellblazer]

I have never felt so alone. When I was shun from the church for trying to save two of her clerics and becoming what I had sought for long before I even came to know her mercy and love, I felt like I had no family anymore. I had friends yes, but no one I could call my family, except her. And now that I have lost even the hope to see her again.. I have no one left. Friends yes, but no one that I can really talk to, tell my fears and joys. Share my laughers and tears unafraid of what they might think. It's something that is unbearable.

Maybe that's why I have been looking else where for the past month or so. Not for someone else, but for something higher. And today I have found interest .. or maybe more a sense of intrigue.  I don't know if it's because he seems so strong that it gave him great charisma.. or because of the wings he had, or for the fervor he shown in his own beliefs. But what he said to me about Katia.. seemed.. comforting. I don't know I need to learn more. He did ask me if I had an affinity for nature, to which I must have seen like an innocent little child. Saying I loved my horse and my little cat, well my panther.. But how much more of a silly little girl could I have made him think of me? He said there was more to nature than just fauna, that there was many gifts of life others than those that walk of fly. Like the plants, the tress, the rocks. Could it be that Katia is such inclusive that all can be part of her? I wonder if she would also look upon those of my kind? But in truth there is something about this, about being one with everything.. never feeling alone, empty. Because everything around you is part of you.. I wish to learn more.. see if this could be what I am looking for, to feel this void in me. I hope to see him soon again so we can talk more, he said he would like that. Guess it's just a question of finding the time. Plenarius is his name, they also called him the Bird Lord. Fits well with his wings.

On an other hand.. I got up the nerve to ask Tray to teach me how he does his attacks, but he didn't answer. Maybe he was just too tired from the long trip.. or maybe he just doesn't want to. I will keep training on my own then.

[Hellblazer]

I've finally asked him again and he has agreed to teach me. The first thing he did was to actually show me the weak points of my enemies. They vary from one an other, but at least now I know what to look for. He's also complemented me a whole lot, when I was keeping the right distance, and moving around so they would lose track of me in combat. In fact.. they both have been paying to me a lot of compliments lately. Feels weird... but good.

My skills at hiding are improving, so are those at moving silently. Maybe I should start working with traps a bit more, and keep on practicing my lock picking. I'm not that great at it, but I keep trying.

There is a certain.. how can I say.. exhilaration at being able to just stand there unseen by my foes, without even having to use the Al'noth. And I find it amusing to play tricks on Vrebel and Tralek from time to time, when they are not paying attention and I'm able to move around unseen. I cheers me up somewhat.

On a slightly other word.. It seems that no one even wants to buy the Katana I had made for her. Guess I'll go and donate it to a church somewhere. I wonder where the Katia temples are. Maybe they need one for one of their people.

[Hellblazer]

Things have changed a little.

Duches and I have.. well started to spend more intimate time together. I know she will never be able to be faithful, so we just spend time and enjoy the moments without any feelings for her. She's a friend with extra as one once said.

one of the extras is that she started to train me to be a sneaker. Where Tralek showed me where to shoot, how to flank. She shows me how to pull my foes into position where they are most vulnerable, how to use the surroundings to my advantages. And how to look for the best way to shroud my self with shadows and darkness.

I have to admit that it's satisfying to see that I am progressing.

Zira had also an attack or what I thought it was. I'm not sure anymore if it was or not, she will let us know when we visit her. But I used all my powers to help her. Trying to make us both become mirrors that the Al'Noth could reflect on us back to the attacker. I was also affected by it while trying to help her.. and Mai came back in force, feelings pain.. It was like how I was a year or so ago.. when all I could do was being hurt and cry by her absence. I don't know what it was that was attacking us, but at one point I knew that I had succeeded in freeing Zira from it. I just kept pushing and pushing on the Al'Noth so that the person could feel his own pain through his own magic. I think I did it, because after a while I just felt peace, acceptance and I was feeling myself. So I think that the person had lost his connection to us.

I had never tried this before.. I don't know what the consequences could have been if I have failed.. but I don't care.. no one hurts my friends and expect me to be merciful. It's a new trick for me for sure. Now I know that if anyone would try this again.. or any other magical attack of the sorts on me. I can reflect it back onto them.

[Hellblazer]

*Takes her journal out and rubs the dust off of it.*

I don't really know where to start.

First, I have to say that I was slightly successful with an other scrying attempt. I found Argos, I told him what I had on my mind, and now we are through. I can not be friends with him while he hurts one of my other friends, Zira. He is stubborn, childish, egoistic. He knows he did the wrong thing I could see the doubt in his eyes at one point, but his selfishness pushed him further into his thinking. So I told him that until he fixed things, we were through. I will not support his actions, I can not support his self destruction. But when I came back home from the Audiran desert, where I found him, Elohanna was waiting for me. She asked me if I had used divination in the house, scrying. I didn't lie to her there was no need to, and she forbid me to do the same again in the house. How can a mage forbid the use of some part of the Al'noth is beyond me. I was steaming mad, and I asked her for her help nonetheless to complete what I had told Argos. That I would move away because I couldn't stand to live in the same house as a coward and someone that hurts my friends and myself. She refused because she thought she had to try and talk to him to understand and help him. I was even more mad and I decided to move all my things, only leaving the bed and empty chests.

I've seen her again lately in north point and we talked again, I wasn't mad at her much anymore. But is she disillusioned? Is she really going to try to live by an other God's lie about the sanctity of life and that no harm should be done? Is she going to become like my old faith and decide that the life of others is worthless and not deserving to be protected, letting them be sacrificed, killed and hers as well instead of taking arms to protect them? I don't know.. She said she would do everything in her abilities to protect those she cares about. But yet.. she gave her bow away. I wonder if it was her children that were being attacked, would she leave them to die or would she put down those who are trying to kill them. We had a lengthy discussion about that. I usually don't shoot first and I try to see if one will attack or try to parley. Usually that ends up with them attacking. She doesn't really agree with that, but that is how I see things. If they attack me without even trying to talk a resolution first.. they deserve to be taken down. I will not let me or a member of the group I am in get killed by my inaction.

Well that's that. that's the major things that has happened lately beside some others that I will write about now.

I have gain power again. I have mastered the ability to cast stronger spells, although I choose to cast the spells I already know, but in a way they last longer. And I have also noticed I can memorize more spells also. It's a good feeling to see how far I have progressed. How better than my father I have become. Stronger, in both my martial prowess and my connection and use of the Al'noth. Some day I'll find him, and I will show him what I have become. I will show him that he failed into selling me as a slave, to keep me away from becoming stronger than him. Even though I keep training into new paths, my strength in the Al'noth keeps getting stronger. It amazes me.

My arrows have also become more powerful. With each arrows I touch, I can feel the enchantment on them becoming stronger. I am advancing into arcane archery well, and it pleases me.

Also.. after seven months of not seeing her, of her leaving without a word. She is finally back. She was trying to act all casual and as if nothing was wrong, but I was mad, so mad at her for putting me through what Mai had put me so many times. I think she understands it, but she's unfazed about it. Nevertheless we trained again. She says I have improved. And yes for sure I have. I kept training even if she wasn't there to guide me. Kept training how to move about without being seen or heard. For that matter, I utilized something she had done with spider legs in the spider cave. But since I didn't have any spider legs, I used broken glass. To walk through it without making a sound. At first it was hard, but I got the hang of it. I'm not the best, but I know I can walk unseen and unheard from many. I've also kept training my lock picking skills, I am sure that I am getting better at this too. Opening each and every time the door of the Storan crypts tells me that now. But in the past six months I have mainly concentrated on an other aspect. One that could be as important as being able to open locked doors, since some of them also have traps on them. I am confident that I have a strong use of the Al'noth to be able to disable wards.. maybe not all wards, but a lot of them. I needed to train how to disable mechanical traps also. I'm sure with time I'll find a way to do it with the use of the Al'noth, but to be able to do it manually when the Al'noth can't be used, is also important. So I have trained on disabling traps. Small and inoffensive ones at first.. no sense into killing me while training. But I got those pretty fast. So I moved on onto harder ones, and again.. I am getting the hang of it.

Now if I could only get the hang of how Mai and Duches attacks the weak points of the opponents. I know how, Duches and Tray showed me. I just can't seem to be able to do it yet.

[Hellblazer]

Well I have tested my skills with harder traps with the help of Tralek and Vrebel. He said it was a trap of medium strength or the likes. I just know that I needed some tools to help me with it, but I was able to recover it. The disabling of the trap seemed easier than trying to recover it, but since it was his trap, I didn't want to spoil it for him. I'm glad though, it shows I have made much progress. Even Tray thinks I am becoming better faster that he was. He taught me an exercise that is aimed at being light footed, so I can move more swiftly in combat. The exercise itself seems a bit silly, but still. I've been practicing it with some people I know from fort Llast.. I can't imagine that I would have got to know some of the fort dwellers, but at least it serves it's purpose. Although my footing is already much faster and lighter than them, I don't think I'll be learning much from training with them.

I don't know.. it seems I am so close to discover the only thing that is eluding me. Well I know there is still something I should train in. Tracking and tracks differentiation. I've seems to be able to become proficient in all the other thins, I'm sure I will be able to get the hang of this also. But who to ask.. Duches could certainly help I think. I'll ask her, the next time she decides to grace me with her presence... right...

[Hellblazer]

Things have moved very interestingly, better than I could ever hope. Spending lots of time with Duches lately, training.. and more. Just the other day when I saw her leave Dalanthar, I decided to follow her, using all the technics she had shown me. It was really fun, not even once did she turn back to look. Walking silently, using the shadows and every but of the terrain to conceal me. I was stalking her right.

At one point I decided to join her in the fight, so I shot an arrow without warning her, blowing past her ear a few inch. Very controlled, precise, sneaky as she said. Took down the opponent right between the eyes, with only one arrow and no stabbing of her swords. She turned around, scanning the area a moment until she saw me, her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped slightly, then we started to laughs like little girls. The expression on her face was just hilarious.

She had already told me just a few days before that, that there was nothing more she could teach me. But that I could always come to her when ever I wanted, and that I was now ready to take proper contracts on my own, that would fit my skills. I'm not really sure what that means, but if she thinks I am doing this to steal or take contracts to kill.. She is mistaken, but then again, I guess one could make such assumption about a dark elf learning to sneak around.

Today though I told her about a little technique I had been trying. Of how to roll my feet when walking at a faster pace, so that even if I was on a quick walk, I was not making any noise. That's how I was able to keep up with her pace as she was heading to the misted village after all. She didn't know her and she was impressed that I, her student, had shown her something she didn't know.

I guess even when you teach, there is always place to learn new things.

[Hellblazer]

Even thought they told me they had nothing else to teach me, I still think there is always place for improvement. No one has ever fully master an art, there is always something they can improve if they take the time to actively analyze what they are doing. That's what I have been doing as of late.

Lets start with the little things. Opening locks. What do you need to open locks, beside the basic tools. As the pick and the prod. You need to be very dexterous that's for sure, have a sure hand, but yet still nervous in it's touch.. A controlled nervous. Why is that? on would say. It's my understanding that one that has a steady hand but without the slight nervousness in it.. maybe that's not the right term, but I understand myself, will not really feel the slight notch, will not feel when to lift or the pick and prod. You have to feel when the springs in the lock twitches and sticks slightly when you prod them just at the right hight and angle. And you have to react quickly to it and pass to the other one, else they reset and you have to start back. That was tricky for me at first, but as I have learned in the many times I have went to Storan's and open the locked door, I have become proficient at it. But there is always more I can learn to be able to open the more difficult locks.

Now how about disabling traps. Well again you need patience, courage. You obviously need a steady hand again, but this time, there is no place for nervousness in the way you proceed. You need to analyze the trap carefully, inspect it under every available angle, to see where the wires are, see where the springs are and which one you can safely take out to render the trap inert. Flagging a trap is easier when you know where it is, you just put a marking on the ground so the others know, but then you also have to know what is the safe distance, so that if it blows up, they will be out of the range of the trap. That requires basic knowledge of the traps and what they do. A spike trap is the easiest to know, unless its a spring loaded spike trap, that flings the spikes in all direction like glass shards from an exploding window, then you know they have a rather limited radius. Gas trap are always a bit more tricky, there is many things that comes into factor. The gas canister size, if there's wind, is it a heavy gas or a light gas that will move upward faster than the prior. What kind of gas is it. That one you can never really know, because it's never a good idea to try and inhale the gas, but there are sings sometime. Retrieving a trap, well that's an other game all together. How to disable it in a way that you do not destroy the trap so you can reuse it an other time, takes a lot of practice and understanding of the traps. But in the end, it's just more practice.

Hiding, well that one could seem simple, but it's not. There is many thing to take into consideration when you hide. Your surroundings for one. Do the colors I wear contrast with the colors of my surroundings? If I lay down in the snow, black, brown red, will be easily seen. Even if you wear pure white you will still be seen. But on the other hand, if you have different shade of white, light gray and light blue. Then you will fade in with the snow more easily. Why because even the purest of snow have contrast on it from the shades, if it's flat or if there is relief to it, which will produce some slight shadows. On the other hand, when you try to hide in the shade, darker colors will always be better. I find that hiding in nature is maybe the hardest. There is so many variant in the colors, in the depth of perceptions, the light and shadows. But once you get used to it, you know how to place your body to contour the rock, tree, bushes, so you can then become part of them. Wither you have the exact match of colors and patterns don't always matters, if you know how to place yourself, and chose the best spots. That requires you to have a good sense of perception, quick to look around and notice the best spots that will fit what you are wearing, but not only that. If you plan to move, you need to see the path that are available to you, close patch of hiding spots, where you can move safely and quickly from one an other, without revealing to much of yourself.

And because of that comes my next point. Silence.. Silence is king in a kingdom of noise. There is always noises around you, wither it be people whispering, walking, drinking. Birds signing, a light breeze in the foliage of the trees and bushes. As long as you can keep control of your body, or your breathing, even control over your heart to slow it down. Then you will be able to drown yourself with the surrounding noises. When walking in silence, not only do you have to analyze where you are standing, hiding yourself, but you also have to actively look where you are steeping. To roll your foot on the ground carefully, so that you do not thump your heel. To distribute your weight evenly on the greater surface of the foot, while it rolls, so that your weight do not press only in one place and risk breaking twigs. I practice a lot with fine glass on that matter. Controlling my weight while walking on a slow pace at first, and when I was getting better, going up to a quick walk, so that I knew I would be able to change position, quickly without being heard or seen. That's how I was able to follow Duches into the misted village and take down that foe, without her knowing I was there until she saw the arrow pass her by only a few inch and take him down.

But sometimes, you have to improvise. There are times where all the carefulness will not be enough. Those time you have to be quick of though. A bottle, a rock, a slight whistle, playing with shadows. Can all be used to distract an opponent so you can then silently and stealthily pass by him or her. Or even better, let you come close to your opponent so you have a better blow or arrow placement. Again, it's a question of analyzing your surroundings. How many foes are there? How far apart ar them. If I take that one down, can I do it in a way he can't call for back up, and if I do, will the other risk hearing him? All of those must be thought on an instant. It takes practice and  mise en situation to get your mind to the quickness of thought needed.

The last but not the least. How to hit, where to aim. There are always week points into your foe. A point where you will do the most debilitating damage. Are you looking to give him a quick death, or a slow one? Are you looking to slow him down, or effectively prevent him from moving. Those take time to know, and time to recognize from foe to foe. A shot to the heart, the neck, the inner thigh, will generally give a quick death, although from the inner thigh, it's slower from the first two. An arrow  to the knee, will reduce his movement speed, while a shot to the ribs and under arm, will reduce his movement range. A shot to the head will usually end the combat right then and there, but as the head is a smaller sized target, it is also hardest to aim at as it is quite often in continuous movement. And then there is also understanding that if the target sees you, he has the advantage to parry your attacks easily. There for it's always a good thing to use a cover. Wither it be someone fighting in front of you, or hiding behind a tree stump (although that one wont work for many shots until they understand where you are shooting from ) or even the cover of the shadows. They might still hear the shot coming, but the quickness of the arrow makes it an epic feat to evade in darkness, unless they can see through it. So it's always better to not just count on one thing, and be prepared to use many things that are available to you. Blind them, shoot them to slow them down, move and reposition yourself constantly so they can not pinpoint where you are easily. Have someone to distract them, while you shoot them from the right range so they have the hardest time to avoid your arrows.

In retrospect, it's a lot of things to know, but once you have practiced them, and practiced them again and again. It becomes natural. And that is how it is for me now. I don't always have to think where to stand, how to walk. I just do it, because I have gained confidence in my abilities and I know I can do it.

[Hellblazer]

Well now that she has nothing more she can teach me, she has served her  purpose. A shame, she was rather nice to have around, maybe I could still keep her to satisfy my other needs. I'll have to think on that. I just need to keep practicing and I know I'll get the attacks down. Only a matter of time now. I'm just tired I guess of the people that says they want to be with you and do things, but then never act on it. Keeping them at arms length is one way not to get singed I guess.

[Hellblazer]

*Ty sits in front of her fire place, in her room and thinks before penning down her thoughts to paper*

I guess I didn't really knew them. When I first met them many years ago they seemed like amicable people. We even traveled together on a few occasion and not once did they give me the impression they were what I discovered they were.

I have no idea why, beside what they claimed, that they were after some necromancer, but it didn't give them the right in any case. I saw what I saw, I know what I saw. Gimli killed that man in cold blood, and when it was time for him to face justice he tried to run away, and then Stygian came in and tried to help him escape. Up until the point where we had Gimli binded, and he was shot in the neck by the family member of the person he killed. He died gargling in his own blood. I didn't like that one bit, I was hoping that he would face trial. But even Jennara was powerless to have the law obeyed and to have it settled in court. Having some others of the group call for his death didn't help either. But right then, as Gimli was dying, Stygian used a necromantic spell, finger of death it's called, to kill the one that shot Gimli.  Some would say it's revenge, others claimed that they had found the real necromancer.

In anycase, it just happens that I saw an add that was made by Gimli seeking someone to take on a contract and a target, in the market hall. Of all things, why would he make an add in a public space where any one could find it, with his name also. Either he is mad with revenge and seeks to take it out on those that contributed to his capture, or it's a diversion. In anycase, it's probably wise I send words to my allies.

It's sad really, throughout my life on the surface, whether it be at the temple or outside of it, I have made a point not to make enemies. To befriend as many people I came to trust. I guess part of the reason why, is that I am a dark elf, living in a world where people hates us and would kill us on sight, even if I have done nothing against them. So I guess It's time I ask aid of those I befriended. I'll send letters to Elly, Storold, Tralek, Vrebel, Kurn, Duchess, Marec, Marcus, Argos, Alazira, Gormungard. I'll even send a letter to Jennara, both to ask her protection but to warn her she might be a possible target.

If I had not seen that notice at the market hall.. I don't even want to think about it.

[Hellblazer]

I had not realized how many people took a liking in me until I received responses to my letters. Most of who I have sent letters to have answered me back pledging their support in one way or an other. Some of those with more direct response that I think could be well deserved for their actions.. but at the same time could potentially place the trust the others have given me into questions. It's a delicate balance that I have to maintain.

How ever I'm a bit sad that I haven't receive any words from Marec, Storold or even Jennara. And the later leaves me more than perplexed. She was there, she is possibly one of the possible targets, yet no words. It's as if she has no care about it. Maybe because she thinks they can't touch her.. but what about the others that were there? Does she care about them or since it doesn't concern her and it doesn't concern the law, she just doesn't care? If that is so, then I guess I really misjudged her.

Why did I even get involved in the first place? It's not like it would have made them look at me with other feelings than distrust and hate as they have now. Maybe because it was how I didn't really feel well with the others, which really showed when Zariana and Raziem cheered for his death without trial.. I just felt compelled to say something that wasn't like them. Not that I really believe in the laws and all, they seem to fit only one type of people, and those that have enough connections and money to simply have the law enforcers look away when they do their deeds. Maybe I'm still slightly shook up by how my old church prefers to sacrifice her flock instead of protecting them, that even if I see someone do something truly evil I'm still willing for him or her to get a chance, and not just be summarily sacrificed. Whether it be for a god, or for the sake of illusions of laws and justice.

No clue, but what I know is that I got into this mess, and now there is a way for me not to get trapped in it.

[Hellblazer]

Again today I have seen the gross incompetence of the law officers, called the Rofireinites. Aesthir was present when the pawn broker Jared made his statement that we should have manned up and taken by all means the mushroom in that cave, knowing that there was someone tending to them. He even said that he didn't have to spell out what we should have done to get them. It was an obvious confession that he wanted us to mug the halfling. But yet as a guard came and Aesthir gave him the report, the guard refused to do his job, refused to acknowledge that a protector of Rofirein had told him to take Jared into custody. That guard has even refused to give him his name, and to tell us who was his commanding officer. It is obvious that he was part of the corruption that plagues that city. And the rofies are simple pion unable to have the law obeyed. It's the second time I see that happening. Started with Jennara, being unable to get Gimli a fair trial, and now Aesthir unable to have his authority respected in his own town.

[Hellblazer]

Some one has tried to frame me, already with the contract that was put out by Gimli I was on my guards, but with the attempt to frame me, I had placed myself on house arrest, until it was the right time. I turned myself in and got the trial. Tray was just phenomenal, he completely destroyed the prosecution case. We didn't even have to call any of my witnesses.

It perturbs me that dark elves would ask for my release and me being handed to them, claiming to be from the Selaama house. If this wasn't a ploy I have never seen one. Selaama was the last name given to me by Wren, since I didn't even know my own name. My father had never called me by my name, nor my mother before she disappeared.

I have to find out who is trying to frame me, and when I will. I don't know what I'll do.

The month I spent secluded in the house I've been thinking a lot. People will never accept me unless they see I am no threats to them. And this idea just came to me. What if I represented what they need the most? People always feel safer if they know that the enforcers of the laws are close by ready to protect them. I doubt each and every single law enforcers are actually rofireinites. There is surely some that are not followers of the gold dragon but still work for the laws. If I can get accepted by them, then maybe it will be easier for the people to see I am not a monster.

[Hellblazer]

I have finally decided to come home.. after spending years away. My room was empty, but that's only due to a misunderstanding. And Elohanna had sold the house to Sehky, who I knew a little but not much and his wife, don't ask.. I thought he was with Breanna.... Love what an insipid thing. You think you understand it, but on the other hand it bites your heart out and chews it. His wife is called Keela.. and she wasn't happy at first to know that I came with the house, that was the deal. They had no choice in it, well they could have bought an other house, but if they wanted this house, I was to remain living there until I choose otherwise.

Keela first seem very nervous about me, almost as much as I was about her I guess. They explained to me what had happened. The betrayal they went through from an other like me they thought where their friend. And now I found out that Breanna not only has fallen under his spell.. of sort.. but she even miscarried a child from his. I have broken a sacred covenant of the dark elves when I told Breanna exactly what his world is about. To every details I remembered my father teaching me even though he kept me hidden from all the other dark elves. I know it shook her to actually realize how deeply perverted, monsters, manipulative, and murderers my race is. But even with that, she still think she knows what she is doing. I trust her but at the same time, I am unable to trust in her logic at the moment. She is led blindly by her emotions. And the worst part is that she knows that eventually she will be betrayed by him.. or she will betray him. In some part it reminded me of what I knew about Mai, but chose not to believe would or could happened to me. Good did that do to me.

Why is it that people can choose to ignore what logic is for the sake of a feeling. What is it in love that is so much comforting that we are willing to accept and cherish the fact that somewhere somehow we will be annihilated by it? I can understand the beauty of it, the attraction, the desires. I can even understand the need of it. But why? Why does someone goes head over heels to have the best appearance, even if he's ugly as a troll. And why does someone falls for it and falls in love with it? What compels us to seek out others, even those we know will hurt us, but just accept it?

Ever since I've talked to Keela the first time, I was wondering what pushed Breanna that way, and after talking to her.. I just don't understand. But she is my friend and will remain so. I will take no sides in this unless her Dark Elf forces me to.

And the worst part of it is, that Keela seems to think that Ilsare would hold the answers to that. That she would welcome me with open hands me a dark elf. I don't know.. some part of me still believe in the teaching of Az'atta. In the possibility for all to be redeemed if they truly seek it. I just don't believe in how they view that redemption as being an acknowledgement to the end of their lives. That to be truly redeemed you have to be willing to let others be sacrificed while you simply watch.. and do nothing. Yet when I look at the beauty of their Ilsarien temple, the love they have for archery.. I could see it. But love? Maybe it's just that love has nothing to do with it. Is love really necessary?

Keela seems to want to teach me about Ilsare, we sat there in the flowers in Hlint the other days me hidden of course, and talked about it a little, amongst other things. I think she even wants to present me to the priests of the temple there. But I'm weary. First.. it's Hlint.. for some reason.. Hlint has become part of my life and I'm always drawn to it for a reason or an other. Not always good ones either. Second it was in Hlint that the rumors were put to rest that I was the murdering archer.. I still hold the letter of judge Kirus about it. Lastly, it's such a beautiful place.. if it wasn't for the people for the most part.

I just don't know where I'm at now.. maybe Keela is right.. maybe she's not. I don't know.

[Hellblazer]

Things have not changed for the better in Hlint, and I can't blame them.. but they should at least recognize people that tried to help them over the years.

Keela, Sehky and I went to the temple in Hlint.. a very tense moment for sure. Calisse was more compose but the other priest I'm sure would have killed me if it wasn't for her. At first Calisse was cooler but still very much apprehensive of me for not knowing me, but then when she saw I was who I am, things turned for the worst. For a moment. but even her didn't have the heart to lie to me. Maybe that's a sign maybe not. But what's turly important is that I was wrong and Keela was right. Ilsare has already accepted dark elves into her frey and even more, one of her Naive is a dark elf Talia Hycinth. If Ilsare can accept a dark elf to be a naive.. then maybe she can accept me to be just a follower.

Once we parted ways with that news, Keela, Sehky and I started to talk. They explain to me that the most important thing to Ilsare was creation of art and also encouraging the expression of art of others. Like if someone creates a bow, encouraging them to make better engraving on it to ornate it. That's something that should be easy to do. One thing that will not be is to encourage the expression love between people. After what happened with Mai.. I don't know if I can..

But maybe with time, as we will make our way to the Breathe of the muse to see Talia, maybe there as they teach me I will be able to. Maybe through their expression of love for one an other, I'm going to learn again. maybe I'll find my place now.. with Ilsare.. And that's already a comforting thought.

[Hellblazer]

*Tyillaan stands looking at herself in the house mirror. Looking at her armors and their new colors. She wears them one at a time, rearranging them on her figure looking at them as if they were things of the pits. Finally she stops and sighs while walking to her bed. As she reach it she jumps on it and takes her journal and quill*

They are the same, but yet my armors seems to feel like if they were not of this world. There was comfort in how black my armors were, beside the one Vrebel liked the most, which I think it was really due to seeing a whole lot of me.

It took me months literally of thinking on what Sehky and Keela was telling me, and I came to the conclusion that to worship Ilsare is in everything we do, or wear. Not by vanity, or thinking that one is more beautiful than an other, or more intelligent or gifted than an other, but on a personal level as to be doing what would please Ilsare the most. And being clouded in black from head to toe is not what she would find pleasing. Not the Deity of all that is beauty, music and arts. So I died my armors to her colors, hoping that by this small thing I would get closer to her a bit more.

I found myself thinking more on what Sehky had said about encouraging others in their expression of art. To me archery is art, and wizardry is also an art in it self. So when you combine the two you make something truly unique. Well many others are doing the same, but it is still something of beauty, and maybe that's how I could encourage others. If Ilsare permits it, maybe I could become a teacher of her heartsong archers, teaching them how to combine the art of Archery and Magic together, and for those who are able to, guide then and encourage them into Arcane Archery. In this I would honor both my teachers, and her.. I think. Maybe that's something I should see with Talia Hycinth when I finally meet her.

Food for thoughts at the very least.

*She leaves her journal open on her bed for the ink to dry and goes back to stand in front of the mirror admiring her armors again, this time with a new appreciation.*