The Start of a New Legend... Maybe

[Mrdudeman]

Hello People.  greetings from all other RPGs in the world. Ive been at them all. You name it. Runescape,Guild Wars,World Of Warcraft,Diablo 1,2,and soon to be 3. But this game appealed to me with what seemed to be an outcast to these other RPGs. My brother, Shiff Drgheart, mentioned in this game you had to "role play" as a charecter in your own fantasy world with other people,as if it were your life. Well ive never done that before, but it seemed like an idea that needed to my tried by a game master,such as my self >.>  So here goes. And by the way, if any of you play those games ive listed,just holla at me,Im SURE i can help you out. And id like to get to know this Layonara game better. Thx people.

Diablo II: US East  lvl 87 Amazon "ImpalerXll"
Runescape: "Pipster99"  lvl 37 warrior
World Of Warcraft: Too many charecters for words >.>
Guild Wars: lvl 20 warrior/anything "Zeals Strength". soloed Underworld dozens of time, 4/5 maxed titles.

[miltonyorkcastle]

Good to see you giving something like this a try.

I'll warn you now, the pace of play here is generally much slower (in terms of killing and looting and leveling, anyway) than the typical MMORPG.

Do try to get involved in some quests. You'll find what makes this place fun and exciting is actually having a place in the world and the ability to change the world, for better or worse.

If you simply run around smacking monsters all day, you'll sort of miss out on the real charm of this place, so make sure you "slow down and take the time to smell the roses." There are, of course, plenty of crazy monsters to get killed by, but hopefully your death will mean more than, "Ah, snaps. I just got p0wn3d."

I'm guessing Shiff already at least hinted at this. Speaking of Shiff... he has an overdue date with a dark elf. That's right, Shiffy. I'm talking to you, killer.

[Mrdudeman]

oh im really up for it to..im tryin to make a story get approved before i can get started and i need help with ideas. Im a dwarf true neautral named Jalis Skykiller. I want to be the free spirited Party dwarf who can use an axe when neccecery. Any ideas for a story like tht?


and ty for your post and information.

[miltonyorkcastle]

Ask Blackguy about the dwarf.

Otherwise I suggest looking up some known dwarven enclaves (such as Lyn or Ulgrid's kingdom), and then just work from that.

Major questions include:

Why become an adventurer?
Still on good terms with family?
Where did he learn the use of a battle axe?
Does he favor a deity or generally give patronage to all or some?
Does he have a personal goal or mission?

That's a start anyway. CA's (Character Approvers) will have plenty more for you if you ask.

[Mrdudeman]

Character: Jalis SkyKiller
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Classes: Fighter/Barbarian/Weapon Master
Race: Dwarf
Alignment: True Neutral
Deity: Vorax


Biography:

Jalis was a free spirit.

  Always looking for a party,freinds,and a keen fight.  Violent when neccecary and caring when he feels needed,Jalis was always the
kind of Dwarf you wanted to have around.But a tale goes of a sad past,that after his dads death at the bar he worked in,due to a confused
drunk with a temper,Jalis ran to the bar himself,with his dads axe in hand and threw it in a fit of anger at this Drunk.
It didnt kill him,nor even hit him ,but the drunk had relized what was going on that moment. He had relized that he just
killed Bane,Father of Jalis Skykiller. Jalis didnt seek revenge,because even under his drunken shell of a man,he knew what he had
done was wrong,and terrible. The drunk had no excuse for what he did,and never showed his face around the bar again.Jalis,
years later,still kept his fathers axe, in the winery his father had built in the basement of his home,hanging on the wall,collecting
dust with all the aging beer an alcholic could dream of.
   Jalis has grown up much in the past 66 years. Skilled in the ways of a Greataxe, and social in the local clubs,pubs,
and churches. Jalis seems to be getting along pretty well for him self, always up for removing any sort and form of evil,or perhaps even
work with it. Jalis has helped many people out,from fending off Zombies,do defeating some trolls,or what ever somone may ask of him.Jalis
had shut down his fathers bar a few years past,due to the sadness that dredged that place for so long on Banes death.He never really
talked about his mother,and after Bane passed away,nobody dare asked. People enjoyed being around Jalis,whether they were just being sympathetic,
or just liking him as a freind. Jalis never adventrued alone,he needed to be with somone to share a quick joke with somone in the midst of battle.
When not crackin skulls on evil, He resides in a near by bar.Perhaps hes there for just a drink,or maybe trying to prevent any violence in that
particular bar. Tho the place his father had died in is now nothing but a stable,he pays his respects every saturday. There was no memorial at that
location because Jalis wants to build his reputation in the course of his future not his past.

is wut i got so far...u dont got to read it..skimming is cool. Any advice? its not yet done but lemme know if im going in right direction.  ty man

[darkstorme]

Speaking without wearing my Character Approver hat, I'd say you should flesh out where Jalis grew up, why he crew up without a clan, what his childhood was like, etc.  More details that explain how a character came to be what they are is always better than fewer.

Also, to avoid pitfalls when you do submit this character, prestige classes (like Weaponmaster) aren't approved on submission.

Also, I don't see anything in the submission to support Fighter, and only minimal support for Barbarian.  Fighters are trained in the use of arms and armour, and train fastidiously.  Just as Wizards study - so too do Fighters practice.  Barbarians harness their rage for battle - and while throwing his axe "in a fit of anger" is a good start, it doesn't really capture the Barbarian spirit.

Additionally, fending off zombies and trolls single-handed isn't exactly an easy task, and possibly one that a 0th-level character would find difficult.  He might help to do these deeds.

Finally, I don't see anything in the pre-submission (as it stands) to support Vorax as his deity.  How'd he come to know the Father of Battle?  Was his father a member of the faith?  Does he often pray to Vorax?  Having a name in the deity field generally indicates a fair degree of worship.

Again, none of this is formal, but these are all points that would likely arise during such a review.  Hope they help.

[miltonyorkcastle]

Looks like a good start. Go ahead and post that to the character submission forums. The CA's will ask for anything else they need from you. I am confused, though, was it Jalis or the drunk that killed Bane?


EDIT: Har! Dark beat me to it. and as he's a bonified CA, I'll default to him.

[Mrdudeman]

ill get working on that right away..that wuz just a start.an introduction if u will. Thx again guys. will post my complete version soon enough. Stay in touch

[darkstorme]

EDIT: Har! Dark beat me to it. and as he's a bonified CA, I'll default to him.

A bona fide CA, even! *grins*

Also, M. Dudeman, while formatting is not, has not, and will never be a bar to character approval, it does make it way easier for us to review a submission if it's tidily formatted, spellchecked, and so forth.  Unfortunately, the forum can play merry havoc on something formatted in Word/OpenOffice/anything other than the forum itself.  Your best bet in those cases is to make liberal use of the "Preview" button, to get an idea of what we'll be looking at when we review your submission.  Thanks in advance for making our job that much easier!

[Mrdudeman]

Character: Jalis SkyKiller
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Classes: Fighter/Barbarian
Race: Dwarf
Alignment: True Neutral


Biography:Jalis was a free spirit.

                 Always looking for a party,freinds,and a keen fight.  Violent when neccecary and caring when he feels needed,Jalis was always the kind of Dwarf you wanted to have around.But a tale goes of a sad past,that after his dads death at the bar he worked in,due to a confused  drunk with a temper,Jalis got the news and ran to the bar himself,with his dads axe in hand and threw it in a fit of anger at this Drunk.  The axe didnt kill the drunk,nor even hit him ,but the drunk had relized what was going on that moment. He had relized that he just  killed Bane,Father of Jalis Skykiller, with the jagged edge of a broken bottle. Jalis didnt seek revenge,because even under his drunken shell of a man,he knew what he had done was wrong,and terrible. The drunk had no excuse for what he did,and never showed his face around the bar again.Jalis, years later,still kept his fathers axe, in the winery his father had built in the basement of his home,hanging on the wall,collecting
dust with all the aging beer an alcholic could dream of.
                Jalis has grown up much in the past 66 years. Skilled in the ways of a Greataxe, and social in the local clubs,pubs,and churches. Jalis seems to be getting along pretty well for him self, always up for removing any sort and form of evil. Jalis has helped many people out,from fending off rats  in a nice ladies kitchen,to a vicous fight between him and a awoken zombie that neared town.Jalis had also shut down his fathers bar a few years past,due to the sadness that dredged that place for so long on Banes death.He never really talked about his mother,and after Bane passed away,nobody dare asked. People enjoyed being around Jalis,whether they were just being sympathetic, or just liking him as a freind. Jalis never adventrued alone,he needed to be with somone to share a quick joke with somone in the midst of battle. When not crackin skulls on evil, He resides in a near by bar.Perhaps hes there for just a drink,or maybe trying to prevent any violence in that particular bar. Tho the place his father had died in is now nothing but a stable,he pays his respects every saturday. There was no memorial at that location because Jalis wants to build his reputation in the course of his future not his past.Nobody can really say where he trained his axe,but the towns know it a supreme talent. Jalis never said it but people have come to believe its his father that inspired him to hack down evil with an axe.  Jalis doesnt seem to point near any specific goal,or any dream in his life. He seems to keep all the good people in the world under his wing and all the bad in the world  under his axe. Tho Jalis has been always cheery,and mellow,people sense that if provoked, a nasty being that nobody has seen before can
reveal it self.
  Other tales journey threw the lands of Jalis. Just small talk and dying rumors of few of his acts. Some have Witnessed Jalis training in the woods with a mighty axe,and when he would fail to do a certain trick he'd try to pull off, he would punish him self by  punching a tree with his bare fists,over and over again. He seemed he was practicing for something,for what,I do not know. He seemed very dedicated to his fighting, for even in practice,he wore his full suit of armor. He seemed a fit warrior. One that if trained a little more,Could be the Legend he seems to strive for.

*****Lemme know what you think and where i can submit. Any ideas on corrections and i will make them immediately. Thanks for the Information guys on the posts below. oppinions accepted on this as well*****THANKS

[darkstorme]

All submissions go in the Character Submissions forum.  The CAs (including yours truly) will review it formally at that point.

[miltonyorkcastle]

Bona fide... isn't that French or something? **glances around for any French players**

"Bonified" is the Texas-ized version of the French counter-part. Like so many other Texas-ized words (think y'all and hoss), the original word(s) are somehow altered to accomodate one of the two Texas drawls.


That or I'm just covering up for my apparent ignorance of the correct spelling of the phrase.

[ShiffDrgnhrt]

Speaking of Shiff... he has an overdue date with a dark elf. That's right, Shiffy. I'm talking to you, killer.

You just better be nice to my Brother    I'll see you later tonight

Yeah, I'm still not too sure my Bro is ready for the big time here on Layo, but I'll be watching him...  I'll make sure he behaves.    Right, Dudeman?

[Mrdudeman]

I'm back!  I think ...  *makes his bro dl nwn*

[miltonyorkcastle]

I was just wondering what happened to you.... yesterday, in fact.