Another public service announcement. I know we have quite a few young players and I honestly believe the Layo forums can be a valuable medium for imparting these important life lessons.
GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending $50 to yourself by the Postal service.
EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
HOME MAINTENANCE: You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.
DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
HOME IMPROVEMENTS: If it doesn't fit - get a bigger hammer.
CINEMA GOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts.
DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
RAPPERS: Avoid having to say: "Know what I'm sayin'?" all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside department stores with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
SCROOGES: Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".
SHOPPERS: Take one grape to the till. It won't register on the low-tech, insensitive scales so you will get it for free. Repeat this procedure 100 times or so and you have yourself a free bunch of grapes.
COLD: If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a Naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto - a warm snack!
HOME MAINTENANCE: If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
YOUNG MOTHERS: Calm hysterically crying children in the supermarket by firmly slapping their legs and then tugging them along by the wrist.
FEMALE SHOP ASSISTANTS: When a garage mechanic comes to your till, add on a selection of random items they didn't know they needed and charge them $50 labour costs for the transaction.
