Mel Gibson, Paris Hilton heck even Hasslehoff. You people have MILL-YUNS of dollars. You people could randomly ask a stranger for a ride and probably get it, just for the honor of hoisting your intoxicated butts to your front doorsteps for a simple autograph. You frequently arrive to PUPPY SHOWS and MTV AWARDS in huge stretch limos for well over 500 bucks an hour...
Seriously folks, CALL A TAXI!
I don't care how rich, important or "special" you C-note burning, jet-set wasteland folk think you are... if you have an extra 5,000 dollars in your account to give your poodle a pedicure, buy the elephant man's winnebago or whatever psychotically wasteful endeavors you have in mind, the very LEAST you could do is toss a friend a $20 for gas to be a designated driver.
Come on. You're rich. Some people think your talented. Do you REALLY have to risk the lives of innocent strangers just so you can go stroke your egos in some 1000 dollar doorcharge nightclub, chugging Crown by the pint and staggering yourselves to the parking lot towards your new *insert import gas-guzzler here*?
Seriously Hollywood, reflect a moment on this. You're rich, you're young, your agent can cut you a a million dollar deal any time of the week. Why risk ending it all for yourself and every other commuter on the road when you could very well be sitting back and relaxing in your own limmo/taxi/rickshaw/whatever?!
This goes for the non-rich as well. As heavy of a drinker as I am I've NEVER been tempted to get on the road while intoxicated. No, not even once. Let's list the reasons...
1) You're going to bloody kill somebody.
2) If you're LUCKY, you'll just kill yourself instead. I'd rather be dead than know I killed somebody for being a drunken idiot on the road.
3) One day, when you're ready, you WILL be sober. If you're drunk now, go ahead, have fun. If you want to drive, drink some water, chew some graham crackers and WAIT at least 4 hours. It's really not that hard.
4) Alcohol purchased at bars & clubs is 5X more expensive and surrounded by thousands of obnoxious people who probably don't want to date you anyway. Who needs that? Give me Friday Night Smackdown and a 12-pack and maybe some chickenwings, I'll save 30 bucks and FORGET about the woman! Seriously, who meets anybody worth meeting in a bar anyhow? Usually they just pass out in your living room and steal your VCR before you wake up.
5) Cops will often beat you. They've beaten me for less. One time I asked one for his badge number while he was harrassing a student and I got maced in the face and put in a headlock. Fun story that... He's not a cop anymore, but I have better political ties than most (The FOP President is my best friend's dad) Imagine what they'd do to a drunk idiot who's actually risking people's lives?
And so, here is the bloody EASIEST thing you can do to avoid drunk driving. Get a credit card and DONT USE IT! Stick it in your wallet and let it collect dust without a single dollar to accrue interest. This is your "Go Home and Sleep it Off" card. If in any case that your designated driver ditches you or you get a WEE bit tipsier than you expected, USE THE CARD! Call up a taxi and give him the number. A taxi only costs 30-40 bucks tops to get you home, you can pay that off easily in a fraction single paycheck. What more, now you have no EXCUSE to drive drunk, because hey, that's where it starts... "I was out here and drunk and I needed to get home..." HEY! USE THE FREAKIN CARD!
So, in short. Don't drive drunk, there is NO EXCUSE!
