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New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius
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Topic: New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius (Read 324 times)
Script Wrecked
Sr. Member
Posts: 1934
Thanked: 334 times
Six out of seven dwarves aren't happy.
New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius
«
on:
June 14, 2008, 04:37:54 am »
Name:
Gluteus Medius
Age:
18
Class:
Gladiator
Race:
Roman
Alignment:
Roman
Deity:
Zeus
Languages:
Latin, Greek
Bio/Description:
The middle child of three sons, I was born to nobility, to the king of a large kingdom, no less. Alas, for a more common existance. It is not easy being the son of king, you know, and second son at that.
Everyone looked up to my elder brother, Gluteus Maximus, the apple of my father's eye. My younger brother, Gluteus Minimus, was always everyone else's favorite. Where did that leave me!? Nowhere, my friend, but forgotten in the middle. Alas, I should have known when I was onto a good thing.
The thing about being son to a king is... the king is always concerned about his kingship. There comes a certain level of paranoia around the court. So, for example, if anyone should ramble on, prophesying that "he", the king, "is doomed to perish by the hand of a... certain son", well things suddenly turn south for said son.
It's not that I don't like shepherds, or even sheep, its just that I had never planned to be raised by one. Which was fortunate for me, because, it seems the shepherd who found me after I was sentenced to death (but before said sentence was executed, obviously), was apparently very well connected, and delivered me into the loving home of another king. Imagine that, not raised by one king, but by two!
This was a much better arrangement, by far. Two loving, and more importantly, childless, parents to dote on me. Things were certainly looking for the better.
Alas, it was all too good to last. If only I hadn't gone for a walk that day. I've always had bad feet, ever since that night when I was stolen away. If only they hadn't been aching so and put me in such a foul mood when I met that old man on the road. If only we hadn't shared a certain obstinacy about who should give way to whom. It would be his own fault if I ended up giving him a jolly good thrashing. How was I to know he was going to cark it?
And who would have thought my eye for older women what have got me into
sooo
much trouble...
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The following users thanked this post:
Stephen_Zuckerman
s0ulz
Sr. Member
Posts: 1316
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Re: New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius
«
Reply #1 on:
June 14, 2008, 04:41:59 am »
Psst.. Romans had Jupiter not Zeus
Unless it's intentional.. uhm.. *cough* Other than that, humorous stuff.
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LightlyFrosted
Full Member
Posts: 324
Thanked: 43 times
Re: New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius - FLAG FOR ED
«
Reply #2 on:
June 14, 2008, 01:24:26 pm »
Hi there!
This is a good first submission, but while well written, there are some technical points which need attention before it can be reviewed.
Class: Gladiator, as a prestige class, will not be approved at initial character creation. After some time playing in Layonara, you may be approved for Gladiator given a maintained CDT.
Race: Roman, as an ethnicity, is not a race in Layonara. For a listing of the races, please refer to the 'Start Here' section of LORE.
Alignment: Layonara uses the nine-point alignment system made popular by Dungeons and Dragons, on axes of Good, Evil, Law, and Chaos. 'Roman' is not an alignment within this system.
Languages: There is little support in this submission for the additional languages of Latin and Greek. Please remember that in order to have two languages additional to common, you must have an intelligence bonus of +2 or more.
In regards to the character bio, please note that we do not support characters claiming noble backgrounds. As well, a cursory examination of your character reveals a story quite similar to the Greek myth of Oedipus Tyrannus. Perhaps elaboration on the exact nature of your characters traveling encounters would help to differentiate the stories!
As a final note, the name 'Gluteus Minimus' is already well established in a popular book, known as 'Grey's Anatomy', in which the character is fan-shaped, arising from the outer surface of the ilium, between the anterior and inferior gluteal lines, and behind, from the margin of the greater sciatic notch. We take intellectual property quite seriously, and as such cannot approve the character under that name.
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Stephen_Zuckerman
Sr. Member
Posts: 4107
Thanked: 66 times
Re: New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius
«
Reply #3 on:
June 14, 2008, 03:30:03 pm »
I can't decide whether I like the first post better, or the third.
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Alatriel
Sr. Member
Posts: 3610
Thanked: 472 times
Re: New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius
«
Reply #4 on:
June 14, 2008, 05:35:28 pm »
While I appreciate the allusions to other works in your writing, as well as the obvious irony of names, I do have to wonder about the character's motivation... and perhaps if you are going to use a character background so close to both Oedipus and Paris of Troy, you should give them partial credit to your writing as to not be slapped with plagiarism.
Also, was he raised by the first king for a while, or was he raised by the sheep, not to mention the second king's purpose is a bit fuzzy... but none of that really matters since we cannot allow players to have the special priviledges of rank and wealth that the son of a king, or in this case two, would be given. If you can change that to him being of no noble blood or lineage, then we may be able to give the overall character more consideration.
However, I think that if you change the race to Human, and the alignment to "lawful stupid" which is generally the alignment played by Romans... well, those changes might speed along your approval.
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Marswipp
Sr. Member
Posts: 1128
Thanked: 7 times
Am I critically missing?
Re: New Character Submission - Gluteus Medius
«
Reply #5 on:
June 15, 2008, 01:02:36 pm »
I like puns.
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Playing D&D 3.5e, D&D 5e, Pathfinder, and exploring Starfinder through a VTT
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