The Politics of Cows > DEMOCRATIC > You have two cows. > Your neighbor has none. > You feel guilty for being successful. > Barbara Streisand sings for you. > > REPUBLICANISM > You have two cows. > Your neighbor has none. > So? > > SOCIALIST > You have two cows. > The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. > You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. > > COMMUNIST > You have two cows. > The government seizes both and provides you with milk. > You wait in line for hours to get it. > It is expensive and sour. > > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE > You have two cows. > You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. > > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE > You have two cows. > Under the new farm program the government pays you > to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. > > AMERICAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an > IPO on the 2nd one. > You force the two cows to produce the milk of four > cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an > announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. > > FRENCH CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You go on strike because you want three cows. > You go to lunch and drink wine. > Life is good. > > JAPANESE CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of > an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. > They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. > Most are at the top of their class at cow school. > > GERMAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots > of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. > Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation > per year. > > ITALIAN CORPORATION > You have two cows but you don't know where they are. > While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. > You break for lunch. > Life is good. > > RUSSIAN CORPORATION > You have two cows. > You have some vodka. > You count them and learn you have five cows. > You have some more vodka. > You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. > The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows > you really have. > > TALIBAN CORPORATION > You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. > You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private parts. > You get a $40 million grant from ! the US government > to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. > > IRAQI CORPORATION > You have two cows. > They go into hiding. > They send radio tapes of their mooing. > > POLISH CORPORATION > You have two bulls. > Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting > to milk them. > > BELGIAN CORPORATION > You have one cow. > The cow is schizophrenic. > Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times > he's Flemish. > The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. > The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. > The cow asks permission to be cut in half. > The cow dies happy. > > FLORIDA CORPORATION > You have a black cow and a brown cow. > Everyone votes for the best looking one. > Some of the people who actually like the brown one > best accidentally vote for the black one. > Some people vote for both. > Some people vote for neither. > Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. > Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you > which one you think is the best-looking cow. > > CALIFORNIA CORPORATION > You have millions of cows. > They make real California cheese. > Only five speak English. > Most are illegals. > Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
