Things you would love to say at work... (and maybe on Layo)

[merlin34baseball]

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a ....
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder --- my work here is done
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Oh I get it. .. like humor... but different

[OneST8]

"I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."

That has got to be one of the best lines I've heard in a long time!

hahahahaha

[Marswipp]

The majority sound rather lewed.

[DarkMerc_1017]

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
lol nice

-----
IN TIME THE STUDENT BECOMES THE MASTER
"a hero is no braver then an ordinary man he is just brave 5 minutes longer"
"courage is fear holding on a minute longer"
"he who fears being conqured is sure of defeat"

[Laldiien]

24. Do I look like a people person?
  This would be my mantra.

[Filatus]

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

I like this one.

[Rasterick]

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

Now, could it be me???

[Boxcar]

Um....I've actually used some of those.

 

Thought everyone did....

[SuperMunch]

Let's see, ones or variants of ones that I've said before...

1, 2, 3, 6, 8, 10, 11, 21, (24,) 29, 36 and 39

Oh, 24's in parentheses because I am a people person but I don't like people to assume I will do what they want me to just because I'm nice when I'm not in BOFH mode.

Do not mess with the BOFH, ever.  If you wish to have a polite guy on the line, call him after 9:00 am (or after his first cup of coffee) and wish him a good morning on the phone or else you will pay.  Treat the BOFH in the same respectful manner he treats you and all will be well, treat him like your slave and bad things might happen in the future...  The BOFH has patience and lots of it...  He will get you when you least expect it.

[Philosopher]

*He chuckles*
Very nice...