Women and Layonara

[Polak76]

Anyone have any tips?(women's point of view greatly appreciated)

I'm getting married at the end of the month and can forecast that my soon-to-be wife is going to have a serious issue with the time I spend on Layo.  Number 1. she hates the PC and 2. doe not a fantasty/RP bone in her body.

Am i doomed.  Do I say goodbye to Layo?  
Like the rest of you a good portion of my spare time is placed into Layo.  I'd like some ideas on how to prolong the experience.
Are there other blokes in the same boat?  what did/do you guys do about it?  should be a good laugh.

[Aragon]

Everyday mate ... everyday.  What I have found seems to work out the best is to come to a comprimise.  Mind you I have been married 7 years now and so we have grown togethor a bit.  But basically the comprimise I have with my wife is that she knows that Thursday nights I have a game night and she watches the kids and tries to keep them out of my hair.  The rest of the week is free game.  I try to jump up from my game and help out the rest of the week.  It seems to keep her tolerant of my playing on the off nights.  Example:  Do the dishes or take out the garbage without her asking.  It will put her in a good mood and you can get a few more minutes on the computer.  Its like inserting more change into the machine to keep playing.  Basically ... expect your play time to drop ... especially since you will be a newlywed.  Bottom line ... if you neglect your wife for the computer expect repercussions ... if you give her more attention then she won't mind if you spend a few hours on it at a time.  *** Hint *** When she goes to bed it's fair game. *** End Hint ***

[RouterBlade]

any advice i give will be a echo of aragon
grats on getting married though

[Xandor Loriland]

When I got married 17 years ago I would have described my wife the same way.  There have been times where she almost destroyed my computer because I overdid it.  But now she and two of our kids all play Layonara.  Compromise is the key and let her watch you and see how cool Layo is it might surprise you the effect having a character can have on her.  You will have to get a new computer so you can both play.  I just got done buying three new computers so my wife and I and one of the kids can play at the same time.  Any way just make sure your wife never feels like your cheating on her with the computer.  Make sure she's number one and you might be surprised.

[steverimmer]

I feel for you...I'm really lucky in that my wife is just as obsessed about DIY as I am about Layo.  So while I'm up here on line she's ripping the kitchen floor up and laying new tiles down (which she actually is as I'm typing this).  She decorates the rooms in the house in turn so at least one room is being decorated at a time, and she's just told me a couple of days ago she intends to knock down one of the walls to our conservatory and build an archway.  *grins* wow what a woman...she always amazes me with what she does  

Anyway the upshot of it is that we rarely have arguements about the time I spend online.  She really enjoys her hobby and she gets irritated when I butt in and try to help her and she respects my hobbies too, and she often tells me that she prefers me doing this to doing up motorbikes and bombing round the local countryside as I used to uptil a few years ago.

[Cp_Winddancer]

Well as I listen to the comments of my fellow married layo-adicts I can't help but say they are all correct.  However, I feel that you need the opinion of one who has not been married that long so I will give you mine.  Let me start by saying that Aragon is 100% correct, once she falls asleep its fair game to play all you want realizing that you do have to sleep too.  As well as it is an everyday comprise.  Myself I do my best to always keep my wife updated about my character so she feels a part of it.  She is slowly coming around and I hope to someday get her addicted to Layo as well, that makes life easy because you can call layo-time quality time.  I also do my best to make sure that she gets attention first every night right when I get home and that we do something together every night.  Be it watch one of her boring shows on TV or go for a walk.  It works and if she is happy so am I.  Aragon and I have played together a long time and on more than one occasion I had to stop playing to attend to the needs of she whom rules the house and thereby the computer. Ultamatly how you make it work is up to you and you alone.  Always remember the golden rule of marrage "If she is happy you will be to".  And of course the most important phase to know "yes dear".  Good luck, tell her you still have an obligation to an apprentice who knows she might buy it .  Again Congrads my friend.  I know you will find it to be the best desicion you will ever make. 
  Winddancer
  p.s. Don't even try to play till after the honeymoon is over or you will be doomed.

[freemen2]

Aragon - 7/12/2005  7:38 AM

....*** Hint *** When she goes to bed it's fair game. *** End Hint ***

ROFL!

[Dorganath]

Where there's a will, there's a way.  You shouldn't have to give up your computer for your wife, and she shouldn't ask it of you.  As everyone else has said, you can work it out.  As long as she doesn't feel neglected, then I'm sure a compromise can be reached.

And there are enough people here with wives, kids, etc. who will understand if you need to get up for a moment and tend to something.

Heh...my greatest memory of playing with Aragon is that we were in the midst of some good vs. semi-evil verbal posturing when I get a "// afk, screaming baby"  (or something to that effect)

That kind of puts things in perspective.

[Imperious]

This whole thread is cracking me up....My wife and I have been married for nearly five years now and she still doesn't get exactly what I"m doing...or at least, doesn't want to...

She basically makes up all these code names for what I"m doing.  When I was playing the Vampire CCG, it was "making vampire noises"(?)....now, with Layonara, she's a "PC Widow"...but as she likes to say, "at least I know where you are, and you're not out drinking, using drugs and making passes at other women."  Who am I to argue with that?

I will say, the one thing we had to discuss was the length of time I play at any one sitting. She was used to doing things with her friends tha took a set amount of time (out to dinner, see a movie, etc.). Because sometimes it can take a while to find people, get a quest going, etc. she was at first a bit upset of the number of hours I would stay on at any one time. I do think it's important, for those whose significant others aren't into Layo (and I am so jealous of those who have partners who play Layo too), to explain why it takes so long and that staying on the computer so long is not an indication of not wanting to spend time with him/her.

Good luck.  And ditto on the honeymoon advice above...

[Polak76]

LOL...great tips here.  I love Steverimmers arrangement, especially after i've renovated my whole house and still on-going.

[NitaThompson]

Short but hopefully wise advice.

1. Make sure that no matter what she is #1 in your life.

2. Share with her what you are doing.  Show her what the game is like and how you interact with people.

3. Make sure you spend as much time with her as you do on Layonara.  But..dont say "Okay baby I spent 5 hours with you today so now I am going to play for 5 hours"  bad move

4. After seeing you play if you see any interest in her eyes at all then help her to create a character and create one with her.  Teach her how to rp and how to create and experience new fantansies with you.

I used to think that these kind of games were pointless and did not want to have anything to do with them.  Then.. after I got to see what they were all about and created my first character I found a new love.  I am so thankful for being able to experience playing on Layonara and being able to be part of its rich history.

I wish you luck in your new life.

[Acacea]

*shifty* I'm a woman who plays (although it's true I just started) and I think it just depends on how her personality is. Compromising is all well and good, and if you make the effort I'm sure she will appreciate it, but some "significant others" just seem more inclined to get mad at you wasting your life away on "just a game" than others

Personally, mine plays more games than I do, but I'm more inclined to get sucked in and accidently waste the entire day than he is. Also, I don't play *with* him often because... well, example. He bought EQ2, and was praising it madly, and while it looked like fun, I did ask as a joke if they'd really even tried to make it a "role playing" game, and he kind of did the blank stare and said "Well it was in the first one, too...your character is a role, how are you not role playing?"  I have a love-hate relationship with EQ, but anyone who tells me it's role playing should be shot *snickers*

I tried sneaking NWN while he's asleep, but then I accidently sleep all day or something and just get messed up.  *looks around and whispers* I can't even play NWN with him, because he doesn't want to plan out our characters so we don't end up as an elven paladin + evil drow necromancer or something. But that doesn't bother him somehow. *grins* Oh well. Pretty much the only way I could get my role playing fix and not hide from him at the same time, was to play EQ with him and just have a character bio and such in my head and pretend that there isn't massive camping/powergaming/lolz brb omg u dont know how to play a l337 druid etc going on. Ziltinie! The evil (and pvp) gnomish necromancer who refuses to speak in common! Everyone gets mad and goes "we dont speak whatever, set language to common" and she scorns them and walks off. It helps.

Argh. I've rambled. My character's habits are seeping into my brain.

Edit: *grins* I'm sorry, the lamest things amuse me. I meant of course that I've just started playing, not just started being a woman, but still the sentence made me laugh. Ack. Never mind.

[Polak76]

All great advice.  I can agree with Acacea that EQ2 & WOW are both great games, but friends that have played them have all commented that there is no longetivity.  What i mean by that is that they lack good RP.  At the end of the day we're all here for our characters, the environment and the interaction.  Thats the problem that most commercial games lack.

Another apect i'd like to check is of those couples or families who do play together on Layo, how do they interact their Chars?  Do they play as comrads, enemies, relations or absolute opposites??

[jjkolb]

You may notice a step down in the amount of Layonara time after you get married.  It's when (and I don't know your plans) you have children that the time really drops.

But I don't want to steer this in a different direction.

[lonnarin]

Acacea - 7/12/2005  5:58 PM
I have a love-hate relationship with EQ, but anyone who tells me it's role playing should be shot *snickers*

Oh I know!  I quit World of Warcraft within a month because everywhere one walked were people named "MiniMagician" or "Nachocheeseman" or "MisterPoopBucket" running around talking 100% OOC, just gaining levels for the grand divine right to call other players "N00B!"  Meanwhile the roleplaying here is so thick you'd need a mithral pickaxe to chisel it.

I wound up making a Lonnarin for Guild Wars recently who's already started the "Roleplay Or Die!" Guild. It's mission statement is to stay IC 100% of the time and scoff at the silly L33t madmen with our medeival accents.  How many members ye ask?  oh yeah, still just me.  

No online game populace chooses to RP except for privately run NWN servers, I've found.  Open source gaming and people like Leanthar & Co. who make use of it and enforce the atmosphere are the future of online roleplaying I think.  I'm really hoping that NWN 2 continues this trend and beefs up their PW support with better administrative menus and such.

As for women and gaming, yeah its broken up quite a few relationships for me.  Luckily I forgot all about them once I hit lvl 9...