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Author Topic: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar  (Read 1069 times)

drakogear

New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« on: September 13, 2011, 11:37:42 pm »
Character: Michael Luthar
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Classes: Wizard
Race: Human
Alignment: True Neutral
Deity: Lucinda

Biography:

Young Michael grew up as the son of a farmer in the town of Beirun.There he spent a lot of his days tending the fields. Reaping and harvesting the crops with a scythe his father gave him when he was 12.

Occasionally Michael would get a chance to travel to the Blackford Castle to visit his uncle who worked at the graveyards as an undertaker and grounds keeper. His uncle was also a follower of Lucinda as to that of the Risen. So his uncles choice of profession wasn't all that surprising. During his stayed with his uncle, Michael learned a lot about Lucinda and came to worship her himself. Often preying for her and the Al'noth help raise the crops in there farm.

Michael also learned a good deal about magic and wizardry though it was mostly necromancy as as they mostly studied the dead bodies brought to them to be buried. A bit surprising however is that Michael was never once squeamish or sickened by the sight of any of the rotting corpses. If anything, the study of the dead has given Michael a deeper understanding and respect for the dead.

This respect has brought with it sorta guardianship over there resting grounds. So, at times Michael would give prayer to the Star Mage to aid him in protecting those that lay at rest and at peace then he don a long, black, hooded robe and wander about the graveyard at night with his scythe in hand. This gave off a frightening visage of doom to any who dared to enter the graveyards at night. Though a grave robber or two do slip by at times but in witch case Michael heightens the terror with his magic. A cold ray just over there shoulders from behind, sends a chill down there spine. An enfeeblement in there legs make them weak in the knees and lastly, there worst fear wraps there mind, causing them to go running for the hills. With each night that Michael safeguards the graveyard his uncle would grant him more training.

One night however Michael heard a strange noise coming within one of the catacombs so he went to investigate. Wandering through, he examined the dead within there wall beds. So calm and peaceful they all were. all at rest and at peace. Till suddenly the strange noise was heard again, coming from just down the hall. A rat? maybe a spider. Michael followed the noise and there his worst fear. The dead. They were not at rest, not peace. They have been defiled and so to there resting ground, desecrated. Such injustice could not go unpunished. Michael griped tight to his scythe and cut down the two skeletons roaming the hall then on into the chamber at the end.

There within the chamber Michael saw a lone mage standing by a coffin in the middle of the room. The closing of the chamber door got his attention. This was clearly the one who desecrated these resting grounds and he is going to answer for his crimes.

His uncle had told him of the evil Mortis and how they often disrespect the sanctity of the dead. By his uncles description, the man standing by the coffin matched that of the Mortis. Though luckily that of a lowly initiate and although a practitioner of the dark arts himself Michael has always had a disdain when it came to raising the dead. Seeing as it denies them there eternal rest.

The mage tried making a run for it but was quickly caught and dragged to the ground by Michaels scythe. This man was but a lowly mortis mage. Weak in power. Yet, he has desecrated these resting grounds and so now he well join them. "Defiler of the dead." Michael raised his scythe high. "your soul shall be harvested." He impales the mage with the blade of his scythe. "And layed to rest..." drages the blade across, splitting the mage open and ensuring his death. "eternal" Michael pulls his scyhe out the sprays the body with fire. Burning it to nothing more than a pile of smoldering ash. Ensuring he never rises again.

Though,  his encounter with the Mortis has left Michael a bit uneasy. To reanimate the body of the unwilling as the Mortis often do. That Michael could not allow. Especially when it came to defiling and desecrating any resting grounds. For those at rest must remain at rest. So to ensure the sanctity of the dead everywhere and to aid in maintaining the flow of the al'noth. Michael had decided it was time to bid farewell to his family and take a journey across the world.
 

gilshem ironstone

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2011, 10:18:27 am »
Hey Drakogear,

So there are a few issues that need to addressed with this character. First off, this character does not really seem like a priest of Lucinda.  The primary concern for a priest of Lucinda is the well-being of the Al'Noth, and this is only mentioned once, in the required statements, and even then it is a minimal answer.  You need to show us how this character has put the goals of Lucinda before everything else in their life.  It is only when this happens that Lucinda will grant miracles to him.

Second is that there is nothing in the submission that resembles an undead slayer.  Michael protects the sanctity of the dead, and obviously has disdain for Corath, but an undead slayer is something else.  They have made it a crusade to destroy undead because the undead are an affront to the goals of their deity.  It requires a lot of training that is very specific and is not a path easily walked.  In order to get approved for this, you will have to put his passion for undead hunting in line with the goals of Lucinda.

I have a problem with the hewing of the corpse as well.  As an undead slayer, he would know that the mortis could still be raised as a ghost if not a corporeal undead, so his act would not have the effect you intended.  Perhaps, knowing this, you want to adjust that section?

Please make the changes requested and I will have another look at it.

Cheers,

Gilshem
 

drakogear

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2011, 04:32:45 pm »
Quote from: gilshem ironstone
Hey Drakogear,

I have a problem with the hewing of the corpse as well.  As an undead slayer, he would know that the mortis could still be raised as a ghost if not a corporeal undead, so his act would not have the effect you intended.  Perhaps, knowing this, you want to adjust that section?
Gilshem


Should not that the body was burned. (IE turned to ash) so I would think re-raising him as a zombie would be... a bit more difficult. Also wasn't it mentioned some time ago that ghosts do not exist in Layo or has that changed recently?
 

gilshem ironstone

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2011, 04:36:26 pm »
Good question.  I am going to look in to this.
 

drakogear

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2011, 05:04:48 pm »
Do recall from a question I asked some time ago concerning the Speak with undead spell and it was Ed himself that said ghosts do not exist in layo but that was around last year.

Can't really seem to find the thread or atleast Eds postings in it. Unless his postiongs were in a failed character submission I had back then. The one about the life and death cleric?

Anyways, bio updated slightly. In bold. Emphasized the burning of the body and expanded his list of enemies. Mortis, evil necromancers and mages who harm and disrupt the al'noth.
 

gilshem ironstone

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2011, 10:01:50 am »
Hey Drakogear,

I am still looking in to the ghost issue.  I do recall a conversation about that, but I think it was on a deleted submission of yours, so I cant find it.  I just want to be thorough ;)

Another issue was brought to my attention, and that is that Lucinda does not have Undead Slayers in her ranks.  I will link you to a more complete explanation, but the gist of it is, that although undead are often evil, their existence itself is not a danger to the Al'Noth, in fact undead require Al'Noth to survive.  In fact, there are some examples of good undead.  The short of it is that you will not be able to get a Lucindite Undead Slayer approved, so you must drop the class from the submission.

Here is a link to a discussion in a previous submission:

http://forums.layonara.com/character-approvals/139932-prestige-class-request-fr-logan-denied.html
 

drakogear

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2011, 05:20:36 pm »
Awww, but being an Undead Slayer was one of the main things about him.

Though I guess I could try for Pale master.

And with that I've updated the bio. Changed his alignment to True Neutral, as Pale Masters can not be good aligned.

He may have a disdain when it comes to reanimated the dead but if the person requests or accepts to be prior to there death than he may allow it.
 

gilshem ironstone

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2011, 09:58:25 am »
Hey Drakogear,

This submission still does not read like a cleric of Lucinda.  For a cleric of Lucinda, the health of the Al'Noth is first and foremost, as that is the main concern of Lucinda herself.  Until this is shown, Michael would not receive any favor from her, and could not be considered a cleric.

Please edit the submission to show how he protects the Al'Noth.

Cheers,

Gilshem
 

drakogear

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2011, 02:11:19 pm »
Ok... cleric class removed... that was easy. :p
 

gilshem ironstone

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2011, 09:57:05 am »
Hey Drakogear,

Now that you have dropped the cleric class from the submission, could you also please remove any references to Michael being a member of the clergy, or channeling Lucinda's power through prayer?  This includes the dogma statements at the end.

Thanks!

Gilshem
 

drakogear

Re: New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2011, 03:43:01 pm »
Ok, got some good news and some bad news.

First, the bad news:
Given all the changes needed to be made, (namely the removal of claric) and a number of things newly learned. (Lucinda does not support Undead Slayers, have almost been thinking a sorta Risen enforcer but -shrugs-) Michael just does not seem all that much like he originally was thought to be. Close however but... no.

Good news:
Moving Michael to the Library for anyone one else who might want to play him. Last requested changes made in library submission aswell.
 

drakogear

New Character Submission - Michael Luthar
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2011, 03:43:38 pm »
Character: Michael Luthar
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Classes: Wizard
Race: Human
Alignment: True Neutral
Deity: Lucinda

Biography:

Young Michael grew up as the son of a farmer in the town of Beirun.There he spent a lot of his days tending the fields. Reaping and harvesting the crops with a scythe his father gave him when he was 12.

Occasionally Michael would get a chance to travel to the Blackford Castle to visit his uncle who worked at the graveyards as an undertaker and grounds keeper. His uncle was also a follower of Lucinda as to that of the Risen. So his uncles choice of profession wasn't all that surprising. During his stayed with his uncle, Michael learned a lot about Lucinda and came to worship her himself. Often preying for her and the Al'noth help raise the crops in there farm.

Michael also learned a good deal about magic and wizardry though it was mostly necromancy as as they mostly studied the dead bodies brought to them to be buried. A bit surprising however is that Michael was never once squeamish or sickened by the sight of any of the rotting corpses. If anything, the study of the dead has given Michael a deeper understanding and respect for the dead.

This respect has brought with it sorta guardianship over there resting grounds. So, at times Michael would give prayer to the Star Mage to aid him in protecting those that lay at rest and at peace then he don a long, black, hooded robe and wander about the graveyard at night with his scythe in hand. This gave off a frightening visage of doom to any who dared to enter the graveyards at night. Though a grave robber or two do slip by at times but in witch case Michael heightens the terror with his magic. A cold ray just over there shoulders from behind, sends a chill down there spine. An enfeeblement in there legs make them weak in the knees and lastly, there worst fear wraps there mind, causing them to go running for the hills. With each night that Michael safeguards the graveyard his uncle would grant him more training.

One night however Michael heard a strange noise coming within one of the catacombs so he went to investigate. Wandering through, he examined the dead within there wall beds. So calm and peaceful they all were. all at rest and at peace. Till suddenly the strange noise was heard again, coming from just down the hall. A rat? maybe a spider. Michael followed the noise and there his worst fear. The dead. They were not at rest, not peace. They have been defiled and so to there resting ground, desecrated. Such injustice could not go unpunished. Michael griped tight to his scythe and cut down the two skeletons roaming the hall then on into the chamber at the end.

There within the chamber Michael saw a lone mage standing by a coffin in the middle of the room. The closing of the chamber door got his attention. This was clearly the one who desecrated these resting grounds and he is going to answer for his crimes.

His uncle had told him of the evil Mortis and how they often disrespect the sanctity of the dead. By his uncles description, the man standing by the coffin matched that of the Mortis. Though luckily that of a lowly initiate and although a practitioner of the dark arts himself Michael has always had a disdain when it came to raising the dead. Seeing as it denies them there eternal rest.

The mage tried making a run for it but was quickly caught and dragged to the ground by Michaels scythe. This man was but a lowly mortis mage. Weak in power. Yet, he has desecrated these resting grounds and so now he well join them. "Defiler of the dead." Michael raised his scythe high. "your soul shall be harvested." He impales the mage with the blade of his scythe. "And layed to rest..." drages the blade across, splitting the mage open and ensuring his death. "eternal" Michael pulls his scyhe out the sprays the body with fire. Burning it to nothing more than a pile of smoldering ash. Ensuring he never rises again.

Though,  his encounter with the Mortis has left Michael a bit uneasy. To reanimate the body of the unwilling as the Mortis often do. That Michael could not allow. Especially when it came to defiling and desecrating any resting grounds. For those at rest must remain at rest. So to ensure the sanctity of the dead everywhere and to aid in maintaining the flow of the al'noth. Michael had decided it was time to bid farewell to his family and take a journey across the world.
 

 

anything