A book of wonderful treasure and neato things for a right sized mind and body

[Verideth]

Well I got more ink, now that I can afford such things. Hope those caravan folks and Dribbler need more work. I need more true. You know what they say, a gnome with a job is good. A gnome with a job he can not hope to accomplish in his lifetime is happy.

Soooo, I met this bald guy that is all knowledgeable. Maybe he would submit to the pneumatic brain recorder. That means air for you folks reading this in like three hundred years when you find my journal in some cave or soemthing. We gnomes have developed a way to take the air inside most peoples head and put it in a book. No boring lectures that way. Straight to the point, well we use a point and stick it in their ear. May be faster but few people want to use it... I dont know why? Little pain, lots of gain!

Sooo anyway, he was talking about the cult and dragons and this orc, I think he was an orc, he smelled like my uncle Larry. So that must be an orc. Not bad I recon but like onions and belladonna. My uncle larry is a great poison maker, I hope one day to be as good. He has no rats in his house and like had five wives. Everyone was scared of the orc but they talked to him from a distance. I didnt care, he doesnt own a gnome ray of destruction and nose reducer. So what do I have to fear from him?

I gave everyone some food, that bald guy can almost out talk me. I started staring at some weeds so I dont know what else they said. Something about armies and poison and something. Oh ya poison. I then told everyone I make poison too and they put their food down all scared. Like I would poison someone I just met. Shhezz. Then they all left.

Oh ya this elf was really nice to us and show us around. He said the chairs in Port Hempstead by the fountain are uncormfortable. So I have decided to redesign them and make them better. I am going to go talk to the town folk when I get my tinkering skills better.

Then i was walking around, I had not slept for two days. And I ran into this dark lady in Port Hempstead, she said she was a dark elf. Wow! People are so simple, not like other big people trying to hide what they really are. She then cast a spell and wasnt all dark any more. Guess that is how she got into the city. The i got out side the city and there was another dark elf. A male this time. I asked him if his wife was inside. He didnt know. Geez big people. Why didnt he know where his wife is. My wife is always around in case i say something stupid and she hits my head. Good thing too my head is hard and I hear that if you hit your head a lot you dont go bald. i dont want to be bald and long winded like that one guy. Two people doing the same thing is unoriginal. Oh ya my wife is developing a formula to regrow hair. She is still perfecting it. I hope I dont drink that like I do my ink. Hair tongue now that is really a bad idea. Well maybe if ink didnt taste so good...

*the ink trails off to a scribble*

[Verideth]

Well I have found the secret of the big folk... BEER! Yes give them a substance that makes them dizzy and sick and clumbsy and violent. I like beer too.

So I have been drinking lots of teas and not sleeping. All this new stuff is exciting!!! I cant miss anything. Gnomes alive and a dancing on fire! I have met a lot of bears lately. Seen um in town, on the road and in krypts and killed greenies... And what is it with halfings? I have met three. One talked like my uncle Larry, he was shocked by his tinkering device and talked only in drawing language. Wood is not fit right, color of top modulae is not green...

I call him my buddy with a screw loose. And then this other halfing was scared of marriage? How in the blue goat flying over the hedge do they make baby halfings? Dont tell me they rely on Beer to make childen. Ohhhh and here is the kicker. I met a crazed elf that said he has a goblin as a child. Ya know my race hates the greenies on the princeable of common smartness. Dont tell me the Elves have fallen off the wagon of common sense and right size thinking... I didnt believe him, we all know goblins dont work hard and this supposaid goblin was standing by the crafting hall. To much hard work would kill a goblin and I assume correct that just being near some were hard works happens would kill it. So not a goblin.

Oh oh there was one point of right angleness and straight logical line drawing. I met one of my cousins and he went out gaint killing with us. We also brought along an ogre. Why you may ask? Well he stood up front and took the beating for us right sized troopers of glory. Dont get me wrong, he seamed ok for an ogre. My uncle Larry once met an ogre and he used him as a mule for at least, at least ten years till he died of laughter. One races joke is anothers degrin it seams.

Well work wise, I am cutting down trees for cooking branches, grinding up diamonds and baking clay for casaroles. I am just joking of course. I grind up the trees too for paper. Good thing there are so many of them.

Oh on a side note, I never did see any druids by the lake and I DID, I did find out what Lana means in elvin, thank you very much my new wife! Lana means married. I met this human and he was married to an elf. Lana.

L for love
A for and stuff
N for no nonsense
A for more no stuff

All spells marriage.

[Verideth]

So far my beer strategy is worken just fine. Shadowlead and Feneril are teaching me to talk with animals. Well you dont talk, you get an emotion in your heart and like yell at them. I was drunk and went and hugged a skunk the other day. He liked me! Palledna or something was there. She said Rangers are stupid ooped. And you should always eat animals you skin. To just take the skins or torphey's, is an insult to the sharks.

Why did she mention sharks? I dont know. She has a fascination with them. I mean I zoned out like three times and each time I came back, there she was yappen about them. She also said I need to stop eatting so much sugar. Ya right! I ahev learned to liquidize it, powder it and make it into a paste!!! Each form gives you a different feeling. I like the juice form. Liek that device my Uncle Larry made that blended up food into a drink. But mine tastes better.

So no more dark elves or dragions or orcs. It's been boring really. I work work work of course and that makes me happy. Making glass, gems... ohh GEMS!! Marvilous gems. We love gemsss. Gems love me. I would climb a tree to get a bucket of thee. Your my best friend can beee!!!! Gems I love gems.

Well I love my wife to. It was mating season! Two bears came down and attacked each other in front of us. And Pallendaia said they where um frisky. So I asked my wife if it was mating season. And she said yes!!! I wont write no more. One day some adventure will find this and they dont need to be reading something like that but lets say I like mating season too. Specially when I have eaten like a box and a half of powdered sugar.

So... I umm well after that one I better let my pen cool down.

[Verideth]

Well I have been working hard. I know it is a given but I like writing it down. Lighting gnomes on fire! Ink sure tastes good. Must be the honey in it. I have been trying to make ink but I keep eating it. I dont think anyone notices the splots on my face. Least no one says anything. Hey I saw this one group and they where all staring at this big rock by the inn by the tree. Me and Hun hun went over and joined them. I mean I didnt get it but then like they all vanished!

Wow! I really must have zoned out for them to just up and vanish on me. Well maybe I should stop drinking Ink. As a side affect on me or something. On a side note, my wifes hand is a hook now. Did she loose it betting? Or is it like some weird pirate fixation? I had this cousin Harry, he loved pirates so much he baught a raft and tried to set sail with it. I mean he made it out of the bay at Lor, well until that storm came. He made it back of course, he had a Lucky Inflatable Fine Energized Very Elastic Safety Tube or L.I.F.E.V.E.S.T for short. I know big folk dont like the right way to say everything so we have to shorten it. You would think big people would appreciate big words.

So far I have not run into the S.S.M.G.E.P. yet. I am keeping a close vigal. I lay random tinkering parts all over. Figure that is the best bait. So far no takers. One day. One day and I will be ready!

I have decided to eat a little less sugar. Only ten jars of sugar cane juice a day. Well maybe if mating seasons comes back, then I can have my normal twenty or thirty. Oh ya smoking still calms me down a bunch! I have yet to try and smoke and eat sugar. Wonder if I could find a balance. Well maybe the best balance is making a device that could regulate the amount of sugar I eat and blow smoke into my nose at the same time.

Oh ya! I ran into one of my cousins, he promised he would teach me dwarven. I am going to his house in that Leringard city and bugging him for a few hours each day. I have mades some dwarf's head lager and he really liked it. So my beer strategy works for everone! Know I have to fine out what elves like. Glad i dont sleep much. Between the dwarven and animal lessons I wouldnt have ten hours a day to go work. I love working. I slep now...

*Ink trails off into a dribble*

[Verideth]

Well finally some e-x-sight-ment!!!!! We killed an army of dark elves.

I was in Fort Waymore, charming my wife... Oh ya I noticed she glued her hand to a hook. Hey hun hun, why did you glue your hand to a hook? What do you mean why I am writing and talking to you at the same time? I like doing two things at once is why, hey your disctracting me. Why do you have a hook on your hand? No I dont want to talk about Andrew right now. Yes he makes me angry. Big song sing all liked by everyone, parts his hair to the right all sexly like but he doesnt have a nose like mine or work at all. He just walks around being liked by ladies. Just the other day I saw him with ten ogree ladies and like fifteen orcs ladies. What do you mean I needs to look at you when we talk. Hey what where we talking about?

Oh ya that hook on your hand. Hey just make some salvant and unglue your self. We can go to Lor and ask my uncle Larry. He is good at everything and sure could help.

Well back to writing. So there we where, two gnomes and a bunch of humans not knowing what to do. I of course took the lead and guided them to victory. First there where was a gaint. Well not to big. He was a runty gaint. The necromancer summoned a golem and we killed it easy. Then we saw like twleve dark elves strolling along like there where out walking in the park. I went and yelled an insult and they started shooting bolters at me. That hurt.

Then there leader came, he was all ick and mean. No one did anything to him, we just let him walk pass. I mean what in the world. Do people like talking? Next time I am going to shoot. I aint watching a play. This is life and death stuff here. So everyone followed the darkie to his men. Those where the ones that walked past already. They where hiding at the gates of the fort. I saw them about to shoot down Andrew, why do I stick my neck out for him? I ran up and webbed them all. A few of them where not stuck and started shooting me down. I woke up with my wife over me feeding me a potion. Thanks hun hun. What do you mean for what? Airnt you reading... Oh ya, well thanks for when you read this later.

So we then all ran in and started fighting. Guards died, Andrew died, some other big folks died. I took cover and started casting spells on them. Soon more guards came and then we stood a chance.

In retro-specticals, I think I should work on my leadership skills. I thought my actions would be enough but obviously people didnt follow my lead. Soooo I will have to build a device that amplifies my voice so everyone understands me. You know the old gnomish saying, if they cant hear you, talk louder. If they dont listen, talk louder. If they all leave, well you made your point.

I felt sorry for Andrew laying there all dead. I parted his hair they other way. He always wears it to the right, I made it go left. Maybe if I part my hair to the right I would get more women. But I dont need more women, I'm married. So on the left it stays. Hey hun hun, I am not parting my hair on the right. Thought you would want to know. What do you mean you dont understand?We are married. Sheez, women. You live with them but you need to build a device to translate everything you say.

[Verideth]

Well Finally!!!

I shook off my sugar habit, lots of sweat and work. Been huffen it for the bashers. I have not seen anyone bash an orc since joining though. I must have not been initiated yet or something. I have a shovel ready though.

Sooo I have been annoying Gromugand and ShadowLeaf still. Grom has taught me the dwarf alphabet, well what I think is the dwarf alphabet.

A Ale
B Beer
C Cant trust an elf
D Dont be stupid
E Elfs are stupid
F
G Grog
H Hard Work
I
J Jackarse
K Kill orcs
L Long beard
M Mead
N
O Dead Orc
P Pipe
Q
R Rum
S Spiced Rum
T Tankard
U
V Vodka
W Work Hard
X X is a stupid elf letter
Y
Z Z is a stupid orc letter, well if they had any letters

As you can see I don't know all them yet. Shadow is teaching how to talk to animals. I have not figured out how if they have an alphabet yet. Keep at it. One day!!! Well back to work. All I do lately is clean and spit.

Isnt life grand!

[Verideth]

Well...

Now that is a deep subject full of dark and exciting wet things.

I have been busy making babies with my wife. Boyo boyo that has been fun! We finally got one! Ya!!!! Er umm, maybe not... Why wont it stop crying??

I made a magical device of wonder and accompliment. It plays nursery rymths at a VERY loud voume to quiet the youngster. So far I havent perfected it. Well maybe I have or I am going deaf? I have been experimenting with that at the local old folks home. So far they cant hear anything too. Might be working.

Not sure if we are ready to go our "adventuring yet" Been a few years since I stabbbed anything but a pork roast. Well there was that one time I stabbed Daniella... but she got better.

Well being a father sure is fun... I made a magical device of wonder and accompliment. It plays nursery rymths at a VERY loud voume to quiet the youngster. Hey wait... I think I already wrote that down. Lack of sleep never affected me before...

*ink dripples off*