Treana Min E'Zoenna - Heart of True Peace

[Nehetsrev]

Mai 28, 1411

As always, I've a lot on my mind, despite how carefree I may try to act to fool myself and others.  Last night I had my fortune told through a card reading by the lady Kali at the Lellion Arms.  I thought it'd be fun, and that she'd predict some happiness for me...  Boy was I wrong!  Well, sort of.  It was kind of fun, but mostly just sort of painful in ways.  Really got me thinking about some things, as if I haven't already been thinking on them but...  Well I got me thinking a little differently maybe.  Aye, that's it.

Anyway, I waited like everyone else for miss Kali to show up, she was a bit late but others indicated this was normal for the famous Gypsy.  Then she asked those of us who wanted redings to roll dice to see who would go first.  I rolled the highest and thought I was really lucky to have won the first reading, so I was feeling pretty cheerful as I sat down in the chair opposite of her.

She pulled out a deck of beautiful looking cards, from what glimpses I caught before she shuffled them and turned them face down.  Then she had me put my hand on the deck for a minute and clear my mind as best as I could.  Not a problem for me, I'm so empty headed sometimes... but seriously not a problem for me, I'm used to focussing all my attention into a meditative state for my practice with the rapier.

Anyway, next she indicated I'd touched the deck long enough and then she drew three cards from teh top of the deck and laid them down face-down on the table between us, the crystal ball having been pushed to one side to make room.  She asked if I'd ever had my cards read before and I told her that this would be the first time.  Then she said she'd explain for me the process as she went since I was new to card readings.

She explained, "The first card turned is reflections of the past, it shows where our path through the cards will begin tonight..."  Then she turned over the first card and I looked to see what it was.  It was a stunning depiction of a Water Elemental, only it was upside down to me, or "Ill Dignified or Reversed Position" as she called it, explaining the orientation has significance in the interpretations of the card's meaning during a reading.  Anyway, she went on to explain, "When drawn as the first card, in this orientation it represents a disregard for others, envy, avarice... It can be significant of loss of control and chaos in one's personal life possibly due to personal flaws.  The water elemental warns against an overwhelming ambition...  She can be imbalance, Destruction...  The continuation of outdated ideas and traditions...  The cards speak of something in your past that relates to these such themes."  All that really didn't sit well with me at first, of course.  I've never thought myself envious really, or ambitious, and no one likes being told they have flaws and have no control over their personal life, but worst was that in a way the words rang true.  And further, the bit about continuing of outdated traditions...  Well I felt the ways of the Old Culture I was raised under had come under attack with that statement.  Anyway, overall the card seemed right, my life has been a long time of imbalance and I've suffered through much destruction, some,... no, much, of my own making.  So, I was feeling pretty upset in comparisson to the happy attitude I'd gone into the room with.

Anyway...She went on about the first card a bit more saying, "Perhaps.. Somthing happened which made you feel at a loss... or.. Made these feelings surround you..  Whatever it was, that is the path the cards will take tonight.."  Then she turned over the next card and explained, "The next card is a glimse at present days.  Where you have come since the Water Elemental, or how those feelings, still affect you."  The second card turned out to be Xandrial, again this one was 'Ill Dignified' and upside-down to me.  I couldn't help but grimace at seeing that demonic looking card.  But since it was ill dignified I looked to Kali to hear her explaination, thinking if the card was up-side down maybe that meant the normally negative connotations of it would be reversed too, or something.  She looked back to me and explained, "Xandrial...  In this orietnation he can mean several things.  When drawn as the card for present, he most often represents a focus on material success.  The exclusion of other things from your life to further these goals..."  She looked down for a moment as though watching the card with her emerald green eyes and then looked back up to me and contiued, "It can be Bondage to a person or situation or thing.  Sometimes.... Emotional blackmail.  Other times true evil.. but more than likely not, it is related to uncontrolled ambition."

I was really a bit confused here, because I really don't think of myself as overly ambitious.  As far as the focus on material success and the exclusion of other things to meet a material goal, well that might've synced up well with my current studies of magic to further my abilities in crafting, and I kind of had to face it, maybe the rumors of children disappearing in Prantz wasn't the only reason I've sent Calvin off to boarding school...  I felt a little bit of guilt thinking on that, but the reading went on.  I still question how it can be overly ambitious of me to wish to learn magic to be abel to craft more and better things on my own, but...  Well anyway, like I just wrote, the reading went on.

Kali must have seen the confusion on my face at that moment and so she began to explain a little more for me.  "It is as if the things that caused you emotional imbalance in your past, the loss, the destruction and what have you, have focused you on something in the present.  It can be a bondage to somthing.... like another person, in a relationship, or it could be.. say to a craft, or a service that you provide."  That got me thinking...  I really am perhaps a little too focused on my crafts, almost addicted in some ways.  It also provoked memories of my devotion to Addison.  And then it reminded me of how I've recently decided to move away from Toran and I questioned aloud with some hesitation, "...or maybe away from something..  Or someone?"

She answered in short order, "away from one thing, always is towards somthing else."  I guess it made sense, sort of.

So she went to the final card and before turning it over explained, "The final card is a glimse into the things that have not yet come to pass, but, if you remain on the path that you are on now, they are the things that will be."  She turned it over to reveal a card called, "The Lost Librarian".  On the card is a picture resembling Arenski Prelliarn, an older gentlman.  He is surrouned by books and tomes which he reads in low candle light.  This time the card was right-side up in relation to my own viewing.  She went on in a slightly monotone, yet oddly mysterious sounding tone to her voice, "Caution.... Discretion.... Need for prudence.  Counsel sought and taken.  This card represents Inner calm.  A need to reach into one's inner resources so to speak.  The lost librarian is a wise guide or spiritual mentor.  The card signifies a time to stand back and reflect on the circumstances at hand.."  While she paused a moment before going on, one phrase had caught my attention, "This card repressents Inner Calm," and I wondered if it meant I was still destined for that True Peace of my naming and if I would be finding it soon.  And then she continued, "It's a warning in a way, these three cards.  You past, which seems to have angered you, has placed you in a present state, which you are bound to somthing.  Something that as you said pushes you away from something, or someone.  The glimse into the future ... suggests caution, and discretion.  To seek council on the matter though, and then take the council's advice."  Well, that confused me a bit again, even if it sounded sort of right.  She must have sensed my confusion, or seen it plainly displayed on my face, so she thought a moment longer and said some more.  "Perhaps I am missing somthing..."

Well, I really felt at this point the cards were making me deal with some things, and that oddly made me feel good, despite my discomfort.  "No...," I said, "well...  I just don't know who the wise council might be."  It was true, I hadn't a clue.  I know of a lot of wise people in my life and it could be any of them that this prophecy will be fulfilled with.  Anyway, I had surmised I'd have time and then the council would come to me on it's own eventually...maybe.  She surprised me though and offered, "hm... That I may be able to help you with..  Council can come from the most oddest of sources," and she turned over a fourth card, upright to me it was The Hanged Man.  The card bears the picutre of a hanged man, he hangs from a rope on a gnarled looking tree in the middle of a dark forest.  Yet, despite the grusome image the hanged man looked at peace.  "The hanged man," she intoned, "The person you seek is one that is devoted to a worthwhile cause."  Admittedly, at first I frowned before she began to explain, seeing a hanging person just doesn't feel all that encouraging.  She must've seen the frown and she added, "In this orientation it is not a ill omen."

I was curious now, and as I pondered who I knew that were both wise and devoted to a worthwhile cause I voiced my questioning thoughts, "Someone devoted to a worthwhile cause?"  Kali explained some more, "He always signifies a waiting period.  So it may take some time for you to figure out who this person is...  Not just devoted, but sombody that is spending their life for a cause."  Well, I said what I thought about that, "Aye...a few folks come to mind actually."  She just nodded and went on to say, "One of them, will be the one who will give you council then, help you put your past at rest.  I'm sorry there is not much more I can say right now however..."

I may not've shown it outwardly, but inside I think I wore a smile...just thinking that perhaps soon I'd finally put my troubled past truly behind me and find that True Peace my name destins me for.  I guess this reading gave me some hope after all.  As I told Kali, the reading wasn't what I expected or hoped for going in, but it may be what I needed.

Who will the wise councilor be I wonder?  I've thought of a couple people, and discounted them.  I mean, Rhynn and Ozy were two candidates, though Rhynn's not alwasy so wise, and well, I'm not sure either of them hve truly devoted their lives to a worthwile cause.  Same goes for Freldo, as dear friends as they all are they just don't meet both requirements that I can tell.  Then I thought of Danny, he's devoted himself in full to becomming a knight of Rofirien and helping folks, that's certainly worth-while, but then admittedly, I dont' think Danny's the wisest person all the time either.  Hmmm....  Maybe Jennara?  I consider wise in a lot of ways, and she's devoted to helping restore Roldem, that's definitely a worthwhile cause isn't it?  I guess I'll have to just wait and see though, maybe it will be someone I don't even know yet.

I'm still confident in my choice to learn magic.  Maybe leaving Toran might be a decision made in haste, but I don't know, I just didn't feel right and secure in my faith to Him...  Could be that it's me that has the issues that need fixing and that I really should keep following Him...  Throwing away my ankh seemed easy to do at the time, but now I think back on it and wonder...  I wonder though if I did decide to return to Him if He'd be forgiving?  Look what happened to Maev after all.

[Nehetsrev]

Oclar 4, 1411

Well, more time has slipped by us all, as it has the habit of doing.  I still haven't found the wise councilor Kali predicted with her cards, but I'm sure in time all willbe rvealed to me.  I've continued studying the magic book Rhynn gave me, and though I've read through it twice now, I'm reading it again to get an even greater understanding.  I've also begun doing the basic verbal and somantic exercises to hone my skills with them to perfection, as is seems magic requires nothing less.  Admittedly, it's taking me more time than I'd hoped, and more time than Rhynn at first expected of me.  Seriously, enyone who can read this book and memorize it in two weeks must be beyond mere genius.  Maybe that was a test, to teach me I needed to be patient and thorough?  Anyway, I think I've got it pretty much down pat now, or willhave after I finish reading it once more.  Once I have I'll talk to Rhynn about getting the next book so I can go on further.

I've also been spending a little time practicing my gem-crafting...Yes, I do feel bound to my crafts sometimes now, almost as a slave...but I enjoy them all so much.  Still, I've also begun to wonder if I shouldn't have some higher aims or goals in life.  Maybe I should consider trying to find home again, and finding out what was behind the goblins and orcs finally organizing against us there.  Maybe I can put my past to rest that way, at least part of it.  Maybe there's something I can do to help put my soul at rest in regards to Addison too.

And that brings me to another bit of my recent life.  I went to the Freelancer's to enjoy their Storyteller's Night, like I used to do all the time...  And there I heard a tale of Cole Norseman, Calvin's father and Addison's first love.  It was a dark tale in a way, but the teller also seemed pleased and reverant of the outcome, even though Cole had stabbed her in the course of the events she described.  It was nescessary to save the Lumbral, a mysterious race banished to a shadow plane, but who proved benevolent I guess in at least some regards.  Anyway, hearing of Cole of course stirred up memories of Addison a bit and I had to stop myself from crying there in front of everyone.  Anna at least seemed to understand a bit, but she was also still very worn out from delivering her new baby boy.  And what a cutie he is too!  I can hardly wait to receive Anna's invitation to attend his naming ceremony.

But I've digressed.  Anyway, later I visited Calvin at his school in Spellguard.  I related the story of his father to him, though I left out some of the more graphic parts...  He got upset, really upset.  I guess he feels uncomfortable among the other students who all have normal mothers and fathers...  I tried to explain to him I love him as though he were a son of my own flesh and blood, rather than just through marriage to Addison...but he...  He rejected me I guess, he's old enough he knows the truth and I've never hidden it from him, but I guess he's questioning how Addy and I could have loved eachother like we did.  I didn't know what to say or how to handle it really.  He's also angry he never knew his father, and that Addy died when he was so young...  I think that's more the core of his plight.  But the way I lived in depression for so long couldn't have helped him any either... and perhaps I should face the fact that in some ways I've been a terrible mother.  Maybe I can visit him more often at his school.  I've been visiting at least once a month, but I think once a week will be better for us both.

Anyway, after that I needed time to think and fishing usually helps me relax so I headed to Lake Rillon.  There I ended up stumbling upon Elly and Eghaas.  They were very welcoming of me so I kept company with them for quite a while before we parted ways.  At one point one of the white stags got a little frisky and poked Elly pretty bad with an antler and I saw she was bleeding and used one of my belts to heal her wound magicly.  She thanked me and in my reply I slipped and half-mentioned Toran by habit...  well they were persistant and dragged it out of me.  I told them how I'd chosen to stop following Toran.  So, now I guess at least two others beside that fellow who watched me throw my ankh away in Luck know my choice.  I know in my heart I've made the right choice, haven't I?  So why then do I feel guilty enough that I try to hide it?  It bears more consideration I suppose...

And then there's the whole adventure with my old friend Kenson and how he asked a group of us to help Captain Kard in North Fort...  My memories of the whole thing seem almost dreamlike.  Kard had a secret he could only share with the next in his bloodline, and unfortunately he and his wife were unable to produce any shild to fill that role.  Eventually, after we fought some giants and Kard asked us some thought-provoking questions about ourselves, he drew one of the Dwarves with us off to one side and I guess they agreed to some sort of pact about the secret.  They both came back with cuts on their hands and blood all up their arms.  Just what Kard's secret is, I don't know exactly, and I likely won't.  But that's fine.  We'll go back and see Kenson again to let him know how we helped Kard and see if he needs help with anything else.  It's funny, I feel like I've know Kenson all my life, but I can't recall any specific time with him before we met him again outside that cave in the dessert...  But, he's a really true friend so, anything he needs help with I'm happy to do what I can.

[Nehetsrev]

Mar 7, 1412

I fell again and I'm stuck in Saudiria.  I am growing increasingly annoyed.  Aye, either the giants have learned to send forth the stronger of their number, or I've begun to lose my touch with my rapier.  Twice in a row now I've fallen in the desert between Saudiria and home in Haft Lake.  Recovery's cost me precious weeks of my life, and I'm sure Calvin may be wondering where I've gone to.  He may even think I don't love him enough to visit anymore.  I don't know if he's getting the post I send him either, since I receive no replies.

Aye, the only thing good about being stuck here is that I've had plenty of time to study the new books on magic that Rhynn gave to me.  These are even more complex than the first, and without having memorized as much of that first volume as I have, I would never be able to understand them as much as I am able too, and in fact it's good I still have the first tome with me because even now I find myself turning back to it occassionally for bits of more obscure reference that have turned out to be more important than I first thought.  If anything since I've begun my studies of magic I've gained an incredible respect for Rhynn and eveyone else who studied long and hard enough to become a wizard.  Still, I'm making progress myself, and more than enough to keep me well pleased with myself.  Though, I suppose I'm not meeting Rhynn's expectations as quickly as she'd like me too.  I'd rather get things right though, and do them with the same meticulousness I put into everything I've learned to craft over the years.

I did get to spend some more time traveling with Amireana before getting stuck here, and I was impressed with how much she's improved her fighting techniques since we had our practice duel's in the arena of Velensk.  She'll be rivaling me soon enough if she keeps at it like she's doing.  I gave her a few items on credit to help her further, and she's agreed to pay me back with Trues and many boxes of fruits and other supplies over time.  This will help us both out since she'll be forced to improve her skills going after the things I ask her to get, and I'll be able to use those things to further my own learning of different crafts.  Perhaps I'll give her a key to the house so she can more easilly deliver the goods I need, but first I have to get back home from this blasted place.  Maybe I'll find some kind souls to help me today if I wait around long enough.

Perhaps this is punishment from Toran for leaving him in my faith.  Maybe Maev is right and he is a vengeful one, and thinks it just to punnish those who simply choose to leave him with no real ill-will toward him.  I haven't seen Maev in some time, I hope she's well.

[Nehetsrev]

Jular 25, 1412

Well, looks like this year is already half over...  I'm still studying quite a bit to learn magic.  The books Rhynn gave me are so big, and complex, I have to read them over and over again.  That's okay though, because I'm sure that when I'm ready, I'll know them inside and out, cover to cover, and magic requires such precision to do it right.  I certainly wouldn't want to be responsible for a tear in the Weave like the Welkes and those who helped them were.  I may learn slowly, but I'll darn sure learn right!

Aside from my magic studies, I've slso been doing a lot of tailoring in the times when I need a break from the books.  Part of the goal I've set for myself in my tailoring efforts is to craft one set of each type of armor that I'm able to with my current skill so that I can catalogue their special properties and get a better idea of what kinds of things I can offer to my future customers.  It's already been a pretty rewarding experience, though the set of Wolf Hide Armor I was trying for took me three attempts to get right, and it shouldn't have been quite that difficult for me really.

I continue to send letters to Calvin at his boarding school, but I still ahven't received anything back from him.  I hope he realizes how much I do love him sometime soon.  Maybe when Freldo gets a chance to talk to him like he said he would, things will change.

I've also given a key to my home to Amireana so she can more easilly drop off the things she gathers for me, and I told her she can sleep in Calvin's room wince he's away at boarding school now.  I kind of feel a little bad about that, and I wonder if I really should be letting someone else stay in his room while he's gone.  Marianna, who's always shared the room with Calvin, and now with Amireana, doesn't seem to mind.  In fact, I think she was getting lonely without Calvin there.  Sometimes I think Marianna has been more of a mother to Calvin than I have been.

This whole thing with Calvin is really bothering me...  I don't want to slip into depression again like I did after Addy died.  Maybe I need to try harder to really fix this.

[Nehetsrev]

Novlar 21, 1412

Calvin still is upset with me from what Freldo told me of the reply he'd received from Calvin himself.  Freldo understands that I sent Calvin to the boarding school in Spellguard because I love him and care about his safety, so he said he'd write Calvin again, or even try to visit him next.  He seems to think Calvin's trouble with me stems partly from him being at the age when boys become difficult for their parents and begin to turn into men.  Maybe that could be a part of it, but I do believe his feelings must come from somewhere deep inside too and may have been so for a long time now.  Calvin wrote to Freldo that he has taken a liking to music, and if he's sincere I'm happy for him, but part of me thinks he was simply trying to play upon Freldo's own love for music in order to win his aid in getting away from Spellguard and the boarding school.

I talked with Freldo about a good deal of things too actually, near Lake Rilon where I bumped into him.  Eventually Ranewin shown up as well, and joined our discussion.  Aye, and like a giddy school-girl I told Freldo of how Danny had almost come to kiss me at the campfire near Hlint.  He and Ranewin both teased me a bit about that.  I'm still trying to sort out why Danny acted that way, it just doesn't seem part of his more gentlemanly nature.  But it was nice to be reminded I'm a woman that some might still find alluring... maybe.

The whole incident brought up a set of questions I've not thought on in years...well I have but not in the same way.  I'm nearing the age when I'll not be able to bear any of my own children, so if I am to do so I'll have to find a husband soon.  But I'd rather go without child I think if I cannot find a true love such as I had for Erathim and Addy.

Speaking of Erathim, I've taken to carrying his old longsword with me a bit lately, and even slew a few goblins and orcs with it in memory of him.  He and Addy are always with me in my thoughts and heart.  I'll probably retire his sword at home again next to her katana soon, but for some reason of late I've had the feeling to keep it close.  I know it's possible to find someone's location by scrying through an item they held close to them... Maybe I feel his spirit stirring through that sword somehow now that I'm becomming more in-tuned ot the Weave?  I'll ask Rhynn more about it the next I see her.  It could just be old memories stirring within me.  I miss home.  I miss them all.

And bugger!  Danny's whiskers tickle!

[Nehetsrev]

Decilar 28, 1412

After several days of adventuring around Dregar with a fairly large party I returned home to rest and continue my studies of magic.  Sadly during our trip Praylor fell in the bottom of that accursed ruin on the edge of the swamps.  I remained with Dalan, Beli, Tyrian and some others to guard his fallen body from the dark spiders while Silverhand went out in search of a cleric to raise him.  He returned after a good deal of time with a cleric named Talia who was able to raise Praylor by the power of her god.  I was thankful to get out of that place.  Honestly I'd been apprehensive to even go in in the first place.

Anyway, after returning home to study, I finally felt I'd made the critical breakthrough in my studies of magic and the Weave, and I feel I'm ready to track down Rhynn and present myself for testing.  I'm sure there's still much of magic I need to learn, but I'm pretty confident I can manage to cast cantrips and several of the spells of the first circle I've been studying.  Especially those in the school of transmutation which I've focused most intently upon.  Sadly, perhaps, conjurations confuse me to no end and I don't think I'll ever understand them.  I found it a sheer joy scribing into the spellbook Ozymandius gave to me my first set of spells.  While I haven't actually cast any yet I'm confident I scribed them precisely enough that I will have little trouble casting them after a bit of meditation and memorization of their arcane patterns.  If I pass Rhynn's testing, I'll have to take time to thank each person who's helped to influence my learning as they have all been of great help and encouragement to me in their own ways.

[Nehetsrev]

Febra 9, 1413

Well, it's official!  I'm a wizard, so says Rhynn!  Where to begin the telling of this momentous event?  I guess I should start with my arival outside Ozymandius' home near Delanthar.  Rhynn invited me to visit there for my testing and so I made my way south from Northpoint and sat outside for a bit.  The first time I'd knocked there was no answer, so I guessed she and Ozy weren't home.  I took some time to refresh my memory on a few things arcane and when I knocked again there was Rhynn to answer the door.  She must've teleported in because I didn't see her walk up the path, though I suppose she could've come invisible and I might not've noticed.

Anyway, once inside the house I felt more nervous than perhaps I ever had in my life before, save the time spent waiting before each wave of battle while defending Pranzis from Broegar's forces years ago.  It was also apparent from all the boxes and things stacked about hte home that they were in the process of packing up to move, and a question to Rhynn confirmed this.  But that's another story.

She lead me into a room in the back and started my test by asking me some fairly simple questions about different spells and schools of magic.  Then the next phase of the test she began casting different spells and asking me to identify them.  She wasn't easy on me either, and many of the spells she cast were from the school I know the least about, Conjuration, but I still answered correctly!  That amazed both her and I.  She even cast one spell, Shelligarn's pesistant blade, and tried to hide a trick question by suggesting to me it was also a Conjuration, but I knew better and corrected her by saying it was an Evocation in all actuality when I identified it for her.  Still, her questions were getting tougher, and I almost missed a couple.  Anyway, in the end it came down to her asking me to cast a few of the simple cantrips and spells I've been studying.  At first I was really nervous again, but after I cast the cantrip Light successfully on my first attempt I began to gain more confidence.  It was then she officialy pronounced me succesfully tested and a wizard, but she wanted me to try casting a few more spells just to see what I could do beyond that.  She warned me to concentrate harder because in battle it would be more difficult to cast with foes slicing at you and such.  Concentrating when I need to is something I'm really good at, and I demostrated just how well I could concentrate as I cast each one of the spells she asked me to cast.  Finally, the test ended as I cast the Burning Hands spell, a favorite I'd studied in my chosen school of focus of Transmutation.

After the test we talked a bit more, and she asked if I'd thought of binding a familiar to myself yet.  I told her I really hadn't yet and she reasured me that it wasn't a requirement, but that I always would have the option if and when I chose.  She also related to me the story of how she chose and bound her own familiar, Thos, to herself.  Saebhell had been performing experiments on Thos and Rhynn felt bad for him and decided to free him, and after Saebhell finished being mad that she had he insisted she bind Thos as her familiar.  Anyway, I hadn't known that before, so I learned another piece of the puzzle who is my friend Rhynn.  It's too bad she and Ozy are leaving for a time, maybe years.  I'm really going to miss them both, but especially Rhynn.  In many ways she's been like a sister to me, even if there have been stretches of time when we've been distant from eachother.  Back when I first arived in Hlint when the dragon Ozlo summoned me years ago, there were three women who I felt close enough to to think of sisters, Rhynn, AnnaLee, and Addison.  Now all these years later, Addison is dead and gone and with her a part of my heart, AnnaLee I almost never see anymore a recluse from her own trauma's aparently, and now Rhynn is leaving too and I'll be somewhat on my own again.  It was hard saying goodbye, I felt like crying, but I didn't.

[Nehetsrev]

Oclar 10, 1413

It's been about nine months since my last entry in this old worn book.  In that time I finally put aside my own life to spend time with Calvin at the bording school in Spellguard.  It took me over a month to get him to finally agree to see me, and I apologized to him then for making it seem to him he'd been abandoned by me.  Still, he isn't quick to forgive entirely, a trait I think he inherited from Addison, or perhaps learned from Caniel.  It's taken me all this time to finally begin to break through and earn his trust again.  Likely it'll be many more months before our relationship is repaired enough that I can return to working my many trades and adventuring the lands.

One event I will try to attend however, is the memorial service for Maev.  I recently learned of her passing by chancing upon a noticed posted in the Wild Surge.  My neighbor Honora appears to be the one hosting the memorial, so perhaps I can find out more detail from her about what befell our common friend.

Perhaps I've grown a bit callouse in my heart.  Though Maev was a good friend, even though we didn't foten see eachother, or always see eye to eye, I feel very little pain in relation to her passing.  Not at all like those I've lost in the past.  Maybe it's simply because we weren't so close as those others.  Honestly I'm not sure of anything anymore in these regards.

I am happy for now though, that Calvin and I are making progress together, and that I'm being the mother to him now that I should have always been.  Eventually the money in the bank will run out though, and I'll have to go back to my work, but until then we're doing better.  I hope the relationship we forge now will endure.  I love my son.

[Nehetsrev]

Jular 9, 1414

Aye, seems it's more than time to write in here again.  Aside from spending a great deal of time with Calvin and strengthening our relationship, I've finally gotten out to do some other living on my own a bit again.

I ran into Connor and AnnaLee in Port Hempstead, which seems to be the new gathering place for we 'heros' since Hlint has been nearly abandonned in the years since the darkening of the sky and Blood's defeat.  We talked for quite a while, mostly about the situation involving the ghost in Connor's head, Merlin, and Merlin's sister Pige.  Connor believes that if we can remove the gaeas on Mr. News, he will be willing and able to fix the problem with the Weave in the fields now belonging to the Welkes near Fort Llast, so that may be our next course.  Poor Mr. News is now living nearly alone in Nogar, since almost all the other residents there have been leaving for the same reason folks moved from Hlint over the last few years.  Anyway, Connor should be sending word for our next gathering, and hopefully soon we can at last set things right.  There is still the mystery of the Purple Rose gypsy woman, and whoever the musical note icon might belong to.  Everyone seems pretty sure that the gypsy is the one who has caused this whole mess and put the gaeas' on Welkes, Scryin' Eyes, and Mr. News.

After leaving the company of Anna and Connor, I ran into Talen of all people, while I was on my way to the Scamp's Mug to retrieve a hammer head from a fellow there.  It began raining as we spoke so I invited Talen to come to the tavern with me to stay dry, and we sat there talking for quite a while.  I must confess, and did to him then, that I still have some feelings for him.  I'm unsure though if these should be pursued, given what happened the first time round.  We've both grown and changed so much since then, and I think Talen's feelings are really more for Anna still...  He'd said he wanted to talk to her, about how he left, and was afraid to do so though because it might mean having to admit he may have lost her in leaving her for so long.

I have to wonder how Calvin would handle it if I did begin a relationship with anyone.  I mean, he and I have finally worked out most of our problems and seem to be happy mother and son again.  If I do, will he feel I've betrayed Addison and in a way himself?

Balls of a juggling ogre!  I probably won't have time for a relationship anyway right now.  While I was up in the Brech Mountains, a hooded woman approached me for help.  In the dark at the time I nearly killed her because I mistook her for another of those nasty Yetis that plague the area.  After apologizing, and seeing her heal herself before I could offer to, she pressented her reason for coming to me then and there.  I'm not sure whether to trust her or not, I never saw her face, and she wouldn't give me her name.  She just said that a very unusual (and I'm assuming powerful and valuable) ring were lost 'somewhere on the surface' and she wanted me to help look for it.  She didn't even offer any definitive reward, so maybe I'll just blow this one off, though it does intrigue me.  She said the ring in question shines like gold, but is actually made of a crystaline material like diamond.  Being one who works with jewelry as much as I do, I have to admit I'd like to see such a thing, it sounds amazing.  In any case, I've got no clues where to start looking, but maybe I can track down Ozy and ask him if he's ever heard of a ring with such a description.  If it's unique enough, and well known enough that he'd know about it, at least that might shed some light on its true value and purpose.  Something about that hooded woman makes me uneasy enough that if it's something with real power, I may want to track it down just to keep her from getting her hands on it, or 'its original owner' she says she'd return it to, whoever that might be.

[Nehetsrev]

Mai 18, 1415

Time flies by these days.  Calvin's really coming along in his studies at the boarding school in Spellguard.  His instructors have told me though that he lacks direction in his endeavors, but performs within or above expectations in almost all subjects of study.  They think I should talk to him and try to influence him into choosing one vocation or another, and they'd prefer it be the magical studies of course.  I told them that Calvin will choose his own courses of study as he sees fit and that they'd best not pressure him into anything he doesn't show interest in himself.  He's getting old enough now that I think it may even be safe for him to return home to Prantz and continue his education there, but still I'd delay that eventuality another couple years just to be sure.  I'll leave the choice to him though, he's getting old enough to begin learning responsibility for himself.  He is after all in his fourteenth year of life.

As for me, I'm in my thirty-fifth year already.  I feel old, though I imagine I still have half my life ahead of me.  Of course, you'd not know how old I feel meeting me these days.  I keep a good show of youthful enthusiasm after all.

My magical studies are progressing, though slowly.  Probably because of my short attention span leading me back into my studies of this or that as my whims desire.  On the positive side, I'm becomming more proficient in many of my varied tradeskills.  I've been making potions of cure of the moderate strength more and more successfully, and I've even made a few oak planks to donate to the Foundation, in the hopes they'll help to build homes for some of the homeless in these dark days.  I also donated quite a few juices I had bottled in storage in the basement, the cool air down there kept them preserved very nicely.  Still I can't help but feel the way I'm progressing I'll ever be moderately proficient at almost everything, but a master of almost nothing.  I guess we can see where Calvin picked up his lack of direction from!

I've not heard from Caniel in so long, I'm beginning to wonder if the old elf-woman met her demise finally.  I really hope not.  Even though we don't often see eye to eye on a great deal many things, I still love her as if she were my own mother.  Maybe I'll write her a letter, though I've no idea where to send it.

Aye, time sure flies...

[Nehetsrev]

Jular 12, 1415

Just what I didn't need.  Complications in my life.  Seems I'm stuck in another wild adventure, aye, maybe two.  I wrote a time ago about a strange woman I met in the Brech mountains who asked me to help find a lost ring.  She'd decribed it as looking shiney, like gold, but being made of a crystaline substance.  And I'm almost positive she was a darkelf.  Well, anyway, seems I'm not the only one she's been asking to find that ring.  I talked to a man named Sallaron, who she also appeared to.

Funny thing about that too.  I'd have never met Sallaron if it hadn't been for another darkelf I stumbled upon who was terrorizing the lady Silaqui and another fellow right in the middle of Port Hempstead!  The way he acted, I thought he might've been looking for the ring too, so I tried to ask him about if that's what he was there for.  He just ignored my question and teleported away, but Silaqui overheard my question, and she brought up that Sallaron had also been asked to find the ring.

Turns out, Silaqui, innocent and inexperienced seeming as she may appear, had been chosen to guard, or hide some book.  A book of notes made by soem wizard who created a powerful artifact capable of warping reality.  Something that in the wrong hands could be world-ending stuff.  That prankster, Hawklen, also seems to be involved in this mess.  In any case, the book was taken by the darkelf wizard from Silaqui in Krandor, and we were pretty much powerless to stop it.  I guess not all hope is lost though, a set of some number of keys are needed to open the magic vault within which the artifact is stored.  So, as long as the last of the keys can be kept from the darkelf, hopefully he won't be able to get his mitts on it.

Whether or not the gold-crystal ring and this reality warping artifact are related remains a mystery.  In either case, I don't believe it's in anyone's interests for the darkelves to get hold of either item.  So, it looks like I'm going to have to help out in whatever ways I can to make sure that doesn't happen.

[Nehetsrev]

Oclar 8, 1415

Well, a few notes of interest to write about.  I talked to Rhynn for a while at the Scamp's Mug, she was feeling down about Ozy's absence of late, and fearful he wasn't returning.  I don't know that anything I said to her was entirely helpful, I'm always sticking my foot in my mouth when I don't mean to, but maybe she seemed a little less upset by the time I left.  The least I could do is re-assure her that I'm her friend, and I'm always available for her if she needs me, or even if she doesn't.

After I left the Scamp's Mug I had the pleasant surprise to run into Bumblebee!  It's been years since I'd talked with him, but he did thank me for the letter I sent his way about the gold-crystal ring and my suspicions the darkelves are up to something big, and definitely not good for the rest of us.  I also shared a few tidbits about some other things I've been involved in.  Like the lost civilzation in the desert, the Knights of Erylin in Alindor, and my involvement in the investigation of the murder of Pige's family.  I'll have to write down some notes for 'Bee about my various adventures when I get the time.  Most are old news, but folks may still wish to read about them in the Dragon's Whisper.

As far as that murder investigation goes, all the evidence we've uncovered seems to be pointing to the one known as Rose, a gypsy who was involved in the ritual, and whom we believe to have put the gaes' on Scryin' Eyes, Welkes, Mr. News, and lastly the bard we tracked down in Lorax who all also were involved in the ritual.

When we returned to Yruin to visit Mr. News, we found the whole town deserted and he near death from starvation sitting in the tavern.  We were able to wake him and begin nursing him to health again, the poor fellow, and not long after one of Storold's people showed up to help work on removing his gaes and took over the nursing process.  Hopefully it won't be long until the good Mr. News is free and healthy.  Though I can't help but wonder how he became involved in the murder to begin with, but judging from what little I know of his character, I think perhaps he was tricked into it.

Now, the bard we tracked down, on the other hand...  We found him almost in a similar state as Mr. News, only on top of that he was playing a magical melody that evoked the strongest feelings I've had since Addison's death.  The sadness in that song was so great...  Well, I don't want to think about that right now, but I will write that Storold rode from Lorax to Spellgaurd to bring more help for the fellow, since his gaes and song combined posed great threat to anyone who might wander by.  I think some of our number were so affected by the song that they were near killing themselves before it was interupted by Connor.

Meanwhile, I've been getting better at both the alchemy lab and in the kitchen!  I can make Curing Potions of the moderate strength with relative ease now and it won't be long before I start attempting those meant for serious wounds.  In the kitchen, I can probably manage to bake bread pretty well, and it won't be long til I'm also experimenting with roasts and such.  I've also continued to improve my tailoring skills, and perhaps it won't be too much longer before I try making some of my own enchanted lionskin bags.

[Nehetsrev]

Mar 24, 1416

Well, after our last meeting in Spellguard, I've decided for whatever reason, there's just something I like about Lewis News.  Aye, a bit crazy I admit.  Anyway, I sent him a letter to share that I do wish to remain in touch as a friend, and even offered to let him stay with me after his recovery at the temple in Spellguard if he doesn't have anywhere else to go.  I haven't gotten a response back yet, but that may be because of his condition...it'll probably take some time before he's in good enough shape to think about writing.

In any case, we've determiend that the Gypsie, "Rose" is actually named Natalia, and she's Mrs. Welkes sister.  This was found out by the others while they talked to the bard, and I sat out in the hall with Mr. News.  Anyway, it seem's pretty much a sure thing that Natalia is the one responsible for organizing the whole ritual, which seems to have been directed mainly at Pige and Merlin's mom.  Speaking of which, Connor was acting really odd...

Our next step is to stop again at the Toranite temple in Fort Llast, though I don't really think anything more cna be learned there.  After that we'll be heading to the Welkes farm again to see about finding Natalia and confronting her.  Her sister, Rose Welkes, may know where to find her...maybe.

[Nehetsrev]

Novlar 20, 1416

I need to try to be a little less recklass in my adventuring or Calvin will lose another mom.  Had a very close call in the Haven Mines, but I'll write a bit more of the story, for whoever may one day read this journal.  Anyhow, I was going to sneak in for some coal, all on my own as I have been doing to get amethyst lately, but when I arrived at the mine others began to show up.  Most of those who showed up didn't look all that experienced from their postures and the way they talked, but thankfully there were a couple who were.  Tariana, a paladin of Rofirein, and Tyrian seemed aside from myself to be the more experienced in the bunch.  So, I decided I best lend my skill to theirs in the hopes I could help prevent a whole-sale slaughter.  These ones seemed bent on acquiring the head of the Gnoll commander for Lord Rodor of Haven Keep, so since I needed to go to the bottom for my coal anyway, I joined with them.

We went in after some discussion of tactics and made out way down safely enough.  We even got the head they were after and the coal I needed as well as ten nuggets of platinum as a little bonus for me.  We began to ascend to the surface again with our bounty, and still nothing seemed to be going wrong...until we reached the final chamber of the third level of the mines.  There we were ambushed and Tariana fell despite my best efforts to draw the Gnolls off her.

Sadly, as though her falling wasn't sad enough, more would fall as we tried to pass through the main chamber of the second floor.  I hung back to ensure that the ones lagging behind the rest of the group might not be ambushed hopelessly, even though the huge chamber looked clear.  Sure enough, as I and the last of the strung out group began to pass through the chamber, a huge band of Gnolls seemed to spring out of nowhere upon us, I was knocked down and beaten unconscious almost immediately.

I'm not sure what happened to the others so much after that, but the next I remember was the shock of regaining consciousness suddenly as healing poured through my body.  Tyrian, invisible, had come back to my aid and prevented my own death by a hair's breadth using her potions.  I staggered to my feet and dodged around a corner to try to gain a moment prepare to fight off the Gnolls who'd noticed my revival. Tyrian continued to splash me with potions from teh safety of her invisibility spell as I fought off Gnoll after Gnoll, and without her continued aid I likely would have fallen again.  But, I fought my way through, and upward, noting with remorse two, or maybe three more of our party laying dead, mangled beyond recognition to my quickly moving eyes which I was forced to keep focussed on making my escape.

Finally, we reached the surface and Tyrian collapsed, evidently exhausted from her efforts to keep me alive.  I knelt beside her a moment or two myself to regain my breath.  It had been a harrowing experience, and I was deeply grateful to still be alive.  My heart is still burdened some though, as I cannot help but feel somewhat responsible for those who fell in the mines that I was unable to protect.  At least some of the party reached the surface safely though, and they were able to turn in the head of the Gnoll commander at the Keep.  I cannot help but to feel our efforts were a bit futile though, as I'm sure Lord Rodor's strategy of placing a bounty on the leader's head, as he did before with the Ogres, will prove just as ineffective and a new commander will quickly assert authority over the Gnolls just as the last had.  Perhaps though, with all the Gnolls we killed in our venture the growth of their clan will be slowed enough to keep them in check for a little longer.

Later on, after returning to Prantz to work the materials I'd brought forth from the mines, I ran into Tyrian, Mylindra, and Storold and they invited me to go with them on a trip across Corsain and Tilmar.  Storold wanted to show Mylindra something, but wouldn't say what.  We made a fine group and with strong magic easilly fought our way through a great many undead darkelves, eventually ending in Rodez where Teach showed Mylindra that a Golden Claw of Rofirein monument had been built.  Mylindra seemed to have some mixed feelings about seeing it, which I thought odd since she's a Rofireinite, but I guess she's going through some questions of faith, much like I had with Toran and the Toranite church.

[Nehetsrev]

Decilar 4, 1419

Hard to believe, but Calvin's almost 19 years old now, and it won't be long after that I turn 40 myself.  I've progressed a bit more in my magical studies and I even managed to teach myself two new spells and put them into my spellbook without transcribing them from scrolls made by others.  Aye, they are only first circle spells, but the fact I learned them on my own like I have shows I'm making strides.  It may not be too much longer before I can begin working with and casting the more complex second circle spells.

Memories of home, I mean the home I grew up in and the town I loved, have been on my mind a lot more lately.  I feel like I need to go back, put my memories there to rest in a manner of speaking, or I'll not ever be able to find my destiny of true peace.  E'Zoenna, I think I'm starting to see the way to reach it.  I'm tired of the nightmares that still plague me from time to time, and I need to go back to confront them.  Isn't that why I honed my fighting skills so much over the years, so I could face down fear.  As long as fear remains in the least, there can be no E'Zoenna, no true peace.

The time to go home is nearing, but I've still got a few preparations to make before I leave.

[Nehetsrev]

Junar 1, 1421

I've returned from my journey home.  With me in my steps there were my friends, Amireanna, Tariana, and her husband Ben, as well as my own Calvin.  I was surprised to have run into Calvin along the way, really, and I don't think he expected to see me either, but at least he did come with after I invited him to see where I'd grown up.  I still sense that there's a divide between us, and I don't know if that can ever be repaired.  A mother's worries never end I suppose, but I am proud of Calvin, he's grown up so much.  It was rather amusing to hear him trying to court Amireana though.  Perhaps I'll have a talk with him the next I see him, and give him some advice on how to better woo a woman.

Aye, but I should be writing about what happened once we got home.  Though in truth the details are a bit overwhelming still, but I now understand what caused the orcs and goblins to unite against my town.  It is true that when the people of our little frontier community moved into the area, the goblins and orcs together were displaced from parts in order that the community be established.  Areas that they'd called home themselves for who knows how long, but that is a normal pain of the expansion of one society into areas of another.  But in the friction between they and ourselves another voice went unheard by all of us, until the orcs took home in the cave on the other side of the lake.

There in that cave, the lake's own guardian spirit spoke to the orcs and goblins, convincing them that if they drove our settlement away, they would be better off and the lands would be solely theirs again.  It would seem, somehow our settlement's pressence was harming the lake, and we didn't even know it.  So the orcs and goblins united together and waged that last murderous raid.  So few of us lived beyond that day, and none who did would ever find the strength to return to live there.

The spirit of the lake thought it had won a victory in preserving the pristine waters and the perfectly wild lands nearby.  Instead, it turned out that the orcs and goblins, as is their nature, proved just as or perhaps even more harmful than our community had.  So, the spirit of the lake turned against them as well.

We arived at the end of both tribes.  The spirit would not let them leave, and sent the waters out to kill them, those that didn't starve to death, one by one.  In the end, the orcs began eating the goblins, and perhaps even those of their own kind.  A shameful end, even in the eyes of the orc shaman who lead us to the cave and his own death as we sought to confront the spirit of the lake.

Fighting our way past the lakes other gaurdians, blue water snakes, blue crabs, Sahuagin, and even undead orcs sent up from the bottom of the lake, we eventually came to a final chamber.  Therein we found a shiney, egg-shaped stone that a captive Orc had told us the spirit of the lake needed.  As I picked up that stone, it was then the gaurdian spirit revealed itself directly to us, barring our bath of escape.  Our first reaction was one of fear, and I admit I found myself attacking to no effect until reason took hold and I stepped back, ordering the others to do the same.  Until then we had only heard bits of the story as told by Goblins and Orcs, but now the spirit explained it's side.  I could not contain my emotion, nor would I chose to, and I screamed and yelled the injustice done against the community, and I explained that though we may have caused harm unknowingly, we had still loved the land.

In the end, the spirit decided to let us go and gave me the choice to do as I wished with the shining stone that it had explained was indeed the lake's own heart.  Had the spirit of the lake spoken to our community directly instead, perhaps there would have been less needless killing, but I tell myself that what could have been doesn't matter now.  Those who are dead cannot be returned, but there was no need now for the lake to die too.  I decided the lake's heart belonged there, with the lake, and it would best be protected at the lake's own depths.  Twice hidden, within the cave, and beneath the waters.  So, I looked for the deepest place I could find, and I tossed the Heart in.  After I watched it sink to the bottom, it was evident I'd chosen wisely, the lake began to heal itself with a brilliant flash, and the Orcs held there in it's depths dissintegrated away, free at last of their shame perhaps.

Shortly after we left the cave and went to the far shore of the lake where my home once stood not far away.  There, the guardian of the lake revealed itself to us once more.  It would be leaving, or ending, because of the mistakes it had made and the hatred that had grown in it's heart.  But thanks to us, it said a new guardian would take it's place.  It gave me a gift as well, a small, smoothly polished black stone with white specks that reminded me of the loons my younger brother used to call to on the lake.  Even now as I hold the stone close to my breast and my memories of my brother stir, and can't help but to cry and smile at once.  This stone, gift of the spirit of the lake, will serve as a way for the new gaurdian to call upon me should need arise, and as well, should I choose to return to the lake and toss the stone in, grant me the aid of the new gaurdian.  So, I suppose, in a way I also serve as guardian to the lake now.  Perhaps I'll return regularly to visit the memories of my family there, and ensure the Heart of the Lake remains in true peace.  A heart of true peace, but not my own?

[Nehetsrev]

Mai 22, 1425

Much time has passed since I last took the time to write in here.  I've been contenting myself with long trips back to the lake, a hermit from the rest of the world.  It's so peaceful there now.  Though the memories that stir of days gone by so many years ago bring with them the pain and emptiness of loss, they also return to me some of the joy of those days.

I've not seen Calvin again since our first trip to the lake with Amireana, Ben and Tariana.  I wonder, every so often, how he is doing in the world.  I know I've not been a very good mother to him, as wrapped up in my own grief as I had been much of his life.  I don't blame him for how he feels about me now.  I should have been there for him and I wasn't.  But, that can't be changed.

I'm too old now to have a child of my own, and it's probably a good thing that I never did.  Though, at one time it was a dream of mine to be the mother of several children.  Those that would have been Erathim's children had he not died.  But I have lived since then mostly by my blades, in the shadows of grief, and such a lifestyle is not compatible with motherhood I don't think.

While my time here at the lake has been perhaps the most peaceful I've experienced yet in life, my heart still does not rest.  Something within continues to stir, and churn up, and cause un-rest.  Perhaps I have not yet fulfilled that which the dragon Oslo called me to do?  Perhaps he had some prophetic vision of my future, which has not yet been realized?  Maybe I'm just looking for some reason to explain why I don't feel the peace I think I should?  But, I do think it may be time to rejoin the world and see if there truly is anything left for this aging lady to do.

We all seek to find our purpose for living, do we not?

[Nehetsrev]

Apreal 24, 1429

News...  Plenty of bad news.  It's hard to believe it's been about four years since the last time I wrote in this book.  Still, the world has turned, good folks have died, and other woes continue.

You'd think, after the skies cleared of clouds the world would be a brighter place.  Of course, you'd be wrong.  Shadows still lurk to steal our joy when they can.  Such shadows plague my friends, Elohanna and Kryssthalien, as well as others.  The current shades are nothing short of vampires bent on who knows what.  I look at Elly these days and wonder if she isn't about to crack...  These things of the night have already cost her so much, and still they continue to plague her.

I'm doing something about it, hopefully.  In trying to help Elly and Kryss', I've met a fellow name Lewis Munsinger.  He's a real charmer, if not at all subtle with his flattery.  Kinda thought that funny after things with Lewis News a while back...  Anyhow, I'm not entirely sure if Lewis is trustworthy or not, but he does seem sincere as far as I can tell.  He even put his own neck on the line to set up a meeting for me with a man named Greenfield, a sort of kingpin in the underworld scene who's linked to the vampires plaguing Elly.

At first I'd planned to find someone else to meet this Greenfield, but there isn't time, so now I'm making plans to meet him myself.  He shouldn't know me, hopefully, and I'll be going in disguise as a persona I call 'Jeeva Biir' which means "Pain Bringer" in the Old Tongue of my culture.  I've gone so far as to don a set of full-plate and wield a longsword and tower shield for this guise, instead of my rapiers.  Unfortunately, this guise doesn't seem to fool people who are familiar with my voice, even when I try to disguise it.  That annoying fellow Trith' figured it out when he encountered me in the Forrest of Fog while I was re-acquainting myself with the longsword and heavier armor.  Anyhow, it should do to fool folks that don't know who I am, like Greenfield, and that Rolan fellow I beat in a match in the arena while I was there scouting for signs of Greenfield and his entourage.

Meanwhile, I'm making some slow progress toward continuing my practice of magic.  Hopefully it won't be long until I can cast spells of the second circle with some success, but then again, I've been saying that for years.

I put up some flyers trying to get Calvin and Caniel to come find me, but I haven't heard from either of them yet.  It hurts that they won't even return my messages, but I guess I'll have to live without them as much as it pains me.  I don't blame them, I was never there for them as I should've been.  Why should they be here for me?  I still love them though, and miss them.

Maybe after things are done with the vampires (if I live through it all) I'll see about what it would take to move the house, crypt and all, from Haft Lake to somewhere far from Rael's rule here on Mistone.  It's sad to think I can't even practice magic in my own home there now, and I can't think Addison would approve of what Rael's done to her home either, even if she weren't the type to study the Weave herself.  Maybe I'll try petitioning the Hall of Heroes again to have her remains moved there where she truly belongs after her service to the Great Oak, and just sell the house in Haft Lake and go back to living in the woods back home.

Sadly, I heard from Ferrit that Tariana Poetr has fallen for the last time.  I keep asking why it's always the good folks who die too soon.  I'm sure Ben's not taking things well either, and I worry for their child, Danny.  I didn't really know her as well as I should have, but Tariana was always real nice to me.  If anyone did credit to her faith, I'd say Tariana was one of those who did.

[Nehetsrev]

Oclar 25, 1430

I'm rather astounded at the moment...a little overwhelmed.  Not even sure I -should- write about things...  But I feel like I need to just to sort out the happenings of the day.

It all began with what was to be a nice dinner with Danny...  He had asked some time ago if there was a way to repay me for some things I gave to him, and at the time I told him a nice dinner would do.  Well, he'd finally managed to arrange a dinner for the two of us at the Twin Dragons in Leringard.  He even hired a serving lady for the event and I guess had gained the favor of Tyrian enough that she'd cooked things for us before the event.  So, I got a nice invitation from Daniel to meet him there in the early evening hours.  I have to admit, I've admired him for some time now because of his honest nature and good manners most of the time.  Not to mention he's a bit of a hunk in his own right.  Anyway, back to the point, I got myself all dressed up in a very pretty gown I'd made and went to Leringard to meet him there.  I was really looking forward to this dinner.  Almost like a giddy little girl sneaking out for her first romantic encounter with the boy she had a crush on.

So, we had dinner, and it was pretty nice, except for the tension that seemed to be goin' on between Danny and our server... I think her name was 'Dessa' or something.  I have to add, Tyrian's garlic trout was simply a wonder for the tongue to enjoy.  I really oughta get her recipe for that.  Nothin' I like more than good brain-food, except gourmet brain-food that is!  But, more about dinner...  After we ate the main course (and boy does Danny eat fast!  and from the way it smelled, I think that server might've over-cooked Danny's roast pork a bit when she re-heated it...  Anyhow,...), we went to sit in front of the fire and have some pie for desert.  It was blackberry pie, and tasted really good, but not quite right (and that's because, we think, the serving lady put something extra into it).  Needless to say -something- had me getting real hot, and experiencing some feelings that a lady really ought not write more details about...but since I'm not truly a lady by any sort of noble title or anything...  Well...let's just say Danny was lookin' really appealing and I felt compelled beyond reason to be with him.  It was really quite dizzying and confusing... I wanted to be in control, I struggled to stay that way, but there was Danny looking so fine and ... I couldn't resist.  I found myself smothering him in kisses, and the ocasional playful nip here and there... if I hadn't suddenly remembered the Traditions I think a lot more than just kissing would have happened.  I even wanted it too, in a way...  but fortunately I wanted to remain pure more, and to stick to the Old Ways like I have all my life.

Anyhow...as -whatever- had effected us began to run its course and subside, I regained more composure and Danny and I talked a bit.  Well, after he went to the kitchen to see if he could find any evidence of the serving lady's mischief, which turned up naught anyhow.  Danny expressed in no uncertain terms, he feels he loves me and would marry me if I consented.  I told him I'd have to think about it, in a way.  I'm still very much afraid inside, as little sense as it makes, that if we were to become engaged Danny would suffer a tragic fate like both Erathim and Addison did.  I really do care for him.  Perhaps it -is- time I put my silly fears aside, and opened my heart again for real love.  Perhaps it's time to make a new set of courting garb and pressent myself to him...  it's not like I haven't thought of it before now, in daydreams and flights of fancy.

On to more of that night's happenings, before I get lost in daydreams.  After dinner, and our talk, we headed toward Hempstead.  Daniel escorted me like the gentleman he is until he had to rush off for his duties at the temple in Vehl.  So what happens next?  Well, I went on my way alone from where Danny and I parted and ran across Elly, Kryssie, and some other folks.  That annoying Trith' was causing quite a stir with stories that Laura, the vampire, had come back and was asking for Elly.  So I went along to the Scamp's Mug with Elly and Kryssie and the rest to see if it was true...  Turned out that idiot Trith didn't tell the facts straight to Elly, and Laura, or Isabella I think she said her name was now, didn't seem to know or remember Elly.  If it's the same person, her head's scrambled, and she's fighting to learn to control her 'newfound' powers of sorcery.  Unless that's just an act, but I don't think so, Anna believed her and I don't think she's all that easy to fool.  Anyhow, the plus side there was that I got to see that irritating lout get himself turned to stone.  Too bad he didn't stay that way.

Ah fudge....got to daydreamin' again while I was thinking about writing more...  My mind was wandering into scenarios of finding ways just to be in Danny's company...  I may as well go make those new clothes.  Just hope it doesn't bring about his doom!

PS - I ain't seen Lewis in a while now, I guess he's lost interest after I wouldn't go to bed with him that last time we got together.  Probably for the best, I don't think I really felt much of a connection with him anyhow, despite his silver tongue.

[Nehetsrev]

Mai 12, 1431

Well, I made a set of Courting Garb and pressented myself to Daniel.  He accepted my proposal and kissed me before I could even explain fully all the details of the Old Culture customs.  Anyhow, I've got a year from today to explain things to him.  I'm feeling a bit giddy, even though I'm old enough I probably shouldn't.  Bah!  What am I writing?  Giddy is good!  I'm happy again, more so than I've been in years.

Daniel explained he is without finances and a place to stay, so I've set up a room of sorts for him in the library at my home in Prantz.  Even though I don't think Calvin or Caniel are coming back, I didn't feel it was right to put him in one of their rooms.  I wish I knew where Calvin was so I could tell him about my engagement to Daniel.  I suppose he probably just doesn't care about me anymore though, or he'd have been around by now.

Teach seemed kinda interested in the Old Culture wedding traditions too, so I took some time to explain the basics to him the other day.  He'd like me to write 'em down for him so he can have a copy for his library.  Well, for that and maybe for Clover, who he seems to love.

I wonder who I should pick for my Viza Na'Ruvan Min A'Ona?  Or who I should suggest to Daniel to be our A'Tulsaiir Na'Biirisa?  So much to think about now to get prepared.