Author Topic: Treana Min E'Zoenna - Heart of True Peace (Read 3687 times)

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #100 on:** September 05, 2006, 03:08:47 PM »

Entry 101 - Mai 4, 1405

I tread slowly in my secretive endeavor. I must be cautious of whom I speak with and around regarding my plan to organize against the unjust tyrant. Another truth be told, I feel hesitant of doing this. What danger do I put Calvin and Caniel into? Why isn't someone of greater political importance organizing something? If only Addison were here, she'd know what to do and give the orders to get it done.

Meanwhile, I've posted an add to sell off a great deal of items that Addison and I had stored up in our home together. Manny items remind me of her a good deal, and it's hard to part with them. I feel I need to empty out this home not just to make ready for the renovators when they come, but to help put the painful memories of losing her out of my mind. It's not that I would wish to forget her, as I will never forget her, but I do not need so many constant reminders of her absence causing me to break down in tears when no one is looking. I still cry for her every day, usually after Calvin's asleep in bed and the house is more quiet.

I've gotten much better at hiding my pain. I think I've even got myself fooled to some degree. Mr. Mith and Ozymandius both took a turn at flattering me the other day. I smiled and giggled for their benefit, but honestly my heart still felt like breaking. Sometimes I feel as though I make myself to be a puppet on strings, making myself dance for an audience of strangers.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #101 on:** September 09, 2006, 07:00:45 AM »

Entry 102

Blasted contractors! I moved all the things out of my home to make way for them, and then they tell me they can't come for another week, maybe longer. Not their fault though I suppose. The foreman told me that the city government drafted their services to repair a section of sewer that had collapsed and that's what's put them behind schedule now. Oh well. In the mean time I'm paying for room and board at the Hotel Layonara for myself, Calvin, Caniel, and Marianna. I'm also paying for a private storage area in one of the local warehouses in order to house all my furniture and such while we wait for the workers to remodel our home. I don't trust the man running the warehouse though, so I've been spending all my time guarding my own things there, including sleeping there with them. I'll be glad to get home when it's ready for move-in again.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #102 on:** September 14, 2006, 03:38:51 PM »

Entry 103 - Seplar 27, 1405

The remodelers have finished most of the work on my home, I now await the final safety inspection to ensure the house is still fully stable after their work, which I have no doubt it is. Meanwhile, I have pondered deeply the situation of my friend Freldo, and those to be hanged with him. My heart fiercely demands I rise up and challenge Broegar's rule and help free Freldo and the rest, yet my mind falters in the knowledge of bleak reality. My hands are figuratively tied, thought hey'd be fre if not for Calvin and Caniel whom are my family now, and whom I must think of above my sense of justice. If I should challenge Broegar's rule, I know I too would be hung, or worse, to leave behind Calvin and Caniel who undoubtedly need me in the absence of Addison. Neither can I bear to watch this execution of my friend, so I will remain home and hope to here that the trial ends with justice and mercy dispensed, rather than cruel penalty of death. Isn't it funny though, that I, a warrior in my own time who have seen countless deaths of men and beasts in bloody conflict cannot bear to witness an execution? What root emotion could be behind such strong feelings as to keep me from this in a friend's hour of need? When will life give me reason to stop crying again?

I am a broken woman. A shade of who I was destined to be. How can I persist like this?

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #103 on:** September 15, 2006, 07:14:34 AM »

Entry 104 - Oclar 9, 1405

I went to watch the executions anyway, to be there for Freldo in his hour of need, and I am glad that I did. Despite all the many tears I cried seeing him stripped nearly bare and paraded through town in fetters and humiliation, I stayed in hopes of being some confort to my friend in what may have been his final hours. Freldo had a brave face, and smiled like a child in a candyshop despite the thoughts of is own death that must have been going through his mind. At times, it seemed more than I could bear, seeing him like that and knowing that we both knew his end was near.

The minutes dragged like days while the gathering crowds waited for the trial to begin, and those set to be executed began to sing bravely. Many in the crowd, including myself, were inspired to sing with them. Freldo just kept smiling and singing throughout it all, displaying a grin like an ogre receiving it's first club to play with. In the midst of all that something in my own heart struggled within me. Maybe I am insane to even think it, but it felt like love... Not just the love a friend for another but... love. My memory flashed back to times before Freldo's arrest, before all this and his smiles were remembered. I know memory isn't always trustworthy, that sometimes things are added or changed in memory from that which happened in the real moment. Still, remembering those smiles I thought I saw more in them, as I stood there in the crowd. More than just the caring of a friend, but a tenderness, an essence of something more. More than once I caught my hand searching for the hilt of my rapier with mind to rush forward and attempt to cut loose his bonds. Thankfully it was not there and my foolish emotions could not be enacted.

Finally the trial was to begin, and unexpectedly Broegar himself came to address the crowd and pass final judgement. With threat on his life from certain factions offering a huge reward, Broegar still came. I was surprised, but not as surprised as I would be at the outcome of the days events. He addressed us all, pronouncing the crimes for which Freldo and the rest were being tried, and then he gave us a chance for one person to speak for the character of each of the accused. I hesitated but a moment before stepping forward to speak for Freldo. I spoke of his honesty and compassion, and Broegar seemed to hear what I had to say, until I brought up Freldo's caring for the orphans in Lellion at Cole's old orphanage, at which point he quickly dismissed me. I thought my words for naught and my heart sank. Yet Freldo remained brave and smiling.

Others spoke for the other condemned persons each in turn. Ozymandius seemed to have nothing good to say and I was want to give him a good swift kick, but refrained as such an act at such a time would have been truly foolish. Finally, after testimonials were given Broegar again addressed the crowd. What he ruled was completely unexpected. He chose to mercifully set the captives free, and banish them from Prantz instead of having them executed. Perhaps, as he says, he is not the cruel tyrant we have been guilty of making him out to be. Perhaps he did so more for the strength it would lend to his political influence, seating him more firmly in rulership of Prantz, more than out of true mercy. Regardless my heart leapt and for a few moments I was too stunned and happy to think or move. Such was the surprise of all at Broegar's judgement that the headsman 'dropped' his axe and 'accidentally' beheaded the prince.

Though Broegar acted upset and had the headsman carted away, I think the 'acidental' beheading might have been staged. Just as next, as Broegar removed the bonds of each captive himself, the princess began to let loose her rage and attacked him as soon as she was freed. Broegar must have known she would, and his guards quickly killed her in his defense, though such extreme measure was surely not called for. She was, after all, un-armed and likely too weak have ever brought true harm to Broegar. With that the last of the royal family were ended, but all I could think about was Freldo and clinging to him like a ... a love-sick girl. When I could get my feet to move again, or rather when they chose to move on their own, I did just that.

Curse my feelings for this man! I know that a mariage between us can never be. Can it? How can such occur when I am not even sure how he feels for me? If he's even capable of committing to one woman after what happened between himself and Rhynn? All I have is a confusion and chaos in my own heart! I don't even know my own true feelings for him, close friend or something more? Am I simply fooling myself into thinking it's love I feel because I also have feelings that Calvin should have a father and Freldo has been the closest thing to that he's had? Or is there truly something more there? Curse my feelings for this man! My unclear feelings...

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #104 on:** September 19, 2006, 06:02:47 AM »

Entry 105 - Novlar 12, 1405

I ran across Lillian and Freldo in the Anauroch Desert today on my way to Saudiria to do some business. Since it's safer to travel with others.. Well, really because I enjoy traveling with both of them, I joined them as they made their way to North Fort. I had business in North Fort as well to take care of, so I didn't mind helping them mine along the way and even did a bit of gem-chipping myself. Lilly carried the mineral clumps I mined for myself, since I was already nearly overburdened. After I was done with my business in North Fort, Freldo escorted me back to Pranzis. He can be such a gentleman sometimes. Most of the time really.

Freldo jokingly talked of having a harem, something that seemed to upset Lilly a little, and I must admit made my own heart sink. I wanted so much to wrap my arms around him again and tell him of my feelings, but I feel sure he could never be faithful to me and that's something I would expect of him if there were ever to be anything between us more than a friendship. At least for the time I was with them I found a little joy in life to laugh and joke a bit. When Addy passed away a couple years ago I never thought I'd want to be in love with anyone again, and now I find that I can't help but feel love for someone and yet I know it can't ever be. I also, in a way feel guilty for these feelings. I love Addy so much, it seems as though my heart betrays her. What do I do? I hate feelings, for it seems no matter which I have that should make me happy, some other piece of my heart is pained. It's just life I guess... Maybe I should seek counsel from the priests of Toran and try to find His wisdom to apply to my life.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #105 on:** September 24, 2006, 08:33:27 AM »

Entry 106 - After our trip to the Serpent Mountains of Dregar

Well, things seem to be progressing a little better now in the quest to raise that sunken city. Though, Rhynn let her anger get the better of her and left the group. I understand wanting people to listen to you when you have ideas is something we all want, and I think Rhynn felt she wasn't being listened to. Really though, she was, but that didnt' mean we all agreed with her ideas all the time. She just has a need to be right about everything it seems, and a need to prove she's really useful. I guess I can understand that, since I often have feelings like that of my own. Really I think she just needs to learn to deal with those feelings better.

In any case, we ended up going to the Serpent Mountains as Jharl had suggested, leaving Rhynn behind, and low-and-behold Jharl's hunch proved to be right and we found a hidden place in the mountains that fit the poem perfectly. There was a huge statue of a cat with the head of a man and six orbs glowing golden around it. Up a bit further, and nearby we found a place with 2 harps and a drum surrounded by magic runes in the colors of the schools of magic. Everyone seemed at a loss of what to do next until I suggested trying to play the melody from the staff using the instruments in that place. That got things rolling again and it wasn't long until Jharl and that bone-headed wench Lin'da worked out that the melody was comprised of different sub-melodies, one for each school of magic. After learning each seperate melody, Jharl played them each in turn and it caused the beams of light around the orbs by the statue to change to the appropriate color for the school of magic it repressented. Finally, when all six orbs were glowing their proper colors, Jharl played and sung the combined melody near the statue, but singing it there didn't work. The sun rose by then, so we had to wait until the next evening for him to try again, and this time he sang from within the circle with the instruments, and something, somewhere happened. Some of our number heard a rushing of water, and when we checked out the nearby dam, it seemed the water rushing from it had increased in it's volume and that the lake behind the dam was draining very slowly.

For our next gathering it has been decided to try returning to Sandstone. I'm not too thrilled with the idea, having been killed by the multitudes of snakes and spiders breeding there in the desert the last time we were there. Perhaps this time round there won't be so many of them and we can find the last clues to raising Estibana. While I am happy that I might be helping in such a historical event, I really felt alone for most of our trip, except when Kyle paused to talk with me a while. He and Ferrit have had a son in the time since our last speaking, and I felt badly that is has been so long. They named their child Cole, and I can't help but wonder if he is named after Cole Norseman, whom I believe Kyle was fairly close to.

Maybe Lillian and Freldo had the right idea to wash their hands of this venture, or maybe not. I suppose it's because of all the arguing they got sick of doing with that bone-headed wench that they chose to leave. One thing that annoys me about the group is that those who seem to want to be in charge of it seem to play favorites. Most of my comments and ideas I throw out are often ignored outright, and if they do end up helping things along I'm not even so much as given credit for being helpful. Yet others in the group can speak something once and be listened to and doted on whether right or way off in their reasoning. I bet if we are successful in this venture, and we do raise Estibana from the depths, my name won't even appear in the historical tellings of how we did it, but I can bet that bone-headed wenches name will be written in bold text and underlined. Of course, with this kind of view now written here, I have to ask myself why am I helping in this venture? Do I want to be famous?

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #106 on:** October 08, 2006, 06:26:44 AM »

Oclar 13, 1406

We have reached an end at last, so it would seem. Did we raise Estibana, the fabled sunken city of legend? No, we didn't. We did however raise an ancient spirit, a Keeper of the Staff, as she told us she was.

I am ashamed of myself... Of the way I acted, filled with fear until the very end. I don't think Addison, or even Erathim, would be proud of me. Perhaps it is good that history will never record my involvement in this, for I do not feel I am worthy of mention after all.

Why in these times do I become filled with such cowardice? In the past, along side Addison, I would have faced dragons. Indeed I actually even did tread the plane of chaos for my friends. Perhaps it is because I fear losing Calvin, and even Caniel? Maybe it's something less than that. After Addy died, I would gladly have passed on to be with her... Now? I don't feel the same way, not quite. I still long for her, but I also wish to keep living.

I almost had to laugh, a sick, heart-wrenching laugh of the irony. As Honora read from a book upon the crystal/coral box she described a wedding that never happened... The groom slain just before it would have taken place, and the bride left wounded... It was the bride we raised with the healing powers of the staff, I think. Or maybe it was the bride's child? If it was the bride, I wonder if her pain at losing her groom has lasted through all tis time? I almost had to cry. Almost...but perhaps my tears have run out?

I haven't seen or heard anything from Freldo in quite some time, I wonder if he is alright? Likely so, or someone would likely have come to tell me... maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps it's best I slip through the cracks and dissappear into nothing but a vague memory it the minds of those I once called friends. I can raise Calvin peacefully... What else is there for me? Why can't I find happiness? Why can't I find that true peace that is supposed to be my destiny? I try, time and again, to throw off this depression, yet it seems I always return to sink within it a bit further past the reach of the light of hope. Maybe I do not pray enough to Toran? Maybe He wishes another road for me, and this is why I struggle? Maev seems at greater peace in her calling, perhaps this is where my destiny lies as well? I need help from somewhere, I know I cannot help myself. I will seek council from the church.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #107 on:** October 16, 2006, 02:35:56 PM »

Febra 28, 1407

In my despair I went to pray at the temple of Toran in Fort Llast, and to seek council. I knelt at the altar for hours before finally one arrived who shown compassion and took time to speak with me. Quantum was his name. He is a man Ihave met a few times before, but whom I have never gotten to know well, nor spoken much at length with until now. I told him of my despair, of how I have lost more than once the people I love truly. We spoke about the afterlife, and he thinks it likely that my culture worshiped a god and did not know it, simply through the law and goood of our traditions. Perhaps he wished to offer me hope of seeing my loved ones again in the heavens, though it was also spoken of htat those without gods are sent to the Soul Mother upon death. I believe Addison followed well her god Aeridan, and likely waits in the heavens for me, but as for my family and dear Erathim I cannot be so sure. Still, it is not so much apprehension of the afterlife that keeps me in such depression. Perhaps the mourning for those I have lost is a big part of it, but even that does not seem to be the root. I explained my relative ignorance of Toran, despite my pledge to serve him so many years ago, and I asked to learn more of Toran's love and teachings. Quantum has agreed to help me as he can, and even gave me a holy text to begin with in my studies. Perhaps in knowing more of Toran I will learn more of myself and be able to break free of this depression that chains my soul... Perhaps... I can only hope.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #108 on:** October 26, 2006, 07:12:38 AM »

Augra 8, 1407

I have been reading over the holy text that Quantum gave to me. While I agree with scriptures I've read and have taken them to heart, it seems there must be more to Toran's message than these meager few pages. I thirst for more knowledge of the Great Leader. I wish to feel close to him in spirit and to follow where He might lead me. Yet at the same time I still struggle with the losses of those I've loved from day to day. Quantum's explaination of the afterlife gives me some hope that I will see those I love again, and perhaps that lessens my grief some.

It's hard to believe, but Calvin is already six and a half years of age. He is constantly questioning everything, and reads many books with greater understanding than I would have expected from a child his age. He doesn't spend as much time with me as he once did, perhaps because I am sad so much of the time. We still have our morning practice and exercise together before breakfast, and he shows a fair amount of grace and balance. When we went to the market last week he begged me for a game of darts, such as those found in taverns, so I gave in to him. I watched him play with the new game as soon as we were home and he has very good aim with those tiny darts. In the span of an hour he threw 10 bulls-eyes, and countless near-misses and not a single dart ever missed the board.

We've not seen Caniel much lately. It seems she's taken to going out adventuring, the very thing she complained of cutting Addison's life short. I suspect she has no tollerance for Broegar's reign over Prantz and may wish to do her part to help end it. I feel the same, but I don't know what to do without risking Calvin's security and well-being. Calvin's been sad to see her gone much of the time and often asks when she'll be back to give him his next lesson regarding magic. He seems to thirst for knowledge of the arcane sometimes.

Calvin's only six and a half, and I fear he may be growing up too fast. It's likely my fault. I don't make him get out to play with the other children in the neighborhood enough. Now I'm not sure I could if I were to try, he seems so headstrong in acting mature like a perfect little gentleman.

I've also decided I may let Marianna go, since Calvin does such a good job of looking after himself now. She often spends most days idle after doing other chores around the house. It seems she's become more of a maid than a nanny. I hesitate to make her leave though. She has shared news from home with me and says her parents and the rest of her family are having a rough time of things with the world darkened and crops lacking in abundance. Every coin I pay her goes to them to help them buy what they need just to survive. Perhaps I'll do the opposite, give her an increase in her pay and a 'promotion' to the title of maid instead of nanny, if only to help her family through this dark age. After a few years together it's almost as though she's family as well, though Caniel has yet to warm up to her.

I pray, Toran, be my guide in what is left of my life. Lead me to what destiny you have in store for me, be it great or small, so long as I may dwell in your comforting law and be a blessing to this world and those around me. Lord, I don't know where all this is going, or how it all turns out. Lead me to peace that is past understanding, a peace beyond all doubt.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #109 on:** November 05, 2006, 06:56:27 AM »

Jenra 19, 1408

My curse continues to take those I care about. I have lost another friend to death. The god's have seen fit to tear Sa'Kura from this world simply for meeting me by chance and coming with me to adventure some in the Ajari Swamps near Fort Velensk.

Once I believed there were no gods, yet now I know there are and they are cruel and unjust. How could they strip a baby of her mother? And more than once. Both Addison and now Sa'Kura have passed within such a short time of bearing their children. Do the gods delight in making orphansand motherless children? Where is Toran to prevent such an injustice if he is so powerful and just?

I have spent the last few days here at the temple in Fort Llast asking that question in silent prayer. Asking why so many of those I loved as fmily or friends or more have been taken from this world so unjustly. Asking what I have done in my life that such injustice be performed against them all, or what they may have done in thier lives to deserve such. Cray prayed next to me for some time, but she has gone elsewhere now. She seems a nice person, though do I dare get to know her if doing so would bring her death as well?

People tell me I am not cursed, that Sa'Kura's death is not my fault, and niether are the deaths of those others I've lost. But I have lost so many now I cannot help but begin to believe there is a curse upon me that will kill all those I care for. Who is next? Calvin? Caniel? Freldo? Lillian? Marianna? Maybe I should get to know and love Broegar so he can be taken by this curse and the world be served justly. Aye. I'm insane...

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #110 on:** November 11, 2006, 04:33:07 PM »

Mai 2, 1408

Aye, I am insane, but not so bad off. While Toran's teachings do comfort me, and ring true to my soul, it was not they that brought me from despair. Instead, it was an adventure, and a talk with my mother-in-law and now in spirit I believe, Caniel. She pointed out that Elves, such as herself go through life gaining and losing even more loved ones than we short-lived Humans.

Death is a part of the cycle, a natural part that cannot be avoided and should not be avoided when it is in it's proper time. Many I have lost before their time was to be in my eyes, and such losses do hurt. Addison hurt so badly she was willing to go fight the Soul Mother to bring back Cole Norseman, and that time I was the voice that talked her into accepting his death and learning to live beyond his life. For years now I have been a hypocrite to my own persuasions which kept her alive for a time.

At last, truly at last. Though it took the death of another dear friend to get me here, I believe I am through grieving. I believe I am ready to live on, until my time comes. I will always remember those I've lost, and those I may still yet lose before my time comes. I will always treasure the memories I make with each of them, and I'll those memories to my own grave.

I was once a child, naive to the ways of the world, but now I am more. I am a fighter in heart & soul. Too long I've been denying my nature and I've been running. Aye, I have been a coward, but I am not ashamed. In the midst of it, I have turned to face that from which I've run for so long. I have learned it is not to be feared, and I need not run away any longer.

And now, having chosen to live again, I must make another choice. What road will I follow with the rest of my life? Which path will lead me to the greater peace that I seek as my own destiny? Do I choose a complete devotion to Toran, or to the rapier with which I am already greatly skilled? One thing is certain, I am Calvin's mother in this world, if not by flesh by spirit. Whatever my choice for my own life, I must do what I can to see he is raised to be a good man, and that he is given the chance to live long enough to reach that goal.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #111 on:** December 03, 2006, 10:10:26 PM »

Life goes on. That's a set of words I can smile at once again. I've actually been having some fun lately. Can you imagine that? Aye! Just today I went on a quick trip with Rhynn to gather some hazelnuts. We had to fight the Trolls of the Ajari swamps, of course. It was something I didn't mind doing at all after losing Sa'Kura to them some time ago. I'll exact vengeance upon them, and love every minute of it. I think I'll chose to devote the rest of my life to truly mastering the art of dueling with my rapier. I've already got most of the foundational skills for it, and it's something I really do enjoy.

I was also back home in Prantz, I still dislike the new name, and I spent a good deal of time with Calvin and he came with me to watch me do some gem-crafting as well. He's growing to be such a fine boy. He's eight years old now. It's amazing how much of his life I've missed while I was wallowing in my own self-pitty. After talking with him, it seemed to me his education was not as it should be, and I realized Marianna could only teach him so much. I am debating whether to hire professional tutors, or whether to send him to a boarding school, away from Prantz and it's odd disappearances I've heard rumors of. The scariest thing is I believe the rumors to be true. Prantz just seems too neat and tidy, too perfect in it's administration, and definitely too restrictive in personal freedoms in the most subtle of ways, and in some ways that aren't so subtle.

I would like to know more about this 'Voice' that has been putting out flyers every now and again. Perhaps I could help in whatever efforts they may be undertaking to ensure the liberty of Prantz and it's people.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #112 on:** December 20, 2006, 12:54:17 PM »

Between my times at home with Calvin, I've been going out on trips to get more gems and other supplies for my trades. I've even made a bit more progress in my studies of alchemy. With Elohanna's aid in acquiring spotted mushrooms I was able to make a few of my own enchanting oils. I bought some feldspar dust from Pyyran too that also aided my efforts a bit, and he mentioned an oak shortbow he has that I might be interested in purchasing, but that will have to wait for another time I think. He didn't have it with him, and I didn't feel like going to his home to see it.

Mom-Caniel has come with me on a few of my trips and we've gathered topaz and garnet together. I told her how Rhynn had offered to teach me some magic to further my enchanting skills, and Caniel got a bit upset. Aparently she despises Illusionists and thinks it's the weakest form of magic. But, she did seem pleased that I might be interested in learning magic, and she too offered to help teach me in her own way. She tested my mind's resistance to enchantments by paralyzing me a few times, and it would seem that I have very little resistence to such spells, but that shouldn't really hinder my learning of magic if I do choose to she said. She also demonstrated a spell that would bolster my own natural resistence to spells that affect the mind, so I could probably choose to learn that as well if I really need to.

Aside from my trips for materials, I've still continued to spend a fair amount of time worshipping at the temple to Toran in Fort Llast. I don't pass it by without stopping to pray before the alter for at least a minute or two. There's just a certain amount of comfort I find in Toran, and even though it's fleeting and lasts not much longer than while I'm there praying, I find a little bit of peace inside those walls. Will I ever become one of the devout clergy, I doubt it, but who knows? Maybe the next I see Maev we can talk a bit about Toran and what following Him means to us. I think of all those who follow Toran that I know, I think the most of her. Odd when I remember a time when I almost hated her after first arriving in Hlint.

Of course, my skill in wielding my rapier continues to improve and see much use. When once I feared the Ogres of the Haven Mines, now they fall before me like wheat at the harvest. I've even braved the Bugbears of Bear Island on my own, and as long as I'm careful there I can face several of them at once with relative ease. Perhaps Toran himself blesses my blade and I, to duel as champions of His righteousness. Odd that I would write that too, when there was a time in my life I was godless. I've come so far, lost so much, and gained quite a bit too. Life has been very hard at times, but it is worth the living.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #113 on:** January 01, 2007, 01:02:52 PM »

//OOC - This spot reserved for events of the 'Whodunit?' quest.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #114 on:** January 01, 2007, 01:03:57 PM »

//OOC - This spot reserved for events of the 'Exploring the Past: Team Two' quest.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #115 on:** January 01, 2007, 01:28:54 PM »

I am happy that I have a friend in Kyle Pandorn. We've known eachother for years now, though I confess since Addison's death I had become an out-of-touch recluse to even such good friends as he. Still our friendship remains, and likely always will. It's something I am grateful for.

I had only recently lost the iron star shield he'd made for me so many years ago when he came upon me sitting next to the pond in Hlint. I had been down in the Haven Mines seeking a bit of iron to experiment with when I lost it. I had set the shield down so that I could go after the ore with all my strength while swinging my mining pick when suddenly a large group of Ogres emerged from the darkness and were upon me almost before I could react. I was forced to retreat a short distance, leaving the shield lay where it was, before I turned to face the Ogres that had chased me off. After I slew all that stood before me, I returned for the shield but it was gone, aparently taken by one of the other Ogres that fled before my return. It was a heart-breaking moment for me. The shield held for me so many memories of the past it had almost become like a part of myself. Thankfully, after telling Kyle the story of how I lost the shield he kindly offered to make a new one for me to replace it. The new one is not quite the same as the old, but it still holds all the care put into it's creation by my friend that the first did, and I'll treasure it just as much in time.

Perhaps I can help Kyle further his armor-smithing skills by helping to collect for him platinum, and then eventually adamantium to work with. Besides, I can currently use the platinum myself to make platinum reinforced clothes which ought to sell well enough to keep myself and Calvin fed. I work so many other crafts already, perhaps I'll take up armor-smithing myself as well. I certainly can't do everything I'd like to be able to do with my gemcrafting and enchanting myself. It's rather dissappointing really that even some of the tailored goods I'd like to make are beyond my abilities simply because I cannot cast spells. Maybe I should take Caniel or Rhynn up on their offers to learn some magic, then my crafting abilities would be nearly limitless in their scope.

Still, my true passion lies with my skill in wielding my rapiers. One day I may choose to give up shields entirely in favor of wielding two rapiers at once. I was forced to do so for the short time between when I lost my shield and Kyle replaced it with the new one, and I have to sy I did quite well wielding both my blades at once. Maybe I should try to organize a dueling league to meet at the Fort Velensk arena on a regular basis. It would be a fine way to get in more practice, and I might even learn some better techniques from others I duel. It's a thought at any rate.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #116 on:** January 07, 2007, 12:39:33 PM »

Novlar 12, 1410

Wow! I've been soooo busy lately I've forgotten to write about my life and such. But, great things have been happening, and other stuff too. After years of absence, I saw AnnaLee in Hlint the other day and she was pregnant again, (or maybe still?). Anyway, she and Rhynn related to me that there had been some evil wizard in another plane or something that had first split her child into the twins she had thought she was going to have and then stolen them from her womb. Then the evil wizard's father had him erased form history altogether, so Anna is back to just having one child within her (instead of two or none) and both she and Rhynn are missing parts of their memories (everything to do with the wizard who was erased aparently). I guess the only reason either of them even know about any of it is because Ozy knows what happened still and he told them of it. Anyway, since Anna looks like she's about due any day now, we passed most of the rest of the evening coming up with ideas for names for the child. I was proud to offer Anna some names from words of the Old Tongue, and she even seemed to like one or two. I really should write down a big list of words for her and send it to her to look through, but the final choice of how she names her child is and always should be hers alone. I guess Mr. Mith met with a gruesome end too, from what Rhynn and Anna told me... So Anna truly is alone except for we her friends. I just hope she doesn't shut us out again like she did before, but I think that happened because of the influence of that evil wizard.

In other events, I went with Maev and the others to find out more about the Barons and Knights of Alindor and all that mess... I don't know that I should write too much about it here yet, but it appears Plenarius wasn't the first to sign a treaty for seven years with Milara... Before Alindor fell to him, he offered almost the exact same treaty to the nobility of Alindor and they too had excepted it. Then he caught them all with a curse using their own words when they toasted in celebration of the time of peace they thought they had just won through the treaty. So, to make a long story short, we have to find the challice they toasted from and restore its purity or some such so that the curse can be broken and then the blessing that keeps them from falling to Milara's curse can also be lifted and they may finally find peace and die. Meanwhile teh true king, King Briant, has gone missing while in search of the challice himself, so we need to find him too.

On top of everything, I've finally decided to send Calvin off to a boarding school for his own safety and education. Marianna will stay on as my maid, so for a time at least she'll have Calvin's room all to herself. Though that might not last, since I offered to Maev the option to come stay with us if she should need a place to live now that she's no longer part of the church of Toran...

It's sad, she says former Tonranite friends and associates have been stooping so low as to spit upon her in passing each time they see her now, she even thought I was going to spit on her too when we met up again. I'll never spit on her, nor will I treat her with the contempt the rest of the church seems fit to show her. I know who she was and who she is, a good person at heart, that she lost faith in Toran doesn't change that.

Toran knows I often question my own faith in him enough, and lately I've even been considering leaving the church myself. I've never truly felt like I fit the mold well enough, and perhaps a return to my own godless traditions is what I'm destined for, even if it might mean I never see Addison in the afterlife... Toran knows I seem to have little in common with my fellow Toranites, and my pressence in the church might even be a detriment to their faith as well. I will always remain thankful for the times of comfort Toran and his church have given me in some of the darkest times of my life, but to be honest it seems Torans justice is not the same as that of my own upbringing.

And soon I will be faced with choosing the next road in the course of my life-journey... Do I focus my effort solely into perfecting my dueling ability, or do I seek to learn new teachings of magic from Caniel and Rhynn to supplement my crafting skills? Or perhaps I should just stay the course I am on already?

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #117 on:** January 11, 2007, 09:19:08 PM »

Jenra 23, 1411

I finally convinced that horse trader in Orc's Watch that I knew the in's and out's of all things equestrian. The hardest part was simply getting that dolt to talk to me. You'd almost think he doesn't want to sell any of his horses the way he treats potential customers. Maybe he just wants ot be sure they get good homes. I dunno.

Anyway, I named my new beautiful black stud of a steed, M'Daern Sata Min Wan, which in the Old Tongue means, "My Dark Brother of Travel". We rode together from my home in Haft Lake all the way overland to Lorindar, then sailed from there to Karthy and traveled across Rilara to Point Harbor, then sailed to Port Hampshire and went overland from there to Hlint. It was a fine trip and we got to know eachother better and it seems we really get along well too. I noticed he isn't too trusting of strangers though from the way he rolled his eyes whenever we encountered people along the way. Good thing he seems too well-behaved to bite anyone for no particular reason though. When we neared Fort Hope, we had to fight off a few griffons and M'Daern Sata didn't panic at all, so he seems a good mount for battle should the need arise.

I'll have to take him by the boarding school to visit Calvin. I bet he'll be impressed when he meets M'Daern Sata. He's often mentioned his wish to own a horse some day.

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #118 on:** January 14, 2007, 10:58:30 PM »

Mar 15, 1411

Well, I've made a choice. I will persue the knowledge of wizardry and learn to cast spells of true magic. Rhynn has agreed to help teach me, and even Ozy offered to help too. So now, I'm waiting for Rhynn to bring me my first study book so that I can begin my training seriously. I may never be able to cast some of the 'big' spells that pure wizards like Rhynn do, but I think it will be an adventure in itself to learn to cast even the more simple spells such as those I wish to learn to further my crafting efforts.

Maybe this time spent focussing on something else for a while will allow me to return to my sword work with a sharper mind and renewed inspiration as well. I'll still keep myself in practice enough not to let my skill with the rapier slip any, of course. I don't think I'll be learning many new swordplay though as I instead concentrate on learning magic.

To think, years ago I never thought it would be possible for me to learn magic at all, and yet here I am about to start. I can't wait until I've mastered even one or two cantrips. What would Grandpa Ruvan think if he could see me now?

Nehetsrev · « **Reply #119 on:** January 18, 2007, 04:13:23 PM »

Mai 10, 1411

I remember again the moments of a time ago while in Luck, there under the premise of helping the little girl Pige by solving the murder of her family. Some folks had been slandering Toran again simply because I suggested bringing the passed out mage to a temple where he might be helped or something and well, it got to me. So I stayed away from everyone for a bit, because I really felt like I wanted to punch the daylights out of those two oafs with their free-flapping moronic tongues. Toran wouldn't have been pleased if I exploded on them like I wanted too. So while I was sitting by the house stewing over things in my mind, Acacea came over and started trying to cheer me up or something. At least I think that's what she was trying. Didn't work though. I'd begun to realize that as much as I like Toran, and His teachings, they really are not things I can live by, they aren't me. I was brought up that the spirit of the law was more important than the letter of it, and that compassion and mercy were also of much more merrit than blind and callous justice. After Maev fell from grace, and even Toranites from her own hometown threw rocks at her for it, I began to question a lot of things about the Church of Toran. So, while everyone else was busy investigating inside the mage's home, I yanked off my Ankh of Toran pendant and cast it as far from me as I could into the farmer's fields of Luck.

Aye, I can't say I was in the best state of mind that day, but I still stand by my decision there. I've chosen to leave Toran behind me and return to the godless traditions I was raised under. If my choice keeps me from Addison in the afterlife, I hope she understands. I'll always love her regardless, but I have to be true to myself or what life I have left just isn't worth living.

Anyway, more recently, I returned to Hlint to find Rhynn. I asked her if she had the tome from Saebhell's tower that she promised to bring me so I could begin my studies of magic. She did have it, and boy is that thing huge, and heavy! She seems to think I can read it, and memorize it's contents in just a couple weeks. I've started on it, and it's fascinating and even enjoyable until my eyes get strained and I get a headache from constant reading. I'm not sure a couple weeks will be enough, but I'll do my best and ask for more time if I need to. It's just the first of several preliminary books too, so it will be some time before I get to the real magic-making studies. I realize it's very important to be grounded in the fundamentals of wizardry though, so I don't mind all the reading I'm having to do now.

Another pleasant surprise came from Ozymandius. He'd made for me my first spellbook, with my name on it even! And the parchment within is the finest quality I've ever had the pleasure of touching. Now it'll be up to me to fill the book with all of the first spells of my learnings, acurately and precisely. He recomended I use cocktrice blood for my ink, saying it dries fast and doesn't smudge if it gets a little wet. So, I guess when I get to the part of my studies where I begin writing in my new spellbook I'll have to go kill myself a few cocktrice and harvest their blood. That should be fun. He gave me loads of other advice on how to care for my new spellbook too, and I intend to follow all of it.

Oh, I shouldn't forget to mention that a few days ago I met Amireana again in Port Hampshire at the Skamp's Mug. She'd had a run-in with griffon's on here way to the arena in Velensk to practice. I guess she'd also been planning on picking some corn too from what she said. Anyway, we talked a bit and I agreed to make for her a set of platinum reinforced clothing at a reduced price if she can bring me the supplies to do so, and then we left for Velensk together. I figured it would be nice to have a worhty oponent to spar against, but as it turned out her skills will need a good deal of improvement before she's nearly as skillfull as I am. I didn't mind though, and I gave her a lot of good advice on her style and how she might improve her dueling technique. It's nice to find a fellow wielder of the rapier. So few seem to choose the weapon, thinking it too light to do much damage as other blades such as longswords can. Truly, it doesn't matter how heavy the blade you carry is if you can't hit vital areas of your foe effectively, or dodge quickly enough to avoid being hit by their blows. Armor can only absorb so much before it becomes useless after all. I look forward to continuing to spar against Amireana in the future. I have much I can teach her, and perhaps I'll even pick up the nuances of her technique to knockdown her oponents, something I've still not been successful with myself.