Barion Firesteed( thoughts of a fighter)

[jan]

*Writen asif in haste are a few words *

  I need to find a way to get rid of this bloodlust....its getting too hard to resist...
  I'm only happy when holding my blade and killing opponents..or when i'm with Sab....
  Must find a way to stop it...

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

 *The writing looks like done with a steady hand*

 Finaly i had some time to think and train in solitude.
 Training to become the best is going well,the lust for blood as i call it helps with training.
 Pondering about the "why"i'm so bloodthursty,made me come to a conclusion.
 Since the fighting is so normal to me now, i think i use it to not have to think about certain things.
 Instinctively i run away into the only thing that comes natural to me Swinging my blade to destroy whatever
 opposes me.
 There are days that the blood of the slain giants is so thick,i have to wash multiple times to get it off.
 Training so intensely,i have desided to try and swing two weapons at the same time.
 The swinging goes well,only have trouble to keep up my defence due to the fact i fight with out shield.
 I'm getting more and more used to the style,but will need time to perfect it.
 Sab and i are doing great,we see eachother as much as possible and cherish the moments we have together.
 Looking at Sab,i have a feeling she wants to take some time off from study for a special thing.
 I think she's working on getting pregnant*smiles*looks like she too has the wish to become a parent.
 Life is going its way and i am traveling more with the company then before.
 When she's around,i like to travell with Dorena.
 She and i like eachother a lot and we always have fun together.
 I told her i admire her *smiles* she didnt understand and asked me why.
 Smiling to her i told her that she is a beautiful woman and that giving birth hadn't changed her looks or wit*grins*
 With a big red head she thanked me and reminded me that she is maried and i'm about to be maried*grins wide*
 That gave me the opportunity to tease her a bit *smiles*and we ended up in the oasis of Saudiria playing like children.
 When i'm with her i get the feeling of my youth back in some way,feeling carefree and happy just to breath.
 Times like that are sparse in a life,but in some strange way she always knows how to make me either laugh,or feel
 uncomfortable.
 It is a good thing that both our lovelives are steady and secure...if not we would end eloping together i think.
 There are a few things going on in the company that need attencion.
 We are going to have a meeting soon to sort a few things out and i hope all will be well after that.
 Daeron and i become better friends with the passing of each day.
 Finaly i found a company member that is willing to put in as much time as i do to collect things.
 He and i go out a lot together to get gems he needs and metal i need.

 *listence to door being opend softly and grins*
 "Finaly i beat you to it once my love" he shouts to Sab "finaly i'm home earlier then you,the bath is ready so
  please enjoy"
 *he hears her undress and let herself slowly sink in the water*"" want me to wash your back dear?"
 *Grabbing a towell from the cabinet he moves towards the bath and grins*"finaly home again love,i missed you "
 *as he lowers himself in the water ,the steam starts to fill the room and hides them both from sight*
 

 *after a while they both lay on the bed exhausted* "we need to plan a date to get maried love " [Barion said]
 "i dont want us to be lucky and have a child before we are maried "* he kisses her and holds her close*
 "lets sleep now dear,we can talk and plan tomorow" *Sab curls up with her head on his chest and smiles *

[jan]

New entry by Barion*

  *hastely writen in a state of confusion it seems*

 I made a mistake ...or maybe not ....i dont know..I cant write what i did...Sab would read it...
 Others will read it if i'm gone to the other side....was it a mistake?....or not?...
 Only time will tell....it happend and we both cant turn it back.....despite the fact that its wrong it happend,
 i cant say i didnt liked it...the thrill of it still burns my blood...the taste is still there....
 I realise the problem can now either be solved...or become bigger ....Its out of my hands now....
 i'll respect what ever "the other" will decide....I can only hope for the best.....
 and if that is me paying for what i did ...then i will.... its my own fault it happend...
 not "the others "fault...i moved .."the other"stayed still...i acted ..."the other "didnt do a thing but be surpriced...
 I need to think about this ....i'll get back to were it happend and ponder there ...I hope "the other"is fine ...
 or atleast unharmed and with someone "the other"trust and can talk too...


 *Some words arre blacked out ...others are writen with the utmost precisenes only found in real good writen books*
*the page is cracked ,it seems someone thought about ripping the page out ,but changed his mind*

[jan]

New enrty by Barion

 *he looks at what he has writen and smiles*

 We talked about it ,"the other"and i,and we agreed to not telling anyone what happend .
 I know for sure that there are feelings from my side,dont know for sure if there are from "the others"side .
 We go out and both try to act normal eventhou its hard for me to do ,but i promissed and always keep my promisses.
 
 The saving of the world from Slaady is going well up to now.
 We visited a mage to get passes to one of the best guarded places in the world.....Voltrex,the closed elven island.
 He told us were to go and handed us a letter for safe passage through the lands,i hope it works .
 
 Finaly i am forced to pick up my weaponmaking again.
 We , as a guild, are going to donate things to the relief of Roldem.
 With both Rolf and Skarp on an extended vacation things get kinda hecktick ,but we'll manage .
 I am very pleased that Q( Quantum) has joined us , he takes over some of Rolfs jobs together with Alleina now.
 Havent seen Fenrir much lately,if he goes on vacation too i'll have to pick up armormaking aswell i guess...*sighs deep*
 I asked at the guildmeeting if others would help with collecting things for the weapons....
 Probably would have had more help if i asked the wall....most are just too lazy to even move their bumm.
 On my travels i collected all kind of new things and when i put them in a chest before the meeting *grins*the ones
 not going out much ran to it like vultures to look if they could use something..
 Half of the things came from Haven mines ...they can clear that alone ...just never do it i guess ....
 Makes me wonder if i'm not just used by them *sighs* better not think that way ....

[jan]

New entry by Barion


 The making of weapons goes well ,iron doesn't hold much secrets for me anymore .
 Only the making of great weapons like scythes hold a chalenge now ,guess its because the use of wood in them.
 I picked up tinkering again because i was tired of failing to make the molds i need for weapons.
 Turned out tinkering is a nice craft ,i decided to go on with it and am making iron arrowheads for Jacc and Dorena now in large quantities.

 I met Sab a short time ago ,we both ar investigating the same thing now.
 When i asked her if we could plan a date for the marriage *sighs*she said she was too bussy with learning the
 highest circle of spells now , and doesnt have time to interupt it .
 I love her dearly and cant see my life without her ..but...with all that is going on with "the other"it is hard to
 remember her face at night*sighs deep*
 Had a long talk with "the other"....our idears of life and love differ a bit ..but i'm willing to learn and
 compromise"the other"has to learn that too.

 Seems like most of the extended vacations appart from Skarp and Rolf are finaly over in the guild.
 Lets hope things will get better and every one finds it in their hart to help relieve others from getting things alone
 for a change.
 Some thing good has come from this wandering alone a lot, i developed some hobby's *grins*
 I'm collecting books and star dusts now for example*smiles*still its weird that the dust ends up in Haven mines.
 Abi has been away from all living persons for a while now *sighs* i hope things will get normal again and she will
 show up soon.
 I know she's still around , because the skins i keep getting her disapear from her chests on a regular base *grins*
 
 *Barely readable is writen*
 E ceela aey sa neanana..both you and "the other"

[jan]

*a few words are writen down seemingly in anger or another state of mind that doesnt help keeping a hand steady*


 LOVE.......CURSE.......PAIN......LIFE.........DEATH.......
 All useless ...love is a curse ...love is pain.....life is pain.......death is ...?  A way out ?
 
 *the handwriting becomes more fluent and looks writen with a steady hand*

 Have been looking for Sab for more then two weeks now,heard from Karana that Sab is going to be one of three to perform a ceremony.
 Karana will be there to protect Sab's body she said.
 Guess with all that is going on she just forgot about me *sighs* if Karana wouldnt have told me , i wouldn't even know.
 I'm not sure what is happening ...is her love for me fading ? am i ballast in her life? will she leave me ?
 So many questions and no way to ask her directly since i cant find her *sighs softly*

 Life stinks at times .....and this is one of those times...i told Dorena something that even scared ME when i had said it ...
 I told her that sometimes i regret ever meeting Shelu ...*sighs deep and ponders before he continues writing*

 The thruth is ...i still miss her dearly ..and my life can never be the same as it was before ....nor can i hold up this ...facade...longer.
 My life is a chain of bad events and i've been trying with all that is me to chance that...it's getting hard not just give up..end it ....
 Maybe i was right with what i told Dorena ...if i never had met Shelu ,i would never have gotten into this hurting game called love...
 Nah ...there would have been another that would have cought me ..i'm a sucker for love ..maybe Celgar was right ..
 Maybe there is only one god ..or goddes in this case .....that would suit my life and my dealing with losses ...Ilsare ..the goddes of love...
 *walks around the house pondering and talking in himself and he ends up in the room he has made into a shrine for Shelu*

 * he looks to her pictures and sadly smiles*
  "Hello my love ......i'm in need of guidence again ..as usual when i end up here ...my thoughts are a mess
   and my life isnt too happy now...my love is away ....and "the other" i love isnt answering my feelings in any
   way....people use me and try to chance me ....only thing that keeps me going is my undying trust in love and
   some of my friends....."
  *he bows his head in a simple prayer and when done he looks up and smiles to her pictures hanging on the wall
    next to the table with the weddingring*
  "I wont give up dearest...you made me promiss to make the best of my life and never search the easy way out by
   following you in death..i'll keep that promiss and will try to get out of the state my mind is in right now....i miss
   you love ..keep room for me at your side...."

  * he walks out of the room holding his head up and looking confident and somehow more at peace*

[jan]

*Barion sits in his house and looks at what he wrote, he smiles warmly reading what he wrote about Shelu *
"Who could see this change coming ...not me ...not anyone i think"*he mumbles*'Why it took so long Abi asked ...she is right "
 *New entry by Barion*

 I have made a deal with Dorena ,she is going to teach me elven in exchange for the arrowheads i give her .
 I'll pick up where i left with Shelu and Ranewin i guess .
 
 The world is safe from the invasion of Slaad once more ,with the group i travelt to Voltrex to restore the last seal.
 After that we went to the hart of the rift in the sky and released the two souls .
 They took their place and sealed the rift for what we hope forever.

 I am trying to get something from the guild and am trying to set a procedure for us all to follow if we want something .
 Sofar only a few have reacted on my request ,since i have writen that most must be okay with it i'll wait with taking what i need untill more have reacted.

 I made a mayor change in my life ...from what i feel now ,it was long overdue .
 Finaly i'm at peace with the loss of Shelu ,the facade i held up for years i finaly casted aside.
 I realised it when talking to Addison ( who lost Cole recently)that i was living in the past for too long .
 Having realised that, i desided to go to the Ranger Vale to say a final goodbye and let the past be the past.

[jan]

*These are the words Barion spoke and the things happening in Rangers Vale*

*Barion kneels at the tempel of Aeridin and softly starts to pray*

"It is time my love and mate...
Time to close one chapter and try to open others....
I know you are waiting for me Shelu.....
and in time i'll be at your side again.....but now....*he softly sighs*
Now i need to live on ...and i do mean LIVE on....
The facade has to dropped...the grief has to be undergone....
I need to live again....in the present.....not in the past as i have done....."
*a tear travels from his eye to his chin un-noticed*
"Time to let you go for now dearest....we will meet again...as your gods Avatar told us long ago....
Look after me .....and know your always in my hart...."
* he sighs softly crying and presses a kiss on the ground of the tempel*
"Farewell my soulmate..."

*he pauses a moment*

"Keep her safe Aeridin...or my wrath will find you ..."
*He looks up and closes his eyes....after a few moments his body starts to shiver with gulfs of what seems
to be pains long hidden coming out and leaving him...he slumps down on the ground and falls into a deep sleeep*

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

 Life is slowly getting better ....it was a mess for a while...
 Where to start ...starting with the things that went wrong...maybe then ,after i wrote and ending with the nice things ,life may once again smile down on me.
 
 Sab.....no word or other sign of life from her for over half a year now...*sighs softly*...guess she either has forgotten me ..or in the worst case .. *looks pained* in the worst case she may be dead...No one has
seen her after the ritual she had to perform...dont even know if she was there...

 "The other".....Came to me for a loan of an big amound of gold....ofcourse i gave the loan...but if i had known what it was for ...  "The other"moved...with the loan i gave ..a house was bought ..far away in Vale ..we were almost neighbours here in Haven before.... Guess that says it all realy ...no chance of ever being happy with "the other"....other then being friends ....
 something else happend recently ....something i wont tell many people ....my life is shortend again...a threat was ripped ...my end is near...
 Looking at what i have done with my life sofar ,i can say it is a ride of ups and downs ...maybe the downs are greater in numbers..
 but i allways stayed honest and fair ..fighting for the innocents and the weaker then myself, i can only hope it counts when the final time comes.

 The better things .....i picked up showing around newcomers and helping them as much as i can now...guiding them around town and helping them to finish their chores that they have make me happy ...i meet lots of new and interesting persons this way*smiles*  even get some to buy things from Raven...and something else happend ....i met an interesting woman named Sa'kura ...she is from a farm ..just like me ..
 I showed her around and talked to her ...i told her about Sab ..and the fact Sab is gone for a long time now and that i cant find her...
 I felt lonely ..and she was there ...i asked if i was allowed to hold her ..and i was ...we kept talking and suddenly ..our eyes locked ...we kissed ....
 We both liked it ..but we both were surpriced and confused aswell...she asked around about me ..and got told lies and horror stories ...
 When i heard , i asked some friends if they could help me to make a date so we could talk ...and they did ..we talked and i explained some things .
 We agreed to get to know each other better and see were that takes us ...Sab ...i will have to talk to her and give her a choice...change .or leave... that is ..if she ever returns ...maybe i should look for her remains ..or someone that knows what happend to her ..the thought alone scares me.
 I cant live like i do now anymore ...the uncertaincy is killing ...the not knowing and not hearing anything is mindnumbing...and a new life with any one else cant start because i never will betray her or any other woman...my life right now is locked.
 My crafting is going well...i'm one of the fifteen best weaponmakers around now ...the amound of iron i made into weapons is enormous already... but i still need tons and tons of it to improve and be able to forge adamantium weapons...i'm getting close ...simple ones i make half of the time or more
 The smelting of adamantium is trivial with some help....if i train more with silver without magical aid i'll be able to do it with out help soon... the only problem is , that i have been mining somuch lately ...i have developed a hatred to mining ...if its not necisary ..i wont .
 Some of the company have returned after being away for a small time ....geir is seen more and more lately ..
 *sighs* I'm going to end in an unhappy state again ...something is going on ..Abi and Angela are nolonger together ....Angela betrayed Abi's love...
 She herself came to tell me that ..she asked me to take care of Abi ...told me she made a will and was planing to leave ...forgood if she couldnt solve it.
 A few days later i talked to Abi....asked her why and how ..and who...she wouldnt say who ,due to a promiss she made ...but i'm no fool..i have eyes..
 The thing that hurted Abi most was the fact that Angela told another she loves her ...in Abi's words..."if she was screwing around,i could forgive her... but her loving another is something i cant accept" I'm not choosing sides ..and i will wait what the outcome will be ...but if it goes like i think ...
 I'll lose my respect for some i know then ...wont put down names ,for its no ones concern yet ...but those i suspect ..i think they know ....
 I refused to go out with them on adventure already ...and they are not the dumbest people ...they can figure it out .if they are even interested in why  i dont go out with them *sighs deep*someone is playing a very nasty game ...playing with lives of others asif they dont deserve happines...playing with loves older then most of the new people i meet ...Life and love are cruel especialy if it concerns those you called friends not long ago...

 

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

**It seems a few pages are ripped out of the journal**

*Barion sits at a chest in his house and looks into it with tears in his eyes*
"Why..... ?*he wispers*...Why Abi?.....Why not come to me ....?Why now?......Why this way ?....WHY!!!!!*he shouts the last word*


*A few days later there is a new entry*

ABIGAI'L,SHE KILLED HERSELF.

Angela,plays the hurt one but clearly isn't.
Cray,talked to her and know the complete story from Abi and her side.
Alantha,the one Angela cheated Abi with...the one cheating on Cray with Angela.
Dorena,"the other"........wife of Jacc.
Brant,always shows up somehow if i get to go through things like this.

SA'KURA,THE ONE I LOVE.*this is writen with capitals in a steady hand,clearly made with lots of efford to look good*

Daren,the husband of Jil...the one we saved from the underdark.
Daeron,close friend ...part of Raven aswell.
Quantum,close friend ...same as Daeron .
Rhynn,friend..sometimes close ..other times a bit weird and a far friend.
Ranewin,Closest friend i got left...made her promiss to get me up and love me if things ever go wrong again..only link left to good old times.
Nyyana,friend...changed after Abi's death..hope to get her back as she was.
Celgar,friend...brother...havent seen him in a while.

*he sighs deep and starts another list*

Shelu,my first love...dead.
Trysk,was a close friend...now missing.
Nex,was a close friend...now walking Dregar a lot alone ...havent seen him in years.
Ayla,one of the first i met here that helped me...dead.
Geir,one of the first i met here ...partner at Raven....gone forgood.
Skarp,partner at Raven...gone forgood.
Rolf,partner at Raven....leaving forgood.
Sabrissia,loved her ...went away to a ritual...missing.
ABI,friend...sister....very old friend...dead.

*he sighs and closes the journal and stats pacing the house*

*A few days later he returns and start to write again*

BARION,fool...coward...idiot...wreck.
*he closes the journal and looks around asif saying goodbye*

*weeks later he walks into the house and sees his journal lying in its usual spot,he picks it up and starts to write in it *

Life isnt fair.Life is never fair.Life will never be fair.Life is to be lived and accepted no matter what.Good things come and go.Bad things tend to stay.

These are some lessons i wanted to write down for those that might read this journal once i'm gone..Life is cruell( forgot that one )
Abi's body has been taken by shadows,preventing some to say a final goodbye to her.
I found her in Sielwood and brought her to the Raven house in Hlint,cleaned her up and told all that they had one week to say goodbye before i would bring the body to Karthy,the Xeen tempel to be precies.
Angela came in and wanted to take the body and burry it alone in the desert*sighs*i stopped her ,she treathend me ..i stood firm...she left without the body.
I still dont know what right she tought to have to Abi's remains,she cheated on her and that is a big part of the reasons Abi did this...
She only had to tell Abi she loved only her to have kept her alive....she refused..Abi is dead.
I was a fool and wanted to end the pain....i went to Firesteep to end it ...once and forall.Rhynn was the only one that knew..she saved me...
She sended Tathnolu to intercept me and talk sence into me..he succeeded half....i still was on my way to Firesteep..but nolonger to end it forgood.
Rhynn had send a letter to Sa'kura....she and Kyle caught me at the foot of Firesteep...the sight of Sa'kura was enough to stop me and forget about Firesteep.
We completely forgot Kyle and went to talk to eachother...she realy loves me ..and i realy love her ...she moves into the house and we will be happy.
That takes me to "the other"..Dorena..was it love? or just simple lust? was our traveling and her teasing me only to make me a fool and long for her?
Seems like it ...we had something happening ...dont remember what..was drunk...she too...must have done or said something wrong to her..she ran away
I found her in Sielwood ,her head was cut..she ran into a tree...i tended her wounds and made sure she was alright...i left her a letter.
In the letter i told her i wouldnt go out with her alone anymore,that i didnt know what had happend ,but that it must be something bad for her to run away from me.
She must have given the letter to Jacc...he came to us in Pranzis...he shot an arrow over my head in a tree..there was a note that said i had to leave Dorena alone from now on...it wasnt signed..i stood up and called out that the coward should show him/herself..to tell me to my face...Jacc apeared..a blade on my throught...he asked if i called him a coward..i told him that if he shot the arrow ..i did...he letured me and told me he wanted to kill me ..i opend my arms and offered my life to him,for he was right...i shouldend go out with his wife the way i was doing....he let me live and i gave my word i would nev er go out or talk to her again.
These things led to something else...i left Raven...i give them time to find a replacement for me ..then i'm gone.
Leading upto this decision were a few things ...we had a meeting to vote on new members..to replace those that have either voluntairly or otherwise left us lately...when i walked in..Jacc jumped of off his chair ...i looked around...saw Alantha and Dorena as those that werent part of Raven and knew...i went out..
Daeron followed me and talked me into coming back in and listen before i took a decision..i did ...i sat at the back and listend...They voted on contacting Goldwin...i stayed quiet...then they voted on Alantha joining...i stayed quiet...Angela just had to do something i guess...and with that made up my mind...she demanded me to say i was okay with Alantha joining..i couldnt...she was called to order by Jacc ...then they voted on Dorena ...that realy made me sure..i stayed quiet...after they voted and wanted to go on to other points ,i took the word...i told that i was coming in a situation that insured i couldnt work in this way ..i gave them till they have a replacement and formaly announced that i would leave...i left and Angela followed ..she asked if that was normal...that you dont throw away ten years of friendship like that..i told her she did the same with Cray ..so why should it bother me ?
I guess she either didnt hear ,or chose not to hear she went back to what i'm used of her by now..playing the hurt one and blaming others then herself for what happend and such...i'm tired of that ..i said she was right and left...she did say she knew she was hurting others in the end ,,but that was way too late for me to change my decision...i vowed to myself i wouldnt work with those i hold responcible for Abi's dead...in my eyes that are Angela and Alantha...i told Jacc i would never travel with Dorena or talk to her again..that would be hard if we were both in Raven ..i had no choice...my leaving was un avoidable.
If they knew that in front or not ..i dont know ..sometime i guess they dont think like i do ...leaving Raven was hard ..but i think Abi would aprove...first thing i found in Haven mines after i left was dust of Xeen ..if that was a sign..i did well.
When i met sa'kura i satr her down and told her everything...she said she wanted to try to get the friendship with Jacc and Dorena back to normal again..i told her that i only would talk to Dorena if Jacc said its okay.Sa'kura and i are gettingf things together now everytime we can ,we both craft for pleasure now ...among having fun with eachother a lot...and i found us someone to teach us both elven...Serrisa is her name ...and we take her along on our travels as payment for her lessons ...dont tell her thou .

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

*Barion walks in looking happy and troubled at the same time,he picks up his journal from the bed were Sa'kura left it and starts to write*

I gave my journal to Sa'kura....or Cherrie as i call her now ...to read and learn about me,to get to know me in more ways then i am able to explain myself in words.
She read it and i told her i would keep writing in it so that she knows what and how i think about things even if we dont see eachother due to buisness.
Raven does not have a replacement me for me yet,word travells fast...i am offered to join the orcbashers already,all i have to say is yes.
All the people leaving Raven have given Raven a bad name on the streets,new adventurers rather buy somewere else then with Raven because of it.
If i look deep in my heart i cant even blame them to be honest...if all knew what i know Raven would be out of buisness even more i think.
i'm no liar and i dont keep secrets,if anyone comes to me and asks why i left i answer truthfully...eventhou i loved to see Raven grow...my feelings of injustice over things i cant put aside...i cant believe Jacc and Daeron are willing to work with Angela and Alantha together..are they blind? or they just dont want to see the obvius...Angela cheated with another on Abi,she's been running around with Alantha longer then anyone else..especialy since Abi is gone..
is it so hard to put one and two together? Or did they both just played they liked Abi? I realy dont know anymore...i get on the point i realy dont care anymore..Abi's true friends remember her from time to time ...not much ..but those that do were true friends.

I went out on a job for the late king..a caravan was ambushed and all there were either killed or taken by drow..or so we thought at first.
It led us to a drowcity in the underdark,there we found a key that lead us to Dalantar..there was a chest in the bank that had to be delivered to Saudiria.
A chest send by the late kings daughter,we went and deliverd it to the captain there...once we got out of the house we were attacked by drow or something.
As the battle was won,we noticed that the guards that were in front of the house were gone,the door locked and no sound from inside.
We checked the house and it was empty...they either fled or were taken we think,so we put up a pursuit to catch them..with a lot of pain and trouble we tracked them down to the docks at Dorax tower...we now need to decide what to do ....

Sonya and Rain got married....it was a wonderfull little ceremony and both looked stunning...it was an extra special day for me and Sa'kura .....
No one knew...but when Sa'kura wanted to walk along the water i had a surprice for her...i got on one knee and held up a ring*smiles*
She was stunned...she said "i..i dont know what to say..."i looked at her and said "Just say yes love..."She couldnt be stopped after that *smiles happy*
Yes..yes...yes..yes..over and over she repeated herself ...crying and hugging and kissing me all the time...we both are so happy...no date yet ...and my fear of something happening isnt gone completely...but i'm sure this time the wedding will go on..we got the place and we got the love to pull it off*smiles*
We decided to keep it quiet a few days ,not to spoil Sonya's and Rains day .

Q needed my help a few days later...something happend and he was to go to the tempel in fort Llast...on the way there we encounterd some powerfull undead..they had ransacked a caravan..we went to investigate..it was an ambush...Q,me and serissa died there ..it was a good thing the others lived to raise us and we went to the tempel because the undead that were left had fled....it turned out Q was to attend a meeting of something called 'The Shining Hand'
We were invited by Q to come and so we did ..it turned out that the Shining Hand.....the leader of the order Q is part of...is missing.
Now it has been over 50 days they have a rule that says that they can vote on another to take over...two aplied for the job and looking over the reactions of those present i saw that both wouldnt be the right choice in my eyes and the eyes of others to get the position...as they held a recess i told that to Q ..
We talked about Q speaking..either to support one..or to run for the job himself...he decided the last option and i think he is right...he held a speech and after that they had to vote on it....three held their vote..and presented their plans later....every one going for the position gets an assigment and is allowed to gather all they want to help to fullfill the task at hand...an evil is unleashed and they will get orders what to do...the one doing the best job i guess gets the position...all that were there told Q that we would aid him in any way we can...i'm looking forward to go out and make Q proud by succeeding in his task.

Time for bed now *smiles looking at the bed* Sa'kura is sleeping peacefully now...its time to join her and hold her ..like i want to do for the rest of my life.

*he puts down his journal quietly and gets next to Sa'kura in the bed gently not to wake her..he kisses her forehaer and takes her in his arms *
"sleep well my love ...i'll guard you and keep you safe"*he whispers*"You are the diamond embedded in my heart,the most precious thing in this world and beyond to me.....as long as you love me my heart will beat for you and you alone...."*he rest his head and drifts to sleep*

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

**quietly Barion wakes up and looks at Sa'kura sleeping peacefully**"I'll write it off my mind love and trust things will work out fine"
**He takes his journal from the cabinet next to the bed and starts to write**

Things are strange and confusing...Sa'kura is asked to someone importand at the wedding of Tre'anna and Addison....she needs to kiss Addison with asmuch passion and love as she feels for me....Because of her friendship with both she already accepted,not truely understanding what it meant...
I told her i dont realy like it,passion and love ...we both have that for eachother..not for others...we are one...last night we were one for more time then there fits in a night....time stood still and our lovebond even got deeper then it already was.....its more then love..its belonging to...living for...
I'll try to give her my undying support and give her room to fullfill this task ..although i think passion and love is something from us both..not one of us and another...if it was to be lust she had to feign..that i could understand..but love and passion?....lust i understand ..that would make it easy.

I love you my dearest...and for that i'll be there to support you in your task athand ...but please...never yes again before you understand what it is you have to do...

Training in elven goes slowly but steady...Serissa is an exelent teacher for both of us ...while travveling we learn,words for now but i'm sure sentences will follow...i guess Serissa knows best when to start with those..i managed to get my finger behind some elven grammar lately ...la behind a word means more then one...so if "sela" means "mine"..."selala"means "mines"*smiles*we both get fun in making short sentences to tell eachother...with the words we know
and the understanding of the grammar i was able to call Sa'kura "my cutest little half elf "..."Sa nyyanalaan irilco aco"

**writing these last things he sees Sa'kura turn and look in her sleep for him with her arm...he quickly and quietly goes back to bed to let her feel his presence and to give her something to hold.....smiling he takes her hand and puts it on his chest **I'm not going anywere love **he wispers**He closes his eyes and dreams of a glorius wedding
on a cliff**

[jan]

*hastely scribled are a few points*

Addison dead ..another i knew bite the dust of eversleep...
Talked to Jacc ..he wants me to talk to dorena again ..will comply ,but wont go out with her alone.
Making rods to store magic now ..good trading thing ..lots of people want to buy those.
Got better at smelting again ...with the aid of my bull strenght ring i can smelt adamantium trivialy now.
Made the last two orders for Raven ..adamantium weapons ..two tries ,two successes.
Raven slowly is going bankrupt i think ..no orders came in for a while now ..seems they do something terribly wrong ..with me they lost the last link to newcommers ..Q left aswell...told them it was because hes not good enough ..i know better ...he cant work with some of them either ...and he feels used ..
never did he get anything he asked for ...was the same as with me ..wonder howlong Raven will hold out if nothing gets ordered and those running to get better have start to pay to be part of it.
if it gets to the point they go and leave ..if the right ones leave i'll offer my servises again i think ..its a shame the dream of the brothers is slowly crumbling into nothingness now..it hurts to see that ..but cant be helped aslong ...aaa well ..if they smart they know what has to be done.
Playing with the thought to start my own Guild lately ..i'm sure i could get Q to join...maybe i'll go ask around to see who is available ..getting others away from the guild they are in isnt my style ..maybe some free agents i could find ..or people looking for a good opportunity ..i'll see i guess.
Running around with Auuumi a lot lately ..in a strange way she seems to like me and is fun to be around...cant help but wonder whats going on in her head sometimes ...she still doesnt speak common well..i'm learning her some words and gestures..but i dont know if she understands them all.

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*


Life is slowly getting back to normal,i have been traveling with my love and some others around Dregar the last few weeks ...life can be good .

Something is wrong with the dreams sa'kura is having if i'm not around ....she cant or wont tell me ..but i'm no fool..i see it in her eyes..
She seems to be troubled alot by those dreams but sleeps sound if i'm around ...thats why i stay home more and more ...to protect her ...
The wedding might take sometime to plan ..we cant find Cray ..Q is busy with this shining hand thing .and Sa'kura seems to avoid the point lately..
Will my fears come true ?...Will the wedding once again not take place ..?Am i realy cursed in that way ...?
If this goes wrong again ...i'm not sure what to do then ...suicide is out of the question...moving to a nice dangerous place and get killed there might be an option though...no suicide ,but heroic death in a fight i cant win ...hopefully protecting the innocent with the fight...should make a grand ending of my life.

I know i'm a doomthinker right now ..but with all that happend in the past,there seems to me no other way i can think lately.

For now i hope all will be well and that its just my imagination that plays me ...No one loses three times i row ..or do they ??

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*  

GRAND NEWS ......THE WEDDIND WILL TAKE PLACE IN ABOUT FOUR TO FIVE MONTHS FROM NOW.......

Sa'kura is getting better at making rings and amulets i think ,we went out to get copper and silvet to make bronze.
I got somany coal laying around the house that i realy should pick up tinkering again.
A trip to firsteep had some unforseen results ,i went in against the wishes of Kobal to join a group inwitch Angela and most of the other members of Raven were in and instead of that i joined the other group containing among others : Ael,Sahala,Mith,Jard,Voon and many others...we went to the rift to get diamonds.We elected Ael as party leader and together with mostly Sahala and me we made plans and such.Object was to go deep into the rift....but because some had to leave we never got very deep...after that we decided to go to Firesteep ..nice thing was we met up with Serissa and Nyyana along the way and they joined us .Once on Firesteep things went well and we steadily got to the adamantium and cobalt ..while resting in the dwarven house near the mine i explained Ael and Sahala in a private room why i didnt want to go with the other group...I did this because i know both for a long time and i could see they wondering about it and in Firesteep you need to be fully focused or your dead...while i explained they listend and sometimes jumped in with questions like i knew they would ...but i never could expect the way the conversation turned ...Sahala and Ael are very close friends to Cray as it turned out ...they completely understood why i didnt want to go out with the other group since Angela was inthere ...Sahala has a bit of temper sometimes and she nearly exploded ...Angela is slowly destroying Cray as she has done with Abi....Cray hasnt been seen around for weeks and is not sighted in months while Angela was around.... She seems to be hiding and according to both Ael and Sahala is slowly going to be lost if this continues....Needles to say that they both want to have a talk with Angela about it ...and that talk wont be friendly of tone.Continuing further into the mountains to reach the next deposits of adamantium , some had trouble with the climbing and balancing over the slippery paths...on our way to the last hil before the deposits ,we needed to jump a chasm..i was looking and on the other side the goblins of Fisterion attacked the moment one of us jumped acros ..i didnt hesitata and was the next to jump...nearly i succeeded ..but one too many survived ..i fell...with my sacrivice i saved over half the group from perishing there and then ..it was a death well worth it..Serissa was the one that raised me ...she realy is growing in power my little teach...I told her that Vorax isnt the god for me ...after talking to some followers of Vorax and fighting with them in battles..i cannot see myself following him ...I told Serissa that i would once again talk to Quantum to see if he could enlighten me about Toran ...she said that was wise ..but that after i talked to Q she wanted to talk to me about Rofirein....she knows that i'm somewere between Toran and Aeridin with my heard and she claims that Rofirein is straight in the middle between them...my curiosity is awoken..she'll have her talk with me and i will listen openminded and with out predudice....If unconsius we display what we belief , i should be a Toranite....his colors are mine ..gold and blue...But Rofirein is definatly an option i will explore .

Then the good news ..Sa'kura and i had a talk ..i told her i was getting scared and why ..she told me that she tought i wanted to talk to Quantum before we could set a date ..i told her "WE get married love ...not them...it will be our day and those we invite will be happy that we let them share our happiness ..happy that we finaly found eachother and are willing to show that by holy bond"Her reply surpriced me and made me happy ..."set a date"
Nothing more ..just those three words ..we decided that we will get married in four to five months from now ....it gives us time tio maybe get in contact with Cray ...as we want her together with Q to lead the cerimony ...and if we find her ontime they both can work out what would work best ,with us at the lines ofcourse to tell how we have it in mind .I'm looking to Sa'kura as i write this ...i see her turn and get anxious ...when i get near and she can feel me she calms down ...the dreams that plague her must be bad ..i grief for her since it has to do with the loss of her family...i'll be there anytime she needs me ...without her my heard will stop beating and my life will be useless .

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

Dire times are coming ...Sa'kura met a shade in Hlint sewers while getting white mushrooms...the thing spoke her name ...and told her she needed to know something....the shade put down a ribbon and left......the ribbon crumbelt as she reached for it ...she smelled something she hasn't smelled since childhood......this all i know because she told me...finaly she opend up ...a bit ...i'm fairly sure there is more ...i'm starting to think it has to do with me getting hurt ...she went back into the sewers to see if the thing would reapear ...i followed at a distance...she came back...AND SENDED ME AWAY.....she said she had to do this alone ....that the thing might not come if she wasnt alone ...she told me earlier she doesnt want to see me hurt ...many times she has said that now ....i fear she holding something back ....i'm no fool...she knows i'll give my life to protect her ...i get the feeling that she thinks that by not telling me all she protects me ...

How wrong you are in that my love,if i knew what could be expected i could prepare for that ...enlarge my chances to survive and keep you safe...i hope in time you'll see that ...and open up truely and confide in me,till then i'll be there nomatter what happens and will try to help in any way i can....i wont go to Q without you knowing or asking ....he is the expert on undead...Ozy offered to help you ...but not even Ozy knows more about undead then Q ....i'll be at your side and aid as much as i can ..with pain in my heart but filled with love ...I'll hide this journal till after either this thing is solved or till you trust me fully and tell me all .

E ceela aey Sa'kura sema aniral ceoa  ( i love you sa'kura more then life )

[jan]

*This page is neatly folded to be stuck onto the previus one so it will look like it is only one page*

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

*He mumbles to himself*
"Have to take some time to write this ...its bugging me ..a lot ..."

*He folds the page together with the previus one so it covers his writing on that and takes a quill*

I am a fool ...i always looked for the good in people ...i been used ...by most i met ..throughout the years i walked this wretchid place,lot of persons have used me ...i always denied it ..but from what i heard yesterday i know its true.
I wasnt in the mood for talking yesterday so i went out in my "disguise suit"...after i went to the bank,i saw a rather large group talking by the well...some of the known and wannabe heros of the realm were there....
I sat down unnoticed and un recogniced and listend a bit ...i nearly exploded more then once ...and to make sure i would remember i wrote down what was said and by whom.....
The imbecils talked about torching Hlint !!!Talked about together being powerfull enough to go out and do unexpected feats ...talked about Boergar being in comand in Pranzis and that he sat there good ...no need to try and remove him ...they are fine with him in comand in Pranzis and said it would be his right to burn Hlint ...and good riddens they grinned "burn it to ashes and then burn the ashes"..."put ashes in a small container and wear it around your neck..so you can say ..i wear a piece of that stupid little Hlint with me "..."torch the place ..it wont be a day too soon "...this kind of frases made my hair stand and my blood boil...nevertheless i stayed quiet to hear if i could find out more ...They realised that the streets of the town they were talking about wasnt the right place to continieu their talk .....They gathered again next to the townhall...i went up into the hall and listend from there ..i missed most i think..they were disturbed more then once and decided to go inside ...Angela suggested Raven house ..but they went in the townhall.
I was wondering how i could listen down there without being seen ..and i found the answer in dusts *grins*
Toran dust to be precies ..invisible i went down and listend out of sight ( holding a new dust at the ready to use if one would come my way) The talk was now about going out ..and the lack of "meatshields"....fighters ...i couldnt hear all ...outside this discusion was started already ..and there i heard Daeron say it was a pitty that Barion was not an option to come. A list of good fighters was then uttered ...weighed by these "powerfull" spellslingers on holdability ...a wall they could hide behind ...for none of them can take a punch .....hiding behind summons is there only chance if no fighter is there to protect their soft clean unscratched bodies i guess...Hearing them talk about fighters that way ...i lost all respect for most ..if not for all ...some of them i'll travel with ..and if i get the chance i'll get the monsters to them...so they can feel what we "meatshields "have to endure to protect their sorry butts.
All these socalled "heros"fell in my eyes from statue to dust ..if they dont have the intention to safe people they can die for all i care ...rather today then tomorow ....

*he slams the journal closed and leaves his house kissing the sleeping Sa'kura gently ..but shaking with anger...
 he runs into Haven mines and with just his blade and armor he clears it from top to bottom and back up again ..letting his anger take over and stop thinking altogether ....badly wounded he leaves the mines to rest on a place only he knows and to calm down *

Editted: I took the names out i had originaly put in,if anyone read this with the names in it ..please forget them .

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*


Today was a grand day ..i made a blade for Miss Reventage ..probably the hardest blade to make from iron ...with her help and some good craftmanship i was able to forge a blade known as "Blade of the Dragonslayer"...this priceless blade is made from lots of ingredients and that makes it hard to forge ......
I trained for weeks before i offered to make the blade to Miss reventage ..my skill in making weapons is increased since i found another angle to pound the metal ..it makes sharper,better balanced weapons that way ....

My time i spend not available for most was in the great library ....i read books on Rofirein and the Knights of the Wyrm ....luckely some were written in elfs ,so i could practice reading elfs now ...with the help of the alfabeth Nyyana gave me  i was able to read most ..improving if i readed longer everytime .

Rofirein realy seems to be dead center between Aeridin and Toran ...much appeals to me from his teachings ...not sure about the strikt rulesfollowing thing ...but i could manage i think..the Knights ..while i read the information about them ,i realised something weird ...Most of the things the Knights stand for.....i have been doing that for aslong as i can remember now ....it realy is time to find Tarradon Duvall ...the leader of those Knights as far as i can tell....
He could maybe shed some light on the duties required of a Knight ..if it is all i read ..then i realy would like to become one ...if Rofirein wills it ofcourse ...

*he closes the journal and gets next to sa'kura in the bed ,wrapping his arm gently around her sleeping figure and wispering* "I'm here again dearest ..sleep tight and sound ..i'l do anything to help you ..."*he sighs softly *"if only i knew what excactly bothered you ...i would search the lands for a solution ......but i respect your choice of not telling ..or not being able to tell ...all there is to these dreams "*he gently kisses her forehead and holding her in his arms he drifts into a slumber ..waking everytime she moves suddenly and comforting her then without waking her *

[jan]

*New entry by Barion*

*A tired but happy looking Barion goes around the house ,checking the room where Sa'kura's mother is in and after seeing she is fine he goes to the masterbedroom *

*He picks his journal from the table next to Sa'kura's side and after just standing there looking lovingly to her sleeping he goes to the cabinet to write *

Times are looking to be fun and peacefull again ,or atleast less hecktick and more normal then the last few weeks.
Sa'kura is saved from the thing that hunted her in her dreams and in the proces we managed to save her mother aswell*he smiles tiredly and rubs his chest*
The thing in her nightmares was a kind of vampire that held her mother to feast on her lifeforce ,since her mother was getting weaker he was trying to get his claws( or fangs) in Sa'kura to take her place .Luckely some others and me were there to help her prevent that and save her mother from its clutches.
I took point for the fighting bits and for the rest Sa'kura and the rest did the work,it was a struggle to get there and find a way to save her mother ...but the combined effort of a determined Sa'kura and friends prevailed *grins a bit*Truely a group you dont want to be after you for doing anything wrong ..
Once we were out of danger , her mother got caught by a coughingfit...i examened her ..she was slowly fading away ...her lifeforce taken and the remaining force weakend by the abuse she had undergone by that vampire....i told Cray and Serissa that there was no way to save her other then give her some lifeforce from someone else ...I offered my lifeforce ..as they both would be to busy praying to their gods to lose any themself..they stood there and did nothing ..i urged them to do it ..they turned and started praying ...but not to give her my lifeforce ..but to make her passing an easy one ...in desperation ..i started a prayer myself ...i asked Rofirein to give her some of my lifeforce ...first nothing happend ..i lost track of time as i prayed with all my heart ..and somehow Rofirein must have heard me ..i fell down weakend and disorientated ...when i came around a bit ...mom ( as Sa'kura and i both call her now )was looking a bit stronger and better ...the weariness i had felt lifted after a while ..and both Sa and me insisted she came live with us ..witch she accepted .
She is living with us in the house now and she and Sa are catching up on lost time ..both happy and laughing alot ...life can be good ..*he smiles*

Q had another task put up to him from the Shining Hand office ..he was to find a shade that would only be on our world for a short time and get information from it .The tripp was to go to Firesteep where supposedly a blind seeker was that could locate the shade ...We were about to leave ,when Elrend showed up.....I travelt with Elrend before ..and he is a necromancer ..maybe even a palemaster ..but in all my travels with him he never called on his dark powers ....he asked Q if he could join us for he knew where the seer was ,,all he asked for was to be allowed to join us there and that his safety would be garanteed..after some thinking ..Q decided to let him come along for time was of the greatest importance and -knowing- were the seer was should help us a lot ...*he sighs and ponders if he will write the next  lines ...reading back in his journal he sees that he has always been complete in the things he wrote before ...so he decides to write the whole story *

Taking Elrend along ....now ..in retrospective ....we know it was the right thing to do ...when he asked ...war seemed to break out in the group that was to help Q ...Ireth made the most noice ..followed by Michaelis and Elladan ...Brisbane had her say ...Daren told some things ..Q replied some ....Jil and i stayed quiet for the most ...and Elrend ...he defended himself as he was attacked but never got out of line ..always stayed calm and foccused ..after some time ..(the biggering between Ireth and all that trusted Q 's disicion was still going ) we set out ..going into the singing forest we made a wrong turn it seems ...the pixies saw one of us and attacked ...Elrend fell ...so did Q ...Daren chose to raise Q ..as can be expected from a friend and needed to rest before he could raise Elrend ....that is when the trouble began ..i offered to carry Elrend ...right after that i had Ireth on my case ..i was to have double standarts ..i was wrong ...i wasnt the man she tought i was ...things like that came towards me as fast as Jacchri shoots his bow .....(and that is realy fast)hearing only half of the accusation thrown at me ..it was enough to get me mad ...i told her she is sick...and to be honest ..i realy think she is..she tried to get us sofar that we left Elrend there ..dead as he was ...good thing Daren and i have the same things in mind when traveling with others ...we never leave one ..no matter what he believes or does for a living ...as for Ireth ..she herself is blowing in whatever wind suits her best ...first she was married .then her husband left ...she fell in love with Remiel ..first Paladin of Toran ...he left ....she then hated all Toranites and everything related to Toran .....Remiel made her a promiss ...to be there if she ever needed his help ..she needed it and called on him ...he came and did his best ...he fell just before the situation was solved ..and i saw Ireth ...smiling above his dead body ..the body of one that gave his life to help her ..and she smiled ...glad he fell ...looking at her i never saw the hellball coming and died right there aswell ... has she looked to my body and smiled ?...i never will know ..but after seeing her smile over Remiel's dead body ..i dont put it beyond her ...a long time i have ignored her then ...only to hear a few months later that she was to marry ...i was happy for her ...i think she deserves happyness ...like all do ...but i raisee my eyebrow hearing she was to marry a TORANITE !!!!....talking about double standarts to me ...yeah right ....

Mich got tired of it ..so did Q ...i promissed to stop ..and ignored Ireth further ....when we went on ( Elrend was raised in the meantime )Ireth kept bugging Elrend i think ....we went the wrong way again ..this time resulting in another attack ..i saw Mich beeing attacked by a bear and he ran to try to keep it alive searching for Brisbane ....it tok to long to find her and the bear started to attack others ...Mich couldnt do anything else then strike the bear .i would have done it the same way as he did ..giving the bear a chance .but killing it if it gets dangerous for others ....That was the sign for others to start attacking Mich with words ...Brisbane told him how she tought about him ..Elladan ( love must make blind and dumb ) started to help his love ofcourse ...and again Ireth had found a reason to start meddling with another and gladly took the chance with both hands andf feet...the abuse that Mich got poured over him was uncalled for ...and he truely is a great man ...for he didnt go away but endured it ...he let the assualt slip of his back and stayed quiet after done his side of the tale ...Q was looking around desperate and desilusioned i think ..i felt he had thing on his liver ..i stayed quiet and near him ..letting the others do what they liked it seems and keeping a close eye on my friend ..when we arrived by the docks that lead to Firesteep.....
Brisbane was nolonger with us ..or atleast i didnt see her ...Ireth was attacking Elrend again with words and he was still calm and parrying her accusations with a calm and steady voice explaining things Ireth had wrong ...to no avail ...Ireth left angryly ..and Elladan ( what a surprice ) wanted to talk to Q for a moment ...from what i heard he couldnt come becouse of Elrend ...( double standards with him too ....beeing friends for years with Mith ..a known necromancer ..same as Ireth who saw Mith as one of her closest friends for a long time ) he said he was sorry to Q and left ...probably searching for his love ..(and that is understandable for that is an action i would take myself in a situation where my love would leave )..that left Daren ...Jil...Mich....Q...Elrend and me ...not surpricingly it went better after that ...the rest came again and all were busy helping Q ..the very thing we started out to do ....after we found the seer ,the worth of Elrend came to light ...the seer used his eyes to see ...we couldnt have brought the seer down with-out him ...Q's decision to take him along proved a wise one indeed...the seer told us the shade was to the west ..the only thing there i knew of ...the tempel i helped destroy so many years ago ...it was indeed there that we were to see the shade ...as we made ready to go in ...Cal ( one of the others competing for the Shining Hand position and almost a mother to Q as he says )showed up....she was honest and friendly ...she told us to go in since we were the first that found the place  and offered to guard the entrance wich we gladly accepted...we went in and were attacked by the spiders that live there now ...after disposing of them we went in search of the shade ..and found him ..he gave us a riddle and departed ...now we need to wait for Q's next assigment to try to solve the riddle and hopefully get the job done and a new leader for the Shining Hand .
*he reads back what he has wrote and sadly smiles to himself *
"good thing i wont be alive when this journal is made public ..it would get me a few extra enemies i think"

*he gets in the bed with Sa'kura and holds her gently and looking content ...he looks to her calm features and smiles and wispers *
"I'll officialy ask your mother for your hand in mariage my love ...if your father was still alive i would have asked him "
*he uncontiusly continues in elven,looking to her smiling*
"E amillan ym ane irilela ireilcanqa nyirecwmal"( I want us to have healthy children"
"Illw ameanir cynyn aeym seaniram amenn laaa aniras"( And with luck your mother will see them )

*he smiles one last time and falls in a blessfull sleep*