Journal of a fallen Ranger

[Hellblazer]

*he tucks his wife in under the cover*
  R: I will be home soon sa ceela...
  Sonya: Please tell that to our children too
  R: I will...
  *Kisses her on the forhead and watches her fall to sleep*
  *whispers* FOlian please protect her..
 
  *As he rides his horse Meelam toward Krandor, after leaving his wife in the Hlint craft hall. Rain does one thing he has not done in so long.*
  Folian, Longstrider, master of the woods. I pray to you today to keep my family safe and myself if for so reason I should be called from this plane. I know we have not seen eye to eye, and that I Have pushed you away for so long, but this is the only thing I will ask of you. Protect them and me in the business that I have to attend to.

[Hellblazer]

I don't know where to start.

It has been so long since I have written in here that I feel like a stranger coming back home after an eternity, and seeing an other man sitting in my favorite couch.

I think I should start with something... but what?... I know.

It has been nearly a year now since I feel this longing inside of me, like something calling me in the middle of the night. It's in my head and my heart I know because Sonya does not wake when I do. But every time it does I feel compelled to go out and roam at night in the forest, Arwin by my side, like we used to do so long ago. Before all of this happened, before the children, the guild, Sonya, being Dragon called, the murder of Kendall and my first daughter. So long ago... yet still fresh in my thoughts. We walk through the woods, in the semi darkness, thank you father for the gift of seeing in the dark. And then I hear it again, not in words, but in the winds, in the sound of the leaves dancing by the breeze. I look around me but I see no one, Arwin seems to hear it to as he starts to howl. He sniffs and peers turning on himself but even him finds no one. The next thing I know, I'm back at the house in bed, having left a trail of dirt and leaves, Arwin sleeping at my feet on the bed. An other thing that we haven't done in so many years. That call is so familiar, and in some ways soothing, and even though it seems disturbing, it is so much peaceful.

Deep down I know what it is, but I do not want to give in... He does not deserve my respect and love and devotion, not after Kendall and my daughter. Not after my curse and the atrocities that it made me do out of revenge and hatred. Not after the fall of Pranzis and the darkening of the sky. How could he, the long strider, protector of nature, let such thing happen, that the darkness would kill what he holds most dear.

Through that and the reappearance of Sonya's mother and twin sister, has brought more troubles in my mind that I am ready to deal with. Firstly as she, the mother, started to send bloodied notes to her daughter, the first one was plain to read but it smelled... horrible stench that stays in your nostril for hours after, giving you nausea and lurch of coming to vomiting but unable to do so. Then the other ones started to be cryptic. Sonya was desperate to find out who it was and it scared her so much it hurts me.

I remember the vows I made her one year day for day before I proposed to her, that I would do every thing I could to be there with her and help her to find her family. Well, it is her family that found us and with it Sonya asked me the only thing, the last thing I would ever expect from her. To break my promise, to not be there and leave where no one would find me, to take the kids with me. I understand that she wanted the kids to be safe, but to ask me to leave her in the time she needed me the most, to break a promise, thing that an In'Darsus had never made. It broke my heart and angered me so much that for the first time in our marriage, I yelled at her, in the craft hall of Hlint, in front of every one. And then my armed twisted again, by Daniel Again, I ridded Meelam and with the help of Arwin I took the kids to the last place I would have ever imagine stepping foot again. The hidden temple of Folian, in the forest of the mist.

It did not matter much in the end. Her mother, if you can call her that, half human and half dragon or succubus, I don’t know, found me and the children. She wanted for us to follow her, well not me, it was evident that she didn’t want me along, calling me goat every few words. And when the twin sisters of Sonya made their move toward the children, I had no choice. I had to protect them, with my own life if needed. And so I did, first I cast Darkness, using my crow feather necklace to see, and then I started to throw a volley of arrows at her sister. I don’t usually miss that much, but it was almost like they were not there, the arrows hitting right where they were standing, but behind them. So I concentrated on her mother, casting fireballs after fireballs, to see them absorbed by her like if she was draining their power and feeding off it.

I was utterly powerless to defend my own, and it enraged me, I felt it, the current going through my nerves, the icy chill down my spine, The burning of my blood boiling in my veins. I felt the daggers in my eyes hurting as much as the night he gave me my curse. I fed from it; I drew my sword that I had taken from the house. My good old Iron Katana, a gift from Kyle, which he was given by Addison. I rushed her, holding the sword, tilt at eye level in both hands pointing up toward the sky, ready to strike down a blow. I wasn’t even five feet away from her that I saw this blinding light, the energy being drained from me was agonizing. At that precise moment it hit me. This was it; I was to pass to the next chapter of life. For me, it was going to nothing, I was sure of it. The day that I got angered at Sonya, yelled at her and left without saying I loved her, that day was going to be the last I would see of her. The children playing in the temple while I was at the entrance standing guard, was the last time I would see them, and yet would not have told them that day, that I loved them and their mother above everything. Then the darkness hit...













I woke up, in my bed, Sonya holding me, smiling her most beautiful smile, looking straight into my eyes. She spoke with a soft voice, elven words into my ears that felt as if they were spoken by an angel.  I could hear the children play, laughing and running in the house, with the bird chirping through the opened window that led into our combined rooms.  Every thing was almost in slow motion, a vale of white embraced every thing, from the soft face of my beautiful wife, to the room giving it a heavenly feel. I was asking myself, is this what they called haven? Had Folian found it in himself to forgive my past and given me entrance to his realm? I held her back kissing her forehead first, her cheek then a slow and eternal kiss, that seemed to last a life time all by it's own. We dared not to move, and I was still unsure if this was real or dream, if I was alive or dead. It is then that I felt them, the children running toward us laughing, still everything in slow motion with Arwin, Draco and Ehlen following them. They all climbed onto the bed and started to hug us, all but one, Sarah. She stood by the bookshelf that I had placed to separate our bed from theirs, tears running down her cheeks, but still a small and shy smile on her face. She couldn’t stop to cry but could not move until I opened my arms and called her to come. She then walked a few steps and finished by running and jumping into my arms.

Having all of those who I cared the most for, in my bed, in my arms, feeling their presence as I had never felt them before. Feeling every wind gust and birds signing by the window. I knew I was alive.

But with all good comes a bad. A few days later, when I had rested and recovered enough to sustain long periods of walk. Sonya told me what had happened. The fact that it was her mother that had sent her these notes, notes that threatened to kill me, but not before I would see our children burn in front of my eyes. She told me that the blood that was used as ink was the blood of her father that her mother had killed. She detailed that he had done nothing to protect her sisters from the mob that once peaceful villagers had became out of fear. All of that from the love of one teenager that could not let go of her mother and tried desperately to bring her back to her and the rest of her family. Sonya went through the details of how her mother had come to late to save her sister Tamara, but in time to save the younger twins. It was not the kidnappers as we had thought, that burned the house down, but the villagers with her Father Nedru, standing by doing nothing.  In her details she told me that the reason why her village had disappeared was from the anger of her mother against what she once loved, a man who did not stand by her family, a village that denied every tradition of peace they had. In her rage she destroyed the town, burning it to the ground.  It stroked me that me and her had a few things in common. Two monsters, tainted by their past, murders and destruction of life and village.

When she told me that her mother was still alive, I felt betrayed by all. I know it doesn’t make sense, but for me, those that had sworn to protect her, had let me and her down.  How can you not rid the earth of one that would blankly murder your friend, threatened you own godchild’s. I was angry not only because of that, but because for me to be brought back to life, Sonya had to agree to go and visit her with the children, when her mother would summon here. She would not even tell her, where she was. Instead she would send her a map with the detailed path to follow.  How can one put her self and the life of her children at risk, for the sake of visiting her mother, which swore on the notes to kill me, and succeeded? It felt terribly wrong, my anger was wrong too, but I could not help it and it got Sonya angered to. Not so much to the fact that I was angry, but to the fact that I could not understand that it was her mother, she had reached in her heart and quelled the pain and hatred that was blinding her mother against us. Since that day we have not spoken of it and I wear my best smile to hide the fact that I still do not trust her mother.

Then something else happened. A day that should have been a pleasant outing with the beautiful of beautiful turned out to be my worst nightmare. It all started well, with a group of us meeting at Mariner’s hold to listen to some stories made by the town crier and discus about honor and what it is.

The story of a man, pressed by his will to succeed, to impress the ladies. The will to bring justice and honor. So much entrenched in his convictions that once his honor tainted by the foul words of a desperate, turned out to be as potent poison as the poison used to weaken him. So much a believer in honor, that even stricken by the ail of the poison, he kept on fighting, only to meet his doom. It was a very well told story, captivating and yet  
Unfulfilling.

Then this man came, asked us if the town crier had told his old story once again. Asked us if we wanted to hear more stories about honor and if we were willing to follow him.
So we did, he brought us to the back city, behind the guards hall. Where the houses are small and let to rumbles, except for one, his.  He showed us a statue, a headless statue, and told us it was to commemorate all the slaves that had worked under the weight of the lash and hits of the slavers. This port, the richest port of Alindor, was built on the sweat and blood of thousands of innocent and left to fade from memory if not for this statue. We then entered his house, were we saw a spaciousness that would be uncommon for the typical house of that area. It showed that the man was nota poor one. Right away I was stricken with oddness when I saw that there was an equal number of pillows set n the ground, as people that followed him.

After the presentation of some, where I chose not to reveal who I was, He asked us to step onto his carpet. Many of us were not at ease with his odd request and asked him why he wanted us on it. But after a while we did as the man requested. When we sat on it and closed our eyes, focusing on this strange man. The room, in our mind, darkened on its own, and magic lights started to emanate from the carpet. It did not take long that in our
Mind we were transported to another place.

He walked forward in this wilderness that he had brought us to, until we cam to an opening in the forest. There I saw what hunts my dream every day since I have recovered my memory. Fire everywhere, corpses lying on the ground filled with arrows or beheaded by the sword. The housing burning to ashes with most of the corpses burning themselves.  As where the others had come closer to that, I could not. I was reliving my past, faced to see what I had done under the influence of my curse. Every plea for mercy, screams of desperation, every cry of the younglings, I heard them all again in my head as if I was there. I could see each and every one of them, that my sword had pierced or beheaded or my arrows volleyed to death, from the older woman to the new born baby. I could smell the blood, the burning flesh. And he showed us while relating the story of these poor people. Still he talked about honor and restoration of it. I was unable to speak for a long time and I found myself walking toward the burning bodies looking at them, forcing myself to face what I had done.  He asked if honor could be restored for some one who had been the cause of this massacre. Some people were saying that it would take a huge atonement, but deep inside me, I know... there is no peace, no atonement for the likes of me. Sonya seeing me moved closer to them after staying in the back for so long came to me and laid a hand on my shoulder, that touch even so comforting as it was, could not dissipate the nightmare I was in, the agony my mind was showing from its remorse. Finally I could not take it anymore, and I yelled. I yelled to him to take me out of that dream state, my mind was being ripped off by its own memory, I could feel it shattering under the weights of the visages that started to rush back into my sight. And with it I felt once again the so familiar sense of the current going through my nerves, the icy chill down my spine, and the undeniable pain from the burning of my blood boiling in my veins. But unlike al the other times, this rage was not directed at someone, but to myself.

As soon as the image dissipated and we were back to the living room, I stepped off of the carpet and moved facing away from the group. All of them but, Barion and Sonya knew not of my curse and of its manifestation, and I was not in the state of mind to face the questions. Once again my center, my love, came to me and held me from behind, whispers in my ears to appease my soul.  Only her knew, only her could render me as gentle as a lamb, to make my blood boil, but not from rage and revenge but love and passion. And so as many other times, as all the other time, she was present in my state, she calmed the monster she married. At this moment the man asked if we were willing to help him restore his honor. Maybe I was foolish, I do not know, but I know how it feels to know that from you past action, you are bound to be a man who walks with his honor stripped for the rest of his life, so I told him I would, as long as he never showed me these images again as some were still asking him questions on the nature of the task until there was nothing more to ask. And we parted ways with him and the group. Sonya and I going home and taking the children, the only salvation I have, to a picnic, where seeing them play in nature comforted me as to know that I had done at least six good deeds in my life. I laid there my head on Sonya’s lap, feeling her gentle fingers pass through my hair. And I looked at her, in her beautiful eyes and saw peace.

A few months later, I was called with many others to go help the militia of a town in a little problem they had. I am uncertain how it came to be, but I met this man named Jacchri. Once upon a time, I would have called this man a brother of long strider. I don’t know why exactly but in some ways we ended up talking about my curse and the fact that me and Folian were not on talking terms. And through out the discussion, he mentions one thing that Sonya had told me a few days prior to this. Maybe Folian is waiting for you to forgive yourself.  Could this be that there is forgiveness possible for the likes of me? Can the protector of nature, forgive the slaughtering of the animal and drinking of their blood, out of anger and desperation of the news of the death of my first wife and children? But how does one man forgive himself for the things he did out of a curse or immeasurable pain?  Again today as I wrote these lines, I still can not see how to forgive myself or Folian, am I wanting to go back to him? Am I ready to forgive all the wrong in my life, made by me but under the curse he has given me? Is this why I wake in the night, from the calling and wake back up in the morning with plain evidence that I have been roaming the forest that night? I find no answer to these questions and no comfort in the only one I see.


Who to trust, what to trust, I don’t trust … Hiding, sneaking, walking the shadows…

Some things that seems to be easy for me, more and more these days. As much as the calling inside of me grows and grows, as much am I losing sight of what I once thought true.  I tend to favor the shadows, than plain sight, the freedom that being able to walk unnoticed brings. But all of these come with a price. The more I come to use these long forgotten abilities and mixed with all that has happened in the last year, the more I find myself lacking trust in the people I know. It came to its peak only yesterday. Sonya was working her craft in the craft hall of Hempstead, and I came to hold her while she was working. Unfortunately my presence made her lose her concentration and she failed one of the rings she was making. She was angry and hushed me away, so I stepped into the shadows leaving her to her work, but I did no go far. After a while of waiting I noticed Barion had come in and my curiosity took hold. I walked like a silent cat, using the shadows as my cover, and approached him unnoticed and spied his work. Then I heard the familiar steps of Sonya coming this way so I repositioned myself elsewhere, where she would not see me. They talked of the twins of Barion on how they were doing until a phrase said by whom I considered one of my closest friend and allied pierce my heart.

“If i weren’t married and you weren’t i would be courting you ...you do know that, don’t you M’Lady?”

How could this man say things like this, when he promised me that there was nothing more he felt that brotherly love for my wife? How could a knight, a captain, be acting in this dishonorable way, encouraging doubts into the mind of a married woman, lying to one of his friends about his intentions and feelings? I wanted to reveal myself now and there, to face this man with my utter content but before I could even start to move out of the shadows, Sonya replied to him

“I know that. But I hope you know I'm happy with my life as it is now?”

I was happy for these words, but the same words awaken a question in my self. What if she came not to be happy? She left shortly after looking for me passing right in front of me but not seeing me. And I stood there looking at him, and for the second time in my life I was contemplating slitting his throat. It would be so easy, he would not hear me come from behind, and when he would see the dagger pass in front of him, it would be too late; I would gingerly use its cutting edge to spread his skin and let the blood flow out until there was none left in him. But then it hit me, would I commit again what I had done in the past and put further shame onto the name of my family, my wife and children?

I quietly hasted my self still unseen from all; out of the craft hall I went back to where I knew she would be. She was there in our stock room, putting the order she had completed in the wrong chest again, so cute, but I was still angry and uneasy at the thoughts I had, at hearing him say those things to me and at the possibility that what they had told me was untrue. I moved behind her and leaned against one of her chest coming out of the shadows in the process, armed crossed looking down at the ground. She did not notice me at first, neither did I made my presence known to her, but I waited until she finally turned and saw me. She looked at me and excuse her self for earlier, that for her the orders that she had been waiting to do for a while now due to the fact that she didn’t receive the gems from our enchanters, before I got fed up and made them myself, was making her unhappy and touchy when it came to make them on time. I simply acknowledge what she was saying, still looking down away from her. She saw something was wrong and she asked me what it was, closing her self to me in the process. Close enough for me to smell her delectable perfume.

“Brotherly love eh?”

Where the only word I could pronounce and as I said them I saw he surprised on her face.

“So Barion feels different than I thought doesn't mean i feel the same as him.”

I was surprise that it did not seem to matter to her that he would be willing to say things like this openly to her, not caring for the people around or the doubts it could make and so I told her that.

“That’s his problem not mine. I am married and he is soon to be. I got a husband and children I love a lot and I'm not going to give them up for something that is not there and never will be.”

She stepped back a few steps her surprised now changed to worries

“Does this mean you still don't trust me?”

I couldn’t face her gaze anymore and lowered my head once again, my arms still crossed as they were. My eyes searching the tiles on the floor for answers.

“I don't know what or who or when to trust anymore, i do trust you because I love you but at the same time... I don't trust him as I used to do and I know he gets his ways when he wants to”

She lowered her arms that she had crossed and walked closer to me again.

“Don’t ever lose faith or your trust in me. It’s not worth the trouble.”

Still coming closer to me, she raised her hand to meet my face and started to lower my hood. I did not object to it and let her lower it, still my arms crossed. Then her hand came back in front of my eyes and from inside of them, she lowered a necklace while I was asking for her forgiveness as this was idiotic of my self. When I saw the amulet I asked her what it was.

“For you my love. It's an exceptional amulet of bull's strength 1”

I could feel the weave emanating from this amulet, it was powerful enough though not only give me more strength but call upon its power if I needed it. Then she asked me to read the inscription she had written on the back and as I read it I couldn’t help to shake my head and tell her she had married a dumb husband.

"From your center with a lot of love. Sonya"

Was written on its back in a delicate and elegant elven.

“I should bash my head a hundred times for that”

I told her feeling so bad of the mess I had once again made.

She looked at me wide eyes and a faint smile on her face

“Don’t just kiss me instead”

And she moved closer to I closed the distance and we kissed there in the middle of the stock room holding each other tight and after long minutes I finished with smaller kisses fully enjoying this moment between us. Ah! The sweetness of her lips, I could never get enough of them.

“I am truly the luckiest man on this planet”

I told her and she smiled at me looking deeply into my eyes.

“As am i.”
She said then looked as if she realized something

“Woman that is.”

And she started to giggle as I looked at her with a huge smile on my face. Still looking from here beautiful eyes to her luscious lips and back to her eyes again. But at that moment I looked down past her lips to her breast plate filled with spikes and smiled even more.

“Aye good thing cause it would have been strange to have had children with a man”

She burst into laugher at those words and we held each other laughing for a long moment. After a while the need to be with our children were starting to show and she motion to the door stating that she was going to go home and spend time with them. I wouldn’t miss those moments for anything and in such; I let her know that I would be there soon after finishing some little errands. And again before she left, she gave me an other taste of the sweetness her lips bears.

Even though I hurried my self to do the errands I stumbled on Kyle that had just came in the guild hall. And from there an other discussion arose about guild business and shortly after on some more personal things. When we finished talking I rushed back home to find my little family reading a book in front of the fire, Elyam on Sonya’s laps and the children sitting in front of her looking at the book she was flipping over after a few sentences to show them the images. I went to our room and picked up my journal, dusted it up and moved back to the living room sitting on the couches the closest to them. Looking at them for a long time, thinking of what to write, of the things that happened, the calling and the never ending guilt.

So here I am today, writing in it looking at the only thing that makes sense to me, even if I have doubts some ties, I know that this is the only thing I can hold to know true.

*blows on the page to dry the ink and closes the book. He gets up to go and sit behind Sonya both his legs on each of he side and rest his chin on her shoulder.*

[Hellblazer]

I finally had a little visit that I was waiting for a long time.

Barion came by the guild hall today, with little Abbi. My she has grown, the last time I saw her she was just born and in the arms of Sa'kura. Poor little one I had made her cry a little with my umber hulk form that I had just mastered.

She looks a lot like her mother, the same hair, the same sparkles in her eyes, very bright, smiling and full of life, just like her mother was.  It's going to be hard not to think of Sa'kura when I see Abbi, but it is for a good cause and I am sure Pink Lion would approve.

Note to self, place some furniture to sit in the guild hall.

Anyhow, we talked a little bit to get to know each other, told her I had a few kids myself with Sonya, and that if things goes well, she would meet them soon. That's when Barion started to laugh and she looked at us all confused. It was funny to see and I started to laugh myself.

Then after some more talks I went to take a few books about magic and incantation out of the bookshelf. She looked at me for a moment with huge eyes. I could almost here the "oh no please not some boring books" But as soon as she opened them she started to smile as she saw there was drawings in them with the text and spells.

I told her I would try my best to make this as enjoyable for her as I could, and to show her what she would learn with practice and patience, I casted a sleep spell on her father. We both laughed as Barion sat there sleeping.

But as things always do go when you are having a good time, it was time for them to go back and in such we made our goodbyes for now. She will come to the guild hall every Fridays for now, and from there we will see how things go.

Knowing that Sarah shown a little interest into the arts, I might even teach her at the same time. Who knows, maybe those two will be good friends in the future.

[Hellblazer]

I just can't believe this.

After all we have done to help the people, extending ways for them to be at ease with what they owed us, helping them get what they needed even by going on trips with them, offering our name into protecting some of them. Still there is some that would see us fall. Is it just a test? I do not know, but It took every thing out of me to keep calm. My life's work, my dream for a safe and comfortable future for my family and friends.

"I want the hood and the head on a platter" I whispered to Barion and it is not out of amusement. Replying that if the man would resist that is what would happened, I even pushed it and said "make him resist".

It is Kinai that came clean, she had remorse and she told us everything she knew. I asked her to wait for me to return as I exited the  guild hall and send two birds as soon as I finished writing the notes. Barion and Serissa came as fast as they could and the investigation is underway. A silent one, under cover as I ask Kinai to try and get back in touch with that hooded man so she could get more information. And then they wanted to talk with Hawklen, turns out he was beaten badly with this guy and he crawled away from him, his tail between his legs if he had one, under invisibility.  I also found out something else I will never forget, I know Hawklen weakness.

On other news, Zoraje is still as mad as he was before, but for one that think he knows evil, is is a baby just starting to breath. We met with Catherine who gave us direction to where could possibly be one place to find Zoraje. I think he learned a bit from our last encounter as he did not show up for himself.  What I felt, at first I thought he was a living extension of the weave, but after looking into some of my books, it came to me that it was a higher and more complex form of illusion. I wont deny that he is a strong mage, but this is where it ends for me. He is like a eight years old that wants something but is not happy and throws a fit because he is not getting it. Anyhow the place was filled with iron golems and monogons or something like that. The golems where a fight, very enduring, but it was a blast. I never had so much fun fighting something but that it was. We found an altar that was entirely made from a pure and powerful enchantment. It got to the head of some, but I think it was really more of a decoy than anything else.

Lastly, we gave a beautiful gift to both Sarah and Tristan and both were very proud and happy about it. We handed them both a custom made dairy book for them to write their thoughts. While getting my own dairy I saw Sonya and Sarah write in theirs, I went and gave them both a kiss and a hug then here I am, in my favorite couch, looking at the fire, and writing my thoughts and memoirs.

Oh right.. The callings are getting stronger, I wake up every night now. I don't know what to make of those and I am starting to feel I should talk to Sonya about them.

[Hellblazer]

Finally settling down,

It was a slow day today, not that I mind, in fact it is a welcomed change. Beside going to a meeting where Jennara tolled us on how she brought Corsain back to it's feet, well aided is more the word, I went back to do some crafting.

I find myself quite surprised at my ability to make ink for scribing, of course infusing is still my little baby, but I can find some distraction in making some scribing. I was surprise at the amount of ink I made with so little effort, the evocation especially, well it is my specialisation after all, it may be why it seems easier.

Anyhow after that I came back home and saw Sarah sitting on one of the couches writing in her dairy. I asked her if she wanted to take a walk, it took her a while to decided looking at me but after some time she agreed. I still could see fear in her eyes, my own daughter is afraid of me, or what I was in the past, what I can be, what I could become. It pains me so much, it is indescribable. I never wanted them to find out this way, I hoped them to be old enough, mature enough, for them to be able to see me for who I am, not the actions of my past caused by my curse. It tares my heart up to look at her and instead of seeing the eyes of my little girl and her smile of the first time she hit the bull eyes with me at her side smiling at her, I now see weariness in her eyes and a seemingly trembling lips desperately looking for a way out of the same room of her father. But she said yes and i could not help to offer her a warm smile, she did not reply to it.


I took her to the lake of glass, we sat there by the water looking at each other, her picking up grass blades and playing with them a little. looked at Arwin trying to catch a rabbit that was obviously not in the mood of being his next meal, she laughed for the first time that whole trip. We just sat there not talking, letting the silence talk for us, looking up at the leaves from time to time, or the squirrel that was stubborn about trying to get in my pack for the few nuts I held in there. The hours past and I could not do anything but look at her, her beautiful long white hair and her soft purple eyes. Looking for my words to try and fix it all, like when she was younger where I could stop the flow of her tears and bring a smile on her face when she had gotten hurt. But I found nothing, I was out of any means to convey to her that it would be alright, that she did not have to be afraid, that her father would never hurt her.

Then out of no where, a leaf dropped in the middle of both of us and without explanation we both reached for it at the same time, my hand taking hold of hers as hers took hold of the leaf. Our eyes met and there again, I saw that sparkle in her eyes that she used to have, the one of a small girl looking up at her father, the one she know would protect her from all the bad things in the world, the one she could come to when she woke up from her nightmares that she used to have.  Slowly but surely a soft smile appear on her gentle face, I could feel my own lips reacting and smiling to her too.

I looked at her and the only words that I could manage to let go where, I love you Sarah and I will always love you, my sweet sweet snow angel. I wanted to say more, I wanted to reveal to her what and who her father was other than the one she saw, the one who taught her to hide, to shoot with her bow. But fear took hold of me as her smile faded and her eyes left mine.

Facing my own defeat as a father I closed my eyes lowering my head, still holding her little hand and the leaf. Then out of no where without even feeling her move, she came to me and wrapped my arms around her and hugged me. After a few minutes she looked up at me and she told me what a twelve years old little girl should not have to tell her father, she told me it would be alright.

We did not speak again for a while after that just holding each other with Arwin tired up from running after the rabbit in vain, at our feet panting. The wind gently dancing with the trees, rippling the water. And when the night was on us, we got up and started to walk back home, but like when she was younger, I took her on my shoulders and there again I found my little girl, my snow angel giggling and telling me stories of what she was learning at school, of what her mother had taught her about gem crafting and of her new friend Abi, to which she can not wait to see again at our next magic lesson.

At home we came in, her still on my shoulders, Arwin just behind us and there in the living room, Sil'via was playing the piano as always, Tristan and Elgon where play fighting, while Anaya is petting a small cat she brought in the house again setting Arwin on a frenzy and the cat running and climbing away from him all the while Anaya trying to pull back Arwin from her four feet tall against a fully grown dire wolf almost three times her size, and my lovely, beautiful, patient, adorable wife is playing with Elyam on the floor now looking up at me and Sarah still on my shoulder, with a tender smile on her face, finally seeing father and daughter reunited once again.

Caighd had told me recently that I was a good man living a good life filled of love. Truly I am, loved, blessed beyond measure.

[Hellblazer]

I came home today and here was Dalan, Lex'or and my sweet Sonya sitting on the table with a grave look on their face. As soon as Sonya saw m she told me not to get angry but there was something I needed to know.  Right away it got me suspicious.

I sat at the table with them and she started to tell me what had happened to Sarah. Of course I got furious, and as usual i started to feel my blood boil and my eyes hurting as the gold hue started to show it self/ It was the first time for both Dalan and Lex'or to see me go trough this and I am not sure how they actually reacted, but Lex'or looked at me then at Sonya and moved close to her only to get kept at a arm length by her as she got up and held me as she does so well. A few minutes after and I was calm again.

I sat in the couch, still am as I am writing this, laying back in it an arm on the arm rest supporting my chin as I looked into the fire.  I have absolutely no clue what to do anymore to help Sarah. Where did we go wrong?  Sonya told me of what was in her journal and the things she has done, the pranks she has played to get even.. well part of me is proud that she doesn't let her self be walked on, but the other one is really worried. Arwin must have felt it as he climb on the couch beside me and laid on it his head on me.  Well he took the rest of the couch big as he is this big cuddly oaf.

Starting tomorrow I will be looking at either a school only for girls or a private tutor for her. She needs to be better watched over, and well from what Sonya also told me she wrote she is in that period of awakening towards the boys. My little baby angel growing up and the boys starting to swarm her already. Have to find a way to cast a elemantal shield that will last all day. That should keep them at bay.

[Hellblazer]

Hmm, Sarah winning that first prize at the school archery contest really makes me proud. Well, I'm always proud of her even when she gets into trouble. It shows she has some wits about her but not enough not to get caught, which teaches her some life lessons. But to see her win this, even if she was nervous, is special. It shows me that she took all those lessons to heart. But now there is this young boy lurking around her. I really have to find a way to extend that elemental shield to last 24 hours, I bet he wont try to kiss her on the cheek now seeing that ring of fire around her.

Well I'm in the dog house now sort to speak. Eliza came by the guild hall and started to joke around about us adopting her. She really has a black void in her heart, filled with loneliness. No family but her animal companion. She was thinking of trying to join us, seeing how I had helped her in the past and told me that she saw me as a big brother, one she had never had. But somewhere in the process of talking to Ferrit, she had gotten really hurt by Ferrit's words. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt her, but I gave her some pointers on a few things, and started her up so she could learn how to make the bark amulets we are in need for. I even paired her with Lance to help her out to gather what she needed, on his free time. He was a bit unsure and nervous, it was funny to see. Well she is a pretty girl so I guess thats what makes him nervous.

Any how, at first Sonya was there and Eliza was joking around, about us adopting her as our 7th child, adding a few times that she was serious. Each time she did, I could see Sonya going more serious about it. And I made a small joke just before my love went that I know made her mad even before she left. When I got home I saw my pillow, blanket and sleeping wears fly out of the room and her yelling at me.

I thought it best to let her calm down with the night and slept on the couch. Well slept is a relative word. First Arwin was there growling and grumbling at me, unhappy I made Sonya mad. He doesn't speak but I still understand him and he went with a mock snort and a grin, to my room which I sure he slept in my spot. That wolf can be quite insulting when he wants it, but I did deserve it after all. In the morning, I wokoe up early again before every one and I saw those muddy tracks again, both mine and Arwin. So i know it happened again. I cleaned every thing up, then I wrote a little note to Sonya.

"My love, my center,

I know I made you made yesterday and I hope you are reading this with a clear mind now that the night has went and gone.  When you left the Guild hall I could sense your anger saturate the air all around you. You have to know my love, that you are the one and the only one, even if I joke stupidly some times about things, I would never act on them.

You bruised husband"

I left it beside her freshly pressed orange juice, and left her plate of food on heated rocks and under a metal covert so it would stay hot, which I brought to the night table while she was still sleeping and I left for the guild hall.

I'm there now writing this in my office, as I leave my journal here now so Sarah can not read it again.

Q and I had a long talk the other day about Tristan and his daughter Sonya. I aske dhim if he had the talk with his daughter, to which he said yes. Now I have to have it with Tristan, but he has been avoiding me for some time now. Q suggested that me and him came along him with his daughter on a training round with the undeads so I could have a chance to bond with Tristan again. Even promised to hold Tristan by the ankle if he refused to listen to what I had to say. *Chuckles a bit writing this* I do not know why, but I think it has something to do with my curse and what Sarah showed him in my journal.

Well work to do, paperwork again. I never thought I would have so many paperwork to do, price overview, stock listing, show room inventory, trips planning, utility bills, so many bills gosh! I don;t show those to the others nor the amount of work I do behind the seen, which does take a lot of my time. But it's all worth it, I have a lot of good friends working with me, brothers and sisters. My idea has offered them some stability in these dire times, they can live comfortably, not rich by any means, but they can live, have a roof over their heads and eat. And we can help those that can't, Reminds me that I have to go pay a little visit to that girl I help to save. bring her some cloths food and some money for her grandparents. Also have to go visit Jill's orphanage, see what else the guild can do to help support it. A lot of things to do but I like it. I hope one day Tristan will see the value in my work and take up the fort when I am to old to continue or gone.

*Sighs and puts down the quill. Blows on the page to dry the ink and closes the journal putting it in the vault.*

[Hellblazer]

I came home tonight and I knew right away something was up.

The triplets were quietly playing in the living room, Elyam was soundly asleep and Sonya was in her meditation room. Tristan was outside practicing with Sonya, the daughter of Q, and the house was filled with a delicious aroma of food. Right away I knew that was Sarah and seeing the table already neatly set, I knew it was her doing and that she was going to ask me something. Well I plaid along.

After a great dinner where every one had a great time Sarah pulled me outside by the lake after she rushed off to make the dishes and refuse for any one to help her.

Sa: "Daddy, can I ask you a question?"

R: "Of course my little snow Angel"

Yes this is the surname I gave her, her long white hair reminds me of the snow and her delicate facial traits gives her the look of an angel.

Sa: "What's the deal with the rofie, that Broegar guy and Prantz?"

R: "Wow!, why do you want to know that?"

Sa: "Oh .. hum.. for a school project"

I looked at her for a second giving her a small look, but seeing she was not shifting her eyesight away, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

R: "Well, it's a story that takes me back a long long time ago, even before you and Tristan were born."

At that point she laid her self on her side, her head on my lap and I started to play in her hair.

R: "You see there was a time, before you were born, Prantz was known as Pranzis. Many people considered that city as the jewel of Layonara. The people were happy, the economy was thriving, People were not suffering from lack of food. It was also before the sun got blocked by the clouds.."

Sa: "It must have been beautiful?"

I smiled a sad smile at her question. She had never seen the sun and as Rhizome told me, she would probably never see it in her life time.

R: "Yes my little snow angel, it was magnificent. But even if the people were happy there was still some fear. You see there was this evil man, very powerful and dangerous. He wanted to conquer the world, to take revenge on the people he had once helped to be freed from the dragons..."

She opened he eyes wide and her mouth followed for a few second.

Sa: "Dragons like Safira, Draco and Elhen?"

Again I smiled

R: "Nooooo. Big, poweful Dragons. Strong like nothing you could ever imagine, their wings wide and so powerful that when the flapped them, it could make people lift from the ground and drop them way off of where they stood. Some of those Dragons were bad, others were good. Like the one that brought Daddy and Mommy to this place."

She looked at me with even bigger eyes this time.

Sa: "Daaadyy stoop fooling around. You didn't see a Dragon up close."

Laughing a little seeing that she was not gullible I continued my story.

R: "Oh but yes my sweet, Daddy and Mommy both saw at least one Dragon. Your uncle Kyle, Dalan and aunty Ferrit saw it too. We were all brought by that dragon that we called the big gold. It's true name to long to remember. For big gold, we and many other people, good and bad, were the last hope to win the war that was brewing with this evil man called Sinthar Bloodstone."

Sa: "You and mommy fought in a war?"

R: "Yes we did my sweet. Yes we did... It was a terrible thing. I was only brought in by big gold, close to the end of the war, but things were not looking great. The cities were falling, a lot of people got hurt, and even more were left without food or proper care. It's during that time that I decided to found the Angel, you know, the business Daddy runs."

she nodded "hmhm"

R: "Well one day, there was this call from the officers of Pranzis. Bloodstone and his troops were advancing against this beautiful city and there was almost no more hope. A lot of the villagers fled when there was still time, but a lot of them did not want to leave what they had worked their whole life to build, so they stood with us. It was a hard and very long fight, brave men were fighitn swigning their swords through the enemies one after the other, swing and swing parry duck and swing again.."

I motioned without getting up the movement of sword combat making her smile a bit

R: "Others like Daddy were shooting arrows or bolts, voleys of them flying by the one fighting in front hitting the enemy as good as we could..."

Again making the motion of shooting with a bow without getting up, by this time she was giggling.

R: "Or others, like Daddy and Mommy were using magic to protect and attack the bad people. But many people fell to the waves of attackers. They were out numbering us in strength and in numbers and they kept coming weave after weave when we were bravely defeating one. A few of us, with me were tired of being pinned down and believed we needed to take the fight to them but unfortunately the so called generals, were to coward to leave the safety of the walls and decided we would not go out. That decision was the bad one and it is because of it that we failed and that many more people and houses were destroyed in Pranzis..."

Sa: "Ooh no. but you and Mommy were not to hurt were you not?"

R: "No my Darling. Those of us who choses the life of the adventure and have special skills can use the big stones that I showed you the other day. In a sense that gives us the chance to stay on this plane for longer. Well to continue, we failed to protect this beautiful city and their villagers, but to our surprise the man that was leading the army against us was not bloodstone, but a dwarf that no one had heard of his name or deeds before. He was a total stranger to all of us. But our failure was only in part, while we were defending Pranzis, a few brave men and woman decided to go and attack Bloodstone himself in his mountain and succeeded in defeating him. But you have heard the saying, no good deed goes unpunished?"

Sa: "Yes, our teacher at school told us of it once."

R: "Well when the defeated Bloodstone there was a big explosion that completely annihilated the mountain that he was in.."

Sa: "Euh Daddy.. what does ani .. anu.. anuhilited mean?"

I smiled a little.

R: "It means completely destroyed. As it went up in a big rumble and a big "BOOM""

I almost yelled the boom which made her laugh, as at the same time my hands went high over my shoulders to motion something big.

R: "Thats when all the dust from the mountain went up in the air and blocked he sky for all those years and a very long time still to come. Now back to Pranzis. We were all assemble near the citadel, pushed back by the enemies when an emissary came to us, telling us that if we surrendered none of us would be hurt and we would be freed to go. We knew we could not do anything more for the city and if we continued to fight they would completely destroy it. So after some talk we all decided that we would lay down our weapons and we did. We were able to leave the city in peace and those that were hurt were even tended to. A few days later, Broegar made his first public appearance and stated that from now one he would be the ruler of this land and would rebuilt the city to be even better than it was. If you ask me, I preferred the one we tried to save. But he did, it took only a few months and the city was rebuilt and it was now named Prantz. For some people this is good because Broegar succeeded in fooling them, while he was promising new prosperity and protection, he was taking a lot of the freedom that the people had before. Some of those freedom were religious rights, commerce was a lot more restricted and no one could use magic anymore in any public places. Now all the temples that were in the city were closed and all religion was banned all but one... Rofirein.."

She looked at me

Sa: "Oh like Abbi's father?"

R: "Yes, in fact Barion was one of those who defeated Bloodstone. Well Since Broegar said he was going to be fair and just, but apply the law firmly and the Rofireinites are all about applying the law, they sided with him. Not all of them, but the church it self did. He used them to act like judges in the small matters, but the biggest one he kept for himself. His law, unlike what he said, is not just. It is oppressive, many people disappeared because they were disagreeing with him. And many more were harshly punished for minor things that, if it was in the time of the Princess and her parents, they would not have been so badly treated."

Sa: "Hmm .. that's sad. Why don't the people of the city do something about it, they are a lot more people than the army?"

R: "Because they are afraid, afraid to be hurt, afraid to be killed or that their families would be hurt if they rose against him. But until recently even the Rofireinites did not have a temple, and now he has given them the permission to establish their new temple and court on the Island of Corsain. That I think is scaring even more the town people into submission because now what was their hope to protection if Broegar did something that was to cruel and went against the laws or even morals, the Rofireinites would not be in a position to help them right away if at all. So this is it in a nut shell my little snow angel."

Sa: "Thank you Daddy."

R: "It's a pleasure sweety. Now why don't you go play with Tristan and Sonya?"

She smiled as she got up.

Sa: "Yep, thank you again."

She walked away, stopped and turned.

Sa:  "Daddy?"

I turned to look at her.

R: "Yes sweety?"

Sa: "I love you."

R: "Me too, very very very much."

She giggled and ran away almost trampling her mother that was leaning against the wall listening to us and smiling at me when I made eye contact with her. I invited her to come and sit with me and she did leaning into my hold.

Sonya: "Ean maselwla sa eo lae silla anirelv Milel"

R: "Ilaa sa anee Ceela."

I sighted looking at the lake and the swan gently gliding on it. We staid there until even the clouds could not hide from us it was now past sundown and we went back in to the comfort of our house.

//OOC this link is a language converter tested out the Elven in Game and it is Identical to what Layo use for Elven at least. Language converter. Have fun using it. Unfortunately it can not translate back to common at this time, although i did email him with the suggestion today

[Hellblazer]

I went to the Guild hall today, everything seemed in order.

On my way there I met with my little darling girl Sarah, not so little anymore but still. She asked me if we had some things she could use. I could have given it to her, but I think its better she works for it. Explained to her where she could get clay and sand to barter for the equipment she wants.  Then I got her the best room at the Inn as she did not want to lose time going back home. Just before she entered the room I gave her some trues.. What can I say, she's my daughter and I don't want her to be in a hole even if she doesn't live at home anymore. I was happy to see her and I think she was too, she gave me a very beautiful smile when she saw me on Meelam. Meelam was happy to see her too.

Later on I met the new member, his name is Berak seems a pretty good fellow a sneaker, I know he'll get along with Ferrit well. In any case I notice his equipment was not the best it could be, so I went ahead and gave him a few things to make sure he would be safer at least.

As I was explaining to him that when he would be ready, Sonya could make him some better rings and amulet that i gave him and then my love came in. We talked with him for a while about where he came from. Learned he didn't really like the forest at Night, I told him to take the time to listen to the forest his eyes closed. To learn what animals makes which sounds and to truly pay attention and listen to the music that is nature. He seemed to be pleased with the advice I gave him. While I was talking about nature to Berak, I saw Sonya look at me with a smile on her face. I guess it has been some time since she heard me talk so much and with passion about anything, especially nature.  Unfortunatly she still seems distant, sweet talking doesn't seems to make her smile anymore. With all that we have been through these past years I fear she has closed in on herself and wont let me in anymore.  She's still there though even now beside me while I write in my dairy, but the intimacy.. the small talks and laughters, our connection seems to have collapsed. I guess most of it is my fault, with the search for Sarah I have been away for a long time from home. I just hope to be able to find a way to rekindle what we had before. It doesn't seems worth it without her.. all of her...

And the calling continues.. I still wake up and see the tracks of mud on the ground...

*looks and fiddles with the soul ring Sonya gave him not so long ago and then closes his Dairy.*

[Hellblazer]

When I noticed that Sonya was worrying about something but did not want to talk about it I went to get the things she would be needing. To my surprise Lance was there and He saw that I was preoccupied. I told him a little of how I was feeling.

We also noticed that there was no silver for Sonya to work with and decided we should go on a little trip to mine some. I was reticent at first to go with that few numbers, Me, lance and my beloved Sonya, but then Omer showed up and my hope lifted. Omer is a wonderful caster and with him it would have been a breezed.  unfortunately once on Dregar he had to leave.

Just before we left, A man came looking for Kinai, he did not want to say why he was looking for her, only asking us to describe her to him. None of use were willing to do so openly as she is under the protection of the Angels. We finally left for dregar once that man had left.

Our trip was short lived. Nearing Audiria at the oasis, we all got killed. Without Omer this trip was to much for us. What I thought would be a good little trip to change Sonya's and I mood actually turned for the worse.  I woke up in Mariner's hold and decided to go to the Miranet. Where I had upheld my family tradition in presenting Elyam to mother moon as we call the moon.

I sent her a letter to come and reach me here, because I want to spend some alone time with her, talking and just being close to her in a place I know she loves.

I miss those time. Those times where we could just be together and talk about nothing and everything. The time we had our little giggles tickling each others. We had such complicity then. But a lot of events that I brought on her with my past, the children, Sarah kidnapping, all of those brought a lot of strain on her and now I feel she is closing up and pushing me out. Frankly I do not know what to do anymore. I just want her to be happy, to see her smiling and bright face that she use to have before all of this. Before Barion.. before Christine, before Lucinda, before the children, before her mother, before the return of my memory.

She says she loves me, I believe she does. but I do not believe she is happy anymore. I must find how to bring her happiness again, at all cost. Nothing is more important to me anymore than this. And now that they are grown up enough to take care of each other. It is time we think of us more.

*Rain looks back at what he wrote and raises his sight at the moon that is shining. he looks back down and start to write again*

Maybe the fact that the clouds are gone will bring her some happiness, if we do things together, little things, none guild related things. Walks, talk, dinners. Things we have not done in so long.

*He stops writing again, this time putting his quill down and gazes at the moon leaving his journal open to let the Ink dry. He falls asleep waiting for Sonya to reach him*

[Hellblazer]

Finally some time alone.

She came to me after receiving my note. We sat by one of the trees, her leaned on me me on her. Looking at the moon, the flowers and each others. We talked about her fears, about Sarah our daughter and how she had changed. We talked on how much she felt that her lineage was tinted by the dark side of things, cursed. I told her that the only one in the family that was cursed was me. Two curse, the one of my past and the one of the bliss that she is, entangling my heart with her love, my every thoughts. She smiled, she was open, she was her, the her I had fallen in love with, the one I remember all the sweet little talks, the little playful moments, the giggles and laughter.

Her fears had taken a lot of her, the emotions she was keeping inside her were choking her. But finally she talked, finally she let me in again. Even if seeing her pain was unpleasant, I felt relieved she still trusted me, still loved me enough to tell me her deepest thoughts. And all this weight, confusion, fears she let go and felled asleep on my lap, my cape over her, me playing in her hair and humming her a comfort song throughout the night awake to watch over her.

We staid there for days, talking, sharing our thoughts and emotions, tickling each others. We spent time like we didn't spend in so many years. Her smile.. my god her smile. for so long have I longed for it. Her true smile. She was herself once again. I was myself once again, free of any fears about her love. She is and would always be happy by my side she said. Relieved, exalted these words were.. are to my ears.

For so long, we had not spent so much time together just her and I. Not worrying about the kids, they are old enough. Not worrying about the guild, They are good, competent and in good hand with Kyle and Ferrit when we are not there. Just the two of us finally.

It felt so good, a piece of paradise just for the two of us. We started our relation ship under the cleared skies, and today it took new life again under cleared skies.

We will take more time together, just the two of us. We will live the life we have lived for others. It's time for us to think of ourselves more, the two of us.

As much as I wanted to stay there with her for eternity, we came back to see our children and work. on our way back, Arwin, Draco and Ehlen met us. Ehlen had a surprise for us, my little pseudo dragon that is farouchly in love with Draco, my lovely wife pseudo dragon, had 200 eggs stashed in our attic. 200 eggs! Are we even going to have a house when we get back? of course we did, they had not hatched yet. We have to talk of what we will do about this. I am not sure that having 200 baby dragons, learning to fly and shoot fire in my house is such a grand idea. I can not even imagine how much this will cost me for feeding them, to make sure the local cattle's are not attacked.

They flew off and I sent Arwin to keep an eye on them before we got to Hempstead, where me and Sonya worked on making some hiding rings with the little silver we found. I will have to remember to put it in the sales chests.

Dalan my dear friend has also made me the long stave's I will need to make the bows for my children. Tradition will be kept.

Things are back to normal and I am happy, calm. The only dark point is that I am still hearing the call, and yet do not understand what it means.

[Hellblazer]

The traditions are kept.

I came to the guild hall after an other wonderful night in the arms of my sweet Sonya. I was beaming joy I could feel it. For some reason I couldn't stop my self from humming. After going to get some Hickory I went to the craft hall in Hempstead and started working on the short bow of Sarah.

I had never made a bow, only saw my father made one once for my cousin and Dalan from time to time. First attempt, the long stave was perfect, the bow was perfect. I am sure that Sarah will love the design. It looks somewhat similar to the one I have, but it keeps to the tradition. On it elven carvings and I even filled a small cavity with a little family blood.

The elven markings are the same that was on the bow my father made for me. An elven prayer.

Father, grand father, fathers or my fathers before them. I call upon you to guide my arrows, keep them straight, keep them swift and may they not miss their marks. I am standing on the battle field, my enemies are numerous before me.

Father, grand father, fathers of my fathers before them. I call upon your strength now that I am in the mist of the battle. Make me strong, make me steady. Course through me the force of the bloodline. Father, grand father, fathers of my fathers before them. I call upon you.

I wish that this bow will serve her well and when she is ready, I will make her a better one. But always with the same prayer on it. I have engraved this on my own bow to keep it close to me always. It is only recently that I have rediscovered it as I was cleaning the bow. I will find her soon to give her, her first bow. I can't wait to see her face. I will do it at the Miranet, where I have presented Elyam to mother moon. Hopefully the whole family will come. Each and all of my children will receive their own bow, when they decide to take the road for the adventure, or their service to the woods.

On other good news, Steel has accepted the invitation of the angels. He is now part of our family.  I gave him the grand tour and from what I could see he seemed very pleased. "I think this will be beneficial for all of us" he said. I do believe it to.

Well back to work, the wands wont make by themselves.

[Hellblazer]

Well things are great.

My wife is great, my children are great, the guild is going well, I even have a aprentice in the ways of the Arcane archer.

Eander is his name, a bit grumpy, impatient and has to work on his concentration, but he has a good heart and is willed. I gave him the first meditation trainings today, to focus on teh weave and willed it slowly into his shoulders. When he can do that easily, he will move on the to the elbow, going further until he is able to move the weave into his fingertips and then the arrow its elf.

I also gave him the riddle Gafeld once taught me, before I went amnesic and had to learn everything again from Jil.  Eander needs to understand the intricacy's of the bow, to analyze how it works and moves, to be able then, to apply it to himself.

He also understand why the trainings of arcane archer hood take so long. There is much power in this art, and an unprepared user could easily become power hungry and dangerous to all. But he has a good heart, time will show if I will complete his training or not, for now I feel it is safe to continue.

Of course, there is not a day that goes by where my daughter doesn't pop out of no where. She saw me finish the lesson with Eander and was quite surprised. I think she had forgotten the abilities I had started to show her as she was little.

I am a little worried though, she is a grown up woman and even if she doesn't think so, she is attractive. I worry not so much about her, but the boys who would try to get close to her, in her present state. I will have to make more time so we can spend time together. It will be a long process, but she will heal.

Well hehehe, got to find a bard for a little surprise for Sonya. She is a little worried and sad about her brother and his repression of his emotions. But she knows he is strong and will get through it. I hope my little surprise will cheer her up. At least I made her smile and she did not hold her sadness to her self, but talked about it to me. It makes me happy that she is able to open up to me again.

*Puts the quill down and blows softly on the pages. When they are dry, he closes the dairy and for the first time hides it from Sonya. So she can not read it and find what the surprise is.*

[Hellblazer]

*Rain comes in the house, open a chest and slams in it both his armor, his sword and shield and his bow not forgetting his quills of arrows. He locks the key and throws it somewhere without looking.*

Fine, I'm not able to make sure my daughter wouldn't become a murderer? fine. It's nothing to do with how we raised her, but I know first hand how events can change people for the worse. I KNOW I'VE BEEN THERE MYSELF. I regretted it all my life and still do.  

Even though she is old enough to make her own choices, I'm still her father and it's still my responsibility as such to help her and make sure she doesn't go astray. If I can't even do that, then I'm good for nothing...

*he slams his journal closed and walks toward the sofa that faces the fire, not noticing the journal falling off the desk and open on the ground.

[Hellblazer]

He goes into their bedroom for the first time in two weeks and takes his journal from it's usual place on the dresser, not knowing that it had fallen down and Sonya picked it up to place it back.. did she read it??"

I've been cooped up in this house for two weeks now.

I'm still furious, furious that she thinks I'm trying to steal our daughters hunt, furious that she thinks I don't have faith in the way we raised our children. How can she even think that, I know we raised them to become outstanding people, but it doesn't change the reality of life. We haven't spoken since.. I don't know if I feel like talking to her yet either but I know I should.

Well the couch has a good grove to it now, since i slept on it since I came back. The kids tried to cheer me up a little, Sil'via even plaid her best songs on the piano. But still...

*closes the journal and put it back at it's usual place this time it doesnt fall on the ground*

[Hellblazer]

After some time of still sleeping on the couch, Sarah came home to visit us. She wasn't happy at all at me because I decided to look for the boy who had sold her as a slave, and I was still mad at Sonya for making me feel like a failure.

After two weeks Sarah left and shortly after, when I still saw that there was no communication between me and Sonya, I decided to leave. I think I slept at the guild hall for nearly two weeks when finally yesterday Sonya was there.

See had heard fro Sarah, who heard from Lex who heard people talk on the street, that I was now sleeping at the Guild hall and had went to see a Lawyer a few times.

Sonya was crying her heart out, she jumped on me when she heard me.. At first I was still made I wanted to push her away. But she was clinching to me crying and saying she was sorry, she didn't want me to leave her. I told her of the reaons why I went to the lawyer. It was to put the house under her name because we both don't know how long I will still be alive and that we should take all the time we can. We talked there, I told her how she had made me feel, I told her I didn't want to lose Sarah like I had lost Eloanna, my first Daughter. She understood but she also told me that I should talk to her and tell her everything so she knows why I was so scared for her.

I then told Sonya what had been on my mind for a long time, that Yes I had though of ending our marriage, but not because I did not love her. Since the time we were at the Miranet, we had grown apart again. I have been trying to plan things with her, but it always came short because she didn't want to or take the time to. Once or twice is understandable, but over a year worth of time, I was getting more and more frustrated.

I told her that if she wanted us to work, that she had to put more of herself into this relationship, to take more time away from her studies, which I approve of but there is a limit, to spend more time as a couple. I only saw her before our fight when I got up to go work, or when I got home and she was either asleep or studying until the we hours of the day where she would come to bed without waking me.

After sometime where she kept sobbing and my anger was dissipated, I took her out to travel a bit, we went to do somethings we had not done in so long, mainly having fun with some mushroom and giants near Prantz.

It was great, but time will tell.

[Hellblazer]

THings just keeps pilling on.

First the werewolves and Sarah being attacked by them. Then Sil'via lying to us on where she went and now she is stuck with the memories of a shade, matter worse any one who touches her sees these images too. Ayana and Elgon has also left home to spread their own wings. I can't say I am to happy, 18 is still young. But it is their wishes and Sonya urges me to have faith in them.

Then a dragon cult is trying to change dragon into slaves and possibly even attempting to change people into dragon hybrid. I do have to try and find out what I can about the barbs we found, they are of an intricate design, unique.

Sonya.. she got into a fight with Sarah, words were exchanged and Sonya spent long hours crying into my arms. She didn't mean any of them and I was able to speak to Sarah, she didn't meant what she said either. I guess that will settle down by itself shortly.

Ayana told me about how Sil'via was flirting around and how she thought I would be a grand father soon. I had to tell her what lex had told Sarah and then us, she was devastated. I can't blame her I knew she wanted a family of her own one day.

But then when I talked to Sil'via about her flirting.. she got mad. I don't think I have ever seen her that mad before. She was already mad at Ayana, but now...

I'm tired.. so tired.. All of this has left me without strength. All i wished for the last few weeks, when I came home from working, was to spend time alone with Sonya, just doing nothing but hold her looking at the fireplace while she reads her books. Elyam is a bit bored by it as we are the only one left at the house to spend time with him. I'm getting the feeling he is anxious to go out there too.

On other news I have not seen Eander for a while now, we were due for more training but he has disappeared. In the mean time I have a new apprentice, Sairalinde. A dark elf who shows great promise. She follows Ilsare so I know that I don't have to fear to much of a power lust on her part.

And the calling continues, I keep waking up with mud tracks on the floor. After speaking with Wren he seemed convinced that it is Follian calling me back to him. My anger toward Follian has diminished a lot over the years, maybe it's time I try to get close to him again.

[Hellblazer]

I am starting to go more often to the temple now, it feels so strange for so many years have I slang the name of Folian and the other deities and now I am back tentatively as a follower. The call as I called it, is still there but now it's not only when I sleep and wake up with trail of mud in the house, not knowing how they got there. I feel it through day to day things, urging me to go into the wild. To run with Arwin and hunt as a pact. I can feel my blood pumping again , I growl and I can feel the urge to howl after a satisfactory run through the forest with is old friend of mine. Even in the mine with Sonya, ran and Kryss I couldn't really control it after we slayed those Giants my breathing was hard and fast and a growl escaped me. I think Wren was right, it was a call back to my roots. I have never felt so much alive beside with Sonya and my children, but this in a way is a lot different. It's a burning sensation when the blood coarse through my body.

On a other happy note, the family met all together for the first time in a long time, only a few were missing, but still It was great. We went to mine topaz, alexandrite, coal and silver like we used to. Everything went well until we got ahead of ourselves and got surrounded. Poor bear paid with his life, but I helped him back to his grave and mistone when he was feeling up to it.

And if those are not enough, I have finally mastered the fifth circle of spells. I will keep Hanna busy for a while as she makes the scrolls for me. But now I can continue on my work in infusing, providing Omer makes me the ring I need.

If it wasn't for the little fight Sarah and I had about her new friend, Sil'via kept her promise to that new friend, I would say that the past few months have been perfect.

Now that the water is hot and Sonya ready, time to go and give her the scrubbing and massage I promised.

*Closes his journal and gets in after his wife*

[Hellblazer]

What is it with people, monsters and villains, picking on my family as of late???

If it was not enough that Sil'via had a lich after her and was forced to live the memories of an other, now my whole family, including the angels, are pursued by vampires. One who wants a book to find an urn of some power, the other to have the book to stop the Vampire from finding that Urn.

Ayana was already confronted by one of the Vampires in the Vehl crypt and I had to acted quickly. The triplets are back home, even if they do not like it, they have to stay there. I have not yet found Sarah, but I have sent a letter to her, urgently asking her to come home to take care of her sisters and brothers. I have also arranged with some people to take watch over them, when me and Sonya can't. Even if we are there, the more we will be to protect them the safer they will be. And to say that book is no longer into our possession. Ayana was furious when I told her she could not leave until it was safer to do so, but after explaining to her the seriousness of the situation and the fact I could not be at ease finding her brother and sisters, she gave her word she would stay home.

On other news, this young man Lance came to the guild hall the other day wishing to speak to me. He spoke of some rumors about him and Sil'via being together, that it was a misunderstanding, but he also told me of his feelings for her. He loves her. he is a good lad, but I wonder if he realizes what he is getting into. Of course, being who I am, Kyle being who he is and all the other angels are who came by as he was telling me those things. We gave him a little piece of what he is getting into. He looked nervous for sometime then composed himself.

I told im I had little say anymore on who my daughter choses to see, never really had either. But that I knew she didn't know what she wanted yet, that she needed time. he already knew that and it showed some character. But I know he is not the only pretender to my daughter's heart and I wonder if he knows.

My path to Folian continues, slowly and tentatively. I find it more easier everyday now, and Sonya couldn't be more happier for me.. and her *he smiles as he writes that* Elyam has stopped complaining of our noises now since I have moved the beds to where the portal used to be. Which gives Sonya and I even more freedom, hehe. I think that she loves the pampering and show of affection, but I know she appreciates even more the strength and instincts that I have rediscovered coming back to Folian. Part of me, of who I was that she loved had fallen asleep after the fall of Pranzis, and now, It is awake stronger than ever again and her smiles reveals a lot in the mornings.

Now when all this nonsense of Vampires will be pushed aside, I will be happy and even with these. Life is truly beautiful.

[Hellblazer]

Folian be praised as I am filled with love for my love.

We had a great time a few weeks ago, running around in nature with a few friends until she felt a bit strange and discovered some new powers. I was so much proud of her that after a while I took her aside. I had already brought Meelam at the Orc watch for some reasons, closer to Corax lake and safer too, but I don't know I just felt like taking a stroll with her and Sonya in my arms on her. But instead, I made Sonya a little gift, I asked her to close her eyes and I brought her to Orc watch and bought her her own horse. She named it Wilmna, which means Darky. We rode home me and her slowly, looking at nature, talking smiling at each other and we had a great night together, well not that this is uncommon to us, but still, this day she was particularly happy and it showed.

Unfortunatly a few weeks later, meaning a week ago, I have heard a sad news, Sonya came home tears rolling down her cheek. Tarianna, our sister had passed away while on a trip with our daughter Sil'via. I held Sonya as long as she needed it letting her cry in my arms. Then she asked me to check on Sil'via that she seemed to be greatly affected by it, she saw the soul mother take the last strand of life from Tarianna, right in front of her. But when I went to visit her, she was no where to be found. It makes me a little worried, but my girl is a surviver, as long as she doesn't get any stupid idea of cliff jumping, I know she will be fine.

We attended the wake, and my eulogy was aimed on having people rejoyce for she is now with her greatest love, Rofirein, to remember her for who she was, the mother she was, the wife and friend she was. For all the care, love and dedication she had shown to all of us her family and friends, even those she didn't knew. I watched silently until the fire sputtered out by itself early in the morning. It was sad, but I think it's important to celebrate the life she had, rather than mourn her. I am sure that mourning her was not what she would have wanted us to do.

She will be missed.