Journal of a fallen Ranger

[Hellblazer]

I am such a fool.

Here I am with the most beautiful woman a man can hope to meet in his life.  A woman who loves you with all her heart , mother of your children and because of your incecurities you go thinking that she is leaving you.  For sure the feeling she had told me got me worried, Worried is not the word, quite frankly scared the sooks off of me.  I can still remember how I though I was going to die right there both of the time she told me how she felt about not being who she wanted to be.  Then when I see her complimenting a brother or arms, a dear friend, someone I trusted my life to, I go and think that there is something going on in between them.

That situation had pushed Mercas to exile himself to Dregar and Sonya to run away, hurted, angry and in total sorrows.  And even after that I still feared that they were being together.  After 2 weeks of seing me slumber deaper and deaper into depression, Elgon, Kyle and Ferrit decided to confront me and make me understand how stupid I was being.  I still did not beleive them intirely, I needed to hear it from her.  If she was going to leave I needed to hear it from her own mouth.  So I stormed back home, and lighten myself as much as I could.  Elgon followed me home and wanted to come with me, he was stuburned about it but I told him that I needed him to stay here and take care of Sarah and Tristan.  I had no clue how long i would be gone but I told him that I was not coming back until I had found her.  He still wanted to come but I took him by the shoulders, looked him straight in th eyes and told him that where I most needed him was here.  He gave me all the arabic gum he had on him and I jumpted not before Kissing and holding the babies as if it was the last time I would see them, then writing a note I left on the bed for Sonya.  Just before I jumped I gave Elgon a special dagger I ahd found and wanted to give to Sonya.

"If you see her please give her this dagger and tell her I love her with all my heart and that she is my center.  SHe will understand."

Then I jumped looking back at the worried face of Elgon.

It took me about two days to find Mercas and we talked.  He told me that there was nothing in between Sonya and him but friendship.  I saw in his face at first that he was a bit wary when I aproached him but his expresion soon changed as he understood I was not mad at him anymore.  Then when we were done talking I told im that every one was waiting for him back home.

"Let me take you to my portal here so you can go back home."

Thats when I told him that Sonya had left me and I wasnt sure where she had gone.  I told him that I was not leaving here without finding her.  At that point we parted ways.

I searched north south eas and west on all dregar, using invisbility where I knew it was to dangerous for me and where I didnt know what to expect.  I did not find her.  Since she is more powerful than me in wielding the wave, i would have been impossible for me to sence her presence even if she was 3 feet away from me, if she didnt want me to.  So I went to Kathry thinking that she might be still on minstone hiding in a crypt, but It did not seem right.  I decided to go back to dregar and I search the desert almost a bit of sand at a time.  It is on my way back from the end of the desert back to Pranzis that I got attacked.  At that time I had been looking for her for a month and in that month I had not sleeped peacfuly once, in fact I had not slepted at all.  I doze off just long enought to be able to cast my spells, but every time i was about to fall into my deep sleep the same dream that had ben plaging me since the picnic came back.

I would see her fallen in Pranzis in the war with blood and kneeled to her side looked up and saw her spirit vanish in front of me and I screaming out of my lungs please no SONYA!!

Elhen and Arwin had aftoen asked me what the was about, but I never told them in fear that they would tell Sonya and make her worry even more about her choice.  I must have been to tired and droped my invisbility as the chiken in Saudiria just went berzerk on me and attacked me.  I couldnt fight back, I had no streanght but I manage to flee them.  Flee a hoard of demented chikens.  I crawled from Saudiria to Dalos lake where my last strenght gave way.  I woke up at the voice of Sonya kneeled by my side crying and passed out again.  Then I woke up again choking on the healing potion she was feeding me.  When she had healed me, we started to talk.  She opened up to me like she had never done before and I told her everything I had felt since the picnic, about how i felt inadequate for her and the guild, of my fear of losing her and not being able to make her happy as I saw that she was not at her fullest.  We talked for hours on end even crying in each othe arms.  When there was nothing else to be said and that she knew I loved her and me that she would not leave me and loved me more than anything we started to go back home.  We took a few steps but then I felt strong enough and Decided to take her in my arms and carry her all the way.  She was worried that I might not have recovered fully but I still kept carying her and stopped to kiss her as I had not done in a long time.  At the gate of Pranzis, the worst thing that could happen happened.  The roaming giant there saw us and rushed us and before I could prepare he had taken her out of my arms and beaten her to oblivion.  I saw her spirit go like in my dream as I heard the piercing scream of the soul mother.  I tunred back on the Giant, invised myself and finished preparing myself then I tried to take him on out of queckness, doing hit and run.  My sword slice a few time in his fleshbut it did not seem to affect him and then I found myself not able to cast my invisibility to continue the hit and run tactics.  He batered me but I manage to escape.  When I entered Pranzis Sonya was already coming for her grave.

We went to get it together ready to face the Giant together.  Such a sweet word that is Together.  He had fled and instead of waiting for him to reaper with some backup we made our way to lorindar.  Sonya wanted to see if there was houses for sell so we stopped by the real estate agent to find that there was none so we continued on our way.  We got back to Hlint not before taking a few wrong turn but we made our way there.  Stoping by the house first to check on the kids where we found the babysitter Elgon had hired.  I had not seem then in a month if not more. They grew and I was overjoyed to see my family reunited at last.  We took them with us back to Hlint where we found Ferrit and we talked.

She was happy to see that we had patched up and that we were looking as happy as before all of this happened.  We even made a few attempts at renewing our guild garb as ferrit showed the formal dress she had desinged for the femal members.  We finaly stopped our choice on shiny navy and light gold as the colors.  It realy does look good.  Then the tireness showed it self again and I had to finaly rest.  Sonya ordered me to rest and I did.  I went to the inn took a room and tucked my self with the twins and felt asleep.

I woke up many hours later the twins still sleeping and Sonya sleeping by my side.  I went back to sleep and when I woke up once more she had aleady gone up with the babies.  I was not scared this time.  I knew that I was just a fool and that our love was strong and hopefuly if I do not make more mistake of such, we will be together til the end.

During that time Elgon had a fight with Jenna, and I tried my best to talk to both until Elgon ran after a good looking woman that I later found out was named Sophia.  I say she is good looking with no fear that Sonya will read this entry as she did with all the others, because I find you, love, the most amazing woman that lives, and I would not be able to be without you by my side.  I saw her back in the craft hall and as I was looking for my weapons tool, I must have thought out loud as she spoke to me.  She is a flirt and as I found out later a xeenite which explains the flirting even thogh she could see my wedding ring.

I saw Elgon later on and he had made up to Jenna.

Now I'm back home, the twins sleeping with Sonya, I think she needed to be close to them as she had left for a long time.  I'm going to join them, slowly without waking them.  I need to feel them close to me they are everything to me and I love them so dearly.

*Leave the journal open and the quill on the side and undress then tucks himself inm the bed at the side of Sonya.*

*Whispers in her ear*  I love you my love *and kisses her cheek, falls asleep holding his loves*

[Hellblazer]

Finaly I am learning,

I have finaly found someone to teach me the ways of the arcane archer.  Her name is Jilseponie Valhaikor, she is very nice and took her time to explain to me what I needed to do before our training acutaly started.  I am close to be from the 5th season in mage and when I do reach that point she will be able to training me in becoming an arcan archer.

The guild has made their first sells, and I am happy to see that it is going well.  We have made several trips, together, to get the materials we needed and we even have found some freelancers who wants us to sell their goods.  The most noticable is Barion.  He ask for almost nothing and only want his share of what we gather with him, for him to continue to give us weapons to sell.  I guess he does not want to lose his hand at crafting weapons.  

Sonya and I are feeling well.  The storm has passed and I just love her so.  I have been working my hide off to make her some polishing oil and with the help of a little friend I had over a hundred whit mushroom to transform into polishing oil.  With the help of Ferrit and Dora and with some dust donated by Elgon and Mercas, I hav been able to make a good amount of bottles.  I still have some gems to give her that we got on our last sortie in teh haven mines.

Sonya, Dora and I went to get some hops and we stopped at the arena in Valenske.  None of us had been in a arena to fight and we were curious to see how it was.  So we fougth each other for fun.  Dora kicked my ars badly on both attempt I went against her, but I got luckyer against Sonya and won both bouts we had. The first bout she nearly got me to but I adjusted to her tactics on the second bouts.  Her bout with Dora was exciting.  She used almost only her heavy cross bow and run then turned to shoot at Dora and with using her Death armor they actualy both felled and it was a draw.  So I am perplex, I fell to Dora, but won against Sonya and yet Sonya and Dora draw on their bouts... All in all it was very interesting and I even proposed to Sonya to come back and train together.

Then we made our way to Valenske and I got the hops we found a way to climb the hill there and the view was sublime.  I couldnt resist the urge to hold Sonya and Kiss her over looking the town and seeing the water falls.  I wish we would spend more time just the two of us not thinking of anything else but ourselves.  I guess this will come with time when the guild and the Twins settle themselves.

So here I am at the house on teh couch, Sonya playing with the kids and I looking at them when not writing in this journal.  I think I will go join them.

*puts the journal assid with the quill, gets up the couch and walk to the little family.  Kisses sonya fter getting on the ground and start playing with her and the twins*

[Hellblazer]

Blessed beyound measure

After playing with our litle bundles of love thy felled asleep and we went to bed.  I woke up early and went ahead to do more potions for Sonya.  I had made about 40 of them when I run dry of the dust I needed.  I sent word to Elgon if he would be so gracious as to go get the malachite as I was burdain down by the potions, mushrooms, emptied flasks, and brewing materials.  I was waiting for him by the craft hall when Jenna appeared.  She was looking for her love and I told her that he was getting Malachite.  Sonya then joined us and we talked until Elgon came.  She had made a new dress with the guild colors and i must say she looks wonderful in it.  She also showed me other dress she made and they all seem to folow the spider theme.

"I wanted something spooky for when I was in combat"

One of the dress was her lesser mage rob that she had redesinged.  I miss the old one as the mix of black and green realy did suither well.  I started to teach her Elven.  Starting with the Flowers I gave her Oceamamla.  Then I explained to her the singular and pluriel.  Putting la in the end of the word transfors it to plurial. Flower (Oceamam) Flowers (Oceamamla).  After that I told her a little quiz.  I gave her a word with a clue and asked her to tell me what it was.  The word was Lailmilir and the clue was it is someone close to both of us.  At first she said Jenna then Ferrit but I tole her the elven translation for both these names, which are: Quallil for Jenna and Oammean for Ferrit.  Seeing she did not find the word I asked her again and then she said Tristan.  I smiled but told her she was close but not him.  I told her of the translation of his name would be Anmelaanill Ca"men El'Wilmlayla.  She found it to be a gorgeous name.  Then I told her Sarah's name in Elven: Lailmilir Anilsilmil El'Wilmlayla.  She did not want to forget any of these and tore a pages out of her journal to write it down right away.  Then I gave her the stones Elgon had gotten for us and she grinded the malachit into 60 small pack so i could use them.

She was already tired from her day of work and decided to retire to rest.  I Kissed her goodnight and told her I would not be long.  She made her way to the house and I to the tower.  I made here 41 new bottles of polishing potions.  I think that she will be happy again as she was when I gave her the other 40 bottles.  I was not dried out of Shroom and light again.  Thats when Elgon aske me if I wanted to go to haven with him and Dora, Ferrit even joined us.  The trip was a fine trip and rather easy.  It is amazing How a good cleric will render a trip easy like buttering a hot slice of bread.  At that point Me and Dora were only starting to warm up and we decided to look for more adventure.  We ended up with a rather large group going to Storan's crypt to help Mandolarian to his whole.  It was not a hard ventured but we did not push our luck either.  Instead when Mandolarian got to his grave we headed out.  Remiel was there and I said hi to him.  He did not seem to recal me so i told him I was a friend of Tegan and he remembered me.

After Getting out of the crypt Dora, Daniel and I parted ways with the others and made our way to the house where I gave a small tour to Daniel and then we jumped to Dregar.  We had just killed the Giant outside of the main gate that Jae willow appeared beside us.  It had been a long time since I had seen her and she joined our group.  Together we made our way to the forest of myst laying waste to the giants.  Then we went to Vale and Jade gracefuly showed us the guild hall that she is part of.  It is a ranger paridise.  Trees growing inside the guild hall gave it a real feel of being part of the forest of myst.  Then when our tour was nearly completed Dora said that we should get one soon.  I told her that the basic guild hall was 75 000 gold piece and Jade toold us that the one her guild had was close to 300 000 gold piece.  I made a joke that it was only 300 tryp to the hlint crypts and they laughed.  Jade ske me what our guild was about and I told her it was about brotherhood, family firth the rest is second.  I find that most people I talked to like this line of thoughts.

When our tour was done we went to the desert.  reaching the oasis encampement we attacked the giants over there.  This part of the trip did not go as well as the first part and we decided that this was the furthest we would venture.  We made our way back to vale where Jade let us used the guild protal to go back to Minstone.

At misntone Elgon contacted me Asking me if I wanted to go Giant hunting with him and Silver.  I told him that I was up for him and that Dora would probably come to and in fact she did.  We were a real army.  I did not count how many heads but I was most happy to see Dalan come with us.  I hope he does group up with us more often as I think he would make a great addition to our family. The trip to teh Giant caves was relatively easy.  Giants were falling front, back, left and right from us.  We were slaying them as if we were swaping a fly on the wall.  It is the trip back to shoufal that was harder.  We where ambushed at the exit of the cave and the group got separated as some wwhere walking slower than the other and th ambush splited us in two.  No matter what we still vanquished our foes.  When we gathered up healed our self and talked about tactics a second group of maul and rock thowing giants came at us.  Confusion was even greater and the pain with it even more.  I even almost fell if not for Dora coming to me in a hurry and healing me.  Again no matter what they would dish at us, we preavailed.  We headed back to valesnke getting the yettis and the golems.  At Valenske the group parted ways and Dora, Elgon and I went back home where I am now writing my journal.

This was a truly exciting day as one I had not had in a long time. Jil would be happy of the experience I gain in battle today and gettin myself closer to be ready for her to train me.  but nothing is like being home with my little family.  They are sleeping now and I am being careful not to wake them.  The only light source is the fire in teh chemny keeping the room warm.  

*yawns*

Well .. I have nothing else to write about and I am happy.  Now i can go to bed and hold my sweet love in my arms.  Hope I wont wake her up I love watching her sleep a little before falling asleep myself holding her.

*Puts the journal down and gets up.  Walks to the cribs and puts the blanket back on Sarah.  Kisses both their forehead then goes to the bed.  Undress an climbs in.  Wacthes Sonya sleeps until he is unable to keep his eyes open. Falls asleep holding her a happy man.*

[Hellblazer]

I am ready.

I have trained and trained again and again for the past months and I have finaly mastered the folowing spells: Firebals, Lightning bolt and Scintillating Sphere.  I ahve also learne eschew which finaly enables me to cast most of my spells without ingredients.  I have to find Jil and tell her the good news.  I can not wait for her to finaly start teaching me.

I went to dregar with Barion, Serissa, Elgon, Iridril and Ferrit.  What a trip we had. So long and filled of giants and ogres.  Much fun we had.  And we gathered so many materials for us to work on.  Sonya will be glad to see all the uncute gems we got her and I will be able to finaly get my silver coating on my katana.  Kyle joined us a little late in our tripped but I was happy to see him.

Later on Kyle had trouble making one of his armor and he asked me to get him some Bronze.  Since Elgon already had a good amount of tin, Dalan and I only had to get the cooper and it enable me to try out my new spells.  Note to self, Lightening bolt will hurt even you friends if they are directly in your path.

When I get back home again I will be happy to rest the rest of the victor.  Tomorow I plan to teach Sonya more elven and then find Jil.

[Hellblazer]

Where is she?
  I have been looking for Jil to start my training but since the day I gain my new knowldge I have not seen her. I hope nothing bad happened to her.
  I have tought Sonya new words in elven and she s learning fast. I doubt it will take her long before she understand us fully and speak almost fluently. I love teaching her as I fell it bring us closer together. Something more to share between us. I have to find out if there is a special elven tradition about the childrens. They are now 9 months almost a full year. I must find out what my traditions where as a elven. I have few cares of the diety infact I can live without them but I still feel awfull when I see animals slaughtered for no reason. Although I keep myself quiet now on that I do ask, from time to time, for them to take the meat and eat it.
  I love my little family. When I came hom i saw Sonya asleep in our bed with Tristan and Sarah. A beautiful sight noen the least. I saw her journal open on the couch and closed it without even taking a peak in it. I promised Sonya not to read it unless she was reading it with me and I will keep my promise.
  A few days ago I went with Dora in an unamed dungeon near Haven. We were a lot of People and Daniel was there. It is always a pleasure to see him, but even though the trip started well it did not finish well at all. At the last level, the masacre started. I was able to escape after not being able to Heal Dora that had fallen. Running throought the corridors not being affected by the hulk spells. I had found the exit and run up the stair where one of the best hit me with a earth quake spell and I fell, My grave blocking the way of the stairs to the dungeon. When I woke up in Hlint Annalee saw us and was disapointed. I found out there that the person who led the party had have two previous failures at venturing in those caves. I was outraged to see that he would have no comon sence or even the decensy to tell us of his previous failures. I jested at him and I do not regret doing so. I can not order Dora not to go there but I did strongly suggest she does not. Any how Mercas showed up and Tegan was there too ad they helps many of use going to our graves. I should have prepared invis before going in the first time and maybe i would have been able to save Dora and Daniel from their fate.
  Prior to that, a few days in fact. I was at the house of Barion getting ready to go down Heaven for some platty. He needed iron and Nyyana was there too. As I wen tout for a fresh air breath I saw my lovely Sonya walking around aimlesly I think. I was pleased to see her and She came back to Barion house with me. We decided to go all together down the mines and at first all went well but after a while I had to ask Sonya to stay by my side. She was getting in dangerous position and was not at all at ease with the way Barion wored. I am kind of used to it now but even down there I had to reajust my tactics as the ogres realy did not like my arrows and constantly came rushing at me. At one point the Summon of Sonya brought to much attention to us and since Barion was not by our side already having lots of ogres on him, Sonya fell and I was furious, I had trouble keeping my calm. My rage was groing so strong. I had not felt that for a long time now and it's realy not a good feeling. I had forgoten how disturbing this is. Barion was able to heal her before she died and it calmed me some what but I had a beating to ish out and so I did. Well tru most of it was done throught Barion but it does not matter they all fell. Just prior to that barion got a little angered and jested at Sonya. I wanted to respond to him to protect her but at the same time I knew he was right. She needs to learn and the only way she will do is to pay attention to the others and see how they fight. I will spend some time with her, helping her to better her tactics. On our way back I had to go and Nyyana invis me. I was reluctant but i didnt have a choice. Since I had already left the children at barion huse under good care of Arwin i ask Sonya to be careful and follow barion leads then I left. When I was free again I came back and found that barion was not home. I knocked a few times on the door but no answer. I know that if Sonya had left the party she would have taken the children and Arwin with her. I saw Sonya back that night and thats when I tought her more words.
  Well this is bascaly what has happen in the past few days beside Sonya being still the most wonderfull woman of these lands and being extremely happy with my work on the polishing oil. I am tired and need rest sleping by her side is always a soothing experience. I love her with all my heart, mind and soul.
  *Puts the journal down and the quill to it side and tuck himself in with his family after undressing himself. It does not take him long to fall asleep*
  //OOC I had to leave haven because i had to leave for work.. I hate that lol.

[Hellblazer]

The past few days have been great.
 
 Me and Sonya sharing some long overdue intimity when we decided to leave the kids into Dora's room under good guard of Arwin. I love her so and our time together was sweet and tender. I ran back to the house with her in my arms, kidnapping her.
 
 "I'm bringing you to my tower mwhahahaha"
 
 She giggled all the way there.
 
 Later well fell asleep in our arms the kids in the cribs and Draco and Arwin sleeping beside the cribs. Such a moment I whised would have lasted for ever.
 
 The next day I met up with Barion, Ferrit, Nyyana and Serissa and we decided to go to dregar for some gathering. I feled twice and I dont feel to write about it to much but the soul mother did not pay attention to me and that is all that matters. Later we were wondering how we would be getting the rye that I needed but mostly where the rye was and I took a chance. I decided to send a bird out to Jil, to see if she was in the area, knew where the rye was and if she wanted to join up. While we were waiting for her answer Jade willow appeared and we started talking. Finaly I received a bird back, from Jil, asking me to join her in Saudiria. I went up there and when she arrived we started talking about my trainnig. She explained to me how from the moment that I took the arrow out of the quiver and it touched the string i had to let flow of my power into it. From the quiver to the string, sight and let go I had to imbue my power to each arrow in a smooth and quick motion.
 
 We made ways to the rye taking on all the giants we met on our way and even out of our way and finaly the group parted ways near Pranzis. All except me and Jil, who continued my training session. I tried hard to do as I ask and at some points I was sure it was going to happened but, to my sorrow, it did not. After that she thought it was enough for one day she brought me to her house. Made me visit it and we talked for a while on how it was pleasant for her to train me and me to learn from her. We both agreed not to let time passed so long inbetween each training session and I finaly jumped back to Minstone.
 
 When i got back there I met with Dora. I hit on her somewhat but it was all in good fun. She knows I have no romantic interest in her but still i can still apreciate a beautiful woman. She blushed a few times and we had some good laughs. Finaly i settled for an Electic 1 until she was ready to make me the cold 2 I want for my katanas. After that I went back home but not before taking in the supplies Berry brought me to make healing potions. I am grateful for his help, his supplies keeps me busy and out of trouble most of the time.
 
 Well i made my way back home writing this entry and I see Sonya playing with the twins in the bed. I love them so and they make me so peaceful. I would be nothing without them. Time to go play a bit.
 
 *Puts the quill down and the journal on the couch and join with his family to play a little.*

[Hellblazer]

Well she closed herself again.

I was with Sonya and the twns for the most part of the day.  At one point while I was making moderate cure potion Sonya ask to take Sarah.  I stopped what I was soind and helped her take Sarah out of the carying bag.  From that point foward, Sonya kept to her self looking lost in thoughts while having a steady stare at Sarah.  I tried many times to see what was wrond, change the mood by making jokes or even peak her interest in going to the pound but nothing would do it.  She would open up when I asked her what was wrong

"I dont know myself"

she replied to me and the other times when I would talk to her while fishing she did not pay attention and was lost in her thoughts again.  I feel so powerless when she gets like this cause even tho I try to talk to her, help her by asking what is preocupating her, she just doesnt open up.  It was going well for a while, talking and exchanging her feelings but now its back to what it was before.  So i continued to train with what Jil tought me. I did well, amanage to fish out about 8 trouts.  I still am not able to imbue the power into my arrows yet, but the concentration is getting better and I can fell that my motion is now getting more fluant.

Later on Me and Sonya went to the crypts together to start raising money for our own house.  She did not speak much down there either, but I am sure she was pleased to be back into a familiar environment.  After the crypt and Sonya depositing the gold we went back home.  Where we found our littles bundle of joy still being guarded by Draconia as we had ask him to do before leaving for the crypts.  I Staied there with them for hours up until it was time for the littles one to take their bath and go to sleep.  Sonya was quite tired so I gave them a bath.. well we took a bath.  and to my astonishement, I saw that Tristan and Sarah were able to stand on their own now, hanging on the ledge of the tub.  Still are wobly but they stand.  At 11 months old its only normal.  They must have done it before with Sarah or the little town girl we pay for babysitting sometimes, but it is actualy the first time I noticed it for myself.  I am so proud of them.

I am still waiting on an answer of Lyle to find out if he will be the bard attending to the birthday party for the twins.  I hope he will.

When I got back to hlint after the little family went to sleep, I stumbled on Amber and Creighton.  THere were speaking by the west gate.  Thats when I found out, by the mouth of Creighton, that he is going to be a father.  I am glad for him and I gave him one little advice.

"Dont take the graveyard shift."

It's not that I minded spending the night taking care of the little ones when they would wake up, but I did not have  alot of sleep either and it had affected me in what I had to do.  I used that time with Creighton to extend an invitaion to the birthday and when I saw Sa'k I did the same.

Hum what else?  Oh yes I have learned some new skills in infusing and Dora and Mercas have made my Cold 2 enchantment.  Only missing hte visual effect but I am happy of the result even without it.

*Yawns*

Well thats about it.  I must say that I am tired and looking at Sonya and the kids sleep doesnt help.  They look so peaceful at the moment and it is so quiet here when they all sleep.  It's time for me to join them.

*Goes to put the quill down but remembers something*

Oh yes, Mercas has asked Ferrit to show us the meeting room.  And so, Ferrit, Sonya and I went to his house and she showed us the meeting room.  It is quite comfy and I can not wait to have our first meeting there in front of a good fire.

*Now puts the quill down and undresses.  Joins Sonya into the bed and gives her a kiss on the cheek trying not to wake her.  He falls asleep holding her*

[Hellblazer]

So confused.
 
 At the same time I can not trust Mith, I went to see him and talked about him taking Sonya under his tutorship. It goes against all my guts feeling. But I only want her happyness and if it meas going against my best jugement so be it.
 
 Turns out that this is a bigger thing that I thought. While I was speaking with Sonya on how Mith wanted her to go foward to him, Anna heard me talk about him and asked me where I saw him. I told her by the tower north of Hlint and she stormed off. I think we all knew something was about to happen as we all followed her. Things where outmostly furious between them. As much as Mith was calm and conciderate to Anna, as much as she thrown at him all her hatred. I am not going to go in all the details, but apparently Mith sold Rhynn, Lia and a other one, in an attempt to enter a city in the underdark but his original planned was foiled when they took them directly to the slave market and Mith had no choice to sell them as to try and save their lives. Rhynn took her own life to escape, but the others are still trapped to what I have understood. All of this made me pause on what I had just done and it seems that it has left Sonya with a big delema. Mith talked to her after what has happened, about how her childhood dream of becoming a Pale Master would be a desastrous choice for her. Yes she would be powerful, but that same power would in the end change her body in many ways and leave her n the dark outcast from others.
 
 Prior to this, She had told me and Kyle that she would let go of this dream to be with me, our childrens and the family. I told her that I knew she would but that I had already seen that not fufilling her dream was already killing her inside. Seeing her like that worries me and saddens me because I know there is nothing I can do but be there and see her wither inside.
 
 Well after her talk with Mith, she seemed to be happier. I dont know why exactly but I think she understands more of what it means to be a plae master and maybe she thinks it is not for her. If she does decide to follow that path I will stand by her.
 
 After that we decided to head home and while we where in route to Krandor we met ash. We talked a little but I wasnt comfortable standing there. They both noticed and asked me why i was constantly looking over my shoulder in the direction of the storand outskirts. I explain to them that while I was going to krandor, I was attacked by a Skeleton Pirate. I was not prepare for it and even less for his friends that came after me for throwing a fire ball. I barely made it back to hlint after a long and hard fight. I was badly wounded and battered but I had left the victor. I crawled in Hlint and finaly fall close to some people. Treana was one of them, and she proceeding in healing me. While she was, I was trying to explain what had happened and this is when Garent gave sings of life beside walking by endlesly. he asked me to explain what had happened and I did, but he seemed doubtful. Nevertheless, Larissa, Mercas, Treana an other and I went to see if there was more and indeed there were more on the road to Fort Llast. We made short work from them then went into the storans outskirts and what we saw there was a nightmare made real. There where at least 30 if not more skelletons, skelleton pirates, zomibes, undead summons, vampires and zombie Lords. A few of them were even flaging the toranite banner. It was a hard fight but we delt the victors blows. When it was all done we went to report back to Garent, but he did not listen. He did not even stopped. Thus we decided to go to Fort Llast, we tried the temple first, but once again they did not listen to us. Then we tried the lieutenant and still, even him didnt lend an ear to us.
 
 Well this is why I was not to comfortable there. when Ash went to craft Mercas cought up to us and we made way to Krandor. We were close to our hom when I spoted a vine attaking the lady guard. I tried to help her but those darn sprouting vines cought me and drained me out of my life. Fortunalty Sonya was there and she made great use of the potion she had. She saved my live and even manage to kill the vine. Who ever tell me that she is useless will meet my friend called wilson, my Iron Katana silver and cold 2. I showed ehr two new words in Elven then we went to bed and I slept for a while holding her. I dreamt again about pranzis and my love falling. I dont know why I keep making that dream.
 
 I woke up and could not sleep again so I went out back to Hlint and trained what Jil's tought me on the poor little fishes again. Later I met with Kyle, in Krandor, who was moving their stuff to Mercas house. They are about to buy the house but need to move their things before the deed is transfered to their name. I bought a large crate and stuffed it with their goods down in the kitchen. Then I put the remainder in their crates that had space.
 
 Kyle made me a realy surprise. He presented me to his Iron katana with an electrical enchantment 2. He said that it was a gift. I felt strange being given his trusted sword but I could not refused. It is a tru honor to wield such a blade, a blade that saved is life and Ferrit lifes many time. It is a fine blade and I let Kyle try my katana. He complemented on how well balance it is. I told him that it was a blade of Exodeth and that I had meraly re-hitted it untill it had the desiered leghtn. I also told him i was scared of having thrown off the balance of the blade in doind such but he said i had made a fine work. I dont pretend to be a weapons crafter neither becoming one, but I am happy that he liked my little work.
 
 Saw Elgon in the meeting room and we talked. I also brought some fire to put in the fire palce and bought a jukebox for having an abiance in our meetings.
 
 Well that's what happened today. I feel my eye lids failing and closing them self and this is a sing that I have to go back to bed. I cant imagine a better treat that to hold my loving wife throughout the night.
 
 *Puts the quill and journal down on the couch open for Sonya to be able to read it if she wishes to and goes back to bed with his love*

[Hellblazer]

I am getting closer I can feel it.

While Dora; Ferrit, Kyle, Meracs, Sonya and I where venturing the dire woods,  have notice that I was able to control my arrows in flight somewhat.  I few of my misaimed arrows had found their target when I was whising them to change course and they did.  It is not like the arrows of Jil's that can make full circles around her foes but it is a start.  That run was a good run, did some mercs, then the Dire woods with the bones golems and spectres.  After that we went to have fun with the spiders and after that the Giants.  Then we went to get the Ogres in teh topaz mine where we met with Treana.  We finished that cave together then made our way to valenske.  That was the fun part of the trip the sad part when was we made our way there.  We started our trip with Jako but he fell in the broken forrest because some people had disturbed the vines.  I almost died myself coming in the are but I was lucky enought to be healed once then escape the vines attacks.  Jako was not that fortunate and fell, worse part even was that he got a visit from the soul mother.  I was pushed back to the other area for a sec and when i came back Sonya had disapeared.  I looked for her and Yelled her name.  Kyle heard me from the other area and yelled back that she was safe.

I wanted to avenge jako, but everyone thought it was not a good idea and I did to after a few minute of contemplating the resolve of the group.

After our trip Sonya and I where heading to the blood desert but she felt tire, so instead we made way home once there I asked her if she had taken a look at my journal lately and said she didnt feel right doing so after what had happened.  I told her I rtruly did not mind, infact i wanted her to, that I love peaking at her reading it when I sleep but she interupted me with a kiss.  Powerless I kessed her back and after she went to write her journal entry.  I took a small plunge into the pool while she was writing her journal. When she was done se got prepared to go to bed and I went and kisse and huged her all wet.  She wigle in my arms because i was all wet and then I took her and almost got her in the pool because I had asked her if she had ever goten to bed wet.  It is quite comfy actualy. Well she pleaded for me not to drop her in the water and what can I do. I cant refuse her so I did not.  We went to bed and I napped a little.

Later on I helped the pandorn settle in their new house, not much of a hlep but I did bring them some things I had stored for them.  Then I went to do the accounting and once that was done I went back to see the pandorn and now I am back in the house, already tucked in and writing my entry before I go to bed.

*Puts the quill and journal down and goes to sleep*

[Hellblazer]

Well an other days goes buy.

A little crafting, A little adventuring, a little loving and a little studying.  Thats my daily regiment lately and I like it.  Keeps me from getting bored.  Got a lot more arrows made today, even dared to make them bronzed tipped.  I'm surprised that I can make them pretty easily.  Met up with Jil near the Tower of hlint and she showed me a little trick on how to gathered wood without hurting the trees.  This will help me greatly.  Then she showed me her way of making arrows and I must say it is well thought.  When I went to apply what she had showed me, it actualy helped me a lot in making them myself.  I was even able to make 20 iron arrowed tip raven hickory arrows.  Now that made me pleased as it shows me I am well on my way.  But I failed on the silver tipped she gave me to do.  After that I made abou 300 bronzed tipped arrows.

When I was done with that Kyle asked me if I wanted to go downthe haven caves with him and along the way Dalan, Dora and Elgon joined up. Just us for was enough for us to make it all the way down.  On the last floor Nepped had already cleaned the house so after Kyle giving him a pick we took what we needed and made our way back.  

After that trip I went back to making more arrows and after that I met up with Sonya.  I gave her her guild share and mine with a little extra for the house with a couple of stones then because she was tired I walked her home.  Dalan had met us on the road to fort Llast and I showed him our set up after tucking Sonya in.  Since he is now Elgon aprentice he needed to know where we were temporarly located.  Thats when I noticed that I had lost my iron Katana.  One of the two that Addi had helped me get.  That saddens me a lot as it is my favorite sword but also because they are the only thing I have left that Addi either gave me or helped me with.  It is a great loss.

Well I'm bummed out and I dont feel like writing in this tonight.  I'm going to go to Sonya and hold her dearly so I dont lose her like I lost the sword.

*Puts the quill down with the journal and slips himself in to bed.  Holding SOnya he falls asleep.*

[Hellblazer]

Bad, truly bad but good at the same time.

I met with Barion and Serissa in the craft hall.  I was bored to death and dropped to the ground amost falling asleep.  The smelting of iron and told me about addamantium and how he would need it to better his crafting. But he can not get it by himself and even with Serissa he could not. So we gathered a few friends in Dora, Elgon, Ferrit and Mercas with of course Serissa and we went to where we could find Adamantium.  We went to the firesteps.

Our first part was under invis.  I had prepared 7 for us and Mercas csted some to and we went all teh way tot eh firesteps under cloack. Well at one time Barion and Elgon were taking on a drake and I was shooting at it from a good distance when I saw Serissa start to run around us.  I notice a kobold was persuing her so I turn my attention to it and started bowing it down while Serissa was runnning and healing herself.  Unfortunatly he turn on me and since the drake had shot me a bolt of fire, it only took one hit for me to fall.  When the cleansed the area Serissa revived me.

It took us a while to get to the vein as I was slowed and still feeling my recent passing.  But we made it and I to my wholeness again.  Barion mined and we decided to push foward to see where we could go.  We arrived at a fort and to a pack of kobolds that rushed us.  Elgon, My poor brother, I am so sorry... He fell and had his 9th visit of the soul mother.. his 9th.. this can't be.  Not him. not after Addison and Abbi.  I wont lose an other friend.  Not like this.  I need to persuade him to stop and think of Jenna of their love.  

It only got worse.  After waiting for Elgon to recover, we entered the cave and met a golem that was easaly dispatched by Barion and Elgon.  I decided to invis Ferrit as she is the only one who could unlock the gate and Dora as we needed at least one cleric alive if the worse were to come.  And that it did.  We dispached of a few Kobolds but the shaman was well guarded and we could not get them to come to us.  So I devised a plan that I thought would work.  I invised myself and Barion and we got to the shaman.  Barion dispached of it but not as fast as I had hopped the golem and kobolds were now on him.  I tried to invis him again but since he was getting attacked I could not.  He stated to run around and I followed him still under my own invis.  When he was almost alone he stopped and I tried to invis him but i was not fast enough and a golem got him.  I saw the Soul mother ripp his soul out of his body.  When I went back to the others, I saw Elgon laying dead on the ground, Ferrit running around trying not to get killed and she felled.  I turn around and healed her, but as I was invisibling her a kobold got her with somekind of invisble force.  Then I while i was going out I saw serissa coming back in.  I went with her and I was ready to invis Ferrit as soon as she revived her but once again, the kobold killed her.  So we went out and there we saw Dora on the ground.

We went back intot he fort house and rested adn we decided to revive Dora and wait for her to recover before going back in.  But there was a problem, a kobold was standing guard over her body. So I invised myself and Serissa and we went to dora.  I stood ready to invis her as soon as she would be revived and it worked until I found myself being hit by the same kobold as my invis failled off me somehow.  As we had agree I ran to the house but he folowed me and killed me just as passed the doorstep.  I was laying there floating above my body and knowing Serissa would wait for Dora to recover.  Then I saw them enter the house sumons helping them.  They fought well but Dora fell again and this time the Soul Mother ripped her soul from her body.  Then soon after Serissa fell to but the Kobold did not finish her off.  Instead he stood looking at the wall for some reason.  Serissa got up and healed herself then rushed it but soon after he got her again.

When we got brought back to our bindstone, Barion, Ferrit and I talked for sometimes.  He is sure that Sa'kura will not let him out of the house again.  We went back to Hlint and as they were drinking some water, my beautiful Sonya saw me and she was not happy.  "What about you taking it easy?" she said to me, amonsgt other things.  I tried to explain to her what had happened but then Jil passed by giving me a look of disapointment.  My mentor is disapointed in me.  I could no believe it and Sonya thought I was giving this more importance than the risk of leaving her and the children without a husband and father.  I was tying to calm her down when Sophia came by.  I said hi to her and she said hi by kissing me on the cheek right in front of Sonya and as I sa Jharl her lover.  This did not help my cause at all and Sonya stormed off.  I ran after her and finaly explained to her.  She didnt calm down though and instead she continue on her way to meet Kyle. "I'm sorry but I have to go to Kyle, He's making me bolts." It sounded so much as a bitter reproach as I had not gotten to making her the bolts i said I would.  She stormed off again.

I needed some time alone and I went out of hlint where I saw Sophia and Jharl.  I am not sure but I think Jharl was not please with her mark of affection toward me.  I didnt stay and I continued on my way to nowhere I guess.  I was jsut walking.  There I saw Jil again and we talked for a very long time.  A lot of things she said to me, I was already doing but I didnt want to sound like a bragger but at the end I did and soehow she looked pleased to see that I didnt actualy storm in foolishly.  She even lended me an amulet and an other ring.  The same ring that Sonya got me as a wedding ring.  After that I went to the inn, I rented a rom and I'm writing all of this on a parchment.  I think I'm going to stay here for the night.

*Puts the quill down and takes an other bite of the Apple Jil gave him as he reads what he wrote again.*

[Hellblazer]

To hard to take it and swallow it.  I just can't bare knowing she can't rely on me.  Knowing I disapointed her.  Knowing I somehow broke the word I gave her of taking it easy.  Just can't digest the sentences, "What about you saying to me you were going to take it easy?" "Don't you care about what would happen to me and the kids if you were gone?"  "I got to go to Kyle, He is making me  bolts.." was only missing a Him at the end of that sentence.  I know she thought it.  I've been staying at the inn the past couple of days and tonight again.  I can't face her.  Can't risk looking in her eyes and seeing her disapointment.  Once is enough, enough to break me, has broke me, destroyed me inside. "you think they are better off without you" said Kyle.  Maybe they are, what kind of a man, a father figure a husband am I, if I can not even do the things I say I will do? Then Elgon came, how so well planned, so thought of.  Sending me my best friends, only missing Mercas to complete the picture, My brothers against me.  An intervention, I am sure that it was.  What for, to go back home and have my heart torn into pieces like it was a few days ago?  I know I failed, I dont need to be reminded again and again.  I failed not even her or the family, but Myself.  My word.  My honor.  Wanted to help a friend get what he needed and did not get to do what I said I would.  Did not get to take it easy as I promised I would.  Did not keep her safe from worries of me being safe and the futur of our family.  I failed them, but I failed Myself.    Being mad is one thing.  I can take it.  I can live with it and do the things needed to calm her.  But disapointment is someting else.  Something that can not be repaired, trust broken is never whole again and that I can not live with.    So yes maybe they are better off without me.  At least she would not have to ask herself everyday if she can trust me.  *Throws the parchment and quill on the floor and the ink bottle against the wall and stares in the miror.*  "See, you dont even need to fall t your rage, you manage to destroy your own happiness without it." *He thinks to himself.*

[Hellblazer]

I told her, Oh God what have I done.

I told my love the reason why I let for a month, the reasons of my insecurities.  SHe tells me she still loves me the same, that she wants to be with me for better and for wose, that my past is not my futur.  I told her of the two memory flash back I have had.  The brutal extermination of an entire village, my rebellion against the ranger ways and the price that it brought me. Of my previous mariage and murder of my wife and children and how I think I am the one who did it.

When I did tell her, her first reaction was to back away a little but then, she moved back to me and comforted me the best she could.

"Like you promised me youwould help me find my family, I promise you to help you find your memory what ever the cost."

These words are bliss but a burdain too.  I do not know what else I have done. yet she still looks at me the same way, touch me the same way and kisses me the same way.  I see no diference in teh Sonya before these revelation and the Sonya now.  It iscomforting.

A few days passed, and it was the day of the Wedding of Barion and Sa'k.  A great day, tinted by the lateness of the caterers.  But once they got there they made amend and the work they did was splendid.  A lot of people had showed up and noth, Barion and Sa'k were lovely to watch.  A great moment indeed.  We talked for a while after the weddign party and then we left.  

The next couple of days I spent with Sonya, training in her Elven and in her combat tactics.  She is getting better and fast at both.  I think she is enjoying our time together even if Dora was there.  I did receive a letter from Elgon while we where fighting some Golems.  I read it after getting back to Valenske to also find Lance sitting on the rock near the entrance.  Funny thing, the letter was about him.  Elgon told me he was going to use the tactic I told him about and he has also asked me to take lance as a family member, the same way I concider Elgon.  I am honored to do so and I ahve also appologiesed to Lance for not taking him to our house for myself.

After that we all went on some troll hunting and I got a visit of Arwin wanting to have some fun too.  Dora was impressed by Arwin prowess and control.

"He is well trained and I'm surprise at him for a ranger of the 6th season that yu are."

She said.  I was pleased at this comment.  It shows I have not lost all touch with my old ways.  When we had enough, me and Sonya decided to go home and rest.  Back there I gave her the share of the profit for the guild and mine to put on the house, then we had our little moment.  I slept well hlodign her again but I woke up after a while.  I had an urge to write everything down and so I do.

*Looks at Sonya sleeping soundly, puts everything asside kisses the twins again and goes back to bed*

[Hellblazer]

Things are well.
  I am happy to say that my trainings to become an arcane archer is progressing well. The teaching of Jil are great and she has this way of explaining things that makes it all easier. I hope to see here tomorow for more training as I feel that I am close to getting my goal. Well thats what I feel, she is the one who knows.     Me, Kyle, Jako and Ferrit went in Haven with the help of Drogo. Once again we went to the bottom, delt with the Giants mages and leader and others and started to mine. It was good load from the start, then the renforcement came and they did not last long but the fight was harder than the fist as a second group of re-enforcement arrived only a min after the first one. But we were the victors, and we took all that we needed from down there. We got back up and I received a note from Daln telling me that My oak shaft were ready, so once the split was done and it was polite enough for me to leave the group, I hurried up to Hlint.      There after talking with Dalan I rejoin with the group that was now in front of the craft hall and I saw him. Elgon was back, a samll wound on his arm but he was back sound and safe. I was overjoyed to see him and I hugged him tighly. I must haev asked him a hundred question as many thing was rushing through my mind. But the main question was what happened. He told me that none of them were interested in a death of every one but that had dealt with the merrick and was now without a Family. I reminded him of Our Family.      After our talk and the pandorn and Jako went home to rest Elgon and I formed a party and went on to have some fun. It was great to finaly fight alongside my brother again. Yes I say brother, We are not from the same blood but it matters not.      After a long treck it ws time for me to retire to Sonya and un such I did. Happy and content I got home to her. She is about to go to sleep and is looking at me writing down in my journal. I love when she does that, lying in bed looking at me. It's .. soothing. Well enough with the writings and time to make my little angel happy.      *Puts the quill and journal down and jumps into bed*

[Hellblazer]

OOOOh yes!!      The teaching of Jil are realy starting to pay off. I have learned new spells today and also past an other milestone into my existance here. I am gettig stronger in my magic and also as a Ranger to. My shots are hitting harder, my aim is getting better and I can feel that my control over infusing my arows with my power is about to come whole. Even though I still wasnt able to imbue them with fire I feel that the little I put in them has made them a little more powerful.      I had this breakthrough while being on a trip with Barion, Dora and My love Sonya. We were in the gold mine when I felt i needed to reflect and there it was, I had learned new powers, I felt stronger and almost as if I had gain in smartness.      Speaking of training, I have receive a note from Jil asking me to stay available tomorow for a training session. I'm happy. Jil is realy a nice person to be with and she teaches me so many things.      As for the love of my life, She to has made some real progress. She discover that she can morph her self into a few creatures. I like the pixie but she seems to love the big hulk thingny. I made a joke that i would not hug her in that form. She gigled, the rest of her form was a spider a troll and a zombie. Tose form are no favorite of many person we know. She also can cast fireballs that make mine looks like a firecraker. She is wonderfull and I think she realy start to enjoy her self on our ventures now that she is more capable.
  And Now, a few ahours ago, a grand news I was told, Ferrit is pregnant and Kyle looks like hes about to fly off land. I am realy happy for them both. He's wondering what he shall call the little bundle of oy, so I told him that they should both make a separate list and chose from both list the name they like best untill only one or two remains. Sarah and Tristan will have some friends to play with. Grand news indeed     Well I cant wait t'ill tomorow for an other training. Hopefully I will make Jil proud.      *looks at Sonya already asleep*      Time for me to go to bed.      *puts his things on the coach for Sonya to read in the morning and gets undress tehn slips under the covers with his love one and fall's asleep holding her*

[Hellblazer]

*Nods* I think you are ready to become full fledged Arcane Archer . .
 
 i am honored to know that you think I am ready
 
 You have the ability, the mobility, the knowledge, now you just have to get it to actually happen. I think with a few more lessons .. you CAN do that. I have faith in you . . .
 
 then I will strive even harder
 
 *Smiles* I feel it is within your grasp . . . just beyond your fingertips . .and I will help you grab that opportunity.
 
 **bows his head respecfully* I am greatly in your dept
 
 *Puts a hand up on his shoulder* You have learned much and come a long way . . . I am proud of your accomplishemnts thus far. *Smiles*
 
 *smiles back* Thank you Jil It has been and is an honor and pleasure to learn from you, I couldn't have asked for a better teacher
 
 *Smiles* Thank you.
 
 These where our words after coming out of a great training with the golems. Only me and Jil. I was stunned when she told me I was ready. I knew I had made a lot of progress but to be announced by her that I was ready was such a surprise. I have faith in her, in her knowledge and in her friendship. Truly the past 13 months, have been tough not only from training and the guild, but from my personal life too. The extended leave to go train on dregar with Jil or Barion have taken some toll on Sonya. I know that she felt a bit pushed asside. She didnt say so, but I would have felt the same way if it was me. Then there is our few fights, not just small scuffs but some deep enough for us to stay away from each other for weeks, even months.
 
 But it has paied off, All of the Teaching that Jil has showed me I was able to apply not only in my training and the way I have progress as a ranger and mage but also on my personal life. The deep concentration that is needed to imbue the arrows I have used the same techniques to concentrate on my life with Sonya and the kids. I can say that we are more happy that we were before.
 
 Now here I am, Stronger; faster, wiser, ready to face adversity but not alone. I know my friends and brothers are there, I know my love will be there too, even Jil is. She has proposed to stand by me during my trials as I know the others wants to as well. I will not refuse them, I will embrace their friendship and love and I will be stronger because of that.
 
 I am ready, determined. I will walk tall and proud of the accomplishement I have done. For I know I will make them all proud. It is time.
 
 *approches the door and knock*
 
 Enter..
 
 *He opens the door and stand fast infront of the powers that be*

[Hellblazer]

I have stood infront of the powers that be with a letter of recomendation from Jil.  They have approved me and I am happy.  Now I am waiting to know who will be giving me the trial and when it will be.  I hope it is soon, I would love to have Elgon by my side when it is time.  With him on his last soul strand I wish to have at least this last big endvanture with him in case he decides to take his retirement or worse.

For the guild it has been a slow past 3 months but it coud have been worse.  Sonya and I investment has been approved for rembursement and we have put that asside with the rest for our house.  We have a pretty good amount now but will keep putting asside until we find the one we want on dregar.

Tristan and Sarah are now starting to make some few words.  Mainly mama and Papa and some others stilw ecant understand. 17 months seems like it was only 3 days ago.  Tristan has grown the fastest of the two I would say.  He has also a little temper, cant blame him with both me and Sonya having one *smiles* Sarah is becoming like her mother, beautiful.

And Ferrit told us about almost loosing their child while coming up from the deaph of the sea.  I wish her to be more careful but know far to well that, asking them to stay put at home is death for them.  Mith has giving her a belt to help her.  But.. When Sonya was training on the ants asking me not to intervein unless it went wrong, I saw a blast of magice go on Sonya.  It sems like an invisible force ws trying to help her.  I casted see invise on myself and there I saw Mith standing only a few meters away from her.  Is he going to start appearing around Sonya too?  I know how Kyle feels, it's not hard to see and even I will admit not trusting Mith. It's not that I am jalouse, I know Sonya will not betray my trust, but he does have a tendency to hang around other men wives.  I wonder if it has to do with what has happened with Rhyn and her friends that were sold as slaves.  I still have not heard of anyone comfirming the story he gave us all.  But, I will make sure that nothing of the sorts ever happens to Sonya.  If it means for me to be walking permanently with my see invis spell casted on me, so be it.

He told me earlier when Ferrit saied out loud hello to him and he was invis, that if he wanted to be seen he would not cast himself invis, when I casted see invis on me and Kyle after the guild meeting. I told him that I disliked people waling on me under invis.  I should have told him that, that applied aslo to  my friends.  He has to stop doing that Or kyle will one day get anurve a little to much and I must say I wont be stoping Kyle.  He has done it to much and still doesnt get the hints. Guess that some must learn the hard way. Enough to say that is it rude and unpleasent, what says if he is not following the girls every where trying to spy on them?  For someone accused of Selling woman as slaves, all could be possible.

If he gets to comfortable with Sonya, he will hear me more clearly that Kyle might have tried to hint him away.

anyhow.. time to go to bed and have a good night rest holding my darling into my arms.

*Puts the jornal open on the couch and the quill asside.  Gets up and tuckes both twins under their blankest and give them a little kiss ont he forehead. then heads into bed with his love.*

[Hellblazer]

Many things have happened, good and not so good.
 
 the past months has proved it self to be interesting. First, I have stood tall and proud in front of the powers that be and after some talks and a letter of commendation from Jil, I have been approved for my trials. It is only a matter of waiting for a date for it to begin.
 
 The not so goo dpart is that i got worried for Sonya when I received her letter stating that she would be staying on Rhilara by herself for a while. I remembered meeting with some of the locals foe, from the time I had staid for months on Dregar for training. It got me real worried so I went to search for her. When I finaly found her in a castle, I was not real please and it showed. We had a long talk, her explaining that she was using invis where she didnt know the area, and me telling her of Elgon story on how he got to be so close to be snatched from us by the soul mother. The fact that he was venturing alone in places that he thought he could and got surprised many times and died. She told me I could not compare her to him, because he was a front liner and she was not. I was surprise as such comment. I though she knew that the foes would not make a diference of that, they would run to her circle her and treat her the same as anyone with the same ferocity.
 
 We talked for a while and finaly we started to do some things for the locals, like getting scrolls for someone called alexie or something like that. But at one point we both got tired from running around and we decided to call it a night. We rented the same room as of our wedding and Sonya gracefully gave me an incredible massage. It was a night to remember thats all im going to say about this. I know that she is worried about getting pregnant again. She doesnt have to say it, it shows, and because I knew for a while back that she wanted more time for her studies and work I decided to see a Cleric about 5 months ago. He gave me some herbs that, as he said, would work on both male and female. Thruthfuly I realy hope it works as he sais because there is no way I could camouflage the taste from Sonya in any kind of meal I would prepare her.
 
 *Nibbles on the herb and makes a face from the bitterness of it*
 
 Blerk, this taste awful, but at least, I hope, I will be keepign Sonya happy for now with her studies.
 
 I went to what would be a public execution, met with Jil. She was sad and worried for she knew a few of them. There was the princess there in the lot to. A so called court was held to determine if they were going to be killed or not, preseding it was Broegar himself. A farce I tell you. Even if I had teim to plan a rescue mission with Daniel, it would ahve been for nothing. His only plan was to show himself mercyful in front of the Pranzis populace. he worse part is that it worked. Now he is more powerful than ever and his seat is fasten more than ever. He is being liked by the town people and I cant blame them. He did reconsruct the town after our failed attempt to protect them. It is not so hard to understand that the people would not want us there either. We failed them and now they hate us for doing so. He may not be so bad, but I know better. A wolf in a sheep skin that is what he is. My arrows will be aimed for him if he does a false move.
 
 the poor princess... Even if he had freed her, she had lost it, she tried to attack the dwarf and got killed int he process by one of the guards. The monarchy is dead unless there is an air that no one knows about. Nothing we can do about it now. Unless we can get the masses to walk against him, which will be hard to convice the town people after all he did to fool them, He will sit there untill he dies.
 
 *looks at Sonya Sleeping*
 
 At least here she is safe from him.  
 
 *Puts the journal down and the quill and joins her in bed*

[Hellblazer]

I lost it again.
 
 When we were down in haven I lost myself to my rage, my curse. I woke up with Sonya, Tytian, Elgon and Jenna, surrounded by dead bodies of deers and kobolds. Jenna was so scared, apparently I have looked at her like she was one of the ogres. I told her what I rmembered hoping she would understand but it had the oposite effect. I think she is even more scared than she was. I left, I couldnt stand it, Sonya was in tears Jenna was hiding behind Elgon ready to strike of her dager and Elgon was.. Elgon was scared to...
 
 I went and contemplated my defeat over what I though was now under control. I sat alone for a long time in the rolling hills. Then Elgon came, he was looking for me. We talked for a while then I asked him somethign I never thought I would ask any one.
 
 "Elgon, swear it, if I ever get to attack any of you, finish me off."
 
 He couldnt swear it, killing me would be like killing his own brother. I understand the feeling, but I will not do it again, if i did kill my family under my rage, I prefer to die. All i have is glimps of memory, I dont know who killed them, It may as well be me who did. Treana told me that I had told her it was barbarians. She also told me I was a broken man and drunken. What if I lied to her? I wont go through that again.
 
 Some time passed, Elgon an I talked. We then went t the guild meeting where I had duties to perform and such I did. After that I went alone for a while, through the grey peaks. I went to give Dawson what he needed. I contemplated getting into I fight I knew I would not survive but the image of Sonya and the twins shook my ideas straight.
 
 I'm back at the house now, Sonya is reading beside me. She didnt take up the subject of what happened today. The children are playing with Draco, Ehlen and Arwin. They grew so much Tristan is indeed very strong and witty, Sarah is beautiful and playful much more than Tristan. I love them all with all my being.
 
 *Puts the quill down and give the Journal for Sonya to read. He then sits sideways and Looks at Sonya intentivly.*
-----

[Hellblazer]

A new blessing.

I was just coming out of the bank, where i hid myself to work on my papper work, When I saw a lot of people close to the bench.  Serissa ti'rien was then and passed a comment on the fact that I was mad at her.  Ferrit asked why but serissa acted like she didn't know.  I know she knows, it's not hard to understand that I got mad at her and staied mad at her from our last trip together in dregar.  her attack on my character and honor for using a tactic that she felt was honorless. Ha! beig called honorless by someone who stabs her foes in the back if she has the opportunity.  It didnt set well with me and it still doesnt. If only she had said just a little sory, but no.

Anyhow that is beside the point of my journal entry, Ferrit was insisting on Kyle to leave for their house I knew what it ment but didnt act on my knowledge not to get all the other people who were there excited and questioning, over pampering Ferrit.  So they left, not before Kyle and me talking about Jenna, and I went to the In to get something to drink when I remembered I had left he gems crate unlocked.  I hurried myself back to the house to find Ferrit and Kyle stoped in front of fort Llast.  Kyle yelled my name and I stopped.  She was due, and it didnt want to wait much more.  We let her walk as long as she could and she did manage to get passed of the Inn in Krandor but that was as far as she would get.  We took her up and brought her home.  She got to her rom and theyr it was, the water broke.  She and Kyle were a bit amusing to see talking of a mess that they would hae to clean, when A baby was trying to get to live. Finaly she got in her room and changed.  

I remembered hearing someone say that giving birth in warm watter help to relax the person and muscles.  So I suggested that she get into the pool that I had previously heated with 2 burning hands while she was changing.  I didn t go into the pool yet, but instead I concelled Kyle on how to bring the new born from what I had seen Sala do with Sonya and the experience i had with some animals I helped giving birth in the forest a few months ago.  After a while Cole was born, ferrit got to rest and Kyle went back to work.  I staid behind and cleaned the adid mess and th e pool for them.  Dora came a that before Ferit fell asleep and she got to meet the new born.

A joyous moment, Now Tristan and Sarah wll have a playmate when he is a little older.

p.s. Something is wrong, I can feel it.  It has been pass a month now and Kyle has yet to honor our deal.  Something is up and I dont know what it is.