Journal of a fallen Ranger

[Hellblazer]

The start of this day was a bit boring. I woke up in Valensk and made my way back, resiliently to Hlint. On my way there I remembered that there was this town guard of some sort called Kit in Haven that did not want to speak to me at first but seemed to be looking for someone. So I made my way over there. I spoke to her again and she asked me if I was the person who brought the weapons to fort Llast. I told her I was and she asked me to help her in the same way i had help the captain over there. I brought the first few weapons that she asked until I hit a snag, thee is no morningstars that I could fin in Hlint. So I put that quest to rest for some time and decided to change my mind with some campaigning.
 
 I met with Tegan in front of the Bank and asked her if she wanted to go on a Giant safari she was pleased by the Idea but after seeing that no one else would join us she decided to go gems mining and I went to get some picks. We met up again in the second level of the redlights cave and I stood guard for her while she was mining and she did the same for me. While I was mining, Tegan and I spoke of how things were going for us and it fell onto the my favorite subject, Sonya. She asked me how things were between us and I told her of our plan to purchase a house , either with Cymeran and the others or by ourselves. At that point she was curious and she asked me if we were going to live together or even get wed. I told her that the though had crossed my mind but I did not feel ready to this commitment. Not because I do not love Sonya enough but more because I am not physically strong enough to properly protect her and maybe our family if on ever comes. I explained to Tegan that once we would have bought the house probably in Pranzis, Sonya and I would start looking for clues of her family in the desert and That I needed to be much more stronger by that time. Tegan told me that Sonya probably felt the same for me. I hope she does.
   
 While we were talking a dwarf came in the mine and joined us. He did not spoke much and I could not get his name. This was a very prosperous trip I as went out of the caves with 14 nuggets, if it was not for the fact that I had forgotten about a pick I had on my ox I would have mined some more.
 
 After that I went to smelt the nuggets and Sonya surprised me by sneaking behind me. I jumped and when I turned around she was smiling and giggling at her prowess. I lifted her up and turned on myself, then put her back on her feet and tried to tickle her but she kept composure. She taunted me about it and I decided to taunt her back. I wen for her neck started to kiss it gently and when I felt she was starting to respond to the kisses and simply stopped looked at her grining and promptly turned away laughing and walking toward the tools i needed. She stood there in aw, well I think i had my back to her. Wen i got the tool I looked back at here smiling and she came close to me. I gave her one of the nuggets for her to smelt and she got an ingot made. On her second attempt she failed but I comforted her telling her that I would probably fail myself but once again luck was against me. Instead of making me fail to help me comfort Sonya I succeeded twice in a row. After a while of us making some ingots the heat of the oven was getting to me and I decided to wear my training garb instead. I kept making ingots as Sonya gazed at me. I asked if she wanted to make the remaining two ingots and she was pleased But as the heat was getting to her to she decided to wear something lighter. Lighter is not the word!! I was in complete aw she came to me with a top and a bottom made of some material i did not recognised. She was beautiful to look at and even more to taste at. Took her in my arms and softly kiss her, her neck and shoulders. After a few passionate moment we came to our senses and promptly got back at the smelting.
 
 Once we had the copper made into ingots I kept 2 for my personal usage and gave the four remaining to Sonya. She wanted to make some rings and I accompanied her to the crafting hall. I sat on the ground and looked at her crafting the rings. She made two rings and gave me the best of both. I was pleased by the gift but told her I had a better gift. I held her and kissed her after saying so.
 
 After talking for a moment she told me she was tired and we went to the Inn. She told me that she would prefer me to rent only one room for this time and i was pleased. I prom ply rented one and we made way to it. I changed into something more comfortable to sleep in and curled up tending her my arm for her to lay beside me. I put my arm around her wast held her tight against me and bid her goodnight with a gentle kiss on the neck. She turned her head and kissed me. I waited for her to fell asleep, playing with her hair and I fell asleep afterwards.
 
 When I woke up this morning she was still sleeping. I quietly rote her a note, telling her I would go back to the caves and mine some more copper for her. Then I placed the note next to her and quietly headed out of the room.
 
 I am sitting at the Inn table eating some breakfast and writing my memoirs onto this parchment.

[Hellblazer]

*puts the ring on the Table in front of him.*

Well I did it. I bought her, her wedding ring. Did not cost as much as I would have expected.  I wanted to get her something out of the ordinary , something she could ware in any situation.  And for that I have Kyle to thanks as he aided me in obliviating the only fear I had.  The fear of not being ready to protect Sonya.  Always there lurking in my thoughts when ever I would not pay attention.  I told that to Kyle and he said that I would be surprised to see how the love for my family would aid in their protection.  It only took that to get rid of this constant emotion I had that I could not begin to comprehend why I had.  It was deeper than just a pity though of eniquacy but now it is gone.  As we talked  Kyle asked e if I was actually asking him to be my best man and I was.  There is only to man here on these whole lands that I can safely call friend and to which I would trust my live without hesitation, Him and Cymeran.  And I am happy to say that both accepted.  Now comes the hard part, getting passed the nervousness and ask her.  I did not felt such nervousness even when I was training in Dregar alone with only Giants as company.  This is a rush all by it self and the biggest I have felt yet.  But one that I will nonetheless pass over and conquer. After buying the Ring I met back with Kyle and he presented me to his wife, Ferrit we talked for some time and I showed them the ring I had bought.  Ferrit was relieved to know that Kyle would not have to kiss the bride but i did surprise him when I joked about him having to stand naked by my side.  

Previously that day I was on my way to fulfill my obligation to Kits that I met Nepp'akyo getting back to Hlint to craft the cooper morning star I needed.  I had just gotten the clay for the mold and he gave me what I needed to complete it with the instructions needed to do it.  While we where talking, Talen passed by an stop a few meters away chuckling at us before starting back on his way.  I did not make to much of it as it did not seem to be so much of an insult than maybe more a thought he had.

Back in HLint I was going to unpacked to My ox that I saw Rhynn talk to Abigail.  I left her talk and did not stop , much.  I went on to unload my pack and when I was going to the crafting house to start working on the mold I would need I saw Abigail on the bench talking to some person.  She pointed to me and told the man that I was the one looking for him.  At first neither the man or I understood what Abigail was talking about until she mentioned that I was looking for the AA.  As soon as she said that everything cleared themselves and she told me that He was one of the members.

After presenting me to other Arcane Alliance member as Mith, this man proceeded to tell me the work of the Arcane alliance, the fact that it was a school combined with a crafting company that was looking to start.  He explained to me the 4 basic disciplined that was thought in that school, and after telling me all this he asked me which discipline I would be interested in, I told him that I was interested in the Plane and its infusion teachings.  After we talked some more, I explained to him what was my goal and on that he said that the school may not be the proper place for me to seek but that he would nonetheless support my candidature.  I was pleased to see that I may had found an ally from the get go.  After that we parted way and I went back to my ox.  This is where I met with Rhynn.  

At first things where awkward, but we managed to talk somewhat.  She explained to me what I had saw when talking with Kyle and Ferrit the other night.  That in fact Freldo had left her because of what she did.  She then asked me if she should try to sway him back to her and I asked her this simple question. "What do you expect in life?"  She looked at me perplex and said "what do I expect?" I nodded.  she went on enumerating what she expected.  True love, family, recognition and a name for herself was the most important that she said.  I then asked her, "did Freldo, able you to have that, recognition or where you but a shadow behind the man?"  She told me a Shadow and I told her that she had found her answer.  She brightened up, and came to me saying that I had helped her more than any one else that she had talked to. That now she understood that she needed to grow as an individual.  I told her that, that was true and when she would be ready to look for someone who would complete her not overshadow her. She also apologized because she had been unfair to me and that all I had tried was to be her Friend.   I told her that pain can often make us do things that we will regret and at that precise moment i had a sharp debilitating pain in my left temple and I had an other flash.  I fell to my knees and grabbed my head.  After a few second the pain was gone and Rhynn was asking if she could help me by casting a spell on me.  I manage to get up and told her the pain was gone and it is at that point I notice that Talen was standing beside us. I told her about this image of seeing pool of blood in the grass, on my clothes and on my hands.  Of a multitude of bodies of baby, infant and women laying down on the ground dead.  Of me standing in the middle of them.  That is all I could remember.

After a while of talking I had to leave to complete my quest and I stumbled upon a small Lady I had seen previously.  She seemed lost and I asked her if she was, she told me no.  I asked her if she was looking for something, she told me that she was looking for someone.  After that I took a good look at her the resemblance to Kyle struck me and I asked her what was her name and it was Jenna Padorn.  I was surprise to see one of the siblings of Kyle even more so that I did not recall him telling me that he had a sister.  She asked me if I had sen him and I told her that she had just missed him by a few hours.  She looked disappointed so I asked her if she had something I could give Kyle to let him know that she was in Hlint.  She gave me a not and a special iron ingot then we talked for some tie and Treana showed up while I was getting another parchment.  After A while she had to leave and I had to go back to my duties so I did.  

I am now taking a diner break in the Inn siting at the table and Playing with the ring I bought Sonya.  My sweet sweet Sonya, I miss her and I wish she was here now.

*yawn*

I guess I will be finishing this tomorrow.

*stands up an goes to sleep in the room he rented*

[Hellblazer]

I had finally finished the task that Kit gave me as to restock the weapons locker of the garrison of Haven and she rewarded me with a Helmet of Armor 2 that shortly after getting I was tough by Talan Val'ash how to customize it to my liking.

I have barely finish trying the helmet on and looking at my work that two hands coming from behind darkened my vision.  Then a low voice speaks and ask who that person was.  I knew farewell that it was my love as I recognized the sent of her perfume but for the sake of the game, I played along. I sniffed the air and liked her hand and said:

"hum, taste like a goblin who recently visited the swamps"

hoping it would make her giggle and give herself away.  Seeing that id did not work I swiftly turned around on myself, leaving in the process, Sonya's arms hanging in the air behind my head. I smiled and looked at her amused as she sat her arms on my shoulders.  

"What do you mean, taste like a goblin?"

I smiled widely and told her it was only to confuse her and render my move possible.  We talk a bit more giving each other sweet kisses.

Then, my heart broke, I saw that something was bothering my love and I ask her if she was OK.  She answered me that she was fine and I believed her.  Right after saying that she started crying profusely.  I was stunned, I had never saw her cry like this.  The only other time I had seen tears was in the temple of the Sielwoods when she told me about her family a year ago.  I did the only thing I could do, take her and hold her dearly against me.  She was crying as if the flood of heaven had open its digs and I felt powerless to stop her but I tried.  I asked her what had happened and in between to sobs she told me she had a nightmare then buried her face in my shoulder again.  I held her, playing in her hair with one hand while the other was rubbing her back up and down.

"There, there, It is only a dream"

My words had no effect and she continued to cry.  I asked her if it was the same nightmare as the one she had described to me in the inn and she said no.  I waited, thinking of what it may be, then I asked her if it was about me.  She started crying even harder.  I held her tighter and laid my head over hers trying to shield her from the outside.  I tried with all my might to make her understand by my body, look and aura that she could reveal everything to me.    She moved her head back and looked into my eyes and took a deep breath.  She then started telling me her dream in between sobs and cries.  On how we where fighting skeleton somewhere and that during the battle she had lost sight of me.  That after she saw herself in a graveyard and she saw all the bodies come out of their tombs as zombies, the last one being me, a zombie as well.  She started crying again, and i held her looking at her, into her eyes lovingly.  I told her that I could never promise to be eternal but that I could promise that for all the time I would live, I would fight with all my strength to the bitter end to stay alive and by her side.  It calmed her and we stood there holding each other for a while.

When I felt that she had recovered from her emotions, I though it would make her good so I told her that I felt like taking a walk.  She looked at me, almost nervously, asking me if I wanted to be alone.  I smiled and tole her I wanted to walk with her.  She smiled and we started to walk.  Our walk brought us to the same path we had taken a year before to the Sielwoods.  I had given her my hand for her to take back in Hlint and had still not let go of hers.  I was looking at her most of the walk and did not notice the deer that got scared by our presence.  He rushed her and I reacted, hitting him.  it dazed the poor animal in confusion as he slowly walked away from us  I went to him and calmed him down making sure to tell him that I was sorry for hitting him.

We arrived at the temple and i was surprise to see that nothing had changed much.  The owner of the ugly house, had still not painted it to merge with the surrounding nature.  I also noticed that Sonya was wearing the same dress than the one she had on a year before.  I picked up the same flower again and gave it to her.  I asked her if she remembered the place. she said yes.  We sat and I said:

"This is where we had our first moment of intimacy.  The place where I vowed to be by your side in the search of your family."

She smiled.  I got closer to her and took her hand and kissed it and she giggled.  I explained to her that I had a lot of thought done in the past few months and that I loved her dearly.  I also told her it was fitting that we would be here a year after we had first met.  I got on my feet and took both of her hands, gently motion her to raise and embraced her when she did.  when she was up I knelled and presented her with the ring I had purchased.  I looked up at her and asked her to marry me and by doing so making me the happiest man of these lands.  She shortly stuttered out of surprise I hope but she quickly composed and said yes.  I slowly got up and held her tenderly in my arms.  I closed the distance between our to lips and gently graze hers with mine and let her kissed me.  I then leaned my forehead against her and I slowly opened my eyes and smiled.  When she opened hers I motion my lips to say I love you and she did the same. I lifted her high in the air and smiled at her all the time looking in her eyes then I let her slide down over my body until she was once again a foot and we kissed again.

From there on my memory is failing me I remember telling her that Kyle and Ferrit had proposed to help us in the preparation and that we were blessed by Jin near the town.  I remember getting us a room and that we laid there to sleep.  I guess the nervousness and the joy following her acceptance were overpowering me and made me lose sight and time of everything but Sonya.

The next step for us I think is to get ready for the day and just take it easy and relax until then.  well I'm sure I will have to make many runs in the crypts to raise the funds, but beside that I intend to pass as much time with Sonya that I can and even after that day.

*looks at Sonya still a sleep*

hm.. she looks so beautiful.

*lays himself back beside her, holding her being careful not to wake her up.*

[Hellblazer]

It has been two months already? Well it looks like it. I spent most of my time with my love close to a week i would say, not going on any hunt or training. I sat beside her watching her, I was at peace. I was content of just being, just loving, being close to her. But then one day, I don't remember which, Nepp came to me asking me if I wanted to go with him and a few others to Berhagen. I wanted to as I felt it was a long time since I had seen battle, but my heart was pleading me to stay with Sonya. At first I told Nepp I would rather stay with her but it soon turned to a full, lure Sonya to come so I would go to from Nepp. She seems to want to go to and told me she wanted to make her molds first and I offered to help her, but when we got to the crafting house she looked tired and simply told me to go. She wanted me to go and she made sure I would abide by her wishes as she stormed off and leaved me there with Nepp. I did not know what to think of it. It felt bad, I felt worse. So I went, went to Berhagen, went to the Aiji swamps, went to Dregar and the Lorindar outskirts.
 
 I should have staid with her. It is all I can think of as I recall how I saw her after two months. I assume she had went into a study fase or maybe she was avoiding me to make sure I would get to do other things than just watch her beautiful self crafts her art. Nevertheless, when I saw her back my heart collapse, my mind was blurred and my lungs were gasping for air. She was on the ground, laying there in front of Hlint cemetery, dead. I felled to my knees, touched her cold skin, tired to shake her but she did not move. I yelled as hard as I could and my yelling brought people closer. I saw many people cast spells on her with no changes. I lost it, I lost my battle with my self once more.
 
 I woke up kneeling in the lower crypts, Sonya on my side pale as a ghost, Rhynn in front of me standing guard to one of the rooms gates. As always, I did not remember how I had gotten to that point but I saw the concerns in Sonya's eyes but seeing the bodies all around me I had wreak havoc. We left this place but not soon enough as I had to protect the ghostly image of my beautiful wife to be from the reinforcement and I got diseased. When we had dealt with them we went back to the outside.
 
 I could not dare, bare, to look at her. Her death was my fault. I had trained so hard to be able to protect her, yet I have failed in my vow to do so, in my love for her. I can not go on like this, losing myself to this rage that hunts my every movement. I am losing myself and feel my ways growing darker by the minute. I saw a tear on her cheek as I told her that, again failing her, failing to protect my love. She told me I had to take control of it almost imploring me to do so. I want to for her. She even say that accepting the help that Rhynn had presented me, in the crypts, could help me. I want to for her.
 
 We went to rest to the Inn, me laying beside her, thinking of putting my arm around her, but finding my arm falling through her as she had not been whole yet. We still fell asleep one beside each other.
 
 I woke up and found her sitting by me, looking at me and smiling as I opened my eyes. She asked me if I felt better, I somewhat did. I still could not rest my mind from the image of seeing her laying dead on the ground. But from the sadness I still held, she rescued me as we playfighted each other, her tickling me, me turning the tables on her and finding my self pursuing her in our room. That moment made me realise how much more important to me I ever though she was. And when she went away again to study I found myself longing for her presence.
 
 The day passed, and the night was showing its color, when after coming out of the crypts I saw Rhynn talking to ash and Silool. I sat by them waiting for my time to ask Rhynn for a talk. And when their discussion was over, I asked to talk to her but she shrugged at me. Had she already forgotten the help that she had offer me? I was stunned and left. She later came to find me by the pound and I felt the need to apologize to her for the actions I may have done or things I may had said to her down in the crypts. She told me that I had no need to explain and started telling me a story about a mage and the five horses he had sent to his defence in the prim plane of Layonara. My mind stuck with the horse named Anger. She told me as how that horse had chose her as she was always showing that emotion and how also told me how I could control my rage. Through magic and focus. Although I understood what she was telling me I felt that this was not going to be as easy as she think it to be. I mean how do you control something when you do not even remember what happens. What would be the symptoms or cause.
 
 I remember a month ago of the memory that surged back to me while speaking to Rhynn, of the blood on my hands and on the grass, the bodies of the barbarian children's and women laying dispersed all around me. What if my true nature is what is trying to resurface? Can I knowingly let Sonya come face to face with that? What if she finds out of all the death I have brought, the bloodshed and massacre? Would she accept it and love me still? It is better I do not tell her, not now. I want to but fear to much of losing her.
 
 *looks at the parchment*
 
 what if she finds this?
 
 *crumbles the parchment and throws it in the fire and then crush the candle in the palm of his hand.*
 
 This is to big to keep to myself and if Rhynn tells her before me I fear she will never forgive me for not telling her.
 
 *Lays on his back and rest his head on his folded arms and stares at the ceiling until sleeps finds him*

[Hellblazer]

Pranzis has fallen.  There is nothing else I can say.  Nothing will change that fact, not the remorse not the bickering nor the fighting between us. But we will get it back.

I have fallen twice in that conflict but worse I have failed my love.  I got separated from her and when the wave was over i could not find her remains or stone.  I fear that the Soul mother was envious and got to her instead of trying to get to me.  I was on the verge of letting myself go to my rage but she came back to me before I could.

A months, more than a months has passed now and the sky has darken and the cold has reached Minstone.  I fear that the crops will die and cause famine.  But, thee might be hope.  In the swamps, I notice some plants growing to full growth even with the lack of light.  I wonder what could make this possible.  Could it be the excess of water?  It is worth investigating if it can mean that we could grow crops with this darkness.

I have seen my love today and cherish all the moments we had together.  We even playfighted again but she got help from Ferrit and almost tickled me to death.  I will hover keep my promise of not ready her journal even if I had no intention of doing so but joking about it.

On a bright note, Kyle and Ferrit has accepted my offer of joining the Illvacla eo El'Wilmlayla Guild.  If Elgon accept to we will be a great guild, only an enchanter missing.  I think that this could be a great thing for Minstone bringing goods that the masses needs and maybe even rebuilt the staggering economy that was brought down with the fall of Pranzis.

I hope to do my best and have great friends beside me to do it.

[Hellblazer]

I have found a wonderful little place near a waterfall and I have brought Sonya there. On our way we met with Rhynn who was crying.  She did not want to speak to much about it but she did mention that she was going to look for Rufius a necromancer of the order of Corath.  I talked to her trying to discern if this was what she truly wanted and when I understood that it was I told here that I would support her as a friend and be there for her.  When she left I took Sonya to this special place and she was in aw in front of the beauty of the sight and the combination of me telling her that when I saw this sight, I though automatically of Sonya and I.  I proposed to her if she would like to have our wedding here and she started crying.  At first I thought it was something I said but she told me that it was the emotions.  We sat and talked and she told me a secret.  He last name is not Darkangel as I thought but gravedigger.  I imagine it comes from the fact her father worked at a graveyard and maybe a generational career passed by her for father.  Nonetheless she told me that she had changed her name so she could not be found.  She is worried that who ever kidnapped or, even worse killed her family, would be after her if they learned she was still alive.  It is then that I told her that if she wanted I would be honored for her to wear my family name.  She told me she would love to and would wear it proudly.

It is a funny thing that I remember so little about myself and my pass, but through some memories popping out when I leased expected them, I would remember my whole last name.  Since she had told me her secret I felt the need to tell her mine.  I told her that my last name was in fact longer but that I had shortened it, since my amnesia, cause I felt that people were taking it as a sing of vanity.  I told her that it was In'Darsus and not just plain Darsus.  She told me that she liked my plain name better.  Maybe its due to the fact that she is used to it.  In any case I, following that I also told her of the name I had chosen for the Guild I am forming and when I told her its signification in commoner she smiled and told me she liked the angels part.

Earlier when we were talking, I noticed that she was worried and I had asked her what she was worried about.  She took her diary out of her bag and search through the pages until she found the one she wanted to show me. It was the writing of one of her dream.  There she was walking down the Ilse in her wedding dress, me standing near the priest and when she got close the priest started the ceremony.  When he got to the vows he asked the audience if there was someone who would object of this wedding and a dark woman came crashing in yelling that she was objecting and turn all the guest, even I, were changed into zombies then the writing stops.  I held her and looked into her eyes.  I told her that if she would be true and were to try that on our wedding, she would get quite a welcoming party as a few friends of our are more than potent mage and sorcerer or just fighters.  It calmed her and then I pushed the envelope when I told her that, beside that, she and Ferrit would just have to use their tickling powers to get rid of her.  It did the trick and her beautiful smile shined again.  She told me it was only I that was deserving enough for that.  Oh joy, i said, Killed by laughter while his wife sits on him laughing manically, tickling him to death. She laughs again and we got up.  Kissed and cared for each other for some time.  Then I notice that the night was coming and proposed to go and get rest at the Inn.  

She challenged me to a race and so we did.  Halfway to the Inn, I decided to try the new spell I had learned earlier that day and turned my self invisible.  I arrived fist near the inn and  dropped from my invisibility and tried to make her jump as I yelled boo when she got in front.  I guess she wasn't paying attention as I had to catch up to her or maybe she just wanted to win.  I caught up to her and she asked me where i had gone.  I told her that she was not the only one who could render herself unnoticeable when she wanted.  She asked me if I had learned invisibility and I told her yes. We then entered the Inn and she went to get the key after having to convince me to let her pay.  I did how ever got us some drinks and entered the room she had rented.  I gave her her drinks and she wanted to keep them for the next day.  I thought she was tired.  We changed and kissed goodnight.  I held her until we both fell asleep.

I woke up and looked at her for at least an hour, I think, while writing on this parchment.  I think I will leave her to sleep and attent to some silk gathering.

[Hellblazer]

It has been a long time since I have written my memories, where to start?  
  I guess i wills tart with the things that holds dear to me.  We have finally gotten the date and place decided, the invitation are in the making and Addison has worked the food.  Now all we need is the drinks.  I cant wait, it is getting harder everyday to resist to her charms. She is so beautiful in every way.  Then there is my friends, Elgon, Kyle, Ferrit and Mercas.  Things are progressing with our idea and I anxious to get it licensed as are all the others too.  While fooling around in the crafting house one night, overloaded with goodies for the weeding dinner, Jenna Sonya and I were talking.  It seems that Jenna is longing for a true love, the same as Sonya and I are feeling for each others.  We talked and teased each other around a bit then it came up again.  So I took it upon my self to have her meet the person I thought were great men.  Elgon, is probably the one who is the best from all the available friends I know.  He is caring steady and fast.  he works hard and has a great heart.  As we were talking Ash and Nepp got in our little circle and Ash seeing me laying on the ground resting a bit from the heaviness of my load, asked me if I needed storage spaces and I said yes.  So she gave me a key to her house where I left two large creates full of goodies.  I mus stay that laying down on the floor i had a good view but didn't say anything as Sonya would have killed me on the spot.  Then Elgon came in and I presented Jenna and Elgon to each others.  I think they might both find happiness with each other.  
  Then there is Addison and Treana, good friends as I think of them and hope they feel the same.  Addison has a great heart to and Treana is much in love with her and her with Treana.  Treana is a great gal but tends to think of herself as a bit wiser that she truly is but nonetheless she has her heart in the right place.  I hope that one day we can all sit around a table and just spent some good times recollecting on our past.
  There is nothing more to write about I think.  It has been to long and will have to write more often.

[Hellblazer]

So much has happened lately and I can not write of it all.

We are one, the ceremony was marvelous she was to die for, dressed in her wedding gown. Beside me I was flanked by Cymeran, Kyle and Mercas.  I am thankful for them to have accepted my offer as without their strength at that moment I am sure I would have crumbled under my nervousness. As soon as I saw her walk down the Isle, all of my frustration I had felt while trying to set up the crates in the Freelancers vanished.  Ash is right to call that tool the demon tool.  I was so nervous that my forehead must have looked as the waterfall that was in front of us.  I've put the ring on her finger to soon, silly me, but it was hard to concentrate when I saw her smile at me.  After a while my nervousness went away and I was filled with a feeling of love and utter completeness.  When the ceremony was over we were gifted with a spectacular firework shows of magic missiles. I even joined in them but when I saw my missiles hit the fish I stopped.  I guess there is still a part of ranger in me even if I lost my faith in all the deities.

The party at the Freelancers was just as pleasing as the wedding it self.  We drank, ate and danced.  Sonya and I were drowned in so many gifts that it was all overwhelming.  We are blessed to have so many friends and as without them it would have not been the same. It was a night I will never forget.  When all the invitee were gone except for Annalee, Nyyana and Ash, Sonya and I retired into the room I had rented.  It was our first night as husband and wife and we did not end our festivities there.  A tender but hot night awaited us...  I do not know how much time passed but she fell asleep in my arm, smiling.  I could see she was happy.  All these emotion left me hungry and I slowly made my way out of the room making sure I did not wake her.  I went to the chest and found them empty, Annalee had stashed the food for me and as I told her when I rented the room, she kept what she wanted.  Even Nyyana had a go at it and I was glad she did as there was so many left over that I think we wont need any food for a while now, providing it does not go awry before we eat it all.  After eating I went back to sleep holding tenderly my love.

It has been a few week now since the wedding and I have seen Sonya get sick a few times in the morning.  I don't know what it is all about, but it is worrying me.  I should take her to see a cleric, to see what is making her sick.

Hum.. although this past month has been the most wonderful one I have had in all my recent memories I am somewhat depressed.  The power that be told me that I was not old in my summoning and experienced enough for me to present my self before them and plea for the creation of the guild.  Even, Mercas who was my last hope of seeing the guild be brought to life as soon as possible is not old enough.  I've talked to him Ferrit and Kyle about it and they seem to think that it is not a bad thing after all.  It will give us all the time that we need to perfect our craftsmanship and to get to know ourselves a lot better.  To bound ourselves into an unbreakable brotherhood.  It is after all the second reason of my wish in this guild.  The first being able to provide work and ways to sustain my family and the families of the other guild members.  I am glad to have all of them as friend and as companions as they are all wonderful.

Mercas and I had a talk about Nyyana.  He wanted to ask me if I thought he should pursue that relationship and maybe have it go into a more serious one.  I asked him two simple question.  Do you like her?  Can you see yourselves with her in the future as more than friends.  To both he answered yes and I told him he had his answered I think it settled him down a bit.  I hope.  They would make a wonderful couple.

Later in the Crafting hall I met Jenna.  After teasing her and her finding who was taking her view away she turn away and started to cry.  I gave her a hug and asked her what was happening.  She explain to me that her and Elgon had a little fight.  That she didn't understand why he thought she was having a relationship with Talen that was more than friendship.  I explained to her what me and Elgon had talked a while back.  It is my understanding that Elgon is not used to love and that it makes him insecure.  I told her all of that and more, on how it was my impression that Elgon deeply felt something for her and that she had to talk to him to comfort him.  I gave her the Idea of meeting Talen with Elgon and presenting Elgon as her... love.  I am sure that if she does that it will annihilate any fears that he might have of losing her to someone who he thinks better than him.  it calmed her and she thanked me.

Later I went to mine some iron with Janice and an other woman that I cant remember her name.  Arg this pains me I hate forgetting people.  It was an easy trek at first and we went down to the second level.  I mined some Iron and we went back up.  After we splitted the loot I went back in town to unload and to get some healing supplies.  The second time was disastrous for me As I died twice.  The first tie was while i was fighting in close combat with the ogres.  I tried to invis myself when I felt close to fall but I had not time and they got me.  When I stealth back, the way was cleared on the first level until I went to pass a door.  Then out of no where a hoard of ogres jumped me and since I was already weakened by my death, they killed me again.  Thankfully, the soul mother didn't pay attention to me.  I went back and Janice was already waiting for me outside.  She bulled me and invis me then I rushed to my grave and then back out.  When we parted way I went to smelt the Iron i had unloaded on my ox.  When I saw how hard it was and what my chances of succeeding were I feared that i would not get any of them done.  Instead i had 2 of the 5 nuggets made into Iron ingots.

There I saw Sa'kura, Serissa and Barion.  Sa'kura and baron told me the great news that they were engaged and we talked for a while about the fact that Treana asked Sa'kura to be her viz.. vriz.. to be the one to test the love of Addison.  Then I saw Ferrit and went to talk to her.  Kyle joined us up and Sa'kura and Barion came to tell the the news.  Again we talked about Treana and how most of us were not in agreement with what she was asking out of Sa'kura.  My thoughts on this are cleared and know from Ferrit.  How can you possibly believe in friendship and love and ask someone to betray their loved one by kissing with all her or his passion someone else.  Is Treana so absorbed by herself to see that this could ruined the love between Barion and Sa'kura.  Even Kyle had a hard time the first time and Ferrit was worried he would have to kiss Sonya when he told her that he was one of my best man.  If she is already going against her tradition with being with Addison, why is she asking this of others.  I am not saying that I am not happy for her and Addison and I wish them all the love they can find together.  But to put Sa'kura into this dilemma and not speaking of how Barion is taking this at the moment is not showing friendship at all and I would even consider it to be selfishness of her part.

Anyhow, me Ferrit, kyle, Sa'kura, Barion, Serissa and a new comer I had never seen before went back to the Haven mines and we made our way to the last level and back out again.  It was a lot of fun and Barion was very generous in giving me all the Iron he had mined.  In total me and Kyle had 55 nuggets or Iron and a great a mount of gold piece was splitted between us all.  On the way down, Wren, Dalan and Maev joined our party.  It was a glorious trek and I am happy to have done it with Kyle and Ferrit.  We will have to do more, with Sonya, Elgon and Mercas.  we truly need to strengthen our bond and I think my idea of having a dinner all together will e a good start.

Well this is what is the most important that has happen lately and my hand is hurting from writing so much.  Oh! yes, I was forgetting.  I need to talk to Tyrian to get a room in her house and find Talan Va'lash  to tell him I have found the spell he wanted me to learn.

*Carefully folds the parchment and puts it in his bag.  Blows the candle out and snugs himself against his Loving Wife.*

[Hellblazer]

This morning was it, I could not take it anymore, every morning for the last few weeks Sonya has gotten sick. It has worried me to the point that I had to convince her to come with me and see a cleric. I didn't take much of a convincing as I could see that she was worried herself. So we went. I took her to see a cleric and when we arrived she examined Sonya and ask her what symptoms she had. She told her that when she woke up she was having stomach ache and threw up. The cleric smiled and looked at us both. She asked her when it had started and Sonya told her that it was about 2 or 3 weeks after we got wed. The cleric smile grew wider. I was getting annoyed at her as I thought that she was happy to see Sonya sick but then she let the news out. She gave her prognostic.
 
 "Well, lady, It is more than evident that what you have is not life threatening. But what I am going to tell you will change both your life for ever."
 
 She paused and looked at us.  I looked at Sonya and I could see she was more worried than when we came in.
 
 "You are with child my dear."
 
 I was stunned, so was Sonya. I looked at the cleric in disbelieve and she nodded with a smile. Then, from being stunned I became over joyed and I raised Sonya high in the air turning around in full circles. Sonya was laughing and was overjoyed to, so much that she had tears flowing down her cheeks. We thanked the cleric for the good news and I paid her then I took Sonya back to the room we had at the wild surge inn.
 
 There I told her to lay down and I went out to get her some flowers food berries and a bit of wine. I pampered her like a queen and I think she liked it. As we were eating I asked her if she had idea for names she said that at the moment she had none. But I told the one I thought of when I went out for our supplies.
 
 "I have thought of 3.  If its a boy, Esteban.  If its a Girl, Thayana or maybe Laila."  
 
 She seem to like the names and we talked about that news for a while eating in the mean time. I am so happy I would yell on the roof of the Inn my love for her and the news. Must tell the news to my Friends soon. Kyle, Ferrit, Mercas, Elgon, Jenna, Treana and Addison. I am sure they will all be happy for us.
 
 "Sonya my love, please do me this favor. I know I have promised you never to stop you from your studies, but with the news we had today, I must ask you to take it easy."
 
 She looked at me and had a half-smile and said
 
 "I will try, my love. For you i will try."
 
 I know she will and I didn't want to push it on her either so I brought to her lips a raspberry and she ate it. After we where done eating i took out some parchment out of my pack and picked the last one I had written on and started to scribe this day.
 
 Well its the first time I actually write my memoirs while being watched by Sonya or anyone for that matters. It feels strange and she is trying to take the parchment away to read it so I will stop and let her read all of them for her to know my deepest thought and feelings.

[Hellblazer]

Sonya is still resting and is getting a little belly where i please to to put my hands and rest my head.

Went on dregar today, not a good day at all.  Got the visit of the soul mother after dying while trying to heal Sh'anda.  The almost got her visit again when Drogo treid to get me to my stone and he rushed the mage giant.  He was getting killed so I tried to heal him and I got killed again.  Got two more deaths after that.  Realy not my day.

Even worse, Elgon has picked up a conversation that Ferrit Kyle and a member of the orc bashers guild were having.  he told me about it but felt realy bad about it.  I sent word to Ferrit which did not deny that they had talked and that they needed to think. I did tell her that I would not hold anything against them if they went to that guild.  I think we may be losing great people soon and it will be a sad day if it happens.  But it will not change my resolve to see my Idea brought to life.

Well Im in my bed beside my sweet Sonya and I dont want to wake her up so I'll put off the candle and go to sleep holding my love in my arms.

[Hellblazer]

im sitting by the fire in our room with sonya sitting in front of me looking into the fire and some time looking at me.  She has now a fully round belly where I love to lay my hands and lean my ears on.  I can now hear the heart beats and sometime even feel the baby move.  She looks so beautiful.

My fears of seing the pandorn leave us has now vanish as Kyle and Ferrit told me that they would not be as happy with the others.  They never did tell me the reasons why the left the orcs but I do not think it is important at all.  I guess they will tell me when they feel ready to do so, or maybe it just did not come into our conversation.  I have come to the decision the relinquish my leadership of the Guild to Kyle, It seems that the power that be still dont see me as seasoned to lead my dream.  Kyle has my full confidence, he is a great man with a good heart and I know he will be able to give carry my dream of a brotherhood between us all to completion.  I can see that the day we will raise our banner high with the name "Angels" fort short, nearing.

I have some other good news that I have come about on lately.  Elgon and Jenna have both falling for each other.  I feel bad though, I thought Kyle new but I was wrong.  I am the one who told him the news when we were in the haven cave with Ferrit.  He now understand why Jenna was so happy lately amd why Elgon was acting so nervous around Kyle.  On the other hand I am happy that I was able to present thos two together.  Elgon is like a child in front of his birthday present every time he sees her and Jenna is just beeming when she sees Elgon.  I had to tel Elgon to take it easy with him always burying himself under work.

"Elgon! You can have all the money in the world, but if you dont pay attention, you can lose your love and be the poorest man there is in these lands.  You can also be the poorest man in these lands, with no money or house, but if you have love, you are truly the richest man there is."

I hope he understood what I meant.  I would hate to see him exaust him self and not take the time to live and smell the beauty of love.  I think i should tell her to actualy him to take the time and spend it with Jena, take her sight seeing.  I know she would love to see where Sonya and I got wed, being that she was hurt and could not attend the wedding.  Maybe, we will all be reunited there in not so long for an other union. *Smiles*

*Looks up at Sony and sees her asleep*

Hum time to go to bed.

*He puts the parchment asside on the floor and gets up.  He walks to Sonya and gently lift her up in his arms and bring her to the bed where he lays her under the blankets.  He lays asside of her and gently plays in her hair untill he falls asleep.*

[Hellblazer]

I cant beleive what I heard... I did not meant to but still... I was cleaning the hall in between Elgon's room and mine when I heard him talk loudly. I was sure there was someone but I soon was corrected with this sentence.
 
 "These people mean me no harm you wicked witch, you are the dealer of death and destruction, not Jenna. Be still and desist this very moment! You are to serve me and that you will do or go into the smelter's fire and bellows!"
 
 I knew from that sentence he was talking to his own sword. The door of his room was closed and it muffled what he said before and after but this is making me worried for him even more than when I held his sword during the day and felt sick, sencing an Evilness to it and Kyle getting cut from it. Kyle who is nearing acheiving weapons master? He would not cut his self clumsily.
 
 He calls it the Sword of death and told me and Kyle it had a life of its own. Always hitting where it should with a deadly precision. Told me it was his father's before he died. Also told me that he lived of died from it, that It was jalous when he held an other blade in his hands.
 
 I am worried, what is happening to Elgon? The reserved man tha i came to love as a brother was arrogant in his speakig of the sword. Proud of the death and destruction it brings. *Looks to Sonya fast asleep in their bed* if it is true that it has a life of itself and it is jalous.. Oh no.. Jenna! I did not think he would be able to hurt her even if Kyle and Ferrit seems genuantly concerned for her but now I realise the amplitude of their fears. No!!! *Shake his head and take the quell off the paper for a secon* No, I know he wont, he is a gentle man brave and good hearted. I know he wont hurt her. But what if the sword has a hold over his body in someway or even worse of his mind... He seemed mad when I told him that I felt something bad when I held the blad. It made me feel sick just to hold it and uneasy just to look at it.
 
 I am still unsure of what to do to try and help him, even after having a long talk with Dora, it didnt help me much. I see only one solution with two possibilities on how to do it. But one of the possibilities would mean losing his trust and friendship. I dare not to think of it.
 
 *Hears Sonya turn in the bed and looks at here*
 
 What if he wont let go of the Sword by himself, even only for some time, and see if what ever holds that sword has on him vanishes. We would be able to take it from him. Would he understand that we would only be doing this for his own good, because we love him and care for him? Or would it enrage him and make him rebuque us all together? I do not want to think of this. Losing Elgon would be like loosing a brother. But if I am right and this sword is Evil.. We have an obligation to him as caring friends to help him.
 
 Oh God! I just dont know what to do... maybe sleep will help.
 
 * Put the quell down and puts the parchment on the couch, gets up, undress and lays down besde his love holding her close to him on hand on her now huge belly*

[Hellblazer]

A letter to Kyle.
 
 My friend,  
 
 I must share a few things with you, I had not drinken like this for ever at what I can remember. And in my drunkness I said things to Elgon that I regret but also said things that I stand by. I regret calling him a pact breaker, a liar. How ever somehow the sword got into one of my crates. I know I did not put it there and Sonya would not touch what is not hers. I still wonder how it got there but this is not something I will hold to.
 
 I Have told Elgon again the sentence that I heard from his room. He genuantly does not remember talking to his sword and I can understand him. It is sort of like my curse that when I fall to my rage i can blank out totaly do and say things that I do not remember when my rage disapear. It was a shock to him i think and I told him about the memory i had while talking with you. I think he understood more what i was trying to explain to him with the sword having hold on him the same way my rage can get hold on me. To think of it we are truly brothers in more ways that race and tatoos. We both have something that can affect us in the core of our being.
 
 Anyhow after you left, Elgon came back to the freelancers and accused me of lying to him about taking his sword. It got me more upset than befor and I even put my life at his mercy and the mercy of his sword to show him I was not lying when I told him I did not take it. it took a long while for him to beleive me, I even was on my way to dregar as I thought better dead than to lose a brother to some sort of lie perpetrated against both of us, by whom or what? I dont kow. finlay when the alchool disapeared we talked for a long time and Mercas joined us.
 
 At the request of Mercas, Elgon lent him his swort so he could try to read it and see if it was evil. At first he did not seem sure but later on Mercas told me that he did not feel the sword to be evil. I even conviced Elgon to leave the sword into the possesion of Mercas while I tested a theory.
 
 I took Elgon asside and helped him into meditation and asked him the folowing questions while he was in this state. to not think of the answer but to feel it with his heart:
 
 1) You are faced by many enemies and there is a baby orc newborn and in such innocent of any wrong. Do you try to save him or do you try to kill it?
 
 He answered, Save it.
 
 
 2) When you look into your futur, do you see yourself happy with Jenna, your children and your friends or on the battlefield surrounded?
 
 With jenna and my friends
 
 
 3) Do you trust your sword blindly more than you turst your heart and head?
 
 Heart was his answer
 
 
 4) If you had to chose between love and peace or war and death what would you choose?
 
 love and peace.
 
 
 Since Mercas was in possesion of his sword and had left to study the runes that was encrested in it and Elgan was at the others side of the town with me, I can truly say that I think he was not in anyway under the influence of his sword, when he answered me those question.
 
 After that we rejoined with Mercas, and he explained to use what the runes he could translate meant. I cant remember everything right now due to fatigue but there is something about only when you quench its blood lust will you be free or an other translation he made of it was only by your deth will your sould be freed.
 
 After talking with Elgon and Mercas, I took elgon on teh second part of the test. I took him to battle, his sword in hand, alone near point harbor and straigh after the fight and keeoing him in this mind state I asked him the question again. he answered the same quetions with the same answers but with more authority to it. I added two last question that I ahd not asked before.
 
 5) did you feel any hesitation before answering the questions?
 
 No!
 
 
 6) How do you feel?
 
 In control and Happy.
 
 
 I think the meditation combine with the profound interogation of his values brought him comfidence and strenght of will. I did tell him to continue to meditate to strenghten his will and further help controling his sword. with a warning that as the nature can be bestowed by man, also can the heart be changed if it is not protected. To take strenght in his freindship and will in the love he shares with Jenna. I joke somewhat stating that jenna was his antidote.
 
 before we headed home I told him he should reveil everything to Jenna. He was a bit scared that Jenna would be scared of him now, but I asked him if he did not already talked to her about his warriors ways. He told me he had and that she said she wanted to fight side by side with him. Then i told him, what does the fact of having a stuborn sword changes to he williness to fight by your side. He laughed and said, "under this point of view, nothing" He is how ever affraid of your reaction to this and that you would discourage Jenna to continue courting him. And this is why I am writing you this letter. I hope that with this you can see that Elgon has made progress in his command of the Sword. I do not say that his battle is over, but with proper meditation and training from you and the amulet and ring Mercas wants to make for him, I think there is nothing to be scared of. Weary yes, we should never be unprepared for anything, But itruly think his heart is one of a good man deeply n love with your baby sister.
 
 
 With all my friendship and brotherly love.
 Singed
 
 Rain Darsus
 
 *Folds carefully the letter and walks out of his house.  Walks to the house of the Pandorn and slide the letter under the door.*

[Hellblazer]

Quite a Day.  

Sonya decided to take a walk to the town of Hlint, in her condition so close to teh happy day.  I saw here when I was talking with Nepp, ash and AnnaLee.  When I aproached her she was puffing, the additional weight must be tireing her.  She told me that she had been cooped up long enought in the house and wanted to take a walk.  As always she looks beautiful and I could not resist to put my hand on her belly.  I felt the kiddo kick, I couldnt do anything else than smile.

After a while we made our way back hom with Jenna as company.  She wanted to see Elgon badly and I wanted to see Sonya rest as badly.  Prior to leaving the gate us three together with Draconia, the little drake couldnt hold his tongue any longer.  It seems to think that either the baby is faster, I think it means the heart beat, are there is two.  Could Sonya be pregnant of twins?  At the same time Sonya was a bit worried and I think this is why Draconia spoke.

We made our way back home but in the way Sonya stopped twice holding her belly  She said she was fine but Jenna didnt beleive her and I must say neither did I.  At home I showed her what I was staching for her, I thought she would have looked in teh two crate in the room, having had all teh time to do so, but she hadnt peeked.  When she saw all the uncut stones, malachites, fire agats, amethyst and more her eyes widened and glitteres as much as the frew cut gems I had succeded to make.  I am no where near her talent with the gems.  She then rested and jenna and i talked sometime before leaving the house.

When Jenna told me she was mising Elgon so much I almost let go of what had happened but I did not.  She peaded and almost begged me to tell her, but I did not.  The only thing I told her was that she needed to be strong and loving for Elgon, what ever he would choose to tell her.  Unfortunatly back at Hlint, Mercas seems to have told her something about the sword and it seemed to worry Jenna much more as she left us running to find Elgon.

Later on and after joining with Sh'anda, we met Ferrit and Kyle and we decided to go to valenske the long way around, throught the desert.  All was fine untill we were ambushed by drows.  Drows on Minstone!!  Its not like seeing Nepp or Cymeran, I know these to be good of heart but these one were intent on killing us.  We delt them but I fell once, fortunatly Sh'anda was able to revive me and the soul mother was probably distracted.  We went to spellguard where I informed the authority in the temple of our finding.  I was surprise to be told that it was not uncomon, lately, to see drows amasing on minstone.  They seemed to be disregareded by the poplutaion and their spies amasing information on us.  I asked the healer if theer was anything she wanted us to do.

"send them and unwelcome message"

So we did.  just prior to leaving Spellguard there was a scout, probably, that when it saw us casted darkness and then ran after I peirced his side by an arrow.  We readied ourself then exited the town all together ready to face, what I beleived to be their welcoming party.  Such a welcome we received, more darkness and no Drows to play with.  We went to the desert and found them there.  A good group where waiting for something, but I bet it wasnt for us unless the scout told them we where coming.  We delt them, not easily, but we did unfortunatly Kyle fell just as i was casting heal on him.  Seems my luck with Healing the people only shifted from me to them.  After dealing with those drow we kept pushind foward in the desert, brinning peace to what ever force we met.  After a while we found oursleves in the swamps between Hampshire and Valenske, the first grop of lizard men we made swiftly with, but the second group got the best of Mercas who fell once again Whil I was casting heal.  I truly think I am a curse to them when I try to heal them.  Unfortunatly for him, the soul mother was paying attention to him. I cant say it was difficult for her to, they kept hitting him even after he felt until his whole body exploded in blood and gore. When we finished the lizardmen we went to Valenske to rest and wait For Mercas to re-appear.  On his way back he was stuck behing the wall of fort hope with no way to come out of his predicament.  we waited for him to find a way out and when he finaly did we headed back to my house, me and Him, Ferrit went to hers to rest.

There we spoke a bit of Nyyana and the fact that she gave a scroll to Mercas sayig that she was sorry she could not love him the same way he did for her.  That she needed him to be present as a friend.  It pains me to see a friend like this but he did not seem broken, He told me that ilsare would help him. In a sence I pitty him.  How can someone still show faith in any deities.  I spit on them all, they who looks at us and laughs at our misery, I have no more faith in any of them, not after the fall of Pranzis.  Where were they, thos who suposibly cares for us, where were they when the citizen were getting slaughtered.  I saw them die with my own eyes, the few brave enought to try to save what they could and those who got savagely killed in their home by the invading monsters.  Where were they those who we should respect and bow to with all our faith.  I curse them all, as they did not lift one finger to show mercy and protect their own beleivers.

Anyhow enought of my rambling.  Me and Mercas went back to hlint and he wanted to go on more adventuring, I admire his spirit always ready for a good laugh and a good time.  but  was tired and I wanted to tuck in with my beloved, to feel the little one in her whom and to share my love for her.  So I headed back and I am writing these words on an other piece of parchment int eh bed beside my sweet Sonya.

*Yawns*

Hum..

*looks at Sonya*

She sleep peacefuly I shall do the same.

* dispose of the quill and parchment and tuck himself close to his wife, puts his hand on her belly and holds her close with the other. falls asleep*

[Hellblazer]

They are finaly, they are!!

My family, my little family.  All thee, 30 toes, 30 fingers, 6 eyes and everything that comes with it.  Of course I am including Sonya in that count.  It was painfull for her, I could feel it in the way she gripped at my hands with every push.  The first baby seemed to be the hardest and the longuest to come out.  It was a boy a beautiful baby boy I am proud.  The second baby didnt take as long in fact it was quite fast and with lesser pain than the boy.  It is a Girl, a fabulous little girl, I'm in heaven.  She asked me to name our son, so I gave him the name of Tristan Lex'or Darsus, Tristan is a name I love and I do not think it has any root in my family, hard to say when you dont remember almost anything of your past.  Since I named our son, it was only natural that Sonya names our daugther.  Hse gave her the name of Sarah Tamara Darsus.  I know, she was proud to gave our daughter the name of her mother and sister and she smiled widely when she heard me give him Lex'or in his name, which is the name of her brother.

After my proud wife and mother, cleaned herself, rested and changed we presented the twis to what I concider my big family, Mercas, Ferrit and Kyle.  I was only sadden that Elgon was not present but he will have his moment to see the twins a lot more than the other since we live under the same roof.  I just hope the crying at night don't disturbe him to much.

After a quick toast and an exchanged in the babies between me and Sonya and after realising that Sarah had fallen asleep in my amrs, it was time for my little family to rest for the night.  Kyle got us a room at the wild surge inn, evidently not the same room that Sala had brought Sonya to give birth in.  Instead Sonya ask me to choose and I choosed the first room that we shared together.

When I was sure they were resting well I rejoined with the others and we went for some adventuring.  We had someone that I used to concider a friend but after hearing that he brought death to Elgon, and then again to me and Ferrit, I will have to reconcider how I see him in the future.  Unfortunatly this death brought me my seventh visit of the soul mother.  I have made a quick count and I have fallen 77 times and had 7 visit of the soul mother, this is truly disturbing.  From now own I will go adventuring only with my friends and under the seet gift of the magic of Mercas.

I felt depressed when Kyle found me at the camp fire but he quickly got my mood up and running and so we went adventuring with Mercas.  I few hours later ferrit joined us and a then more time passed and Elgon cought up with us.  We made the same run that we had done with... no need for names her.  But this time no one died. We did ahve our close call at the grey peaks but we managed to live throught that. All in all we made a formidable team and I am happy to call them brothers and sister.  But I need to concentrate on a career, to be able to provide for my little family but also to start to down tone the time I spend adventuring.  I want to be able to se my children grow tall and strong but also hopefully see my grandchildren and maybe even their children.  After all I am half elf which means I should be living a long live and rendering me able to see that happened.  Provided the soul mother leave me be.

Well I am looking at Sonya and the babies fast asleep in our bed,  Kyle told me he will make us some cribs for them.  It seems like a good idea but for now I love the fact that we are all sleeping in the same bed.  Anyhow time for me to get some rest but I should take a bath first, I dont want the little ones to smell the blood and gore of our enemies.

*Puts the quills down and leave the parchment on the couch for Sonya to be able to read as usual.  Undress and takes a bath and tukes him self with his little family.*

[Hellblazer]

Finaly it is done.

We have raised the moeny to pay for the charter provided it being approved by the power to be.  It has been a long process just to raise the money but it has given us time to work together and better know each others.

After a long few days of almost constant treking to raise the adid coins I have returned home.  With one of the cribs Kyle did.  At the same time I took time to align some of the furnitures I was to lazy to aling in the first place.  I know Sonya will apreciate the neetness of it all.  There is still a few things to straigthen out, but for the most part, our room and living space.  It was late though, and the little family was fast asleep so I made sure not to make to much noise.

Now that the money is raised and all that there is to be is to await the aproval I will be spending more time at home with the babies and Sonya, they are a few weeks old now and I still am adjusting to the life of a father.  Those arround me has adjusted fster than me it would seem.  I can not go treking with Mercas and the others without being automaticaly cast invis, you a father, we need you to stay a live for your idea and such other reason they have come up with.  

Althought, I know I am the weakest fighter of the lot and I apreciate their concern I feel that some time I am not brining my contribution to our treks.  Ya i cast a few buffs and protection and heal but sometime I think it was easier in the past.  Just before it got serious between me and Sonya.  I still remember how it was fun to just go all out into battle without thinking of, gee I have to stay alive for my family or group.  I could just battle it out, although be it still using tactics, I may have been selfless but not an idiot either.  Now its all, be carefull you have a family you have to think of, it takes a bit of the rush out of combat. BUT! I would not change it for anything.  I just have to lay my eyes on Sonya, Sarah and Tristan to see what is realy important for me now.

Have done a lot in the past few weeks, crafting and treking, even went to Dregar with Mercas, Barion and later joind by Nyyana and Serrisa.  we went in the desert battled it out witht he giants then to the cave more battles and Silver mining.  Mercas died though on that trip, but he rejoined with us when his soul was returned to the world.  That was not the only death I saw in those treks.  Tyrian, Exodus, Elgon, all have fallen into a trek or an other.  I wish I was more powerful to better aid them but I am learning and growing in strength and I no one day I will be able to give them what they are due to receive from any party member.

It has been a long few days and I am tired.  Finaly I am home and I will pass time here.  But now as everytime I am here I have the graveyard shift with the babies and Tristan is awake and grimacing better tend to him before he starts to cry and wake every one in the house.

*Puts the quill and parchment down, gets up and walk to the bed.  Take gently Tristan in his arm.*

ush ush little man, what does you heart deisre today?

*Goes and tend lovingly to his son*

[Hellblazer]

She is so lovely,

I have come home from some crafting and gathering with the group to find Sonya sleeping on the couch,  her Journal was open but i resisted the urge to read it.  Instead i made sure the ink was dryed then i closed it.  I took SOnya up gently and brought her to the bed and tucked her in.

A few days prior to this we had gone to a lake to picnic with the group, getting there was a problem for us.  I had receive a letter from kyle from a message boy, asking us if we wanted to go and I replied that we were willing but needed a babysitter.  Just as I sent the boy back he nearly ran over Jenna who was making a little visit to see Elgon and the twins.  It didt take me long and I asked her to play the babysitter for a while. So we went and meet up at hampshire.  Sonya never had visited the area with the crafter's hall and advance crafter's hall.  she thought it to be a great little place. She was out of breath from all the running thought.

We found Ferrit, Kyle and Mercas, Jako was there to as he wanted Ferrit to show him where to get almond.  We talked for so long that Elgon had gotten to us after I sent word for him.  So we all made way to our destination.  Got into a little skirmishes along the way.  Sonya looked well after the first combat.  She got to cast her spells again and seemed happy, but that didnt last long.  When we got to the lake She stood infront of it for a while and I went to her.  Took her in my arms and asked what was going wrong.  A tear fell from her cheekso I held her tighe and I understood she was feeling awful of not being with the Twins.  I must realy seemd like a bad husband and Father, I'm always away from the house, but there is so much for me to do, get her the things she needs, get the gold for food and for the charter.  Set up in motion the group for gatherings.  I miss my family a lot while i am constantly away and soon when all of this is done, I will retire and stay with them.  But not before I see my dream to completions as it is the legacy I want to leave to Sonya, Sarah and Tristan.

After we ate and talked she decided that she had to go home to be with the babies, I was feeling awful in two folds.  First because I did not go back home with her and with the childrens. Second she did not stay with me.  If she thinks she is a bad mother for having left them for so long wih Jenna then I am an awful father and its saddens me.

Anyway, thinking of this makes me feel bad and ill finish this quickly, we went to dregar but Kyle left after a while.  I learned a lot and even seasoned my self from the battles.  Then after dregar and meeting with a dwarf we went to roldem, fought all the way to a cave, but Ferrit died from an ambush and she also lost her Helm.  And we came back.  Then me, Elgon and Mercas came home for a drink and talked about the group and the new addition to the family, Dora.  Mercas is .. well Mercas and Elgon voiced his concerned on not being consulted but I explained to him what had happened in my recruiting her and that from the small talks we had after the trek to haven with Dora I thought he wouldnt mind.  The subject quickly shift to an other mater.  Even though I seasoned myself this day, I still feel like I am a burdain to them and slowing them down as I am the least helpful in our trekings.  I mean the way Mercas has been over protecting me is a sing that they feel that too.  they tried all what they could to disuade me from this, but even today when I am writing this, i still partly feel its true.  Mercas over shadows me in his magic, which is good but i just wish I could do more to help, Ferrit is doing what I should be doing as a Ranger, she can outwit my rnager skills and she is not even one, Kyle and Elgon are just beast in front and mkes my wielding of the sword look like a wielding of a tooth pick.  I dont know.. I guess i'm only good at the administrating but any one who knows how to count and manage a little could do this..

*Looks up at the fire and sigh then looks back down to the parchment the to Sonya and the babies.  Puts the quill down and Lies down in the little space left of the bed,gently not to wake the family.*

[Hellblazer]

We shall now be knowned as Angels

I have receive word from Kyle, throught a bird, that the town concil has approved the charter.  My dream for better days for my family and the family of those within my family is now at hand.  Work is not finished though, but now we know we can bare that surname with pride and in the open.  After getting back from Dregar, Dora, Elgon, Mercas and I had a little drink in the honor of the news.  I am so happy but Sonya was still asleep with the kids and I did not want to wake them even though this was news to do so.

I want to take Sonya on a little expidition just the two of us, something to get her back in the beat of things.  Spend more time with her, like we had before the twins and the making of the guild.  Ièm sure she would apreciate the extra time together.  I still have not forgoten about her family and want her to be prepared for the hardness of the search that will surely take place one day.

Our trip to dregar although fruitful has been a truly test of our strenghts.  We had the help of Elrend a freind of Elgon and Mercas but a small miscaculation in the desert lead to the dessimation of almost the whole team but we took our revenge and and pushed untill we were mining silver.  This is good news as it has shown us that we are able to go almost anywhere when we work as one and with Dora healing our batered bodies and raising ou soul when fallen.  She does complete the team perfectly.  Although I would like SOnya to take part of our trips more often there is the babies to think of.  Once she is ready, I am sure she will take a more active part in this.

I have found a way to travel with the babies and showed it to her she realy.  I found an old bag that i was not using anymore and cut the top off. I sowed the midle to make two compartement and added straps that would cover the shoulders of the babies.  I tried it that same day when going to get resources to make wands and polishing oil.  When Sonya came to the crafting hall and saw me I showed her and thought that it was a great idea.  I just ahve to be careful not to take fights that i can not win or let my foe go to my back.  And it would seem that my protection spells also protectes the twins.

Well its getting late, im tired and happy and all is worth it.  I just hope that nothing will bring shadow to it.

[Hellblazer]

I think I am losing her...  its a feeling and the way she has been acting lately. We went to help her out with the Krandor Crypts the little girl had lost her grandfathers ashes in there. A good bunch of us, and we made it throught quickly. She looked happy and ready for more so once Mercas joined us he took us, Sonya, Jenna, Elgon and Me on a treck for training. In fort hope she told us she hated the next area because of the griffons, I told her there was nothing to wory about and in such there was non as Mercas had taken them out. Then she went and said that she loved to be with him as he is so strong. I could not beleive my ears. never before had she complemented someone that way. It sounded almost flirty.   I did not make much of it at the time but after in teh swamps when Mercas left the group alone, while we where paying respect to the druid friend of Nixx, that had joind us to get rid of the trolls, I fell. When I reached her back she was kneeled and crying. I kneeled infort of her and she looked at me and held me. She gave me her potion of bulls and then invised me for me to get my grave. But when I came back, the things she told me almost killed me right in place. We where sitting by the fire that Mercas had set up and she told me that her life was not what she was expecting. That there was so many tings that she wanted to do, that she wanted to experienced and that because of me and the kids she could not. Even though I told her that I was always suportive of her studies in the past and the futur, I felt like it was not enough. All of what she said sounded like she regreted our life together, the birth of our childrens and was ready to leave it all behind. I could not speak, I could not breath I was so stunned.  Not only is it not enought that i feel weak infront of all of them, that i am inadequate as a member of the team, now I am losing her. She is my anchor, my reason to stay and fight. All of what i have done and worked for was for her hapiness and the happiness of our futur family now present. I would have nothing left, my wholeness would be gone, imcomplet like i was befor meating her when I woke up without any memory. She is my center, the person which renders me strong enough to control my rage and most time enough to calm me when I feel i am losing the battle.  Not enough is all of this that Mercas rejoined us, with Elgon at the house. I was still mad at him for leaving the group alone to get ambushed and ultimatly my death. Right away, he asked her to talk in private outside of the house. The compliments, the feeling of her wanted to call it a quit and now secrecy??. I could not stand it I went outside and ran to teh bank back and fort a couple of time but everytie i was getting closer they stopped talking. The last time I decided to stay invisible but I could not risk getting close as both of them are wave sencitive and would ultimatly feel my presence due to my emotions. From where I was i could only here I will do it ... and I'm keeping it only for you. What are they talking about i said to myself and it was enough to almost make me lose my control over my invisibility.  I was never jalous about any of her friends, of her. I had never had any doubts about her love for me, but now... I am falling, depression is all i feel. I dont know what to think, what to feel, Kyle and Ferrit even thought I had went of to get myself killed when I was only going to get Hops. I must admit it did flirt my mind. even Elgon tried to lift my spirit to no avail. I dooonnt knooow
   wha
   t to
   fe
   el any...  *the wuills falls off of his hands leaving a trail of ink on the parchment as he falls asleep on the couch*
  Edited by Hellblazer 8/7/2006  12:58 AM

[Hellblazer]

(A message to the DM's:  I have rped giving permision to Sonya Darsus (Rain's wife) to read his journal for a longtime now In her last Journal entry she writes reading it, adn it is ok with me. The information I write in my journal can be used by her in game as it is how we have rpied this.)
 
 *A small not is left on the bed writing in a hurry*
 
 My love, I dont know what happened and where you went. I woke up and you were gone the door left opened and my journal further away from me that it would have normaly droped if I had dropped it in my sleep. I know you read it and I can only asume that it hurted you. I am such an idiot, Elgon, Kyle and Ferrit has made me realise that now. I went to search for Mercas on Dregar. My fears and hanger toward losing you has pushed him in exile. I am also looking for you and if you see this note before I find you, please understand how sorry I am. I love you my love and you are my center.
 
 Singed
 Your light headed husban who loves you more than anything.
 Rain!