Author Topic: I'm thinkin'... (Read 377 times)

Stephen_Zuckerman · « **on:** June 05, 2007, 11:45:36 pm »

[SIZE=16][SIZE=24]I'm thinkin'...[/SIZE]

This message brought to you by Arby's.

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Interia_Discordius · « **Reply #1 on:** June 05, 2007, 11:49:48 pm »

LOL
I love you, Stephen. That just made my day even better than it's already been, and it's a darn good day.
*saves it for future good day useness*

I'll never let you live this down, now

Stephen_Zuckerman · « **Reply #2 on:** June 05, 2007, 11:52:45 pm »

<3333

Interia_Discordius · « **Reply #3 on:** June 05, 2007, 11:54:34 pm »

Heart me all you want, the pain I will force you to relive ain't going nowhere

Oh, I need embarassing stories to fuel my ultimate weapon of mass Stephen destruction. Got any entertaining ones?

LynnJuniper · « **Reply #4 on:** June 05, 2007, 11:58:20 pm »

Wouldn't Forum Downtime Make a better weapon? *grin*

Interia_Discordius · « **Reply #5 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:12:47 am »

Nah, that's like dropping a bomb or some other crazy thing like that on my own state to get rid of an enemy. That'd take me too!

Marswipp · « **Reply #6 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:13:18 am »

How about potatoes? :p

Interia_Discordius · « **Reply #7 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:19:38 am »

Perfect! Potatoes make the perfect weapons of destruction. Let's go buy a ton and throw them at Stephen, then, while shouting blasphemy on Arby's and forum conspiracies.

Unless you have better ideas.

Marswipp · « **Reply #8 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:22:06 am »

I think ideas of wicked strangeness would work quite well. :p

Stephen_Zuckerman · « **Reply #9 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:30:57 am »

Potatoes? Would that be the Loaded Potato Bites, Curly Fries, or Potato Cakes?

>/

I've got plenty of embarrassing stories. Let me type them up.

Interia_Discordius · « **Reply #10 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:32:05 am »

Yay! Story-time. *curls up with popcorn*

Marswipp · « **Reply #11 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:32:24 am »

All of them! O.o

Stephen_Zuckerman · « **Reply #12 on:** June 06, 2007, 01:12:21 am »

The loaded potato bites have bacon. Sorry, vegans of the 'net. Though our cooking oil is 100% corn oil.

Just think of the spawn-camping that manufacturer must do... O.o

Anyhow.

As a kid, I was something of a kleptomaniac. I was also part of the chess club. Now, the chess club had a little tournament in an old card shop, run by this old guy... And, off to the side, was a little coke machine and a bucket of candy, with a styrofoam cup beside a stack of other styrofoam cups... Only, the one apart from the rest had "$$ change $$" written on it, with coins in there corresponding to the prices on the bucket of candy.

Clearly, this was the treasure trove where hid the money for that candy in the bucket.

Oh, I didn't care about the candy. Nope, I had my priorities straight. I wanted that money. So, when noone was looking, I took fifty cents from the cup, bought a can of grape soda (still my favorite), and then... Trick of all tricks... Nabbed the cup itself.

Hey, styrofoam. It keeps stuff hot or cold, right? Brilliant idea! That would be my cover, and it was. Sip out of my real-live, frosty-cold grape soda while giving the cool, calm cover story of wanting to keep my real-live grape soda frosty-cold.

When the owner nodded to me, grinning, I nodded back with a flush and a muttered statement about "keeping my drink cold." Did he know, somehow, my dastardly plot? (And the fact that I'd slipped a Pokemon booster pack into my back pocket.) Surely not! My story was airtight, and there was no way he could've seen the swipe. He had been out of the room!

Not wanting to push my luck, though, I beat a hasty retreat to the restroom, where I emptied the coins onto the counter to briefly count them, and then stash my ill-gotten wealth in a pocket. And then, I looked into the mirror...

To see "$$ change $$" staring at me in reverse, from the outer side of my "cooling device."

Needless to say, I was mortified, and hid from the proprietor of the shop until my father came to pick me up after the meet.

I think you could say I failed my Sleight of Hand check... My Bluff check... And my INT check, to boot.

J-ser · « **Reply #13 on:** June 06, 2007, 11:06:02 am »

Passed the sleight of hand, just failed the Bluff. And rolled a natural one on the INT

lonnarin · « **Reply #14 on:** June 06, 2007, 05:21:09 pm »

Way back when I was in highschool and working at Blockbuster, my nametag said "Dark Overlord". Had a fun manager there who couldn't care less, and the customers always got a kick out of it. Her store policy was to treat every customer as you'd like to be treated yourself... until they're rude, then you can treat them exactly as they treat you on the spot.

I remember this one time a heavily psychotic and shrewish old lady came in who was notorious for being practically feral came in to browse and complain again. She did the same routine every week... come to the store, look around, complain about EVERYTHING.. (carpet not vacuumed, bathroom dirty, signs "hidden" etc), ask for movies starring "that guy", and try to barter over the prices. She never actually rented anything that I can remember, just kept showing up every week and hassling us. So one time when she was on her tirade shrieking "this is horrible! You're not getting ANY of MY money!" holding up her purse and wagging it at us, I snapped and went wild-eyed to start messing with her, being every bit as psychotic and undecipherable as she was. I started screaming "NOOOO! We NEED that money.... GIVE IT!" and she started shrieking back "NO! You get NONE OF MY MONEY! NO!" So I dropped to my knees and started pounding the floor with my fist in the classic pose of a comic villain been thwarted. "NOOOOO! Without that money our evil plot will never reach fruitation! The Master will punish us all!" Then she started screaming all the louder "the customer is always right! the customer is always right!" over and over again like it was some kind of magic spell to destroy me. I responded by picking up a candy bar, opening my wallet for a dollar, and purchasing it myself... then gloating maniacally at her "ahahaha HA! I have siezed the POWER! Now I too am a customer... TWO PLUS TWO IS FIVE! TWO PLUS TWO IS FIVE! The skies are GREEN!!! AHAHAHAHAH!".

At this point she asked to see the manager, who was in the back room listening, laughing her butt off. When the lady complained to her, she went blank faced and said in a monotone voice... "mustn't displease the Master... Dark Overlord's word is law!" The old lady kept trying to complain, but the manager just kept repeating the same thing over and over, pretending to be brainwashed. Finally, the old lady screamed "FINE! I'm LEAVING!" and left the store for ever and ever. It was the happiest moment of all our lives.

Interia_Discordius · « **Reply #15 on:** June 06, 2007, 05:32:06 pm »

I just choked on my soda reading these stories. You two are fabulous.

Nyralotep · « **Reply #16 on:** June 06, 2007, 05:59:14 pm »

Lonn, Stephen, you both made an unbearable day a lot more bearable!:D

Marswipp · « **Reply #17 on:** June 06, 2007, 11:32:27 pm »

Maybe I should post a strange short story...

Interia_Discordius · « **Reply #18 on:** June 06, 2007, 11:39:37 pm »

YES! Storyyyyy, post!

hawklen · « **Reply #19 on:** June 07, 2007, 02:38:06 am »

The only thing I can think of at the moment is when I worked at Pizzaville during the summer in wasaga beach.

*me behind the counter putting fresh slices of pie for sale*

Customer: "Excuse me, do you sell pizza slices?"
Me: *looks at the fresh slices, then back at the customer* "No."

Then the customer gives me an odd look then left the store.

About all I can think of at the moment