Joke

[Pseudonym]

Speaking of Earl ...

One day, Bubba the Barbarian was sittin' in Hempstead Square when he saw his buddy Earl Frogstomper riding a horse through town, as grand as can be. Bubba looks up to him with a wide grin.

"Earl, where'd you git that horse?!?"

"A lady gives it ta me" Earl replied.

"She give it to ya? I know'd the ladies wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new horse?"

"Well, Bubba, let me tell you what happened. We wuz out' out in badlands o' Dregar, in the middle of nowheres. This lady took off from tha path and headed into the woods. She stopped, leashed the horse to a tree, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Earl, take whatever you want.' So I took the horse!"

"Earl, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

[Pseudonym]

One day Tegan was cleaning Trouble's room, and in the closet she found a Xeenite parchment containing illustrations of a rather delicate nature. Unsure of how to confront her son, she hid the parchment until Sallaron got home.

She showed Sall what she had found while she was cleaning. He looked at the Xeenite illustrations and handed it back to her without a word. Tegs finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"

Sall looked back at her hesitantly and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

[Stephen_Zuckerman]

I just had taco come out of my nose at that, Pseudo. You win. Forever.

Forever.

[ShiffDrgnhrt]

Sadly, I had to think about it, because there are multiple punchlines in that one final comment....  But it was good...

[ystrday]

Hahahaha =P

*lol*

[darkstorme]

A few Bard jokes:

How do you get a violinist to play a passage pianissimo tremolo?
Mark it solo.

What's the definition of a gentleman?
A bard who knows how to play a shawm, but doesn't.

What do you call a lass who hangs around with musicians?
A groupie.

What do you call a lad who hangs around with musicians?
Their drummer.

Did you hear about the guitarist who locked his housekey in his house?
He had to break down the door to let the drummer out.

An elven bard was finishing a night of drinking at the bar, and was staggering his way home when he realized he'd left his lute on the bar.  Quickly, he turned around and ran back, flung open the door, and realized he was too late; there were two lutes on the bar.

[bobby1361]

the drummer ones made me laugh most.

[darkstorme]

So Sallaron was out treasure-hunting one day, and he came across a dusty old lamp.  Thinking he might be able to polish it up for a few gold, he gave it a quick buff with his sleeve.  As lamps tend to in these stories, it twitched, and a genie billowed out.

"Huh?  What?  Oh..."  The genie looked down at Sall and yawned.  "Look, I'm really tired, and my magic isn't what it used to be.  I can only grant you one wish."

Sall thought for a moment.  "Well, I visit Mistone a lot, but I live near Prantz.  The portals are alright, I suppose, but they make me dizzy, and I get awfully seasick on an ocean crossing.  So I'd like a coach road all the way across the ocean from Mistone to Dregar."

The genie whined, "Look, that's an awful lot of work!  Isn't there something easier you could wish for?"

Sall thought for a little longer, then nodded, slowly.  "Y'know, there is.  No matter how hard I try, sometimes Tegan goes and does things that I just can't fathom.  So I'd like to be able to understand the mind of a woman."

The genie rubbed his hands together.  "Right, so would you like that road paved, or will gravel do?"

[ystrday]

Hahahah.. you guys are sooo funny =P

[Frances]

Has anyone noticed that Sall and Tegan seem to be the subject of many jokes lately?  Is something about them inherently funny?  Let's see:

Sall and Tegan.  *listens for laughter*

I also noted that they are not listed in Script Wicked's looooong joke of thanks farming.

[LordCove]

We're not?! Thats shocking! Shocking!

[Falonthas]

no tegs is funny sall is the physical part that makes tegs funny

[Pseudonym]

I don't think Sall and Tegan are being unfairly singled out. Having said that ...

A man walks into the bank in Hempstead, gets in line, and when it was his turn he whips out a sword and robs the joint! Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line,
"Did you see me rob this Bank?"
The customer replies, "YES!"
The bank robber raises his sword and without blinking an eye calmly runs him through!! He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man,
"DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?"
Sallaron calmly responds "No... but my wife did!"

[Pseudonym]

G'ork is riding across the savannah near Krandor when he sees a little girl travelling with her family suddenly attacked by lions (perhaps they were riled up from all the opportunist tailors farming their pride for skins?). The lion grabs the girl by the cuff of her tunic and tries to drag her away to slaughter her, all under the eyes of her screaming parents (and the impassive G'ork).

Struck by a strange whim, G'ork jumps off his horse, runs to the lion and whacks it square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and G'ork brings her to her terrified parents who thank him endlessly.

Meanwhile, Bumblebee (safe in the security of his +80 hide check) has witnessed the whole scene, and addressing the big half-orc, says,

"Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life".

"G'ork sees girl gonna be eats by big cat and me decides to help." *shrugs* "G'ork in no danger."

"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's Dragon Whisper will have this on the first page!"

With that Bumblebee says goodbye and leaves.

The following morning G'ork heads to Stormcrest and buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:

"VICIOUS THUG ASSAULTS DREGARAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH."

[Pseudonym]

Sallaron used to lament he had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning 'til night Tegan was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out adventuring, gathering CNR with his old ox. One day, when Sall was out in the mines, lo and behold, Tegs turns up and has brought him a packed lunch! Sall takes the old ox into the safe rest area, sits down and begins to eat.

Immediately, Tegan (who has hung around) begins nagging Sall again. Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old ox lashes out with both hind feet, catching Tegan smack in the back of the head and kills her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the cleric of Folian Spae noticed something rather odd with all the couples approaching Sall. Shiff and Val, Peanut and Beasty, Shamur and Muir, Storold and whomever, Jacchri and Dorena, Krys and Elohanna, Quil and Lal, Jako and Sala, so on and so on. Whenever a woman mourner approach Sall, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement, but when a male mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

After the funeral, the priest asks Sall why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. Sall says,

"Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice Tegan looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the cleric asks.

"They wanted to know if the ox was for sale."

[Pseudonym]

Four old retired adventurers are walking down a street in Hempstead. They turn a corner and see a sign that says,

"Old Timers Bar - all drinks - two true."

They look at each other, then go in thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,

"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a Will-o-Whiskey.

In short order, the bartender serves up four Whiskeys and says,

"That'll be 2 true each, please."

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment, then look at each other ... they can't believe their good luck. They pay the 8 true, finish their drinks, and order another round.

Again, four excellent whiskeys are produced with the bartender again saying,

"That's 8 true please."

They pay the 8 true but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two whiskeys, and so far they've spent less than twenty true, the price you'd pay anywhere else for a single drink, let alone 8 drinks. Finally one of the men says,

"How can you afford to serve whiskey as good as this for two true apiece?"

"I'm a retired crafter from years ago," the bartender said, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Way back when it used to be easy to sell stuff and I made a squillion and decided to open this place. Every drink costs two true - wine, liquor, ale, it's all the same."

"Wow!! That's quite a story," says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their whiskeys and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.  

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender,

"What's with them?"

The bartender says,

"Oh, they're current crafters. They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price."

[Pseudonym]

*reads the forums after a couple busy days at work*

Jeez, I need a little frivolity.


Sallaron suddenly found himself standing in the middle of the field. In front of him was a djinni, arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently.

"And what will your third wish be?"

Sall looked at the djinni and said,

"Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the djinni said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left!"

"Okay," said Sall, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand Tegan. I'd love to know what's going on inside her head!"

"Funny," said the djinni as it granted his wish and disappeared forever,

"That was your first wish, too!"

[Lalaith Va'lash]

Sallaron used to lament he had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning 'til night Tegan was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out adventuring, gathering CNR with his old ox. One day, when Sall was out in the mines, lo and behold, Tegs turns up and has brought him a packed lunch! Sall takes the old ox into the safe rest area, sits down and begins to eat.

Immediately, Tegan (who has hung around) begins nagging Sall again. Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old ox lashes out with both hind feet, catching Tegan smack in the back of the head and kills her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the cleric of Folian Spae noticed something rather odd with all the couples approaching Sall. Shiff and Val, Peanut and Beasty, Shamur and Muir, Storold and whomever, Jacchri and Dorena, Krys and Elohanna, Quil and Lal, Jako and Sala, so on and so on. Whenever a woman mourner approach Sall, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement, but when a male mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

After the funeral, the priest asks Sall why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. Sall says,

"Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice Tegan looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the cleric asks.

"They wanted to know if the ox was for sale."

*blinks*

...

First time I saw this!  and... Quill would never!

(he knows better )

Funny though.

[Tobias]

*whistles innocently*

[Lalaith Va'lash]

He knows better....